#Infidelity #CheatingHusband #MovingForwardAfterCheating #ForgivingCheatingSpouse
Hey there, I’m truly sorry to hear about what you’re going through with your husband Leo. Finding out about infidelity is incredibly painful and can shake you to the core. It’s normal to feel a mix of emotions – anger, betrayal, sadness, confusion. But know that you are not alone in this and there are ways to navigate through this challenging time.
Here are some steps and advice to help you move forward and make a decision that is best for you:
**1. Acknowledge Your Emotions**
It’s important to give yourself permission to feel the range of emotions that come with discovering your partner’s infidelity. Don’t suppress your feelings, embrace them and allow yourself to grieve the loss of trust in the relationship.
**2. Seek Support**
Reach out to trusted friends or family members who can offer a listening ear and emotional support. You don’t have to go through this alone. Also, consider therapy or counseling to help process your emotions and gain clarity on how to move forward.
**3. Reflect on the Relationship**
Take time to reflect on your relationship with Leo. Evaluate the level of trust and communication in your marriage. Reflect on whether Leo has shown remorse for his actions and if he is willing to work on rebuilding trust.
**4. Make a Decision**
When considering whether to forgive Leo and work on the marriage or move forward without him, it’s important to listen to your intuition. Trust your gut feeling on what is best for you and your well-being.
**5. Strive for Self-Improvement**
Use this experience as an opportunity for personal growth. Focus on taking care of yourself, both physically and emotionally. Consider exploring activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
**6. Bhagavad Gita Wisdom**
In times of turmoil and confusion, seeking guidance from ancient wisdom can bring clarity. Reflect on the concept of dharma (righteous duty) and karma (actions and their consequences). Understand that forgiveness does not mean forgetting, but rather releasing the negativity that holds you back.
Ultimately, the decision to forgive Leo and move forward or end the marriage is yours to make. Trust in your inner strength and intuition to guide you. Remember, forgiveness is not about condoning the wrong actions but freeing yourself from the burden of resentment and anger.
As for the fear of Leo repeating his infidelity, open and honest communication is key. Couples therapy can provide a safe space to address trust issues, rebuild intimacy, and work on strengthening the marriage.
Take your time to heal and make a decision that aligns with your values and well-being. You deserve to be loved and respected in a healthy relationship. Trust in your inner wisdom to guide you towards the path that brings you peace and happiness.
Sending you strength and support during this challenging time. You have the resilience and wisdom within you to navigate through this storm and emerge stronger on the other side. Stay true to yourself and trust in the journey ahead.
>Also, if we get divorced that might affect his immigration status
Yet he still cheated on you, that makes it even worse
he’s going to cheat on you forever and ever. period. he’s cheated on you more than you know and he’s never going to stop. it’s just the way it is. you need to find a good therapist to help you figure out why you think so little of yourself. you also need to realize that the man doesn’t exist that you can’t get over. whoever wrote “absence makes the heart grow fonder” was an idiot. absence makes you forget and that’s the actual truth. you should cover yourself financially first.. put whatever money you have into a place where he can’t get his hands on it. and you should take the car and put it somewhere he can’t get to it since it’s in your name. it’s not just you, he’s going to cheat on any woman alive. but as far as forgiving him.. go right ahead. but your forgiveness isn’t going to make him a better man. you’re 35, not 55.. you have plenty of time to find a good person and have a baby. but first.. get some help with your self esteem and self worth so you end up with a man who deserves you. good luck
Did ChatGPT write this? If not – run like the wind.
Bruh this man cheated on you and lied to your face and your worried about his status nah girl you need some self respect and wake up and realize this will be your life if you stay with him you want to bring up children to a man that’s a cheater? No thank you you would be teaching those kids to suck it up and take it you would be doing a disservice to children if you had them with him sounds like he just wanted that green card from you he’s getting his cake and eating it and your letting him you need to advice a divorce and immigration lawyer asap if you will be stuck taking care of him while he gets to cheat and please seriously consider therapy to get to the bottom of your low self asteem as soon as I was off the phone with Carla I would have been hitting him with divorce.
As for his boss atleast he has the decency to call you and tell you with proof where is that proof from your husband he is innocent oh wait there isn’t any
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.. I’ve never been married but I can imagine the level of investment you must feel with him. And being a woman, we do feel our biological clock ticking a lot faster once we become 30. But I think before having kids with him, you have to ask yourself many questions. Will he be a good father? And better yet, is he a good husband to you? From the very little you’ve shared, I obviously don’t know your whole relationship dynamic, but I can see that he may not be the best husband or father. Would you feel confident that he will be a good partner for you to parent a child? To provide the best environment for your child? If you have big doubts about that, I do not think it’s worth it to continue this relationship if you don’t set proper boundaries.
