🚨 **Let’s Talk Family Dynamics and Weddings** 🚨
Hey everyone! I recently came across a situation that really struck a chord, especially for those navigating tricky family relationships. A 25-year-old woman found herself torn about her biological mother wanting to take on the “Mother of the Bride” role after being absent for most of her life. Talk about a complicated family drama! 💔
Here’s a quick recap: The woman was raised by her aunt after her grandparents stepped in due to her bio mother’s substance issues. Despite attempts to connect, her mother wasn’t really present in her life. Fast forward to her engagement, and when the mother expressed she wanted to wear the title of “Mother of the Bride,” the bride-to-be firmly rejected the notion. This created a major confrontation, and feelings were hurt all around. 💔🍃
**This raises some real questions about how we define family and roles in our lives.** Here are some pain points that people often experience in similar situations:
- **Emotional Conflict**: Balancing feelings of obligation vs. what’s right for your emotional well-being.
- **Expectations vs. Reality**: How do we manage the expectations placed on us by family vs. what we truly want? 🤔
- **Support Systems**: Identifying supportive figures (like the aunt in this case) and standing by them can be crucial during turbulent family experiences.
**Why does this happen?** These conflicts often arise due to past traumas, unfulfilled roles, or even expectations influenced by societal norms. It’s tough to navigate your own feelings while also accounting for how others might feel, especially at a big life event like a wedding! 🎉
**So, what are some ways to approach these situations?** Here are a few suggestions:
- **Clear Communication**: Be honest but gentle. It fosters understanding and can lay the groundwork for future discussions.
- **Set Boundaries**: Know your limits and what you’re comfortable with—it’s okay to protect your mental health!
- **Seek Support**: Talking it out with trusted friends, family, or even a therapist can help in processing these complex feelings. 🌈
Now, here comes the best part! I’d love to hear your thoughts on this: **How do you approach relationships with estranged family members, especially during significant life events?** 🎤💬 Do you have similar experiences to share or tips that worked for you? Drop them in the comments below!
**Let’s keep this conversation going and support each other!** #FamilyDrama #Weddings #MentalHealthAwareness #ComplexRelationships
NTA. If she wanted to be considered ‘mother of the bride’ at your wedding, she should have acted like your mother all these years instead of neglecting you.
NTA. Your aunt and fiancé are correct. You owe your bio mom nothing. She mistreated you and abused you. Thankfully you were rescued by other family members. Your bio mom had no right to assume she gets any special treatment and was being manipulative and an asshole by going off on you the way she did. You are entirely blameless here. You have to now decide whether to explicitly tell her to stay away from the wedding or whether you’re ok if she shows up, because there is a good chance she’ll cause a scene. I’m sorry you have to deal with her nonsense.
NTA
So, her current boyfriend (a random guy) should walk the bride down the aisle as her father, but not her grandfather 😂
Make sure she doesn’t get an invitation and that she doesn’t crash the wedding because she will try to make it about herself
NTA you owe her exactly what you got from her, nothing. Congrats on the wedding, have a wonderful time
There’s no positive for you in her being there. It’s all for her own gratification and she sure as hell didn’t earn a second of it.
Hard no. You’ll just be apprehensive the whole day that she’ll do something to spoil it. NTA.
NTA
Hold your head high and walk yourself down that aisle!
And consider hiring security to keep her and other unwanted folk out. Pics of the unwanted, or a list of near-and-dear, something needs to be in place to make sure she doesn’t disturb your day.
NTA Although it’s a complicated question asking how she could go about being forgiven, the first step is that she needs to accept responsibility for what she did. Until she does that first step, it’s not for you to accommodate her.
NtA.
You’ve been engaged since january 2023 and she’s now contacting you to demand a place in your wedding.
She’s not asking for a chance to fix anything. She’s demanding you to recognize her with a role that she’s never earned.
NTA. I’m sorry all this happened to you, but it’s your wedding. It’s your decision who to invite and who walks you down the aisle. Your decision to exclude your birth mother and “father” will undoubtedly cause stress and tension in the family, but that’s not your fault. Regardless, NTA.
NTA. She wasn’t a mother figure in your life and she doesn’t deserve to be MOB at your wedding. I would say it would be kind to invite her as an attendee, but worry she might make a scene.
Security security security !
NTA. She missed out on the chance to be your mother for all those years and now she wants to swoop in and take all the credit? Nah, she needs to sit down.
NTA. My bio father didn’t turn up for my wedding simply because the was worried he wouldn’t be “father of the bride”. People who are shitty parents know that they are they just don’t want to be confronted with that fact or have other people see. Your wedding. Your choice. Be strong.
NTA. A wedding is not the time for a reconciliation. If she was truly interested in you, she could have reached out any time. But she didn’t. Her request to be involved is purely selfish and not about her interest in you at all. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
NTA,
She might be your biological mother, but she’s not your mom. Your aunt is.
