#ToxicRelationship #MovingOn #SelfLove
Are you someone who has ever been in a toxic relationship? If so, you may relate to the feeling of looking back and cringing at the moments of disrespect that you tolerated. It’s natural to feel emotional and reflect on those moments, especially when you’re on the path of moving on and finding self-love. 🚫💔
In this article, we’ll dive into the topic of toxic relationships, the moments of disrespect that often occur, and how to move forward from them. So, if you’re ready to let go of the BS and focus on your own happiness, keep on reading!
Understanding Toxic Relationships
Before we talk about the moments of disrespect, let’s first understand what a toxic relationship actually is. A toxic relationship is one that is emotionally, mentally, or physically damaging to one or both parties involved. It can involve manipulation, lack of respect, and constant negativity. Some common signs of a toxic relationship include:
– Constant arguing and conflicts
– Lack of trust and support
– Feeling drained and unhappy
– Control and manipulation
– Disrespectful behavior
Moments of Disrespect in Toxic Relationships
Now, let’s address the moments of disrespect that often occur in toxic relationships. These moments can be incredibly hurtful and can leave a lasting impact on one’s emotional well-being. Some examples of moments of disrespect in a toxic relationship include:
1. Belittling and demeaning comments
2. Ignoring or invalidating your feelings
3. Cheating or infidelity
4. Controlling behavior
5. Physical or emotional abuse
6. Gaslighting and manipulation
Reflecting on these moments can bring up a lot of emotions, but it’s important to remember that you are not defined by the disrespect you tolerated in the past. Moving forward is possible, and it starts with recognizing your worth and value.
Moving Forward and Finding Self-Love
So, how do you move forward from the moments of disrespect and find self-love? Here are some tips to help you on your journey:
1. Recognize your worth: You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. Remind yourself of your value and worth, and don’t settle for anything less.
2. Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries in your relationships and be firm in enforcing them. Don’t be afraid to walk away from anyone who disrespects your boundaries.
3. Surround yourself with positivity: Seek out supportive and loving people who uplift you and make you feel good about yourself. Cut ties with anyone who brings negativity into your life.
4. Practice self-care: Take care of yourself both mentally and physically. Engage in activities that bring you joy and make you feel confident and empowered.
5. Seek professional help: If you’re struggling to move on from a toxic relationship, consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor. They can provide guidance and support as you heal from the past.
At the end of the day, moving on from a toxic relationship and finding self-love is a journey that takes time and patience. But with the right mindset and support system, it’s absolutely possible. Remember, you are worthy of love and respect, and you deserve to be in healthy, positive relationships.
In conclusion, the moments of disrespect in a toxic relationship are painful to look back on, but they don’t define your worth. By recognizing your value and taking steps to move forward, you can find self-love and happiness. So, if you’re ready to let go of the BS and focus on your own well-being, remember that you are not alone on this journey. Stay strong and never settle for anything less than the love and respect you deserve. 🌟 #SelfLove #MovingOn #HealthyRelationships
When your partner ever calls you disgusting for whatever reason, leave. I didn’t and it still haunts me.
That idiot took my car to buy drugs, got arrested, my car got impounded, and I had to pay to get it out of the impound lot. And then it happened again! I was such a naive young person.
My first marriage ended when he hit me using a pool cue stick like a baseball bat. I called the cops and his arrest created enough time to leave. I could see it coming for some time and ignored it. After that, I did not ignore stuff.
I had surgery and he screamed at me in the car on the way home because he thought I was deleting things on my phone. I’d just had an organ removed from my body and he was screaming at me. I had the realization that a stranger on the street would have been kinder to me than the person who had vowed to love me and care for me in sickness and health.
I could spend days listing out all the horrible things said/done to me. My warning to all the other girls out there that I wish I would’ve listened to…
* If he ever throws something you told him in confidence back in your face to hurt you, run.
* If he ever implies that he’s better than you or above you, run.
* If he ever lies to you, gaslights you, or twists your words, run.
* If he ever purposefully tries to hurt you, scare you, or intimidate you, run.
* If he has a problems with several of the people in your life for no particular reason, run.
* If he throws accusations at you constantly, run.
* If he disrespects, belittles, or mocks you in any way, for any reason, at ANY point in the relationship, run.
* If he ever tries to leave, hold the door for him. Do not *ever* beg a man (or anyone) to stay. Ew.
