#WeddingDrama: AITA for suggesting a midnight cake surprise for grandma at my brother’s wedding?
So here’s the scoop, my brother and his fiancée are tying the knot on July 20th, but little did they remember that Grandma’s 80th birthday falls on July 21st. Cue the drama! Grandma, who comes from a long line of women who haven’t lived past 80, is all about celebrating this milestone.
I thought it would be a great idea to surprise her with a cake at midnight during the wedding reception. But things took a turn when my brother’s fiancée shot down the idea, calling me rude and selfish for interfering with her “special day”. Um, excuse me?
I tried to explain my side, emphasizing that it’s not just her day, it’s my brother’s day too. And let’s not forget, it’s grandma’s day as well. The tension escalated, and now my brother has shut down the conversation, claiming I overstepped my boundaries.
So, what do you think? Was I wrong to suggest the cake surprise, or was I just trying to make grandma’s day extra special? Let’s settle this once and for all. #AITA? 🎂✨
Would you have done the same in my shoes? Let’s hear your thoughts! 🤔🎉
Vote in the poll below and let’s see where the consensus lands! 👇🗳️
(Poll): Was OP wrong to suggest the midnight cake surprise at the wedding?
– Yes, it was out of line
– No, grandma deserved a special moment
Can’t wait to hear your opinions, let’s get this debate rolling! 🍰💫
NTA and good luck with the nightmare who is joining your family. Oof.
YTA
Jesus you and your family sound annoying. You are trying to hijack the wedding out of pure jealously. Your grandmother has already said what she wanted. You all need to listen for once.
NTA. Your kind, loving 80-year-old grandma, who has already expressed how this is a historic and meaningful moment for her, is more important than your entitled SIL who would already have a full day of attention under her belt by then.
Go ahead and plan for lovely festivities with your grandma and her family without SIL or your brother. She outright declared war on the people financing her wedding and who are important to her husband, so all bets are off.
NTA but your spineless brother sure as fuck is.
YTA
It’s a nice sentiment but it’s not your party so you don’t get a say if your idea is ultimately turned down.
Your brother made his choice as well.
You’re not TA for suggesting it, but definitely YTA for arguing it afterwards and for coming here clearly still trying to prove your own point to yourself. It’s her wedding to your brother: you can’t expect someone to let you borrow her wedding for your own event. This is the most important event in some people’s lives, they get to have whatever celebration they want. Yes, your brother approved it, but if it’s not something both people want them just drop it and apologize: you have, in fact, overstepped your boundaries.
If you want to do something nice for your grandma, take the initiative on some special event actually for her, don’t borrow a wedding.
No bride will ever want another person to celebrate anything on their wedding day. They don’t want people to get engaged. They don’t want people to announce they’re pregnant and they don’t want people to give a birthday cake to someone else that day.
If you had said maybe bring the cake out on the brunch the next day the actual day of Grandma’s birthday that would have been a better idea. And while your parents might have gave some money and feel bad for left out, you didn’t give any money and you’re just the sister. I understand the mother getting mad but you need to butt out. You thought it was a good idea. So think about this when you get married. Would you like your sister-in-law to know your pregnant at her wedding.
Yta
YTA
Your grandma has expressed what she wanted. It is the bride and grooms day. They deserve to have that day for them. You sound like you’re jealous that you’ve not been included and want to hijack the event out of spite. Be grateful that your grandma made it to 80.
Info: does grandma ever stay up past midnight?
YTA, your post, your comments, this is less about honoring your grandma, then trashing the bride All you had to do was ask both of them together, also I’ve learned from on here
YTA
You are an AH for proposing that. They will – rightfully – have other priorities in their wedding night.
“I also told her I didn’t appreciate her accusing me of meddling ” .. there is no accusing – she CAUGHT you trying to manipulate her husband to be into ruining their wedding night.
She is right to call you out for being the AH you are – and it is GOOD that your brother came to his senses.
“My text was met with a phone call from my brother who basically told me the conversation is over as I’ve overstepped my boundaries. ” .. good. He is handling you AH well.
Stop doing this meddling kind of bullshit, or they will have to uninvite you from the wedding, and kick you out of their lives.
I’m going to say that you’re NTA, but you sound like you’re on the verge of becoming TA.
