#FriendshipDilemma #RoadTripEtiquette #UnemploymentStruggles #FinancialPlanning
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you’re torn between sticking to your plans and accommodating a friend who is facing financial hardship? It’s a challenging dilemma that many of us may encounter at some point in our lives. Let’s dive into the story of a group of friends planning a cross-country road trip and the conflict that arose when one friend found himself unable to contribute financially.
## The Planning Stage: Excitement Turns Into Tension
Some of my friends and I have been planning a cross country road trip this summer, mainly to celebrate me and another guy getting our degrees, also just because it would be fun. This week we finally went in and planned out a budget, breaking down costs and what each person needs to bring to the table in terms of cash for it all to work out.
Which is where the issue comes in – one of the guys (M25) that was supposed to go is essentially unemployed, he lives with his parents and does doordashing on the side sometimes. Since we've been planning this for a while and he's been active in the planning we kind of assumed he'd be putting aside some cash for it. Turns out he hasn't been, he's completely out of cash, and he hasn't even been doordashing at all for the past couple months.
As the group delved into the nitty-gritty of budgeting, tensions arose when it became apparent that one friend was unable to contribute financially due to his unemployment status. The initial excitement of planning the road trip quickly turned into a delicate situation that needed to be addressed.
## The Confrontation: Balancing Fairness and Compassion
We're trying to help him out by asking, okay, how much cash do you think you'll be able to get by then, maybe we can all pitch in and float the difference. He says doordashing barely gets him any money, he won't be able to come up with anything substantial and it's ridiculous of us to expect him to get enough cash in such a short time (about two months). Finally he sends a message saying he's on the phone with his mom and she's willing to pitch in the cash for his part.
I get pissed off and I tell him that we're not going to be taking any cash from his mom, that it's not fair to her and it's not fair to the rest of us who've actually put in the work to save up for a trip like this. He says, okay, I guess I'm not going then, and now he won't respond to any of us. Now I'm left feeling like a jerk for leaving him out of something we've all been planning together and that he's been so excited for.
The moment of truth arrived when the group tried to find a solution that would accommodate everyone’s financial constraints. While some members suggested pooling money to help out the unemployed friend, others felt that it wouldn’t be fair to expect external contributions. The conflict escalated when the friend’s mother offered to cover his expenses, sparking a heated discussion about fairness, responsibility, and compassion.
## Reflecting on the Situation: Empathy vs. Boundaries
AITA?
In moments like these, it’s important to strike a balance between empathy and personal boundaries. While it’s crucial to support friends in times of need, it’s equally important to uphold fairness and respect the efforts put into planning and budgeting. Reflecting on the situation, consider the following viewpoints:
### Practical Solutions:
1. **Open Communication**: Encourage open and honest conversations about financial limitations and expectations from each group member.
2. **Alternative Plans**: Explore alternative options for the unemployed friend to participate in the road trip without causing financial strain on others.
3. **Empathy and Understanding**: Approach the situation with empathy and understanding, considering the friend’s struggles and finding a solution that works for everyone.
Navigating the delicate balance between friendship and financial responsibilities can be challenging, but with clear communication, empathy, and understanding, it’s possible to find a resolution that benefits everyone involved. So, next time you find yourself in a similar dilemma, remember to approach it with compassion and respect for each other’s circumstances. 🚗💸👫
NAH
> AITA for telling my ~~unemployed~~ broke-ass friend he can’t tag along on a road trip?
FTFY
NGL, *unemployed* friends are GREAT to bring on road trips — super-flexible schedules! But they need to *also* be the kind of responsible adults who have put away **savings** for situations exactly like this.
ESH. he is definitely incredibly lazy. I think your offer to meet the difference if he works hard on doordash the next 2 months was a good compromise to help him so he gets the money but also so he isnt being a complete freeloader. But, banning him even after he said he got the money, its just from his mom, is a dick move. If his mom is fine with giving him the money/letting him borrow it then you got nothing to with it. i understand that you want to get him to get some accountability, but i dont think thats really your place to teach him that lesson.
NTA
He wont be able to pay unexpected expenses and you all will have to pay. If he doesn’t have the money, he shouldn’t go
NTA. He knew about the trip, didn’t save money, and fully expects you and your friends to allow him to mooch of you all.
You did not leave him out of anything: you gave him ample warning and he chose to not save anything towards the trip. That’s on HIM not you or your friends.
It’s a tough situation, but I don’t think you’re the a-hole here. You and your friends have been responsible and proactive in planning and saving up for the road trip, and it’s understandable that you would expect everyone else to do the same. It’s not fair to expect his mom to foot the bill for his portion of the trip, especially since she may not have agreed to it willingly.
You were honest with him about the situation, and it’s his decision not to come if he can’t contribute financially. It’s unfortunate that he won’t be able to join, but ultimately, it’s his responsibility to manage his finances and prioritize his spending.
However, it might be worth reaching out to him again to discuss the situation calmly and see if there’s any compromise or solution that can be reached. Perhaps he can start working more hours or find another source of income to contribute to the trip. Communication is key in resolving conflicts like these.