You said you’re in the line of work for therapy so I’m sure you have told yourself all this too. Forgiving is important but if having children is important to you, think of them and how you can ensure a safe, loving, and supportive environment for them to grow in. And a big part of that is having a strong relationship with your partner full of trust, respect, support, and love.
Divorce him.
Don’t waste your lifetime.
Him having problem with the gc is not on you. He is the one who create all of this. Carla is right, you had a paper marriage. The only problem was, you weren’t aware of it.
Divorce and let the boss wife do his papers. You are helping him and he is effing u over. Fuc him and deport him
Umm…why do you like this man? I can’t find a single redeeming quality in what you wrote. He’s treated you like garbage yet blame yourself?
Get rid of him. He’s a leech. There is someone out there who respects your values and respects you. And it isn’t this guy.
He’s occupying the spot where someone you deserve should be.
I have trouble to think that this story might be true, bc it’s a opsec nightmare, he will get caought for sure.
Why do you want to forgive him? Wake up
Not to be rude but if you stay with him you’re an idiot. He’s now cheated twice that you know of. If there’s a third then you only have yourself to blame. He needs consequences so give him some.
yeah he’s using you to get a green card!
get rid and don’t waste anymore time on a user!
He’s already cheated twice that you are aware of. Chances are, there are more women out there that he’s had affairs or one night stands with. I don’t know where he’s from, but in some cultures, men cheating is a common occurrence. Don’t leave yourself in a relationship that will cause you endless pain. His immigration status is not your problem. Divorce him as soon as you can.
>I also feel part of this is my fault because I didn’t give my 100%, I’m not very affectionate, I don’t have a lot of s3x with him and I gained some weight (like 15lbs).
No!!! Him.betraying you is not – and can NEVER be your fault.
He betrayed you – several times. And these two women?? Just the tip of the iceberg!!
>How can I know if he won’t just get better at hiding the cheating?
He will!!
>the other part of me really wants to take him back.
Look…
He doesnt love you. If he did, he could never do this to you.
Sorry, but youre just his.meal ticket, his access to a green card.
>I’m also a Christian
>He is always in his phone and I have caught him looking at videos of other women
>Sometimes he wants to go to clubs to dance but that doesn’t fit with my values. He likes music that I find very vulgar
He doesnt share your values at all..
You need to stand up for yourself. If you stay with him be prepared for more dissapointment, more revelations of him cheating with other women.
You deserve better – divirce. And yes:
>Also, if we get divorced that might affect his immigration status (he already has the green card but might have trouble if he wants to renew it in the future)
That may be the case, but he brought this on himself when he chose to cheat.
You need a lawyer now, and prepare for divorce.
And sorry – but you also need to be STD tested now.
Be prepared for him begging when he realises divorce is coming – especially whem he realises it may influence his immigtation status. Dont give in. Dont let him lie to you again.
Best of luck.
Anyone going to bring up the age gap ?
“I want to forgive him ”
WHY?! He has proven over and over again that he doesn’t love you (sorry) and has zero respect for this marriage. He’s not going to change and he’s literally laughing in your face about it. Girl, what are you doing? What is it going to take for you to leave him and have him served with the divorce papers? Please learn to love yourself more than someone that doesn’t give a fk about what he’s done. HE’S NOT GOING TO CHANGE!
Run as fast as possible away, you can’t be a good Christian if you are always the one forgiving and not carrying for yourself and your own ego. Deep down you know this is right, a woman in her 30s has many options to find love and have a family, take care of yourself first and then the family will flourish, no family with a cheater will ever give you what you are looking for. Best wishes
He married you for papers. He’s even a stupid cheater, like don’t shit where you eat my Dude.
Speak to a lawyer immediately. As a Christian you can forgive, AND you can decide to dump his ass, especially because he isn’t repentant.
Don’t be a party to fraud.
Quite the piece of rage bait. Misogyny, racism, cheating, age gap……..
Divorce him. His problem he put his immigration status at risk, he can figure it out now.
You can be a Christian without being a doormat
Ma’am, STAND UP. He is a loser. Get a divorce. He has habitually cheated on you and most likely only sees this as a marriage of convenience rather than one for actual love and respect. If others are telling you that and he is showing himself as that, believe it. Who cares about being a Christian when you’re being cheated on and used? His cheating can subject you to STDs, emotional abuse, child support (if he gets someone else pregnant), possibly being harmed by people who are vengeful, etc.
You only get one life. Why would you want to spend it with a cheater?
Divorce and count your lucky stars that you do not have children with this man.
You mentioned wanting kids but is he the kind of man you would want your future sons to emulate or future daughters to date? A guy that lies to women not just you but the others as well, is selfish thinking of his needs only, a liar, a guy with no moral code and cheats with married people while married?
