#TherapyAdvice #MentalHealth #SelfImprovement
Hey there, fellow men who have therapists! I know that seeking therapy and opening up about our emotions can feel like a daunting task, but let me tell you, it’s worth it. I’ve been seeing a therapist for a while now, and I’ve received some incredibly beneficial advice that I couldn’t have worked out on my own.
One of the most valuable pieces of advice I’ve received from therapy is the importance of setting boundaries. As a man, I’ve always felt the pressure to be strong and stoic, never showing any vulnerability. But my therapist helped me realize that it’s okay to say no, to put myself first, and to establish boundaries with others. 🚫 This was a game-changer for me, as I had never really considered the impact that not setting boundaries was having on my mental health and relationships.
Another piece of advice that I found incredibly helpful was the concept of reframing negative thoughts. My therapist taught me how to challenge and reframe my negative thinking patterns, and it’s made a world of difference. For example, if I catch myself thinking “I’m not good enough,” I now have the tools to reframe that thought into something more positive and empowering, like “I am capable and deserving of success.” It takes practice, but it has helped me cultivate a more optimistic outlook on life. 🌟
Therapy has also taught me the art of communication. I’ve always struggled with expressing my emotions in a healthy and constructive way, often resorting to bottling them up or lashing out. My therapist has coached me on effective communication techniques, such as using “I” statements and active listening. These skills have improved my relationships with others and have helped me navigate conflict in a much more productive manner. 🗣️
Another invaluable lesson I learned in therapy is the importance of self-care. As men, we often neglect our own well-being in favor of tending to the needs of others. My therapist stressed the importance of prioritizing self-care activities, whether it’s exercising, meditating, or simply taking time for myself. This has been a game-changer for my mental health, as dedicating time to self-care has helped me recenter and recharge. 🧘♂️
Furthermore, therapy has given me the space to explore and understand my own emotions. Growing up, I was conditioned to suppress my feelings and put on a tough exterior. However, my therapist has helped me unpack and process my emotions in a healthy way. This has translated into a greater sense of self-awareness and emotional intelligence, ultimately leading to more fulfilling relationships and a greater sense of inner peace. 🧠
Overall, therapy has provided me with a myriad of valuable insights and tools that have enhanced my overall well-being. From setting boundaries to reframing negative thoughts, to improving communication and prioritizing self-care, the advice I’ve received in therapy has been truly transformative. I believe that seeking therapy and being open to receiving guidance can be incredibly beneficial for any man, regardless of the societal stigmas surrounding mental health. So fellow men, don’t be afraid to seek help and embrace the support that therapy can provide. You deserve to live a fulfilling and mentally healthy life. 💪🧡
In conclusion, the beneficial advice I’ve received from therapy is something I couldn’t have worked out on my own. The understanding, guidance, and support of a therapist have been instrumental in my personal growth and well-being. So, if you’re a man who’s considering therapy or feeling hesitant about it, I encourage you to take that step. It’s okay to ask for help, and the positive impact of therapy is truly invaluable. You’ve got this! 🌈
A couple of therapists that I saw with my ex wife helped me to understand that I needed to leave the marriage and what I needed to look for in my next partner and I think also how to be a better partner.
1) you don’t need to justify your feelings
2) people are going to have their own feelings and it’s not your fault
He helped teach me some strategies for dealing with triggers for my PTSD as well as helping me reach a point where I could stop reliving the experience constantly (to the point where I couldn’t fall asleep without alcohol or staying up so late that I passed out and started losing track of days)
Heartbreak led me to therapy. When I saw my ex get the same thing done to her, that she did to me, I laughed at her sorrow. I expressed that I felt bad for laughing and my therapist said “It doesn’t matter why you’re happy or what made you happy. What matters is you felt happiness”
On my relationship with my abusive father: “Don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from”
The big ones so far:
1. Forgive your past self and treat him with compassion.
2. Heal your relationship with femininity and see the good in femininity because you will be unable to trust either women or the feminine elements of your own personality if you don’t.
3. Trust your own morals and competence.
It’s not like a one thing, it’s a lot of things. Therapy for my life in track. I was failing out of university, depressed and suicidal. I’m making 6 figures, happily married, successful.
The biggest thing you learn is how to communicate and be emotionally vulnerable
I’ve been in therapy for about six months. My wife had cancer, now she’s passed away.
It’s not one specific thing that I get out of therapy. It’s more like an opportunity to work things out myself by the therapist asking me questions and helping me figure out what I’m feeling.
I had a few therapists. My favorite one would just tell me “who cares?”. I was really caught up in feeling like a bad person. In reality, I was attacking myself for no reason.
She would tell me stuff like. “I don’t think you are, but let’s say hypothetically that you are this bad person. Well, who cares?”. Her thing was like, life goes on. We put unnecessary stress on ourselves.nobody is thinking about you as much as you’re thinking about you. So just stop giving a fuck.
