#BoyfriendIssues #CancerGene #RelationshipAdvice #LoveAndCommitment #DealingWithUncertainty
Hey there, girlfriend! I can totally understand why you’re feeling confused and hurt by your boyfriend’s uncertainty about your genetic test results. It’s a tough situation to be in, and it’s perfectly natural to have all these mixed emotions going on. Let’s break it down a bit and see how we can navigate through this together.
Understanding His Perspective 🤔
It’s clear that your boyfriend’s hesitation is coming from a place of fear and uncertainty. Losing a loved one to cancer can be an incredibly traumatic experience, and it’s understandable that he would be concerned about potentially going through that again. It’s also important to recognize that everyone has their own limits and fears, and it seems like he’s still grappling with those feelings.
Evaluating Your Expectations 💭
Feeling like you deserve someone who will stand by you through thick and thin is absolutely valid. And it’s clear that you have a strong sense of commitment and loyalty in a relationship. However, it’s also important to remember that everyone has their own boundaries and deal-breakers. It’s all about finding that balance between what you expect and what your partner is capable of giving.
Advice from the Bhagavad Gita 🙏
The Bhagavad Gita teaches us about the concept of dharma, or duty, in our relationships. It’s a reminder that we should focus on doing our best in our roles and responsibilities, without getting too attached to the outcomes. Perhaps it’s about finding that middle ground of giving your relationship time to grow, while also staying true to your own values and boundaries.
Navigating the Next Steps ✨
Here are a few tips to help guide you through this situation:
1. Communicate Openly: Have an honest and open conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings and expectations. It’s important for both of you to express where you’re coming from.
2. Set a Timeline: It’s okay to give your relationship a timeline to see if things progress in a way that aligns with your values. This can provide clarity for both you and your boyfriend.
3. Trust Your Intuition: Ultimately, it’s important to trust your instincts and what feels right for you. If you feel like you’re compromising your values, it’s okay to re-evaluate the relationship.
Conclusion 🌟
Remember that it’s okay to give yourself time to reflect and gather your thoughts. Taking a step back to evaluate your relationship and your own expectations is a healthy approach. It’s all about finding that balance between patience and staying true to yourself. You’ve got this! And remember, the Bhagavad Gita’s teachings can offer some timeless wisdom as you navigate through life’s challenges.
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I could understand if it was a reproductive concern but as-is this is incredibly dickish of him.
I’m just curious, Is there a specific gene for this type of cancer which indicates that you could be high risk? How high?
This is his way of “being there for you” while you mom just passed away 2 months.
You’ve only been together for five months, and he thinks you’re going to die in the near future if you have a cancer gene? jesus. Well you have your answer about if he’d stick by you or not, if things get tough for you.
I personally wouldn’t trust him if he changed his answer in a year, so yeah that probably wouldn’t be a good idea.
So I understand he cannot promise a forever. Sure. You’re only 5 month in. But leaving because you have cancer is an asshole move. Do you really want to invest another year into a relationship that might end from one day to the other when you need to rely on him the most?
And i know, it’s only hypothetical at this point. But why wait until its not hypothetical anymore?
Your mom died recently. And instead of being there for you he’s thinking about ending things because HE will hurt if you get cancer?
I don’t know about you. I’m all for taking care of oneself. But the way he looks at this appears very selfish to me. I wouldn’t want to stick around to find out that he means it.
Why exactly would you waste another year.
Unfortunately a high percentage of men leave their partner when their partner is sick with something like cancer. Dude already has one foot out the door just at the mention of cancer…
You can do better.
He is not a “great guy” if he were to dump you for merely having a cancer gene. He doesn’t seem to be the type to stick around when it comes to the “in sickness and in health” part of the wedding vows, except he would fully expect YOU to hang around if he were the ill party.
Dump him first. Save your energy for someone who actually means in sickness and in health
So…your mom died LESS THAN THREE MONTHS ago, and rather than comforting and supporting you through this terrible loss, he’s pressuring you to get tested for a gene that might or might not mean he’ll have to take care of you and mourn your loss in the future?
INFO: Has he been supportive in your grief over your very recent loss? Do you have health insurance that will pay for this (likely bogus) test, and if not, is he offering to pay for it? Has he had this test himself? What’s his family’s health history like, do you know this? Will he tell you if you ask?
Five months is nothing and, unless there’s something going on you haven’t told us, or something in the answers to my questions, I think he sounds like a selfish POS
Don’t waste another year. If his love for you is conditional best to end it now before you get too attached. It’s good he was honest with you so you can know upfront he would desert you if you were sick. Even if you dont have the gene, you can still get cancer. If you do have the gene you are at least better placed to make decisions that can be preventative.
Dump him now. A huge percentage of husbands leave when their wives get sick. He’s basically told you he’s going to dip if anything happens that is a medical challenge. Cancer, car accident, whatever. He’s too self absorbed to be a good partner.
You feel like you deserve someone willing to stay through thick or thin because you DO deserve someone who will stay through thick or thin!!! This is wild, why would you waste another six months to a year with this guy that clearly views you as an option rather than a long term or life long partner?? He doesn’t value the time he has with you now enough to “risk” heart break???
He’s not a great guy, he’s a fair weather friend. Be glad you found out now instead of five years from now when you’ve already married and need him to support you through something -and he can’t be bothered.
