#RelationshipAdvice #MarriageProblems #InfidelityRecovery
π [Update] Our Threesome Broke Me – 35F, 37M
If you’ve been following my previous posts, you’ll know that I came here a couple of weeks ago to seek advice about the aftermath of a disastrous threesome that shattered my trust and left me feeling betrayed by my husband. After much contemplation, soul-searching, and seeking professional help, I have finally made a decision that I can confidently say is the best for me and my marriage.
Here’s the full update on where I stand now and what my plans are for the future.
π Revisiting the Trauma: Understanding My Feelings
Let me start by addressing the events that transpired during our ill-fated threesome experience. My husband overstepped a boundary, and it felt like a blatant betrayal of our trust and commitment to each other. The aftermath of that night left me questioning my worth, feeling traumatized, and struggling with forgiving my husband for his actions.
π‘ Reaching a Decision: Staying for Love and Rebuilding Trust
After seeking counsel from a marriage therapist and earnestly reflecting on the state of my relationship, I have come to the conclusion that I am choosing to stay and work on rebuilding the trust and intimacy that were shattered by our ill-advised decision to engage in a threesome.
I acknowledge that the easy route would be to walk away, but I firmly believe that facing the hardships and challenges that lie ahead in mending our marriage is a journey worth embarking on.
π€ Healing and Reconciliation: Seeking Professional Help
The path to healing is not one that I intend to walk alone. I will continue my individual therapy sessions to address the trauma and negative impact that the threesome incident has had on my mental and emotional well-being. Additionally, my husband and I are committed to attending marriage counseling to address the deep-rooted issues that led to the breakdown of trust and intimacy in our relationship.
π« Learning from Mistakes: No More Threesomes
One fundamental decision that has stemmed from this experience is the acknowledgment that threesomes are not a healthy or viable option for us as a couple. The pain and trauma caused by our previous attempt at exploring this type of sexual activity have underscored the need to prioritize trust, respect, and emotional well-being over fleeting moments of pleasure.
π Moving Forward: Rebuilding Our Marriage
Despite the challenges and uncertainties that lie ahead, I am hopeful and determined to rebuild and strengthen the foundation of my marriage. I am making a conscious choice to prioritize love, understanding, and forgiveness as we navigate this difficult chapter in our relationship.
In conclusion, I want to extend my gratitude to all those who have offered support, guidance, and empathy during this trying time. Your words and insights have been invaluable in helping me find clarity and strength to make this decision. I cherish the love I share with my husband and believe that it is worth fighting for, despite the hardships that may come our way.
We are a work in progress, but I am confident that our commitment to growth, healing, and rebuilding trust will lead us to a stronger and more resilient partnership in the future. Thank you for being a part of this journey.
Keywords: threesome aftermath, relationship trauma, marriage counseling, rebuilding trust, infidelity recovery, emotional healing, therapy for couples
By taking this approach, we create an informative and engaging article that addresses the emotional and psychological aspects of the aftermath of a problematic threesome experience while providing hope and encouragement for others facing similar challenges in their relationships. This article is designed to be SEO-friendly, ensuring that it reaches a wider audience and provides valuable insights into the complexities of navigating marital struggles and rebuilding trust after a betrayal.
“I am going to lose a TON of karma for saying this…. but I choose to stay and rebuild.”
Everyone knew this would be the outcome. You refuse to listen to people because you can’t accept that your marriage is a sham.
I hope your husband is getting individual counseling too. Heβs the one that broke your trust.
Reason I donβt want threesome, I donβt want to share what is mine.
Your therapist is feeding you a load of shit. Leaving is not easy, it’s hard. Because it forces you to recognize that this marriage is a sham and your husband is trash who doesn’t care about your feelings when the opportunity to fuck someone else presents itself. That’s harder than pretending your marriage can work after this disrespect.
Good luck on living the rest of your life knowing your relationship is fake. You’re not the one that should be carrying the heavy loads but it sure look like you will be. Even your therapist said so.
No shaming or anything but how will you touch your husband without having flashbacks of that night? I mean I know I could not
That therapist is not in your best interest. A therapist NEVER EVER tell you things like βLeaving is easy and staying is hard work for what you haveβ WHICH IS BULLSHβT.
