#familydrama #babyshower #relationshipadvice #veganethics #communication
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were left out of a family event for reasons unbeknownst to you? Well, that’s exactly what happened to one Reddit user, SIL(31F), who did not invite me(23F) to her baby shower. The reason behind this exclusion was recently revealed by MIL(56F), and it shed some light on the dynamics at play in their relationship.
Let’s dive into the details of this family drama and explore how to navigate such a tricky situation with grace and understanding.
## The Revelation: Why Wasn’t I Invited?
It turns out that SIL believed that “I did not like her” and was worried that my vegan ethics would cause friction at her baby shower. Additionally, she felt that every time I looked at her, she sensed judgment. These assumptions were shared with MIL in confidence but ended up being disclosed to my partner, causing a wave of hurt and confusion.
Here are some key points to consider:
– Lack of communication: Misunderstandings and assumptions can lead to strained relationships.
– Cultural and language barriers: Differences in language and cultural norms can create barriers to effective communication.
– Unspoken expectations: Unaddressed issues can fester and result in misunderstandings.
## The Relationship Dynamics: Navigating Differences
Our relationship with SIL has always been cordial but not particularly close. Despite language barriers and differing beliefs, I have made efforts to include her in family activities. However, her contentious views on topics like anti-vaxx and holistic practices have caused tension between her and my partner.
Here are some strategies to navigate such differences:
– Respect boundaries: Acknowledge and respect each other’s beliefs and boundaries.
– Seek common ground: Find shared interests or topics for conversations to bridge communication gaps.
– Practice empathy: Try to understand each other’s perspectives and approach conflicts with empathy.
## Moving Forward: Graceful Responses
In situations like these, it’s important to approach them with kindness and understanding. While I may feel hurt by the exclusion, it’s crucial to respond with grace and compassion.
Here are some ways to proceed:
– Expressing hurt: If and when the time feels right, gently share your feelings with SIL without placing blame.
– Extended gestures of kindness: Continue to show support and love, such as making a diaper cake for the baby.
– Cultivating forgiveness: Let go of resentment and embrace forgiveness for inner peace and healing.
In times of uncertainty and hurt, it can be helpful to draw wisdom from ancient teachings like the Bhagavad Gita, which emphasizes the importance of compassion, forgiveness, and understanding in relationships.
As we navigate the complexities of family dynamics and interpersonal relationships, let’s remember to approach differences with an open heart and a willingness to learn and grow together. In the end, it’s the bonds of love and understanding that truly matter.
Have you ever faced a similar situation? How did you navigate it? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Let’s support each other on this journey of healing and growth. 💖
Remember, every challenge is an opportunity for growth and understanding. Let’s approach it with grace and kindness. 🌟
It’s definitely rude to exclude you. But, you also sound pretty judgmental toward her.
Probably wouldn’t continue creating conflict, best option is being nicer to your SIL so you can be included in your nephews life.
Look. It’s her baby shower. It’s not about you. Does it suck to be excluded? Of course. But this is not about you. You need to just move on. Not being invited to the baby shower doesn’t mean you won’t be at all involved in your nephews life.
I’m confused as to how you two have been family for nearly a decade.
Look, you two don’t respect one another & mostly don’t like each other. Her failing to invite you to the shower was poor form on her part & a pretty aggressive move. Being that kind of exclusive towards a family member makes a really clear statement, and it’s petty, and it’s hurtful.
I really wouldn’t bother with the diaper cake. She won’t appreciate the effort that goes into it. Just drop by with a regular gift whenever you’re allowed to meet the baby – who hopefully doesn’t get whooping cough or measles.
It sounds like you feel that she’s pretty inferior to you on several levels and while maybe you aren’t saying anything, your face or body language are giving you away and she knows you don’t like her and think she’s an idiot.
And maybe she is. An idiot, I mean. But if she feels like you don’t like her, why would she invite you to participate in a baby shower?
And why would you even want to go?
Also…you keep saying “my nephew” and how you want to be in his life. Well….he’s not your nephew, you’re not related, you’re not married and she doesn’t have to let you be involved.
So you may want to work on your attitude and facial expressions.
There’s no point in mentioning it. It won’t change anything
I would just focus on being a good aunt which means supporting her as a new mom. That might build some bridges between you two.
Ooof. It sounds like despite her “surface level” ability to speak English, she’s somehow managed to pick up on how judgmental you and your partner are towards her and her beliefs and choices.