– every single time I overlooked his misogynistic mindset
– slamming his wall while angry and making it my fault
– when he tried to convince me that practicing feederism is acceptable
– when he refused to seek help for his mental health issues
He slowly killed my sparkle. It came back as soon as I finally went no-contact 💖
When he gave me the silent treatment for a full day because I had gained 3lb.
When he told me I’m a pain in the ass to work with.
Everytime he yelled and accused me of ruining his day/ vacation/ special occasion because I had “started an argument” (by trying to stand up for myself, express feelings, or set boundaries).
When he accused me of emotional manipulation, just because I was explaining how something he said had hurt me. It made him feel guilty, like he “couldn’t be himself”. Oh my God.
Edit: forgot one. When he would tell me not to tell anyone about any of the above. Felt like barring me from having a support system.
Dude insulted my vagina during sex. Wild behavior.
I am toxic too, but constantly having to remind him to have basic needs yet. Small favors (like taking out the trash) never happening. Never being heard. The trash thing was final straw.
I allowed him to torture me on my birthday for the last 6 years of our marriage. He knew I was scared of heights. And he would purposely take me to the highest foot bridges or other high places, on my birthday. Sometimes with friends there to see me freak out. And I let him do it, just so I could get a steak dinner. It was the only time of year I got a steak really.
There are many more things that I allowed him to do, all for the sake of feeling loved.
When he would constantly tell me he’s so glad he met me because I’m not a gold digger like those other girls. It was hilarious because he had no gold to steal. He was an unemployed jerk
I was in a long-distance friendship (situationship, really, but I hate that word) with a guy who would repeatedly make plans to call me, proceed to never actually call me (and waste the time I carved out for the call,) and then never even acknowledge he didn’t follow through. He was also the type to always take 3-5 days to respond to texts. He would, however, suddenly blow up my phone and have all the time in the world to text and check in on me when he sensed I was getting distant and ready to cut off the BS. I fell for it every time, and this is why it went on for as long as it did, 9-ish months. My final straw was an ignored planned call we were supposed to have just last week. Nothing special about it, I just finally realized the huge discrepancy between his future-faking words and actions. How can you text me begging me to move by you and then treat me like this?
I have a feeling that I was supposed to be the backup option for whatever he has going on close to him. No thanks.
When he lost his shit at me for not paying enough attention to him. My father had just died.
In a split second I suddenly realized that he’d spent the past two years emotionally abusing me and I just…went along with it. And God, was I embarrassed. I ended it right then and there.
The insults and the “accidental” physical aggression. He would hit me a lot, but it was always under the guise of “Oops! I didn’t mean to do that!” And I actually believed that for a long time, but after so many “accidents” you eventually start to realize its 100% intentional.
Tbh, what gets under my skin more is the fact that nobody believed me when I finally understood what was happening. Everyone thought I was just a bitter ex (I dumped him so I honestly don’t even know why anyone came to this conclusion), but then they did believe me – AFTER he did it to someone else.
Edit, I remembered more lmao: He shattered my phones screen protector by throwing it at the floor because he thought I was cheating on him when I got a phone call – it was my mother
I have no idea what he said to his therapist, but he managed to convince them that I had BPD. He brought home a little booklet for advice on what to do when dating someone with BPD – I read more of it than he ever did. (MY therapist also laughed and said there is absolutely no way I have BPD when I asked her about it)
I can guarantee there’s more, but I was 15 and don’t remember much else of it.
I’m literally journaling about this right now, so I’m going to write what I’m realizing—Maybe I’m being overly sensitive, but if she’s going to vent to me about how toxic and horrible her ex was, then I drive seven hours to see her for our first long-term visit (we were long distance), it feels like she could have the decency to at least mute her ex’s texts. She was driving me all over town, and had her phone up to use maps, and I kept seeing her ex’s name pop up in the notifications. She was texting a lot when she wasn’t driving, too, and although I didn’t look, I’m guessing a lot of it was to her ex.
At the time I tried to talk myself out of making a big deal about it. They were in the same cohort in school, so maybe her ex was just talking to her about something relevant to that. Wouldn’t it be controlling for me to demand that she not text her? There was probably an innocent explanation for it.
I don’t consider it cheating, because we hadn’t discussed exclusivity at that point. But it felt really inconsiderate of me and my feelings to be openly texting and communicating with this other girl that she’d told me was just *so* horrible to her, but apparently not horrible enough for them to stop talking. And it became more and more clear to me that she wasn’t over her ex, that she hadn’t resolved those feelings, and that she was using me as an emotional surrogate for her.
The one who said “we should sit down and list what annoys us about the other person”. Okay.
