🚨#HelpNeeded 🆘#RentCrisis 🏠#AbuseSurvivor
Hey friends, I need your advice on a tough situation I’m facing. I’m stuck living with my abusive mother until she kicks me out, and the rent prices in my area are insane. Here’s a snapshot of my dilemma:
– Limited affordable apartments available
– Few job opportunities in my small town
– Fear of working at places my abuser frequents
– Mental health suffering due to abusive home environment
I feel like I’m at a dead end with no clear way out. Does anyone have any advice or words of encouragement to share? I’d truly appreciate any help I can get.
Possible Solutions:
– Reach out to local shelters or organizations for support
– Consider searching for remote job opportunities
– Look into roommate options to split rent costs
– Explore public transportation options for work and groceries
I’m open to any suggestions and guidance. Thanks for listening! 🙏 #SupportNeeded #StayStrong #YouAreNotAlone
OP, how good are you at masking?
Can you cut a deal with her? Allow her to let you work, and in turn, you give her a percentage of your income towards “rent”? As much as it sickens me for you to have to hand some of your hard earned cash over to an abuser, at least it will give you a chance to get some income of your own saved up so you have a better shot at finding a safe place when you turn 18.
Also I know you mentioned you don’t have a car but do you have a driver’s license?
What device are you using to post this? If you have easy access to it, or regular access, there are jobs across the country that also provide housing. Places like ski resorts or, hell, even cruise ships, stuff like that. And lots of young people have these gigs. You will no doubt be overworked and underpaid but it can be a first step. As long as you are free and can start healing mentally and emotionally without all the constant adrenaline from being on edge and scared all the time. Then you can start thinking about next steps.
I would also guess that you might be thinking of, or getting the advice of, the military. But that might be frying pan into fire and not the best option.
[https://www.coolworks.com/resort-jobs](https://www.coolworks.com/resort-jobs)
Baby girl (I assume you are a female for some reason) take a deeeep breath and let it out slowly and repeat 3 x’s. Listen, you don’t have to live in that town.
(Secretly)Search for cities that offer transportation, bus services, etc. so that you can get back and forth to work and do your shopping and things. The cities/towns you search do not have to be near your hometown or even in the same state love. When you find the perfect town/city then search for apartments that charge rent based on your income. They’re usually referred to as government apartments. They’re not all shitty and crime ridden I promise you. I started out in one and I loved it.
Before you apply for housing, start your job search. Look around the area and write down places you would like to inquire about a position. Hospital, banks, even restaurants. Start applying and calling and following up, etc. When you land that job start applying for housing bc you’ll need a job to be approved to rent.
And dear, let me just tell you this. I’m 46 years old and have rented most of my life. I have NEVER had a landlord tell me my income MUST be 3x’s the price of rent. I know that it happens but I’m thinking it’s not as common as you are thinking.
I can empathize with you and your fears just starting out in the world on your own but I promise you it will all work out. One thing that always helped me through in the rough, scariest of times is praying to God above. I’m talking Jesus Christ. It’s worth a shot to feel at peace, find affordable housing and land a job that was meant for you. Not preaching I just know it has worked for me so many times and I am no regular church going saint.
Make friends at work, maybe look for a roommate to split the bills with so you can get that car fund up. That’s your next goal. Save for a car and buy it outright. NO NOTE! Not right now at least.
I’m a Mama and I’m very very close with my children who are 25 and 18. I can’t imagine wanting to sabotage my own child and set them straight up for failure. And kick them out on their 18th bday no matter if they’re in the streets or not. Shit, your brains aren’t even fully developed at 18.
I wish I could bring you to my hometown and help you. I just feel like you need someone to show care and concern for you and encourage you to be your best and tell you that you will succeed! Every young person needs support and encouragement and to have someone who will truly listen to them. I’m going to pray for that for you. I so wish you the best and would love to help further if needed.
Have you ever considered the National Guard or a branch of the military?