I had a pretty traumatic year last year (I actually didn’t think it affected me as much). I had to stand up to a “bully” in my life in court and I was holding a lot of hurt with this. And that hurt manifested itself into anger, anxiety, panic attacks, etc. I did a form of EMDR therapy recently and from that moment, I’m much more laid back, relaxed, and feel physically and mentally better. It was amazing.
I’m still not done because we are unpacking a few more things. But without therapy, I wouldn’t have been able to identify feelings and issues without her input. I usually just try to bury feelings, but this has kinda released those feelings so I don’t even have to bury them anymore.
You need to stop being angry at your parents and realize they did the best they could and what they were capable of
It’s a personal thing, but having someone to talk to about anything is worth the money. You can work out shit on your own, but it’s the hard way. Like someone not learning from history.
I did not realize that some of the things that happened to me when I was a kid had shaped the way I was interacting with the world.
Helps me frame things in my mind in a healthier way. I try to work on being more gentle with myself.
Also landed in therapy because of heartbreak and the therapist has said things about the chemistry of falling in love and some other things that I think helped take away some of the rose lenses when looking back on the relationship. And honestly, sometimes it just feels good to talk at someone for an hour a week about why I’m still sad about it and not feel like I’m burdening my friends or being annoying.
A communication style is a way to describe the different ways people communicate. There are four main communication styles: passive communication, aggressive communication, passive-aggressive communication, and assertive communication.
Probably the only useful thing I heard that I hadn’t figured out on my own was about how other people’s reactions to us is just information. It might be something we did, it might be all in their court, but it’s just information.
1. My job was making me miserable. I was too busy to notice. I was sucking it up while working on that next promotion after my boss retired.
2. I had already lost my wife and family. Was working too hard to provide to even notice.
3. Wife refused to come with me. Not a good sign.
If you think therapy is just advice, then you aren’t doing therapy right.
That I’m worthy of love. That’s im allowed to feel safe and loved, and that I can nuture and love myself too
How to discuss emotional issues with important people in my life. I grew up in closed off family that never discussed anything related to our feelings.
I have put everything out there with my therapist. Why shouldn’t I do the same for the people that are important in my life? I can have circles of trust and it’s okay to be vulnerable with people who are in that inner circle.
It’s about perspective for me and an impartial viewpoint. My friends are 100% on my team but sometimes you need to hear a different opinion from someone not prejudiced by loyalty. It isn’t always comfortable and no major revelations happen in the room with the therapist for me, usually after I’ve had some time to reflect on what we have discussed. Early in my process, I did not enjoy my time in the room, but now I only go when I can’t get past something.
It wasn’t as much about advice as it was someone outside my circle to talk to. Got hit with a big job change, stroke, my dad dying and Covid in a three month period. I wasn’t suicidal but didn’t care about life. Would have willingly sacrificed myself for any good cause at that point. It’s not uncommon for stroke patients to have depression and I felt a bit punched around at the time.
We couldn’t have in person sessions because of covid but I talked to her once a month for six months and came out of it in August finally. Highly recommend therapy for that totally independent ear.
I’m constantly told by my therapist that I need to be more compassionate with myself. That usually means being honest with and forgiving myself when things get difficult. But more than that, he has a way of reiterating things that I tell him in ways that help me to see my own thoughts and experiences in new ways. It’s a skill I wish I had.
I can pinpoint and label my emotions. I used to get overwhelmed by emotion and I could never express how I truly felt. Now I can say *exactly* what emotion I am feeling and *why* and then begin to work to resolve the underlying issue to those emotions.
I’m just now beginning to work through childhood trauma that have transferred into adulthood.
I’ve been going to the same therapist weekly for 7 years and have no intention of stopping anytime in the near future. It’s my favorite day of the week. I’m open to answer any questions for anyone that may have any.
Sometimes therapy isn’t hearing someone else’s take. It’s hearing you say everything you got going on while someone with no stake in your issues listens with no inputs. Hearing me say what I’m thinking has helped me figure so serious things out immensely
Two opposing viewpoints can be true at the same time.
I was a victim of domestic violence.
Although advice is part of it, to me the real benefit has been in realizing my self worth, identifying relationships that aren’t healthy for me, and getting the skills necessary for expressing myself – both in the moment as well as expressing my feelings.
The only thing I feel is a problem now is I feel I’m better at all this than most. It’s a problem when it comes to dealing with narcissists, both on an interpersonal level as well as how to handle them in group contexts.
My life coach, said I should try one of three answers to any given situation. “So what” “Why not” “Hmm, interesting” it’s been amusing to fit them into certain invitations. I was asked in person if I wanted to come to a lady I know’s wedding, and I picked ” Hmm interesting” while hesitating to figure out if I wanted to follow up with a yes or no, to join her and my elementary school bully’s wedding and it prompted her to say ” what you think it won’t last??” So that sparked a long interesting conversation.