As far as his status with immigration that’s a consequence for being a cheater that he can deal with down the road and honestly sounds like he has no problem tricking people into things so I’m sure he will figure something out but run don’t walk, run from this guy.
This doesn’t sound real at all
This man gives no fucks about you!!! You need to file for divorce and move on. Find someone who truly loves & respects you, because it’s not your husband! He will absolutely cheat again and sees no big issues with it. The trust is broken and it won’t ever be fully repaired! And his immigration status is HIS problem to worry about, not yours! His actions have consequences and you need to hold him accountable!!
Get an STI test and divorce this cheater. He’s not going to change and is likely using you to stay in the country.
A former friend of mine was cheated on by his wife. She was also an immigrant.
He divorced her and yes, she got deported right back to Canada (sorry Canada, we can’t keep her and we know you didn’t want her either).
Your husband, like my ff’s ex wife, is a garbage person and doesn’t deserve your time, effort, forgiveness, or a path to citizenship through you.
Dump him like the garbage he is.
If he’s cheating on you this early on he will never stop. Do NOT have a baby with this man.
I hope you can learn to love yourself a little because this person does not love or care for you. If you had a daughter is this the life you would want for her. Would you advise her to stay with a cheating man. Also is this father figure that you want for your children to grow like him? You are still young idk why people reach 30 and think it’s over and if it is over well better to be alone than in bad company.
OP After all of this you still worry about his immigration status. You feel for one of the oldest running scams in immigration books, being taken over by the desire to help.
What does the Bible say about infidelity ? You keep talking about how you are so religious but there is nothing in your post that demonstrates you have any self-respect. Even though you have expert testimony that he’s had sex with at least two people (cousins of all things) and is engaged in watching videos, maybe on Onlyfans and all that, you still just can’t get yourself out of your religious bubble to see clearly that you are being used.
Also, lets look at the fact that you blame yourself. Cheaters have the skills and smarts to make you believe this stuff is your fault. Look at what you point to (not giving enough sex, not affectionate, going out to clubs, don’t like his music) None of that points to you as the problem. He’s the direct problem and you are masking it to not be alone.
After reading through your post, I want to tell you that it is ok to be alone. You don’t need a man or anyone for that matter to fulfill your life.
>How can I know if he won’t just get better at hiding the cheating?
You don’t and he probably IS! That’s the sad part. You gave him what he needed and greencard and once he gets pass his probation period he will probably leave. Have you looked to see how many kids he has in his home country ? Do you know if he’s married there also ? That’s usually the case. Have you met his family ?
Don’t be this person. Get the divorce and inform the immigration service to serve and deport him.
Your husband is a cheater. He can still love you and want you, but he will likely always be searching for a new woman. Some men are just like that.
You need to decide what you can happily live with. Do you allow him to cheat and still come home to you? What happens if you have a baby or what if he gets another woman pregnant? What if you get an STD? What if he gets the living hell beat out of him for cheating with other man’s wife or GF?
As a Christian woman, I know there is a stigma against divorce BUT when the man isn’t acting like a representative of God in the home and isn’t loving his wife the way Jesus loved the church, then divorce is necessary. He is breaking at least one of the 10 commandments – over and over. As a woman of faith, you have to decide what is most important to you.
Why are you giving excuses as to why he might of cheated on you. It doesn’t matter you did nothing wrong it’s him not you! I would mess up his chances and let him be with whomever he wants to and let’s see if they help him get his green card.
I’d y’all don’t have kids…lawyer up and bounce!
Don’t worry about him and his immigration status that’s his problem. He cheated he only married you for a green card. Get that through your head. Go see a lawyer and good riddance. Just because you’re a good Christian doesn’t mean you should take shit and stay married to a cheater. I guarantee he’s going to keep doing it. Do not buy a house with him and do not get pregnant.
I think Carla was telling the truth from Leo’s view, he married you for the green card. Now are you gonna be a fool and stay with him (sounds it) or ya gonna walk away from this ass who has from the sound of it, zero redeeming qualities.
I hope that you are not a therapist. I hope that if therapy is “in your line of work” that you do something like administrative work. I am reading all these “reasons” for not leaving this man and I am horrified to think a therapist would think they are valid or give a client advice along this line of thinking.
You already know the answers to your questions.
1. He’s proven that he will cheat on you repeatedly.
2. He isn’t even sorry and continues to lie.
3. He told Carla that to him this marriage doesn’t matter. Believe him.
4. Your values do not align. Period.
5. That narrative that you need to forgive him is bs.
His gc status is not on you.
Speak to a lawyer about next steps.
No point in continuing MC.