Get a cdl, live in your over the road truck while you save money
You’re gonna have to try to leave your town. The ideas about work where you get room and board are very solid.
I don’t think the military is a bad option. I would go that route if I was you. But research room and board jobs first.
Very sorry this is the life you got. But things can get so much better. Don’t give up.
You want the [AmeriCorps NCCC program](https://americorps.gov/serve/americorps/americorps-nccc). This is a government program for 18-26 year olds. You can apply to the Traditional Corps today. Once you turn 18, you’ll start your assignment: they give you a job with housing, meals, living stipend, travel, and some kind of health benefit. After you serve, you get $7k to use toward education.
Maybe someone who’s done it will chime in.
Good luck, OP.
I hope your autism doesn’t prevent you from having some friends, you’re going to need to share an apt with someone else to make it affordable. I’d be working on a plan with another person if at all possible so you can split the cost with someone.
The military is a good option, especially the air force. The Air Force has much better duty stations and treats their people well. I’m an Army vet who worked with Air Force personnel and saw how much better their facilities were and how they were treated better.
Take that $500 and use $50 of it to buy a one way ticket to NYC on the greyhound as soon as you turn 18. See if you can get into a homeless shelter and take any job that’s offered. With some hard work and dedication you will be able to overcome.
Also I’d like to add if you apply for those smaller scholarships, and get them, that money can be used for housing, transportation or anything you’re needing to live. Give school a shot. And you don’t have to have a 4.0 gpa to be awarded certain scholarships. Believe in yourself and don’t let fear get the best of you. It will only hold you back. Take the leap. You can do anything and succeed!! We all believe in you!!!
Apply for work on a cruise ship as soon as you’re 18. See the world. Make friends from everywhere.
This is such a distressing situation. It sounds like you have friends around you who love and support you — please keep leaning on them. To second what others have said about CPS and/or going to a school guidance counselor, both options could help get you access to resources. A librarian at your local library could also help with research and connecting you to resources.
Since a couple others mentioned military, just wanted to add my experience. I’m a queer woman who was living in the south at 17, also in a rural town, with no car, work experience, etc. I took the ASVAB as a backup plan knowing my family wasn’t in a position to help me post-HS, and I really needed to get some distance from them even if they could have. I ended up enlisting at 17, worked state side in an office job for ~8yrs, and I’m now a full-time college student.
If your concerns are similar to what mine were, branch and job makes a difference, but I worked in an extremely safe, diverse & LGBT-friendly environment. If you join, you receive an allowance for food and housing matched to the cost of living where you’re stationed on top of a salary that gets regular increases, which was more than enough for me to build a stable life and future for myself. If you object for moral or other reasons, you absolutely can and will find other options that are better for you. Backup plans just expand the safety net. Best wishes
I’m so sorry. Please research “[your area] youth shelters”. Many of them will take people over 18 (often the cut off will be ~21-25). That might be an option for you until you land on your feet. Good luck ❤️
A couple of options to consider:
The military will take you in and give you shelter and a job. YMMV about what you are trading for that method of getting out.
Join Job Corps, they provide job training and housing. It would cover both needs.
If you have a friend or family you trust that would let you live with them until you turn 18 knowing your situation they could get you out while you finish school, work unharrassed and run interference if your mom tries to make it a problem. The fact that she has made these statements and her behavior are clearly abuse and a valid reason to leave. Use that to your advantage. If she tries to drag you back tell her you are going to CPS and the police.
The fact that she is actively trying to prevent you from preparing yourself AND telling you she is kicking out out the minute you turn 18 is a huge bunch of abuse.
In the short term, anything you can do to not be home would help. Staying late at school, library, friends house, hangout spot whatever to be home as little as possible. Also consider keeping anything valuable somewhere safe that is not at the house. Locker at school, trusted friend etc.
Reporting abuse and getting removed from your home would be best case imo. Yes it would be blowing up your life but that sounds like what’s necessary here anyway. At your age you’d probably go into a group home as stated in another comment. I lived in a group home for 2 years and while no living situation in the system is perfect, it wasn’t as bad as what you’re currently dealing with.