NTA op he’s the dude who will spend all his money by the halfway point and expect you all to cover his lazy ass
NTA He knew the trip was coming up and wasn’t even trying to save any money through gig work but expected the group to float him. Why couldn’t he door dash for a few hours every day since he’s unemployed? When you guys refused to pay for him he acted offended and went begging to his mom. That’s not someone I want to go on a road trip with.
Nta. Guys. Stop enabling him to not be responsible for his own life. He fully expected you all to pay for him.
Don’t
Let him stay home AND GET A JOB
NTA. This dude sounds way too irresponsible to handle a trip like this and he’s only gonna cause problems. It’s crazy to me how many people are defending him here. Probably hits too close to home.
NTA. it doesn’t seem like he’s even trying. he’s 25, he doesn’t have a job, he mooches off his parents- i can’t blame you for getting frustrated with him.
NTA. He’s an adult and from your comments, not a very responsible one. He can’t afford the trip and your friend group can’t afford to shoulder any expense not covered by his mommy’s money (from the descriptions of your friend, i’d take a bet on that money REALLY not being enough for him for the trip’s duration.)
hey, i’ve been broke too. but i sit my ass down at home, not go on an out of budget trip to spend the money i don’t have lol. my friends invite me? i say, fam i don’t have money maybe next time. that’s that.
>Since we’ve been planning this for a while and he’s been active in the planning we kind of assumed he’d be putting aside some cash for it. Turns out he hasn’t been, he’s completely out of cash, and he hasn’t even been doordashing at all for the past couple months.
this says A LOT imo. this wasn’t a spontaneous thing, yet nothing was done to prep for it.
but if you value the friendship, might be time for some intervention and start laying out some truths about life. sounds like he needs it.
ETA: i don’t get all the YTAs. you weren’t being unreasonable, other friends are carrying their weight, he should too. doordashing isn’t the only job out there.
NTA, he’s had months to save up for this! What did he think was going to happen? Was Santa going to ride down with some cash for him? SMH
INFO – if his mother wants to subsidise her adult son, why is this an issue to you? As long as his way is being paid, why does it matter where the money comes from?
NTA. You’re grownups now and celebrating your accomplishments. At some point, separations occur when people make different choices. Your friend chooses to sit on his ass and freeload off of everyone. She needs to grow up and take responsibility because he’s being left behind in every sense of the word. There’s no “paying back” and no more mooching off of everyone in his life.
NTA. I’ve been on a couple trips with friends that claim they have enough money only to actually get there and they complain about money the whole time. I don’t blame you
Nope nope nope, leave him home!
Nope. He is for being a freeloader.
The second a 25 year old grown ass man says it’s ridiculous to expect him to pay his own way I’m out.
Unless he’s in school being totally unemployed ain’t it. That’s a friend I would have to start distancing myself from. I cannot stand a freeloading perma-victim.
NTA
NTA-He doesn’t seem like he really wanted to do this or he would have been saving up and doing more DoorDashing.
Idk, kinda? He’s useless for not being able to come up with the money himself, but if his mom is willing to pitch in, and it doesn’t affect your finances, why do you care where the money comes from?
NTA
That dude will blow that money and then look to the rest of you to cover him.
*If you ain’t got no money, take your broke ass home.*
NTA
WTF did he think would happen?
Exactly what happened.
He expected all of you to make accommodations for him and for mommy to pay.
And you know he wouldn’t have no cash while on the trip either.
ESH.
He’s the asshole because he obviously sounds lazy and unmotivated, and those aren’t healthy qualities or what people look for in a friend.
YTA because you obviously consider him a friend despite knowing that, but are now arbitrarily drawing lines about his parents paying for things. He can live with his parents but his parents can’t loan or give him money for a trip? Why do you get to decide what’s fair but his mother can’t? If you feel this strongly about his situation, then ditch him as a friend, don’t kick him off a trip.
ESH. He’s a grown man taking money from his mommy to go on a field trip. He also sucks for not having saved anything, for not even trying. Whether it was trying to find another job, or actually working at the one he had for the last few months. There’s a lot of suckage there.
But I also kind of feel like on your end it shouldn’t matter how he gets the money, you’re still all celebrating the same thing, you’re supposed to be friends. Why does it really matter?
NTA – its a lack of planning on his part. If he wanted this he could have made it happen.
I’ve had to deal with people like this when booking group holidays and it’s always a headache.
“he won’t be able to come up with anything substantial and it’s ridiculous of us to expect him to get enough cash in such a short time (about two months).”
Any place that has door dash has warehouses, dominoes, ect. These places are ALWAYS hiring.
This dude would rather sit on his ass doing nothing than save up 2k, which can be done easily(two months!) when you don’t pay bills and have all the time in the world.
Don’t you dare feel bad and don’t enable him be taking him on this trip. NTA.
NTA. It’s ridiculous of him to expect anyone else to pay for him to have a vacation.
He wasn’t excited enough to put any effort towards it. Unless you guys regularly just pay for all his shit? AND how the actual hell does one spend all that time planning a trip you KNOW you can not affird???? Who the F does that. AND THEN..H waited till the last minute(not literally) to just casually mention that all the time you have been planning this expensive trip, he’s been home what playing his ps5????