I initially thought I picked wrong when a girl asked me “would you like to see ‘After everything’ with me?” I said “Why not”(didn’t know what it was) and then half way through the movie she said,”thanks for being here, there’s really not many guys in here” and I was like “Hmm interesting” and before I could come with an evasive comment “oh you like this kind of movie? I’ll be sure to keep you in mind!” And then she grabbed my arm and rested her head on my shoulder. Well she needed it for sure she was going through some hard times. And I got to be a friend. So I’d stamp it a win-win.
I had a friend over with her dog, and the dog went rampart and knocked a plant over so there was soil on the floor. And I used “So what, it’s time I clean the floor anyway” She was so relieved for me not mentioning her precious. Cause dogs are like babies to many.
All in all I’ve avoided so much drama and automatic negative responses. Making the world a better place, and putting me in new situations🤣
Was bitching about how the wife did not appreciate the work and effort that went in to me building her a garden house.
That I did a lot of work for her.
Therapist: So you really appreciate when people do things for you as it shows they care?
Me: Yes.
Therapist: Others don’t all show love that way. Some show it through touch, through words of affirmation, through gifts, through spending time with you. These acts of service for you are the way you see love. Not the way everyone else sees loving behavior.
So you building the house is an act of service FOR her because you see that as an act of love. Because that is what you want to receive.
And you do these acts all of the time and are disappointed when others don’t love what you have done for them.
Meaning because of the way you show love, you are the best boyfriend for YOU.
Me: Well damn.
(Concepts above are the five love languages. Highly recommend. Helped show me what to give her to feel loved. Hint: it wasn’t a garden shed. )
My therapist helped me learn to identify and respect my emotions with more granularity: look up the emotions wheel, when you feel a type of way try to figure out which specific one applies to you. Better than “I feel shitty, i feel great”
Also, there aren’t good and bad emotions. Emotions are just signals to be listened to, considered, and possibly acted on. Some feel nice or not, but the emotions themselves are all “good” to us. Yes this includes despair and anxiety.
In a non-specific way, I used my therapist to break me from thoughts or beliefs I had that were incomplete, or actively detrimental to me. I’d go in with a “so i’ve gotten to this point with this using my own self reflection, what do you think?” mentality. She’d check me occasionally, and validate me sometimes too.
Also, helped me realise something super important. “Mental Health” is often talked about in the context of poor mental health, symptoms of syndromes and illnesses and disorders, but I had no idea what being healthy looked like (problems from a young age, parents not fantastic themselves). We spent a session just outlining some aspects of good mental health. So that would be resilience and a large capacity for new stress (straws breaking the camels back becoming far more rare), comfort with uncomfortable emotions (feeling anxiety itself isn’t anxiety-inducing, no panic over grieving, or other “bad” emotions knowing they’ll sort themselves out), a little bit about what self respect and self worth look like and how to develop those (keeping promises to yourself, setting clear boundaries etc.)
Also generally good therapy doesn’t seem to me to be like… being handed good advice. For me it was just guiding me along in figuring my shit out, but providing me resources that otherwise would have taken me forever to find myself. I got a few book recs, additional psychology info, and someone more informed than me to talk through my perspectives and ideas with. And someone who wouldn’t act like I’m crazy when I talk about some difficult to explain experiences, including things like “I understand this idea rationally and believe it, but I don’t actually _feel_ it and _really_ believe it deep down,” or some more sort of metaphysical ideas about my own relationship with reality.
Truly understanding the concept of ‘your mindset determines your reality’ like if you think about something negatively/positively and how that sets up the following thoughts and your overall mood.
I thought I did until we really got into the topic one day. She helped me see how my anxiety was dictating things to myself and setting me up for failure before anything else was happening. And then how to reframe several situations I was having a hard time with at the time. I still worry endlessly at times. But I am able to catch myself and lean towards more neutral or even positive reasoning instead of straight up doom and gloom.
Example in a session was I was really worried about getting my (earned) benefits for my current position. They never enrolled me and I started overnights so I stopped seeing the main office people as they worked 8-5. Switched because of my ride situation (lost my vehicle a month after surgery) and had a lot of health problems (cancer, treatment, chemo side effect hell) and some coworkers really took offense to my being barely functional for a few months during this time. I knew I was doing better again and my actual bosses were so cool and supportive though. They said someone should have evaluated me sooner and they apologized profusely. My evaluation was excellent they saw the effort I was putting in and it went in my file along with my otherwise very positive ones from years prior. I was **so worried** for weeks and they basically told me within a minute that it was all but a lock for yes and then praised me quite a bit.
Why was I so worried? I knew I was doing great and they confirmed that I was and fixed the issue immediately. Worried myself for nothing, downplayed my own abilities and effort, and let the perception of those who didn’t matter or have the authority todo anything greatly impact my day to day life for a bit there. If I stuck to what I knew was accurate I wouldn’t have worried at all. Opened up my perspective on so many other things as well. I’m a different/happier person because of that one session showing me how I was setting myself up to fail in those other areas.