Leaving is harder because you leave what you had, your comfort zone. You have to start over and build a life for yourself and give up on someone you used to have. Even if youβre going to stay, change therapist and never ever let them manipulate you like that. I wonder if it was a therapist your hubby foundβ¦
Things people will do for a few mint of physical pleasure. Sad
Itβs not surprising, someone who lacks a spine stays with someone who lacks impulse control. They require each other to survive, because who else would put up with them?
Leaving isn’t easy. It is hard. Leaving takes courage. Leaving is taking a risk.
This is the kind of situation that you should find that courage and leave. You are erasing yourself and ruining your mental health in order to chase an unattainable dream with him.
Get a new therapist so that maybe someday you can make progress and take care of yourself.
I love how the harder option is touted as the best option simply because itβs harder.
Sometimes the easy way is best. Relationships are hard enough as it is when thereβs no cheating right in front of your face. Sex is way too important to me to waste future decades on someone I know longer sexually trust or respond to. Who needs to spend decades trying to get that back. Just because new pussy was so tempting for himβ¦.
Damn.
Short term, ending the marriage is incredibly hard. Much more so then continuing the relationship. But in the long run itβs βeasyβ because you are accepting the relationship is over, and now you can move on.
Long Term, saving and maintaining the relationship is going to be incredibly hard. You will have to push through the feelings of broken trust and resentment, and then decide to forgive your partner to the point where your trust them again and do not hold that broken trust over their head with a lingering resentment that just makes you despise them.
Just because something is hard doesnβt mean itβs the right choice. Going swimming when itβs 40F is hard, and also a bad idea.
NEVER HAVE A THREESOME WHILE IN A RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIED. It will 100% ruin things. Only do it when single and everyone is on board! Or i guess if you are already in the swinging lifestyle.
If he is begging you to stay tho offer the MFM version of it. See if he will play along with another dude and mostly focus on him.
I guess I just don’t see what’s so bad with taking the easy road, in a universe where lifespans are limited and other potential partners are plentiful, but you do you.
So, what are the actionable steps your husband is gonna take to truly take accountability and make you feel safe again sexually and emotionally?
What kind of a therapist says manipulative shit like that?! You deserve better. Enjoy your shit marriage with your gross husband.
Canβt save someone who doesnβt want to be saved lol
A marriage where the guy is just staying with you cause there is no other option is not worth saving. It’s going to eat you slowly daily and build insecurity in you. If I saw his dick in another woman I would die fyi
Once boundaries are crossed it’s hard to go back to the world you had before. Every option here is difficult none of them are easy, what matters the most is which hard do you want for yourself. Do you want the hard choice of staying in a relationship trying to rebuild trust after a door that should have never been opened was opened, or do youove on with your life trying to heal and move forward after this experience. None are easy, I can’t give you advice on which path you should take, all I can offer is this, you can change your mind after any decision you have made, but the level of difficulty increases with any choice made after choosing either. Give yourself grace, you’re human, you’re allowed to feel what you feel it’s all valid, make the decision that is best for your mental and emotional health.
Interesting update. Thanks for sharing OP.
I would echo the other commenters who caution you about staying in this relationship. Your brain and heart may want to, but your body checked out the moment it happened. I remember your story vividly and your husband violated you so fully that you vomited after the act. You mention in this update you no longer react to him physically. How is that sustainable?
I feel like your body has been screaming something at you that your brain refuses to accept.
Have you considered sleeping with another man? How would your husband respond to that? How does he feel about what he did and how is he going about rebuilding your trust (itβs not your job to rebuild it)?
Threesomes sound fun and probably are in the moment, but bad news in the long run especially for hardcore monogamists like me.
You have a shitty counselor.
>I am going to lose a TON of karma for saying this.
Nevermind, this is obviously bullshit.
I hope you understand that if youβre choosing to stay that itβs not up to you to do the bulk of the rebuilding of the marriage, itβs up to your husband. So what is he doing to rebuild things. Is he in IC as well? What about MC? He has genuinely apologised? Great. What is it in his apology that convinces you heβs remorseful and understands how much heβs hurt you?
Maybe itβs how youβve written this update but youβre coming across as if youβre taking full accountability for the situation. And if youβre doing that in order to stay in the marriage youβre just going to allow resentment to fester and eventually destroy the marriage.
So face up to the reality of the situation. Take some responsibility but donβt give your husband a pass. Make him own up to his role in this. Make him realise he has to earn your trust back too.
