Is it reasonable to be upset when I discovered my cousin put on my wedding dress without my knowledge, leading me to raise my voice at my mum? My wedding dress, which holds sentimental value, was worn by my cousin, causing tension within my family. What should I do in this situation, especially when my mum knew about it but reacted defensively? Explore the dynamics and emotions involved in this family conflict to find some clarity and perspective. #weddingdress #familyconflict #emotionalresponse #cousin #mum #accountability
*accused me of being a AH for making them feel so bad about it.*
Amazing, it’s not the problem to do crappy things – it’s the problem when someone calls them out about it, insane lack of accountability. NTA. I am a bad person so I would make them remember this for a very long time, like you do with stupid kids who don’t want to change, so they will remember how bad it made them feel and maybe it will stop them from doing anything similar ever again.
The worst kind of people are the ones who know that what they are doing is wrong and they still go through with it.
NTA
But I disagree with you not being upset at your cousin, shes old enough to know better, at 22. Shes not a child. Even if she didnt understand the sentiment of the design, its a wedding dress. You dont put on someones wedding dress, specially without permission of the owner.
I feel like your mom is trying to gaslight you, she obviously knew and had no reason to cry at a question about it. Then blame everyone else.
NTA
“I snapped a little at this point and raised my voice, I asked her to take accountability instead of deflecting the blame.”
Free pass given. What you said is absolutely right.
Your mom projected onto you (she’s the A H in this) when she could’ve apologized sincerely for getting this so wrong.
NTA. It’s your wedding dress, not dress up clothes. At 22, your cousin is certainly old enough to know better, and your mother and aunt should definitely have known how special and sentimental your wedding dress is. At the very least, they could have asked you before staging their little photo shoot.
NTA. But I would be upset at the cousin too, has she reached out to apologise? Because at 22 you know the significance of a wedding dress and if you were a decent person, you wouldn’t wear someone else’s wedding dress without them being there; especially not so close to the wedding? Everyone’s disrespected you horribly in this scenario and I’d move my wedding dress immediately.
NTA That’s really tacky and your mom is a massive AH not only for doing it but for pulling the “poor little me ” card. And this from someone who has very little emotional attachment to her wedding dress. I’d still be pissed. I hope you took the dress home now!
NTA
A wedding dress is a hugely important and significant dress, with a lot of sentimental value attached.
It isn’t something to be casually used as a dress up and pretend dress.
There’s the degrading of your memories, and the risk of it being damaged or dirtied.
You have every right to be angry and express your feelings.
NTA
Mta
They all knew and tries to hide it.
NTA, at all.
This is a dress that was hugely special to you, because it was unique and you had designed it together with your mother. That uniqueness, that nobody else would have one like it or would *wear* one like it, was part of what made it special. And your mother who was part of making it special, then completely ruined that aspect of it. She betrayed the entire purpose of making a unique dress in the first place.
The dress was also kept at her home. She allowed your cousin to wear the dress, and your aunt to take pictures. Your mother is the biggest AH here
Of course both your aunt and cousin should have known better as well and are also AHs.
To me, if something so special was ruined, and especially by someone who was supposed to part of what made it special, it would completely change my view of that formerly special thing, and off the person in question.
Nta, but you should have removed the dress from your mom’s house the minute you found out. Since you didn’t, go get it asap. I would wonder if it’s even still there.
NTA. It beyond rude and they all should have known better.
NTA! I’d be upset too.
NTA
NTA, but your cousin is more than old enough to know better.
Ugh I hate those people.
“I did something I knew was wrong and now you’re making me feel bad about it by pointing it out”
Bitch I didn’t make you feel shit. You did it. You get the consequences. People like that can’t be blamed for anything, it’s never their responsibility.
I think that I would be upset about it too. NTA.
Wow . Some people have a lot of nerve and it seems like your family has an over abundance of it . Your mother , aunt and cousin are definitely the assholes Your mom deserves the 1st place prize just for the fact alone that she tried to shift the blame . The tears were just for show btw to deflect that she been caught out . You must be a very kind and mature person because there is now way I’d would’ve have been content with a simple apology from your aunt . Btw Congratulations on the wedding and I hope your honeymoon is fabulous ❤️
Nta. These people, including the adult cousin, all went behind your back and are trying to blame you.
You need boundaries
NTA
I would have deleted the photos and demanded she delete any she had. I also would have asked if they didn’t believe in curses? She’ll never be married now terrible luck to try on someone else’s wedding gown etc. NTA
NTA, did you find out if she put on the dress before or after your wedding?
NTA Your family obviously has no problem doing things that they know will
upset you as long as you don’t find out. When your cousin gets married,
be sure to get access to her dress and try it on, take a picture. You’ll
see then who gets upset.
Why would someone be shameless enough to try on someone else’s wedding dress? You should be angry with all of them.
NTA
People when they get caught for their shitty behavior try and fling the shit around as much as possible so everybody’s dirtier than they are.
In my neck of the woods(Canada), it’s still considered bad luck for the marriage for anyone but the bride to wear the dress just before the wedding.
NTA. No one should be helping themselves to anything of yours without asking first. This is considered common courtesy, or at least was before the ‘I era’ came knocking.
NTA
>accused me of being a AH for making them feel so bad
DARVO at its best.
If you haven’t already, get the dress back from your mom. This kind of delulu is not to be trusted.
>accused me of being a AH for making them feel so bad about it.
I mean they wouldn’t feel bad if they’d done nothing wrong…. They’re only upset they got caught.
You are definitely NTA. They could have asked first.