#RelationshipAdvice: Refusing to Let My Wife Use My Phone 🤷♂️
Are you wondering if you would be the asshole for refusing to let your wife use your phone to make calls or take pictures? This is a common issue that many couples face, so you are definitely not alone in this situation. In this post, we will explore the pros and cons of setting boundaries with your partner when it comes to personal devices. We will also discuss the importance of communication and respect in a healthy relationship.
### Setting Boundaries in Relationships
Setting boundaries in a relationship is essential for maintaining your own sense of autonomy and independence. It is important to establish clear boundaries with your partner in order to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts in the future. Here are some tips for setting boundaries with your partner:
1. **Communicate openly**: Talk to your partner about your feelings and concerns regarding the use of personal devices. Express your thoughts and emotions in a calm and respectful manner.
2. **Be assertive**: Clearly communicate your boundaries to your partner and stick to them. It is important to assert yourself and stand firm in your decisions.
3. **Respect each other’s privacy**: Respect your partner’s privacy and personal space. Avoid invading their privacy or going through their personal belongings without their consent.
4. **Seek compromise**: Find a middle ground that works for both you and your partner. Be willing to negotiate and compromise in order to maintain a healthy and harmonious relationship.
### The Situation with Your Wife
Based on your story, it seems like there is a lack of communication and respect between you and your wife when it comes to the use of personal devices. Your wife’s reaction to you touching her phone without permission suggests that there may be some underlying issues that need to be addressed.
Here are some questions to consider:
– Why does your wife react so strongly when you touch her phone?
– What is the significance of her limited minutes on her mobile plan?
– Are there any trust issues or insecurities in your relationship that need to be addressed?
### Advice for Moving Forward
In order to navigate this situation effectively, here are some steps you can take:
1. **Have a heart-to-heart conversation**: Sit down with your wife and have an open and honest conversation about your feelings and concerns. Listen to her perspective and try to understand where she is coming from.
2. **Establish clear boundaries**: Clearly communicate your boundaries regarding the use of personal devices. Let your wife know what you are comfortable with and what you are not comfortable with.
3. **Consider seeking professional help**: If communication between you and your wife is difficult, consider seeking the help of a couples therapist or counselor. A professional can help facilitate communication and resolve conflicts in a healthy way.
4. **Evaluate the overall health of your relationship**: Take a step back and reflect on the overall health of your relationship. Are there other areas of your relationship that may need improvement or attention?
### Conclusion
In conclusion, it is important to prioritize communication and respect in your relationship in order to address the issue of personal device usage effectively. Setting clear boundaries, seeking compromise, and maintaining open lines of communication are key components to fostering a healthy and harmonious relationship.
Remember, you are not the asshole for wanting to set boundaries with your wife regarding the use of your phone. It is important to prioritize your own needs and boundaries in order to maintain a sense of autonomy and independence within the relationship.
If you found this post helpful, don’t forget to share it with others who may benefit from this advice. Thank you for taking the time to read this post and remember, it’s okay to set boundaries in your relationship! 🌟
NTA, but she is either hiding something, or needs to understand what a double standard is.
NTA at all, but she’s got something to hide.
No one, I repeat no one, gets that bent out of shape when their husband touches their phone.
(Unless she’s like that with everything, like an OCD thing maybe).
What’s good for the goose….
NTA and she’s giving off all of the red flags.
Need more info. This is weird behavior from your wife dude. What haven’t you told us? Is she OCD about germs? Have you dropped and broken her phone before? Or is she flirting with someone online or flat out cheating on you?
Let me take a wild guess. She is the one that insisted on having a separate phone plan?
NTA, but she’s probably cheating on you.
This isn’t about using your phone
It is strange that you have separate phone plans where hers is limited. It is also strange that she uses your phone instead of just getting an unlimited plan. It is very strange that she freaks out when you touch her phone. The only reason for her to freak out is if she is hiding something.
people only hide things if there is something to hide.