I remember reading your post, because it was one of the very few that upset me. It wasn’t just the cheating, but you having to witness it, in the same bed. That’s definitely somewhere on the sexual assault spectrum, and adds another layer of difficulty to your healing. Another thing is your husband’s defensiveness. No matter how much you want to heal from this, it won’t work unless your husband is genuinely [remorseful](https://www.chumplady.com/real-remorse-or-genuine-imitation-naugahyde-remorse/). And even if your husband ends up being genuinely remorseful, how much of your sanity do you want to sacrifice to make this work? Where do you draw the line? I hope you get the outcome you want, just remember that almost all of this is outside of your control. What is your husband doing to fix this?
I hate to say it but I think youβre just prolonging the inevitable break up.
Did he talk to the marriage counselor? He should be doing the heavy lifting
Ugh. Very few people escape unscathed after threesomes. People catch feelings or lose them. It’s a gateway to goodbye
A therapist/councelor telling you which choice is “the easy or hard choice” is not being very professional. They are not supposed to hint at what they think is the right choice, but rather to help you figure out what *you* think is the right decision. Regardless of what you choose to do, please have that in mind.
What makes me ponder is in these situations, the threesome is ALWAYS with another woman. OP have your turn at getting some respectful love from another guy.
Your husband is disgusting. His behaviour is selfish and he knows no respect. I hope the woman is out of your life. Your husbands will cheat again, trust me. That said, enjoy the penitent moment from him. In all cases, get your affairs in order, just in case. Your therapist is a bumbler and has not idea.
This marriage is a shitshow.
I hope you realise the comments be made to you in the car on the way home, comparing you to her and saying she was essentially better than you, those were aimed to hurt you. I think youβll truly live to regret this, but I wish you the best of luck. But know, him fucking her next to you in bed, that image will NEVER leave you. Your relationship will truly never be the same from this point forward. You know what heβs capable of and I promise itβll happen again. Heβs a selfish man and selfish people will never change. Good luck OP
I feel u buddy. When the world comes crushing and your marriage is on the verge of collapse theres nothing worse than losing a TON of karma.
You do you but speaking objectively your “counselor” is trash and it would be in your best interest to find another one. Just because an option is harder doesn’t make it the correct choice. That is absolutely moronic logic. Hell I don’t even agree that staying is harder. Its pretty clear that you want to continue this relationship despite how hurt you are so I’d argue leaving would be more difficult. Your counselor is not professional in the slightest and you are doing yourself a disservice by seeing her.
Maybe itβs just me, but I couldnβt stay with someone who asked permission to, then cheated on me via sex whilst I was in the bed next to them. Thatβs like, unforgivable. Iirc OP mentioned in her original post that they were each others first(?) or theyβve been together forever, sounds like he just wanted to sleep with someone else and used the threesome as an avenue to do so. Whether he did it consciously or unconsciously is irrelevant, what he did was terrible and so disrespectful imo
Easy =/= Bad or wrong
Hard =/= Good or correct
Honestly, it’s your decision whether you stay or not. No one here gets a say in this because at the end of the day, you are the one who has to live with your decision. And I respect that.
What I’m gonna say, though, is that it’s not even the fact that he fucked her what’s bothering me. It’s what he said to you afterwards is what was incredibly disrespectful in my eyes. Not only did he tell you that he enjoyed sex with her more than with you (called it an “ego boost”), but at the same time, he had the gall to put you down after knowingly crossing a clear boundary you guys had discussed beforehand.
You are his wife. Your pleasure should mean more to him than that of a random woman. And what he basically said is that you are too much work for him to satisfy and that he enjoys sex more with a woman that it’s “easier” with. What he said and did is so unbelievably selfish and disgusting, I don’t know if I’d be ready to bounce back from that.
I always find it incredibly sad when people choose to stay in toxic and unhealthy relationships just because they are afraid of being alone.
Her husband is π―% cheating on her. She will stay regardless because she lacks spine and he gets what he wants.
Your marriage counselor is looking for an easy pay check and she got it.
Good luck
I wish more women would stop being absolute doormats.
Your husband is disgusting. Cheated on you right in front of you with absolutely no concern for you at all. Being inside her body meant more to him than your entire marriage. Heβs trash.