Making a good-faith suggestion is pretty much always OK. And this was a very good suggestion.
But the thing is, it was a *suggestion.* It’s for the bride and groom to make the decision, together. And no matter how much the groom liked the idea when he first heard it, when he and his bride discussed it, their decision was no. You need to accept that. Putting up a fight, refusing to go to the wedding, or anything like that would make you TA.
That doesn’t mean the bride’s hostility was called for. She had every right to tell her fiance that she didn’t want this cake thing to happen, and it was probably wise of him to go along with her preference. But she should’ve just let him communicate their decision. Accusing you of meddling was unjust, because you only made a suggestion; you hadn’t, at that point, tried to fight with her about it or tried to make it happen without her consent. And it’s perfectly reasonable for the groom’s family to make suggestions to him and the bride’s family to make suggestions to her.
But everyone should respect the right of the couple, together, to decide which suggestions to take. And that means accepting that sometimes even an idea that one of the two likes will be rejected when they discuss it.
There’s nothing wrong with suggesting it, but if they don’t agree and don’t want it to happen, you would be TA if you push it. Just let it go. Maybe when she thinks about the idea a little bit she will come around. Let him work on her. NAH
NTA, but take over the Sunday dinner and turn it into grandma’s surprise birthday blowout. Start sending out invitations now so everyone knows. Once the brunch is over, the bride has had her time and grandma gets her turn. I wouldn’t give your brother or his fiancée a heads up until the plans are set in stone.
ESH except grandma who sounds like a badass
Sorry while I know you have the best intentions YTA. This is someone’s wedding. No one expects to have to share their wedding with any other type of event. I get that your grandmother is turning 80 that same weekend but I think for her and for your brother’s wedding her birthday celebration should be a separate event.
Throw grandma her own party the week before the wedding. This isn’t hard.
No, you’re NTA. But since she’s having a brunch the next day-I WOULD MOST DEF BRING A BIRTHDAY CAKE. Her wedding at THAT point is OVER. Time to celebrate Gran. Also, are you sure Gran was going to be up at midnight? Good Luck and my best wishes for a Happy Birthday to your Gran,
This ‘it’s my special day’ BS has to end. For crying out loud, the world doesn’t stop spinning because you’re getting married and when the brother ends up divorced from this crazy, selfish and conceited woman, I hope OP brings this up every year on theirs grandma’s birthday. His wife will be gone, his grandmother will be gone and all the brother will have is memories of how he let this twit ruin what could have been a nice surprise celebration. FFS, she will be part of the family by marriage at midnight, it would have been a great way to cement her relationship in the family circle. Instead, when this gets out, and it will get out, people are going to realize she was both petty and jealous of an old woman. NTA.
NTA . At my first wedding (as in first marriage ) it was my friends bday the next day and not even a ‘big’ bday and my other friends surprised her with a cake at midnight . I loved that she got that when she could have declined my wedding invitation to celebrate her bday
NTA! Something similar happened to me with my wedding. We got married on a Tuesday at the courthouse because that day was special to us. We had the church wedding and big party the following weekend. It happened to fall on my FILs birthday. My husband’s sister baked a little cake, and the whole place sang happy birthday to him. He was very touched. I was so happy to be able to do that for him.
I’m sorry your future SIL can’t spare 2 minutes to celebrate a beloved family member.
Nah YTA
Op clearly acted like the deal was done and the cake plan was on. And they hadn’t even asked the bride.
Also Op is clearly salty and jealous
NTA Nana wanted a birthday weekend bash and now she can’t even have her favorite song played and a cake?
NTA and I’d hold a birthday thing for Sunday, fuck the brunch/lunch and take granny out for a family celebration. Tell her that you guys are there and want to celebrate her and how everyone has been waiting for it. It’s likely that brother already warned fiance that it’s granny’s 80th but it’s HER TIME and she made sure they booked it so she couldn’t be overshadowed. The brunch thing is just to shut down granny from celebrating herself on her birthday. Tell them sorry, but your grandmother’s birthday is Sunday so you have prior engagement from before their selfish planning.
You haven’t overstepped any boundaries, she threw down and you responded. You sounded your brother out, he agreed, took it to your future SIL who blew it out of the water and left him feeling completely emasculated. She sounds like she’s not going to be fun. Team gran all the way. NTA.