OK Op I’m going to talk to you like a church mother would: As as Christian you may have to forgive him but you are in no way obligated to remain with a cheating spouse. This man has proven from nearly day one that he isn’t, and probably never, intended to be faithful to you. He used you. I apologize for sounding so harsh but this is the bald truth and you need to understand it. You are not the problem here. DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE CONVINCED THAT THIS HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU. This is his failing not yours. He saw you as an easy target and used you. I understand that you feel some kind of way because you are a little bit older and want a family but why in the world would you compromise your beliefs for this person? You will never be happy with the scraps he occasionally tosses you way and you can’t possibly believe that this is what God intended for you. If you were to have children with this fool, would you honestly want them to grow up believing that the relationship you have with their father was the kind they are supposed to emulate? Cut this lousy excuse for a man loose. Get some therapy to help heal your broken heart and let your real man find you. He’s out there but he can’t find you because this bozo is blocking your blessing. Get him out of your way. NOW!!!! Love you baby. 💖
So a 32 year old thought it was a good idea to date and then marry someone a decade younger who also was undocumented. Of course he only married you for the green card. Did you really think someone that age wanted to marry someone that much older? Now you’re seeing proof of that since he continuously cheats on you. He’s not really into you. He doesn’t love you. You’re just providing something he wants.
I will be honest. I am not sure why you two are together. You don’t seem to have the same values or the same interests. He is clearly not religious, and most importantly, he has cheated on you at least twice that you know of. I can see why he is with you though, you make the most money, so I imagine paying for the most stuff. He gets a green card out of you, and if you stay in the marriage, you will become a citizen. Plus, I feel like he knows that with your religiousness, he can get away with stuff with no fear of consequences. He doesn’t want to do better as he has no interest in therapy to work through things. If the only thing your are getting from this relationship is that you are not alone it’s not worth it.
He used you for papers and them for sex. You need to move on from this person and go enjoy your life
I get inklings of narcissistic abuse- he makes you feel not attractive, you are doubting yourself, and making you feel like you can’t do better. All of this is done with the intent to keep you under his thumb so he can keep doing what he wants. He doesn’t respect you.
Also, narcissists are notorious for blaming the wronged spouse for their cheating. STOP BLAMING YOURSELF. He is a grown-ass adult who is responsible for his own behavior. He made these choices and doesn’t feel guilty about it.
He will cheat again. Therapy will not change him. Any promises about future behavior are futile attempts to get back in your favor. Don’t fall for it. Seriously, give yourself the respect you deserve to leave. Don’t let anyone use the religion angle to guilt you into staying. His immigration situation is not your problem.
It also goes without saying that you don’t want to bring a child into this situation.
You’re hung up on the Christian doctrine of forgiveness. But forgiveness is only granted to the truly contrite. He doesn’t come close to this category and so is not due any forgiveness.
Divorcing and finding the right man is the right action for you, I’m sorry to say.
The reason he says counselling is a joke is because he thinks this relationship is a joke too. He treats you lower than the dirt he walks on. Hope you like being treated as the side chick. He’s obviously giving his attention to other women on those apps, which could be many at a time, according to his boss. But you keep believing the lying snake you fall asleep with every night. Good luck OP
Also get yourself tested ASAP for STDS
He’s had two affairs honey and y’all have been married less than 2 years. He WILL do it again and doesn’t care who he’s doing it with. If you want an STD stay with him, you’ll get what asking for if you stay, hopefully it’s curable.
I would divorce him cause he isn’t willing to go to therapy, He deleted everything so you couldn’t even see it all. Also you don’t wanna catch something and hell definitely cheat well if you’re pregnant or after birth if he’s already doing it cause you aren’t “that sexual”.
Your husband is a serial cheater. He has probably cheated more than you know and will continue to cheat. You need to get tested for STIs.
You mention being a Christian, so I just want to point out that infidelity is listed in the Bible as the only acceptable reason for Christians to divorce (Mat. 5:32). So your conscience should be clear whether you stay or go.
You mention buying a house together with your money… are you sure you want to do that with a man who will probably leave you for another woman (but still legally own half the house you paid for)?
You mention wanting children with him. Are you sure you want to do that with a serial cheater? How will you feel about all of your kids’ half siblings that he’s going to have with the side chicks? How will you feel about his limited finances being split to support multiple families?
You mention being in your 30s and wanting kids. You know you can adopt on your own, right? Thats how I built my family and plenty of other women do it too. You could also have kids the old fashioned way on your own, but it doesn’t sound that that would align with your beliefs.
This will probably impact his immigration status, but that’s his problem. He created this mess and he can sort it out on his own. That isn’t your responsibility.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope you choose to respect yourself.
Why did you marry this dude? If you want a child, do it on your own. There is nothing wore than trying to raise a child AND a man-child.