I know the idea might seem embarrassing or extreme, but you have to let that go. The truth is (or at least was while I was a ward of the state) if you’re in the system and show any sign of intelligence and caring about your future, they’ll try to help you. They’ll want you to work. Any counseling you need for trauma from your mom, they’re covering it. It would be one year of annoying rules and not much of a social life, but you’d save money. It might even take you away from your area that lacks opportunities. There would be resources available to you through your case worker when you age out of the system. Some places allow you to stay through to the end of the school year once you hit 18 if you choose.
You’d also be meeting people in your same situation who also need to pool resources for living spaces, people who understand exactly what you’re going through. You’d probably be treading water for a few years, that’s just what happens when you don’t have family to fall back on. I don’t think you’re screwed but it’s definitely going to be harder than most people have it.
It sounds like we have the same mother. She would kick me out, I’d come back and then she’d be telling me to leave again. I once saved up $3000 to move out and I told her and she just randomly said “what about the $3000 you owe me in rent?” when we had never discussed me paying rent. She wanted me to both move out and pay her the $3000. I eventually left, at 28, because my dad beat me up.
Your mother has inner demons and she knows it but until she’s made responsible for them you are fucked.
I had found a student room for $500/month 7 years ago and that’s how I got out. I moved in with a gf a year later. All I had to eat during this time was eggs, tuna and rice, for a whole year.
The abuse you’ve gone through will stay with you and you need therapy and maybe meds to unfuck all of it. You’ll hit my age, 36, and be like what the fuck happened, why am I not happy?
Choose anything. Choose any way to get away. People like your mother are like black holes. There’s no getting out of them and they suck in everything and break it down. Find any damned opportunity and take it *but do not go into the military.* The people suggesting that are fucking idiots.
Let me calm your mind for a little bit. You’re under age. If she tries to throw you out they’ll charge her with child neglect. You’ve already said she doesn’t physically abuse you anymore so you just have to worry about the verbal and mental abuse.
The thing is though the verbal and mental stuff only hurts you if you give it power. Recognize the source and ignore it. As for your future…GO AWAY TO COLLEGE!!!
Going away to school is a great way to practice being an adult without all the stress of being an adult. Figure out a major that you’ll be comfortable with, be really careful with debt, and by the time you’re 22 you’ll actually be ready to start your life as an adult.
Bide your time for the next year. Have your plans nailed down for school (preferably a far way from home), and work your plan. It sucks and I’m sorry you have to go through this but if you’re smart and plan accordingly you can have a really solid adult life. I wish you well.
You’ll need some flatmates. Just hit up the looking for flatmates listings. If you stick with college kids, they’ll be halfway normal.
Undergrads if you want party people, postdocs if you want quiet, coffee, and plenty of both. You may be asked to proof read a paper once in a while, to wash your dishes or toss them, or listen to some trauma dumping.
There’s a lot of good advice on here so as someone who also grew up with an abusive mother- once you are out of there, find a good therapist. By good I mean someone who makes you feel seen and gives you insight into yourself.
I don’t mean to alarm you but having such a deeply damaged maternal relationship can cause all kinds of emotional haywire down the road. It’s the worst possible familial connection to go bad. Our mothers inform our view of the world and ourselves on a crazy level. She is literally damaging your brain. You can probably recognize that right now but there’s a chance it goes deeper than you might expect. A mother as deranged as yours will probably have left some lovely little time bombs in your heart that could go off way later.
It will be okay, just put in the back of your mind that in a couple years when you are on your own, it’s a good idea to find a professional to talk to about your mother. There are usually options for subsidized/affordable mental healthcare so you can access it even if you’re still not making a lot of money.
If you ever need a hand finding affordable professional help, I’m pretty experienced with it and would be happy to assist!
Just get out via any means possible and things will seem a lot better. Just being physically somewhere else will make it feel like the world is opening up.