He filled one and a half pages of A4. I sat and listened to every single complaint, a full on character assassination.
Then it was my turn. No, he didn’t have time. Some other time. Which never came of course.
When he said he hoped my mother would get cancer. When he got angry at a family dinner because my will wasn’t in his favour (we had only been together a few months). When he would stick his foot out on purpose so my poor little old nearly blind dog would walk into it and yelp, and he would smile. We argued all the fucking time about how nasty he was to my dogs. It took me far to long to persuade him to leave me the fuck alone.
I let him mock me about my interests and what I ate and music I liked. I cringe at myself for even allowing it. How could I have been so blind. I also thought I was just dating an idiot. Now I realize he was a real life troll. He also claimed I was a baby 18/7 and claimed everything I did was baby.
– Giving him a second chance after he cheated. Even after he denied the screenshots I was sent.
– Calling me disgusting
– Saying I was a whore (even though he was the one who had cheated
– After I brought up my issues about the other women, he said “do you keep bringing them up because you can’t accept they’re better than you?”
– When I had expressed interest in modeling he said “are you doing that for attention”
– He kept seeing this one girl even though we had discussed that if we wanted to get back together we had to work on things together and not involve other people. I held up my end of the agreement and he didn’t.
– He yelled at me in front of his friends
– He could rarely be bothered to pick me up or invite me to hang outs even when we lived 15 minutes away from each other
– Put his hands on my neck during an argument
– Kicked me off his bed during a minor disagreement that escalated
– Told a friend (his friend first so I’m not surprised) a very one sided story about what happened to us, glorifying how he cheated then “apologized”, painting himself as some sort of self righteous reformed man. Then that cunt believed him
– another thing he said after he cheated “we wouldn’t have gotten to this point if it weren’t for your x, y, z shortcomings” as if there was any excuse for cheating
Him forgetting to delete tinder constantly
– Threatening self harm as a form of manipulation. This plays on a caretaker personality and made me think something far worse could happen to them if I left.
– Calling in to work when you have a night with the girls so he can follow you around “discreetly” because they were “worried for your safety” then confront you the moment they see you talk to someone that isn’t one of the girls they know.
– “You’re not like other women your age.” X€
– Inviting you to a friends or coworkers gathering pretty much exclusively to be arm candy / bragging rights. 10x worse when they get mad or make fun of you for speaking up or asking a “dumb” question.
– Telling you to change your outfit or hair or makeup because you’re “too pretty” then getting really protective and/insecure if someone even looks your direction.
– Giving you an ultimatum between them and your friend, then following that up with demanding details of every interaction you have with anyone and accusing you of things that didn’t happen.
– Getting drunk caused conflict and near breakups every time, all based on personal insecurities or intrusive thoughts.
I’m a minority in the country I live in, he is from there. There was a terrorist attack in the city, he looked at me the next day and asked what I was doing last night around that time( with a wink). He then went on a racist rant about my people.
And I… Well just didn’t want to believe he was serious really. It tunes out he was. He was a racist.
Another time we were having an argument and he just called me stupid in front of our friends. And I just didn’t respond.
He stopped holding my hand ( I believe he didn’t want to be seen with me anymore) when I asked why he blamed my hand creme and I believed him.
I had dared to put 1lb on since I last saw him. He told me if I wanted to put weight on, that was fine but he might not find me attractive if it keeps happening. That comment was the beginning of the end.
However the hardest one was a situationshipin my 20s. It was off n on for 2 years. I absolutely adored him. However he was txting my friend behind my back asking for them to meet. I only no this cause she took delight in telling me. I asked her not to reply, however as he worked at our gym she said it helped to have friends in places in case you need them (she’s no longer a friend for other reasons). He also kissed a girl in front of me, his excuse was that he didn’t want to upset her. I accepted all of this, it makes me sad I tolerated it. It only ended when he got some random girl pregnant, they now have a big family together. However with him I learnt a big lesson in you go by what people do not what they say they will do.
I was giving him head once and he said “this is better than the girl at the titty bar”. Makes me so fucking disgusting now but it still somehow makes my stomach sink. Like why is that what you were thinking of in that moment, and who the hell thinks to vocalize it??? I wish it didn’t take two years of my life to realize I’m so much better off alone than with him
Him talking about his ex soooo much in the beginning. Like he brought up his ex once a day. ICK. I don’t know why I ignored that major red flag. Even after I told him I didn’t like how much he brought her up it was hard for him to stop.