Sure, it’s rude not to invite you, but I’d guess your behavior towards her has been rude and dismissive as well. Just from this post I kind of get the vibe you have a strong superiority complex and it’s probably rubbed your SIL the wrong way for a long time.
I mean there is clearly no love lost. It’s a purely superficial relationship at family gatherings. You don’t like her anti vax views and other things you consider woo. But you don’t keep that to yourselves to both try to pull her up. You mention her poor English.
She feels rightly judged by you and your partner. No I wouldn’t bring it up and I’d also recommend holding your tongue before a bigger fallout happens. You don’t have to like her views but you can just shrug and move on.
I personally feel she has set the tone for the relationship and there is no point in trying further. Let her come to you. You tried now it’s her turn
If you’re not invited to a party because of how much you bring up your veganism you talk way too much about your veganism. You don’t have to be confrontational to be obnoxious.
Why do you care about being apart of your nephews life if you’re not close to them? Unless you’re genuinely close with them why is it worth the effort?
I’ve gone nc or lc with antivaxxers. I don’t think I can ignore their cognitive dissonance and frankly don’t trust them. Sometimes the garbage takes its self out.
Its her baby shower and she is completely free to invite (or not) whoever she wants. She doesnt like you, its confirmed and if she’s known you for almost a decade have you ever thought maybe her thoughts of your potential behavior have consistancy with her fears? Maybe you dont realize it. But like just because you are excluded doesn’t mean you are a victim.
Also do not give the cake or anything. It will really make you look bad and like a petty b*. Take it and leave with grace. She is not obligated to like you or include you. There is always another side.
I can see why she feels like you are judging her. Just leave it alone, no diaper cakes, nothing. If she wants to bridge the gap, she will. You can’t force people to like you and want to be around you.
Oh, damn. You don’t have to give a crap about your in-laws. I hate to say it, but this is kind of a default position in a lot of families. It’s nice when you can, but it’s not necessary.
Do you speak her language? How long have you lived in your partner’s country?
Why are you still planning on the cake when you were not even invited? Take a step back. She does not want you as involved as you want to be, don’t force it. Carry on with your own life.
Stop trying to be friends with your SIL. She does not want this and if you insist you’ll only be seen as obnoxious. Drop it.
How I read your post:
“Someone doesn’t like me. Purposely shunned me in a way sure to be obvious to all other attendees of a family event. I’m saddened by this. How can I fix this?”
How I handle such things:
When someone obviously doesn’t like me, I accept that. In turn, I don’t invite them to any gatherings I may have. I go on with my life. No drama. Just peacefully live my life.
The anti vaxxer hates the vegan. The plot thickens🤣
I wouldn’t make a diaper cake and just say “ I hope you had a wonderful baby shower” and then let it go.
You know how you tell someone’s vegan ? They will remind you constantly lol
I would let it be. You don’t speak the same language, hold the same views, and her relationship with your spouse (her connection to you) is strained. Those are all reasons to pull away from a relationship. Honestly, if I was having a baby shower and my brother’s wife who I can’t really communicate with well but clearly has different world view from me was an option as an invite, I don’t know that I would really want her there or if she would want to be there herself.
Don’t make her a cake, don’t hold onto resentment, be cordial at family events, but largely forget about her altogether.
She had a baby shower which is a place to receive gifts from invited guests. You were not an invited guest so why the hell would you continue to give her a gift?? Have some more self-respect. She is making it an issue that she doesn’t like you so don’t give her anything and let her be her petty self alone without you and your gifts. And then when you have parties at your house don’t invite her because you’re respecting the fact that she doesn’t like you and she’s made it clear. It seems pretty black & white to me. When someone doesn’t like me I don’t go out of my way to give them gifts or to make them welcome in my home.
That really sucks that she did that….. she has already brought conflict to the family. I would take this as a message. She does not want you around. She clearly feels inferior to you. Shes projecting her feelings of judgement. How I would navigate this is to be polite, but do not go out of your way at all. You plan a birthday for yourself don’t invite her. Why should you? You ever have a baby shower you don’t need to include her. She made a public statement you’re not in her circle and worse you’re this kids aunt… but still not good enough to be invited. Rude. Mean. I’d take that as my que to give zero fucks about her. And no need to be a doting aunt. She clearly is not interested.
I understand you like to be crafty. Don’t. Respect her wishes, and stay out of it for now.
Side-note: It’s tacky to throw your own shower. “Here’s a party for everyone to buy me expense things! Oh, but not you, OP. Only everyone else.”