She can cry about it as much as she wants, but these are 100% the consequences of her own actions. The lack of accountability is appalling.
Your aunt is your mother in every way that matters NTA
NTA. My bio father didn’t turn up for my wedding simply because the was worried he wouldn’t be “father of the bride”. People who are shitty parents know that they are they just don’t want to be confronted with that fact or have other people see. Your wedding. Your choice. Be strong.
NTA. Your bio wants to reap the benefits of claiming you as her daughter so she can have the attention for the day of your wedding. It is not about you at all. Stop feeling guilty. She is a manipulative person without feeling for her child. You owe her nothing-especially not the guilt you are feeling.
NTA – given your challenging history with your biological mother and the supportive role your aunt has played, it’s only natural that you wouldn’t want your biological mother to have a role in your wedding. Your decision to designate your aunt as the “Mother of the Bride” and have your grandfather walk you down the aisle reflects the relationships that have truly supported you.
While your reaction was strong, it’s reasonable to assert boundaries with someone who has been minimally involved and problematic in your life =)
NTA and Im sorry if you ever had any doubt about whether or not you were. Im pretty sure for everyone else you are an obvious NTA. Good for you for standing up for yourself.
NTA there, sometime you just need to be mean to them for them to realized things, also she was never there for you so you just did the right thing, its your wedding and you don’t want to have more drama on that day, you just need to be happy on that day
NTA. I cut contact with my bio mother. Her drama was too much. Cutting her out of my life gave me peace.
You are not wrong. There is a duality with having a child: 1) Title and 2) Role.
Bio created you so she automatically HAD the TITLE but she failed miserably and gave up the ROLE. As such, someone else assumed the ROLE and you rightfully bestowed the TITLE on your actual MOM.
Don’t take the criticism to heart, many of them knew and loved bio before she spiraled, so they have hope things will change. They have seen the best of her. You have seen the worst of her so you only known the drama and trauma.
Move on, enjoy life. Enjoy your wedding. Congratulations on the new phase in your life.
NTA – To have the privilege of sharing special moments of your kids adult life you most certainly have to have the trails and tribulations of raising them…. congrats on your wedding hope you have an amazing day
NTA get some of your friends to act like security outside the church & reception. Your biologicals are probably going to make a scene at one or both of the events of the day. I would also go NC with whomever informed your biological mother.
NTA, I cannot stress this enough. Your egg donor, is in no way entitled to fulfill this role. Being a bio parent doesn’t always represent warm and fuzzies. It’s truly the people that took you in and showed you respect and most importantly love that matter most. You’ve chosen two of these individuals to have important roles in your wedding. Stay the course and tell her to kick rocks. Congrats on your upcoming nuptials!
NTA.
Your aunt is your mother, full stop.
🎉Best Wishes on your Wedding. 👰♂️🎉 You made the right call my dear. Your grandparents are still protective of their daughter even though she doesn’t deserve it. It’s how we parents of drug addicts tend to be.She was not any kind of mother to you, except a poor excuse.
Do not let this dampen your JOY! You have done nothing wrong. Your bio person did not even offer one word of regret or apology only a demand for herself. With addicts it always even for years after they quit using it’s always me, me me. This is your time of a joyful union and I hope your day is blessed and it is probably wiser not to invite her, unless your grandparents insist. Then hire a security guard. Your bio is TA.
NTA
Make sure there is no invitation for her, and that you have some security in place to eject her if she does show.
NTA. I have absolutely no sympathy for anyone who neglects their child. She deserved hearing that and more.
Not the a hole your mother is! This is your wedding. You do what you want to. I would have extra security to make sure she doesn’t enter with her abusive husband who should be in prison for what he did to you!
NTA.
She is worried about what people will think of her if you don’t let her play the mother of the bride.
It’s not about you, it’s about her. She wants this milestone/honor, ignoring the fact that she failed at the basic principles of motherhood.
NTA. She wasn’t your mother who raised you.
NTA. The entitlement you see from her is a good sign of who she really is now. A mother who truly cares about you and wants to reconcile should also understand that it will take time, and that because of her choices you have someone else you consider to be your mother now. She should be willing to do the work to rebuild that relationship. Instead, she’s looking for an easy out, and getting angry with you for not providing it. She is truly the asshole here.
NTA. Make sure you post the wedding equivalent of a bouncer at the church and where the reception is, I wouldn’t put it past her to crash since “the mother and father DESERVE to be there”
NTA. Besides her lifetime of not mothering you, you’ve been engaged for over a year. Two weeks before the wedding is hardly the time to be asking about her role in it. I strongly suspect it was the substance abuse talking.
What ‘chance’ did the the grandparents envision you giving her? Turning her down was a reasonable thing to do, but you could have done it without yelling.
NTA. It’s real simple you want the perks of being a mom act like a mom. As a mother myself, I should never expect my son to give me mom perks if I am a bad, neglectful, deadbeat mom. Mother of the bride role is for the person who acted as mom and that would be your aunt.
NTA