Him texting his ex and for some reason I saw a message from her on his phone the day after Valentine’s Day? Like what? He said I could read the messages but I chose not to. So I don’t know if it was anything to worry about but I still think it’s weird.
Him neglecting me and me trying harder to get his attention, yikes.
He always fucked me and never loved me, aftercare was a chore for him and it basically consisted of him laying there like a dead person and me cuddling him.
Him jumping out of bed the minute sex was over, getting on his computer and watching 40 episodes back to back of Skipidi toilet… this man is 28 years old.
Going on his phone right after sex, once even texting his group chat while he’s still cleaning himself up.
Gave the dogs more love and attention than he gave me. I would come out of the bedroom in the morning, he wouldn’t even look up from his phone or acknowledge me. The dogs followed behind me and suddenly he’s saying good morning to them, giving them kisses on the head, and lots of pets. That really damaged my self esteem lol.
I was on a trip of the adventure variety (planned and booked before we got together, so he wasn’t there). Things went wrong, and I almost died. He didn’t speak to me for days. When I confronted him about it he said he thought I’d want space???
But that wasn’t enough! I didn’t break up with him for another three months. When I did it was because he was unreachable on a Friday night and when I said that made me uncomfortable he basically told me to go fuck myself.
So much other shit led up to that point. So many times I should have ended it. But at least I finally did.
When he spit in my face.
We were both still teens, but when he would beg/emotionally blackmail me into having sex because “why don’t you want to do it anymore? you used to enjoy it so much! it’s been so long since we’ve done it!” and I’d just give in cause I knew it’d be quick and then I could just have fun doing whatever I wanted in the computer while he napped afterwards.
Oh my goodness. My teenage relationship has countless stories like that. If I could travel back in time, I‘m not sure which one of us I‘d slap first.
The thing I judge myself most for was the very last bout of bullshit I participated in. This guy and I had been in a crap show of a relationship for 4 years at this point. He’d cheated, called me all kinds of names, and treated me like stuff stuck on his shoe for the duration of that relationship, which idiot teenage me had interpreter as tortured, dramatic ✨„he can’t even let me love him because he’s afraid of getting hurt/hurting me“✨ love.
Finally, the prize had gotten himself on probation for burglary (yes, yes, I know) and was ordered to pay the court x amount of fines each month or scadaddle to jail. To that end, he’d gotten a job, that he’d promptly gotten fired from after „going off“ on his boss. This was right around Christmas.
So I *pawned* family heirlooms I had just gotten for Christmas two days earlier to help him pay for his fucking court fees. To thank me, he drove me to the nearest bus station, so I could get myself home. When it was time for me to go back to campus a week later, he couldn’t even be bothered to come see me to say goodbye. Literally didn’t give the faintest shit about me and I pawned valuables for him, for what exact amount of money I‘ve successfully repressed. Doesn’t change that I could strangle myself whenever I think back to that though.
It started out really small, like criticizing the way I rolled the toothpaste. Then, it got more frequent, with absolutely any fucking thing.
I totally missed those red flags because I grew up in a nasty household.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
He criticized where I worked. It never ended. He isolated me from almost everyone.
He coerced me into sex several times a day, for years.
We had a child. He was jealous of his child. He deeply resented the time I spent breastfeeding and caring for our child.
The last thing he said that sealed the deal for me was that he would kick out our child when they reached their 18th birthday.
It will be 13 years this year on April Fool’s Day that we left that absolute piece of shit.
We are thriving. 😁
When he said, “What are you gonna do about it? Nothing. So shut up. I can do whatever I want to you and you’ll never leave.”
How amazing it would’ve been if I could’ve just left right then and there. But I had already been in for 7 years and it took another 6 months after that point to finally leave for good.
He used to try to manipulate me on distancing myself from my family. He said shit about my appearance and mental health too, but when he talked shit about my parents and brother, it hurt a lot. I knew I needed to get out but the fear of being alone and wondering if this is as good as i’m getting got to me. I also didn’t want to hurt him.. i know im dumb.
As a first anniversary wedding gift I did a boudoir photo shoot, he had two weeks to choose 10 for a little black book, and he never did. I ended up choosing my favourites on the last day. He also went weeks without initiating any conversation with me.
ALL OF IT. The gaslighting, his laziness, his ego, the road rage, the comments about other women, the pressure to have sex, the drinking and drug use, the cheating, the screaming matches. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?!