NTA. Tell her that the more she acts so protective of her phone the more stupid thoughts your brain generates so you need to talk about it and let her explain why she is so protective, what is she hiding, etc. because it can severely impact your relationship. Already you are willing to cut her out of your phone, and things will only escalate, you need to find and fix the issue, denying access to your phone fixes nothing, only raises more questions.
INFO : Why she doesn’t want you in her phone is relevant. I’ve given my SOs full access to mine in the past. Those folks went and read private conversations and tried to have a discussion with me about it. No one touches my phone now.
Even gave the most recent one the chance and…. “Why are you asking your mom about”…
She could also be cheating and that’s a valid concern. Have you actually talked to her about this?
Sorry dude, but she’s 100% cheating on you. No one in the history of phones has acted like this about a phone unless they were hiding something.
I saw you say she’s a bit of a germaphobe but has no issues using your phone? That doesn’t make sense, and she might just be a territorial person with her things, but still sus behavior. I think you are NTA, but you should get on the same phone plan as a joint plan is cheaper per phone than two individual plans, and it solves the issue.
NTA. Your wife’s inconsistent behavior regarding phone usage is unfair and hypocritical. Setting boundaries is necessary in this situation to address the imbalance and ensure mutual respect. If she can’t appreciate your efforts to help and insists on reacting negatively, then it’s reasonable for you to limit her access to your phone. She needs to understand that trust and consideration go both ways in a relationship.
NTA your wife is being really weird about her phone. I’d suspect she’s got something sketchy going on and doesn’t want you to see if a suspicious text message shows up or something.
You should be more concerned about why she doesn’t wsnt you on her phone. I’d walk up to her and tell her I want to see your phone right now. You’re being very suspicious, and I want to know why. If she freaks and takes off, you’ll know. If she hands it to you go through it. Tell her to get her own phone plan your not sharing your anymore and change thr password.
Sheeeeee cheating, she can use your phone obviously as she can also make sure you’re not doing what she’s doing to you
YWNBTA….If OP has a code to get into his phone, change it. Wife’s reaction is sketchy at best, no other reason to act like that about a phone, unless a big surprise party is being planned for OP, I guess.
NTA, but the whole dynamic is screwed up. I am not in the habit of dropping my phone or tablets, but I didn’t know that keeping the screen down prevents breakage (it does prevent SIRI from answering in case you have more than one device on the table).
If a phone drops, it won’t glide like an airplane, it will likely drop on its edge and crack the screen anyway.
The up-facing screen thing is more likely to be a way to prevent you from seeing possible notices on her phone, not a breakage prevention strategy.
I don’t know how you guys are with the rest of your relationship, but these are some seriously weird vibes.
I hesitate to suggest snooping around in her phone (she has to sleep sometimes) as I find that a serious breach of trust, but she is giving you several reasons to be suspicious.
Act your conscience. If she is cheating on you, you want to know sooner rather than later.
Have you asked her why she acts so protective of her phone?
Can you not see what is going on here or is this not a real post?
Reading the replies here makes me realize how suspicious I act around my own phone lol. I’m pretty much like your wife, I HATE my husband (or anyone) holding it, drives me nuts. Although I have nothing to hide. Well, except for the embarrassment of the accumulated time I spent on a stupid game and such. But I’d tell him if he asked. So I have no good reason to feel so nervous when he holds it. I’m really glad he accepts my weirdness.
Why am I telling you this? You’ll get a lot of comments saying that she must be hiding something and implying cheating so I wanted to give you a different perspective.
However, here is the difference and why you would be NTA: I try everything to avoid using my husband’s phone because I don’t think it’s fair that I don’t want to reciprocate. So I think she should understand that you limit access as well. Make sure to communicate it though so she doesn’t get suspicious about the sudden change.
NTA…let her upgrade her plan or just use her boyfriends phone
NTA but your wife is almost definitely hiding something in her phone.
I think a serious, loving, conversation is in order. What is it about you handing the phone face up so triggering to her? Is there past trauma with overly-controlling people? Is she doing something sketchy she doesn’t want you to know about? Explain how her reactions make you feel. Relationships are built on respect and trust, and neither one of those things are present in her behavior.
