#BenchwarmerBlues vs #ChosenOneFeels – Ever wondered what it’s like to warm the bench or be the star player? Are you living the #benchwarmerlife or are you basking in the glory of being the chosen one? 🤔 I’m curious to know how each role feels like from firsthand experiences! Have you ever felt overlooked on the sidelines or embraced as the MVP on the field? Share your stories and let’s explore the contrasting emotions together! 🏀⚽️🏆 #SportsEmotions #TeamSpirit #JoinTheConversation
No… Say even if a guy sees me as that, I’m secure and confident enough in myself to know that’s not how he’s going to see me for long if he’s got a half decent brain (which, if I’m interested in him… should/would generally be the case).
May I comment as a male?
I was in a relationship with a women who had a lot of trauma. Her previous relationship was very abusive. Now, what I had come to realize was she likes that sort of “drama”. I was the safe bet because I wasn’t the dude who was covered in tattoos and had a beard (I’m a thin dude who due to being in the military, had to be clean shaven, and because I ran a lot and did PT I was always around 155-165lbs). I did not fit what I would call her regular type. However? Because I was “normal” I feel like she gave me a shot.
I tried to make it work, being attentive. I knew the writing was on the wall eventually, but the sex was absolutely wild (like porn worthy). Head was daily, non stop (tmi I know but as a guy….i mean come on lol).
Eventually it came to a boil, she just always felt emotionally absent, and I felt like I was boring because I don’t have drama, I’m not the guy she was dating before, even though he was emotionally and sometimes physically abusive.
However, got married a few years later, and my wife is my best friend. Sex is nothing like what it was, but at this point I really don’t care. We might do it once a month, but she’s lovely and I would never trade that for daily “brazzers” sessions….if I knew it was going to be another emotional roller coaster that literally made me numb and sad all the time.
I was the placeholder in my last relationship. I ended up leaving after 7 years for unrelated reasons. It didn’t really occur to me how bad it was until we weren’t together anymore.
Being a placeholder destroyed my self esteem for a long, long time. I still think it’s immensely cruel to string someone along in a relationship while you look for someone better.
Hurt. Showed up for him, but after that i was left to wait and told that I was not more of a priority than his friends. Something about his ex. Being told it was a chore to be with me after the break up. Yep, self-esteem is nowhere to be found
I’ve never been the chosen one. Benchwarmer? Placeholder? Yeah. It hurts.
Feels like shit & like ur only there cos the person they ACC wanted didnt workout. idk about being chosen cos I’ve never been that
Last relationship I was definitely the placeholder. No matter how hard I tried to make us work, he’d move the goal post and promise a fake future while never making any action himself for us to get there. If things didn’t work out, he’d blame me. Hell, he ruined the whole aspect of us and still has the audacity to play the victim. It hurts once the fog is really cleared to see how unloved and unwanted I really was.
Current relationship, I am put first and valued. Partner makes a point to validate me and show up for me as much as they can. We are in the talks about future plans and I see them active in making moves to get there. Its such a 180 and I’m obsessed with being loved by them
I refuse to be in a relationship where I am not his first and only choice. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to have someone who loves me and acts like it. I deserve to have someone who is there with me because he wants to be. It would be torture to know that I am in a relationship with someone who has a foot out the door or who isn’t working as hard as I am to make it work. I deserve to be his priority and have him make time for me without me having to ask. I always tell my partner that he isn’t tied up and the door is open for him to leave if he ever isn’t happy. If he ever meets someone else and he has doubt about us to just leave. If another woman can take his attention away from me then she can keep him. I don’t want him. I’ve never wanted to be the jealous person, the stressed person always looking around the corner making sure he is behaving. It’s not my job to make him behave. So don’t be the place holder. You deserve to be happy. Stop selling yourself short. There is someone out there for you but you will never find them if you’re in a relationship you know you are only waisting your time in. Don’t develop an ulcer, los self esteem and mental problems for someone who isn’t worth it. You deserve so much more.
I was a placeholder for my ex-husband, and he quickly married the woman he cheated on me with. He was very abusive in every sense to me. It took me years to realize I wasn’t the issue. When I met my now husband, he had been talking to another woman before we met. He broke things off with her to focus on me after our first date. I’ve been his top priority every since, and we are so happily married now. I feel like I’m one of the lucky ones to have found such a gem of a man. Don’t let someone who makes you an option be your priority.
I’ve only ever been the placeholder, that’s why I stopped dealing with straight men in every way 14 years ago. Why put myself through that again to be pushed aside when they found what they really wanted.
I recently ended things with a man because he made it clear he solely saw me as a placeholder. After going on a handful of dates over a period of time, I asked him where he stood in regards to us building a long-term, committed relationship, and he bluntly said that he didn’t see us working long-term, with a list of reasons as to why, but that he wanted to continue seeing me because he enjoyed my company, our conversation and the sex. Ngl, it made me feel like absolute shit lmao especially since I was open-minded to something more long-term. I ended things a couple days later after processing everything, and I’m thankful that we only went on a handful of dates and I asked sooner, rather than later.
I was the benchwarmer for a man I was thoroughly in love with and it was so bad that my brain had to basically trick itself with delusion at first. I couldn’t believe that I would ever be someones second choice/not wanted by someone who once pined for me lol but then you start to believe you are what he treats you like and my self esteem suffered greatly for a while. Being the “chosen one” with my now husband who actually sees me as his equal has been great as expected, no notes
We picked each other and made sure of it. Everyday we wake up and choose each other. We don’t need each other, but we WANT each other. We want to grow together. It’s great.
I believe people who have major self esteem issues are bound to fall in relationships where they get sidelined, abused or manipulated…for obvious reasons.
Nobody is perfect but at the very least, have some self respect so you don’t get treated like trash and have a backbone to stand up for yourself :’)
I’d never stay in a relationship that made me feel like that much less “the chosen one” 😭 who was i fighting with in the first place to be even considered that?!
About a decade ago I would have fought, and cried and pleaded to be moved from a placeholder to the chosen one, but the now-me knows better. There is a stark difference between both. Being a placeholder triggers the worst in you, makes you anxious, makes you question your worth, leaves you confused.
Being a chosen one, you feel understood, heard, seen, known, loved, cared for, adored, worshiped, all at the same time. It feels safe & secure. No anxiety, no confusion, no triggers.
Edit: spelling
I was a placeholder but I didn’t even know it lol