NTA – people that do shit like this will do other selfish, annoying shit so even IF you were okay with mom funding the trip he’d likely pull some other shenanigans during the trip. It may feel shitty to leave him out but Id see this as your sign to let this friendship fade out. It’s perfectly normal to allow friendships to dissolve as you grow and your priorities change.
Congrats on graduation and enjoy your trip!
25yo spoilt baby* FTFY, NTA
NTA – A lot of people are saying why not just let his mom pay. It’s not about Mom. The other friends were willing to help him with the cost.
But, even though he still has two months, he seems completely unwilling to even try to earn and save literally anything himself.
>Now I’m left feeling like a jerk for leaving him out of something we’ve all been planning together and that he’s been so excited for.
You’re not leaving him out. He didn’t save the money required to go.
Its not yours (or anyones) responsibility to pay his way for him.
NTA. Dude is racing toward loserville; won’t even do the basic ‘bring in some cash’ stuff you do when you don’t have cash. I mean, I’ve sold plasma, I’m not too proud. I delivered pizza. This is all while I was in the Army, paying off bills.
At one time I had 5 part time hustles going.
You’ve got to pay your way
NTA I’m dying at the audacity of him. He knew about the trip, helped plan the trip then just straight up said he didn’t think he would have to pay for his part in the trip.
What makes him so special 😂😂
NTA. Actions meet Consequences.
I mean it sounds like you didn’t tell him he can’t tag along. He kinda excluded himself.
I would say YTA because it’s none of your business how he gets his money as long as it’s not illegal.
You obviously have a poor view of the guy. That is a separate matter than how he pays for the trip and you decided to leverage that.
You’re NTA for blowing up on the guy. He is irresponsible, should have been saving money, and should be grateful his friends are willing to help out.
YTA for the reason you blew up on him: asking his mom to help him pay for the trip.
YTA looks like friends mom sees this is as very important to her son. Maybe he’s depressed and isn’t functioning as well as he should. This trip could be great for him. Just make it clear that he needs to be responsible, that no one will cover him if he blows his wad.
Has he always been like this, or is this something new? It honestly sounds like depression. If he is depressed, then he needs therapy and/or medication. Is this trip to celebrate your degrees or your entire friend groups independence? I don’t honestly see how it is your business where his money came from if his mother gives him the amount you’ve all agreed upon. Did everyone get interrogated about where their funds came from or just him because he is unemployed? The energy seems very controlling, and I honestly don’t blame your friend for not responding to judgmental friends who resent the means he acquired his funds more than they value his friendship.
As for everyone making the assumptions he will burn through his money and his mom will need to send him more, did you not read where OP and friends were deciding on an amount everyone would need to bring? Most of you only read and comprehend what you want while assuming the rest. YTA for continuing this farce of a friendship with someone you clearly look down upon.
Kinda the AH. He had the money, legally, so what’s the problem. I don’t like it, I wouldn’t ever do that but that’s his mom and his choice.
YTA. It’s not up to you to decide where his money comes from. This is between him and his mother.
As for the people who say he’s going to run out of money halfway through the trip and then leech off the rest, first of all that’s speculation. He might as well get more money from his mother (and whether he does is not!). And if not, he can TRY to leech off you, but you’re the ones who are in control of that. You can make it very clear you’re not going to do that. And if push comes to shove, don’t.
But for you to decide her can’t use money he got from his mother makes you a controlling AH.
YTA! what is with everyone in this thread?
>I get pissed off and I tell him that we’re not going to be taking any cash from his mom
By 25 years old, I don’t recall ever discussing how my friends paid for stuff. And why is everyone on this site even ok with that? Why would you even mention the trip to him if this bothers you all so much. Why would you be ok with him helping plan, then blowing him off when he needed his mother to pay? Are you all supporting yourselves and not living with your parents, is that where the resentment lies? WHY THEN DID YOU OFFER TO HELP HIM PAY IF YOU DID NOT LIKE HIS FREELOADING OFF HIS MOTHER? He already lives with his parents, and you all knew that beforehand.
This is so weird. I would not be surprised if your other friends get money from their parents….they just didn’t tell you they did.
I think OP is totally the asshole here, and if he is still living in his parents house, he is in the same boat as his friend.
And DAMN, everyone is all upset as OP in this thread! I bet most of you lived off mom well past the point of conventional “adulthood,” and the whole fake concern about his mother just made me giggle—I mean, come on. I think OP just doesn’t like the guy, wanted him off the trip because he annoys him, found an excuse, and then made sure to find a reason to keep him from going.
Ok I am a bit confused why you are upset how he is getting money for the trip? Its not your money and how his family decides what to do with their money is not any of your business. I don’t want to say YTA but it sounds a bit like you are being TA right now. What does it matter to you where he gets his money for the trip? TO me it sounds like you are jealous maybe because you feel like he doesn’t have to work as hard as you and has people willing to pay his way. You wanted him to pay his share and are upset that he is now paying hi share.