NTA but I do reckon your wife might be cheating… her reactions are not normal especially not for a married couple.
Would not be the asshole. Her behaviour is suspicious, but you need more info.
Try suggesting bundling your phone plans to get a better deal. If she reacts very negatively, be alert.
The next step is asking for her password and/or asking to look through her phone.
It sounds like she has stuff on her phone she doesnt want you to see. That is the behaviour of cheaters
Man wake up she’s obviously banging someone else.
I think you two have bigger issues than the phones
You need to get on the same phone plan so you both have unlimited, this is ridiculous to be carrying on this way, her constantly using yours.
Also it’s weird she doesn’t want you to touch her phone.
INFO: has she said why she reacts this way? Were you caught snooping on her phone in the past or other violations of her privacy? I don’t wanna jump to she’s cheating, but at the same time there’s something missing in this story.
She hiding something bro
Guaranteed she’s hiding something.
buddy… There is ALWAYS a reason you don’t let your partner look at your phone. There is something there that she doesn’t want you to see. I fear she may be talking shit about you to her friends and family. Even worse.. she may be cheating on you. A meltdown over you touching her phone is VERY concerning!
Sir, your wife has secrets. And the answers be on that phone. I vote snoop. But also, you could sit down and have a conversation, but this is a huge red flag. She’s hiding something.
NTA. Her freaking out about your touching her phone, or just having the screen visible, is weird. Especially as you mention “nowadays” in your post, indicating that this hasn’t always been the case. What is she hiding??
Apart from that, if she’s constantly running out of minutes, data, etc, and using yours, it means her plan isn’t right for her usage and she needs to upgrade. What happens when you’re not around (if she needs to make a call while you’re at work and she has time off, or your away for a few hours visiting friend/family/etc?)??? And has she never heard of VoIP calling (WhatsApp, Messenger, Skype) and instant messenger services (WhatsApp, Messenger, Telegram, Viber, etc) that run on data and thus can use your home WiFi most of the time??
She cheatin
NTA. And I don’t think she’s using your phone to save her minutes, she’s snooping through it when you give it to her.
NTA your wife is most definitely hiding somthing
NTA, but…..there’s some red flags here. Besides the obvious double standard and uncalled for rude behavior. She can use your phone, has the password and everything. You can barely look at her phone, let alone touch it, she’s super anal about it being facedown…at home with her HUSBAND. I’m sorry to be doom and gloom, worst case scenario, but I hope your alarms are going off. I hope the intuition of other’s and myself are wrong for your sake bud.
NTA. In my opinion, either she agrees to sit down and discuss why she has such a strong reaction to you touching her phone, or there’s a major issue with hiding things and trust happening here.
I don’t particularly like my husband touching my phone, but that’s because he’s in the habit of breaking them. We buy him a new, inexpensive phone with a really strong case every year or two, because he constantly drops, sits on, dunks in a sink or toilet or cracks a screen on every phone we buy him.
I have a nice iPhone and have yet to break one, ever, not even a scratch. So no touchy. Your situation is much different.
If she can’t be open about what’s in her phone that she doesn’t want you to see, then you have *much* bigger problems than phones to work out with a marriage counselor.
NTA, but this is a double standard. I would be a bit suspicious as to why she is so concerned about you touching her phone.
Wtf is she hiding on that phone
NTA change your password and tell her you are not comfortable with her having access to your phone
NTA. It’s a two way street
…and the only partners I’ve had that were crazy about me touching or using their phone were cheating. The whole not wanting the phone face up is a huge 🚩
Cheating for sure. The direction of the screen wouldn’t be the point of contention if it was a germ issue.
This really makes me wonder if she’s always been like this or if her behavior changed at some point. A change in behavior would definitely indicate something to hide.
Was she ever in a controlling relationship before you? Maybe it makes her feel extra sensitive about feeling like her phone is being checked and that you don’t trust her even though that’s not what you’re doing? Even so, double standards are not ok.
NTA