It’s okay not to be “committed” so early in a relationship – but goddamn he’s got some nerve.
I am sorry about your mother. Get tested and stay on top of your health for YOU, and for the love of yourself don’t stay with this guy. There are other people on the market that will actually care about you, unlike this guy.
Good luck OP, take the time to grieve and heal and then turn your attention to better things and people.
Man, I would save him the trouble and end the relationship now.
Honestly I don’t think you should give it another year with him. You’ll just get attached and leaving will be so much harder. He prioritises (in a time of grief for YOU) his own future. It’s insane that you’re even thinking of continuing with him further.
Cancer runs in my family, my partner not once thought about me getting tested because he knows regardless of what happens that’s life and you stick by sick loved ones.
Find a real man who doesn’t act like a 5 year old
you do deserve someone who would stay. fuck him.
I went on a date with a girl who wouldn’t date a guy with blood type A since apparently they have more risk for these type of diseases. I am not that blood type, but I didn’t wanted to date her anymore anyway based on this reply.
Why is this even a discussion right now? Your mother just passed away. This would give me the biggest ick. I’d be moving on tbh.
I had a very dear friend who had the BRCA mutation.
She died last year after surviving THREE different kinds of cancer.
Her sister died of Stage IV ovarian cancer.
And her daughter has the same mutation, and just recently had her prophylactic surgeries.
No other women in their family had it, because the mutation was passed down through the men on her father’s side of the family.
It’s a horrible thing to deal with, but cancer has LOTS of causes, and also no obvious cause. You can live “perfectly” with no family history and get cancer; you can eat crap and smoke and drink and everything else with a ton of family history and be unaffected.
You need to find a man who is willing to take the exact same chances on you that YOU are taking with HIM!!
Your current BF has already made it clear that he doesn’t understand actual, MATURE **love and commitment**, and you need to look elsewhere for that.
Why are you letting this idiot keep you in suspense about the future of your relationship? It’s over, even if you did test negative you’ll always know he’s ready to leave you the moment something goes wrong. He’s not relationship material.
Your mom just passed and this is what he’s worried about? Nah, this man is not the one. Throw this one back in the sea.
I’m so sorry for your loss, OP. May your mother’s memory be always for a blessing to those who knew her.
Wow, your mum had cancer and this is his way of being there and supporting you. And this is early in the relationship when you would expect someone to be dewy eyed. Honestly, this guy is signalling his maturity, compassion, care and commitment for you right here. Cut your losses. He will also learn a valuable lesson.
Consider this: it’s a blessing in disguise. I don’t know how many stories I’ve heard of people leaving their partner or spouse because they’ve contracted a terminal illness. He’s obviously not going to take the “in sickness and in health” part of the vows as seriously if you did manage to marry him.
While you may carry a gene that makes you predisposed to cancer, it doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to get it. Regardless of what type of cancer it is, regular checkups can at least reduce the risks. Removing a pea sized tumour is a lot easier than a baseball sized one.
The fact that he has such a lack of compassion as to not be sympathetic to you mourning your mother. Instead he sends you to be tested for “genetic defects.” If my partner was told tomorrow she had a terminal illness, I would sit in on appointments with her doctor. I’d be the one asking them, “What can we expect? What can I do? Is there anything I need to know as her carer?” Let me make this clear: I work full time, I pay most of the bills, but if that scenario happened, I’d drop everything until the “crisis” is over. Granted I’ve been with her for 8 years, but I often joke, “you’re stuck with me regardless.”
I don’t think you need to waste time with him.
Remember the vow: in sickness and in health?
Both of you have different views. And are not suitable for each other.
Don’t waste a year on this POS. Five months is a short time, and the longer you stay with him, the harder it will be. Dump him now. He’s already told you he will not care for you if you get sick, and that means he’s not commitment-worthy.
I’m really sorry about your mother.
Yes, you do deserve someone who would stay with you. Men, unfortunately, have a habit of not staying with their sick partners.
Yours has said as much. Dump.
Leave now, he’s not in for the “for better or worse in sickness and in health” deal
You’re only 23 and your mum just passed away and instead of supporting you your boyfriend is asking you to check to see if you’re ’defective’ before he puts any more time and energy into you. Do you really want to spend another year with him?
Runnnn !!! You know how many husbands abandoned their wives when they found out they had cancer ?
Oh honey… this is the time for a wake up call. Your wake up call. Only right thing from his mouth is to get tested. The rest – he is not a good guy, he is shitty boyfriend who clearly states he will not look after you if something happen, a cancer or anything else.
I AM that “higher risk” and i know exactly what i am talking about: YOU. DON’T. HAVE. TIME. FOR. THIS.
Bc if we are talking about BRCA genes, your window to have children is closing a lot FASTER, so if you want to have family, you simply don’t have a year to throw out. And even if childfree, you still can choose to have cancer, or to have very invasive preventive surgeries and ask honestly: do you trust him to take care about you? For months of treatment or for weeks of recovery? If not, just dump him, heal, and find a man who will love you even with that risk, who will love you even with scars, who will have your back when anything go wrong. Bc this guy is clearly not. And all that “i love you too much to deal with it” is just a shitty excuse from shitty person, who no does care *too much*, he just simply does not care *enough*.
Too bad he tested positive for the piece-of-shit gene.