I’m so proud of the person I have become now but the shame of tolerating that relationship for as long as I did still eats me up. It was like deep down I knew from the beginning that the whole thing was toxic but I was so naive and insecure that I stuck around and convinced myself that it was great and one day he’d wake up and magically not be an abusive piece of shit anymore.
Them complaining to their friends about me but not communicating his problems with me. The pain from betrayal of them allowing their friends to talk trash about me, that’s deep.
My last straw was we were on vacation with a bunch of our friends. Like 18 people including kids. Every day we would have our beach chairs set up in a circle at the beach and for the most part we all sat in the same places. I would of course take me and the kids and all our stuff down and he would saunter down later when he felt like it. 2 of his close friends were sitting in chairs together and the third was where he was sitting most of the week. Our other friend and neighbor who has always been the most helpful, kind person had walked over and was just sitting there talking to the other two guys. No big deal. We’d been there for an hour already. Ex walks up, pushes the back of the chair and says “Get the f*** out of my chair”. Neighbor gets up and the entire group just looked at him like wtf? I was mortified. I realized that he was a horrible person and I decided right then and there I would get out before I had to take another vacation ever with that man. Believe me, a lot led up to that but that singular moment was it for me. It took me about 6 months to get my ducks in a row and finally boot him out after 18 years.
Oh, when he told me my scars from life saving surgery were gross.
Oooo I have a few
– bailing on helping me move house (after I had surgery) to hold a poker night
– getting bored while I was having an abortion in his bed so he just HAD to go play golf
– another guy used to whisper creepy shit in my ear as I was trying to fall asleep. 3 weeks in and he’s whispering how he’s going to marry me and be with me forever
He choked me till I passed out. When I woke up I didn’t know what was happening then when I did I begged him to stop. He was mad that I passed out and hit my face so he started kicking me. I went to block a kick and he broke my thumb which is when he stopped. I see black spots in my vision every day as a reminder of that. I stayed with him for 5 more years – why? I am still so mad at myself for staying and putting up with him.
I had literally just learned that my friend had died from an OD and instead of comforting me, consoling me or even giving me a hug, he went on a long loud tangent how everyone dies and he has no sympathy for people who OD because they did it to themselves.
That’s the moment I should have ran. It did not get any better from there.
first, he wouldn’t pick me up to take us to prom. and despite it being in april, we had a freak blizzard the whole day of prom (love the midwest), but he made me drive over an hour in the snow and traffic to come get him, took no pictures, and wanted to leave early because he was tired of me wanting to hang out and dance with my friends. then the couple weeks leading up to my graduation, he swore he would come and watch me walk with my family, we even saved him a ticket when i could’ve invited someone else from my family or friends. the day of, 10 minutes before my whole class was set to go on stage and begin the ceremony he texted me he was “sorry” but not willing to come and sit with my parents because he didn’t agree with them/didn’t like them, and didn’t want to waste his day because he made other plans. the only reason i went to break up with him in person instead of right there over text was because i had a bunch of my things at his house, and i wanted to say goodbye to his mom and sister.
Hm chocking me with a belt. I still can’t believe I stayed as long as I did
His childhood best friend was having his bachelor party the same weekend as my birthday..my ex asked me if it was okay if he went, I tried to tell him obviously it’s the day of my birthday and no, I don’t want you to go. But I also felt guilty and didn’t want him missing out, so he went. Looking back at that, the fact that he was even questioning whether it was okay or not, is a huge issue for me, I would’ve never done that to him. I also hurt my back at the gym once and was having a severe muscle spasm, it hurt to walk and I couldn’t even sit or lay down…I had to beg him to take me to the hospital. He was so annoyed that I “over did it” when it was literally just one wrong movement and my back was out. I’d dealt with this issue for years before that and it’s been an ongoing thing still 3 years later. It wasn’t like I did it on purpose, but he treated it like I did it purposely and I was being such an inconvenience asking him to take his FIANCÉE to the hospital.
I wish I could say it was when he kicked me down the stairs, but it was about 9 months after that. We were at a friends’, Eurovision night, drinking. He turns, threatens to leave me stranded without a ride when the night is over. I’m 95% done with his shit, so I say whatever and go back inside my friend’s house. He loses it, using garden equipment to tie ligatures, threatening me, all of us. We call the police, they complete a domestic violence screening with me – I think it was this assessment, more than anything, that woke me up. He wasn’t particularly abusive towards me but neglectful. This could not be my life. I called my mum, semi-drunk, crying. I knew I was done. I left him, and never ever ever regretted it for a single second. I should never have married him, but that’s another story.