YTA. And by your responses and combative replies, I wouldn’t want you at my wedding at all.
And you seriously sound so hypocritical with your “skin crawls” comment. Pot meet kettle.
YTA and so is your brother. It was fine to suggest this. Where you became the asshole is when you spoke only to your brother and acted like his agreement was the final decision (your brother for not saying he needed to talk to his fiancee about it,). Sounds like you were intentionally ignoring her and hoped your brother would be ok steamrolling her if she objected. This entire post reads as ‘me me me I I I.’.
I bet the bride is thinking what I am. Namely that your idea will overshadow the wedding and be the first thing your side of the family thinks of instead of the wedding. Followed by ‘wasn’t OP so thoughtful to do this for granny’? Also her family will still be there. So why do you think they’ll want to celebrate a birthday for someone they barely know. Comes across as pretty exclusionary for her side. You were told no. Shame on you for arguing it. As I’ve said before if no isn’t an acceptable answer it’s a demand not a request.
Any reason you can’t do something either before the wedding (since most people will presumably be in town before the day of the wedding), stick with what your grandma has planned, or celebrate a different weekend?
NTA
I’ve been to sooooo many weddings where a birthday cake was brought out for a guest. Especially if this is your grandma’s milestone 80th birthday and everyone is in town, what a lovely addition to the day!
Your brother is an AH for forgetting this monumental day, then agreeing to this idea and then backing out.
Hopefully you can find an amazing way to celebrate your grandma’s special day!
NTA. The bride is obnoxious. What’s going to happen in the future? Will her wedding anniversary override grandma’s birthday celebrations indefinitely? Your brother’s an AH too for being inconsiderate and caving in to her demands when he knows full well what a huge deal this is for grandma.
If you and any other relatives want to get together to do something for grandma on HER special day, go for it. Throw her the big bonanza she deserves. The bride will still have her side of the family, aka the only side she actually cares about, to attend her dumb brunch.
NTA. All of the YTA fans are forgetting grandma asked to celebrate her monumental birthday with her family a year in advance. Maybe others don’t have an incredible grandma like you do, but I also have two incredible grandmas I would do anything for. I would be crushed if any of my siblings were this dismissive to our family members. Get ready, bride sounds like her family is the only on who matters already
NTA of course you and your family should be celebrating your Grandma’s 80th birthday.
The bride to be is far to controlling. When I got married it was my new BIL’s 21st birthday the next day. We arranged for him to have a cake to celebrate at our evening do.
I think you need to ensure that there are good celebrations on her actual birthday even if this conflicting with the post marriage brunch. Brother and fiancee get their wedding but next day should be ALL about Grandma’s 80th. Thank your brother for organising that everyone is together for this event ie Grandma’s birthday.
Most of these comments seem to be putting words in your mouth that you did not express. You suggested, brother liked but got vetoed by bride. Ok, you weren’t happy but said nothing and kept it to yourself. Then the bride got pissy you suggested a birthday cake for a HUGE milestone birthday for your grandmother (who had to cancel her plans to accommodate their wedding – remember she’d already started planning) and you just defended yourself. It’s understandable your brother just asking to drop it but sounds like your FSIL is going to be insufferable. NTA
And all the people saying you shouldn’t high jack a wedding for another celebration, completely agree, which is why you ASKED beforehand. From your comments it was your brother getting excited about the cake design etc, not you making a whole separate birthday party at midnight.
I can’t wait for the update! NTA and Happy 80th to your Gran!
Not sure why you asked for a judgment. You’re not really here for anything but a pat on the back.
Info- I don’t understand why you can’t do it the next day in stead of the wedding?
It’s tacky. Plan your own celebration for her the next day. I
don’t understand why you seem so upset about not getting your way. The bride gets to decide and she says no. You would be using her venue and catering etc for the party. Have your own party and calm down.
NTA but I don’t think it’s a good idea to do the midnight thing if the bride isn’t for it. While it’s grandma’s special day, I think she would be very upset and guilty if she ruined her grandson’s wedding. I like the comments saying to do a big surprise celebration a week beforehand, that way it doesn’t get in the way of the wedding.