#AssaultOrNot: Play partner, 40m, finished inside me, 24f, without asking first. Is this assault?
Hey there! Let’s dive into this complex situation to help you navigate through it. Before we go any further, take a deep breath and know that your feelings are completely valid. What you experienced can be unsettling, and it’s important to address it.
## Understanding Consent in Intimate Encounters
Consent is the key foundation of any intimate relationship or encounter. It’s all about clear communication and mutual agreement between all parties involved. Consent should be enthusiastic, ongoing, and freely given. In this case, it seems like there was a miscommunication or a lack of clarity regarding boundaries.
## Examining the Situation
Based on the details you shared, it appears that your partner crossed a boundary by finishing inside you without your explicit consent. This can be considered a violation of your autonomy and boundaries, especially since he did not ask for your permission beforehand. It’s essential to prioritize your comfort and safety in any intimate situation.
## Taking Action
### 1. Reflect on Your Feelings
Take some time to process your emotions and thoughts about the incident. It’s okay to feel confused, upset, or violated. Trust your intuition and prioritize your well-being.
### 2. Seek Support
Consider reaching out to a trusted friend, therapist, or counselor to discuss your feelings and gain perspective on the situation. Talking to someone can provide validation and support during this time.
### 3. Communicate Boundaries
If you choose to engage in intimate activities in the future, make sure to clearly communicate your boundaries and expectations with your partner. Mutual respect and understanding are essential for a healthy relationship.
### 4. Consider Legal Options
If you feel that your boundaries were violated and you want to explore legal options, consider consulting with a legal professional who specializes in assault cases. They can provide guidance on how to proceed.
## Conclusion
In conclusion, what you experienced can be viewed as a violation of your boundaries and autonomy, indicating a breach of trust. It’s crucial to prioritize your safety, well-being, and emotional health in any intimate encounter. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and consent should always be your top priority. Take care of yourself and reach out for support if needed. You are not alone in navigating through these challenging situations. 💪🏼 #ConsentIsKey #BoundariesMatter
The fact that he got excited proves it’s not only assault, it’s premeditated assault. The laws differ by state, if you feel comfortable you should call the non emergency police line and ask them for more information and possibly make a report. I don’t think it needs to be said that you should never see this guy again. Get tested ASAP. Also please let the club know, they don’t take kindly to shit like this I hear, hopefully they’ll get the word out to the entire community or at least ban him from their events.
That is definitely assault
Yes that is assault.
Keep the texts as proof and report him to the club. It is assault, he’s unashamed about it and he will do it again, if not to you then to someone else. What a disgusting excuse for a human.
I’m sorry this happened to you Op.
I would not go as far as assault, but yeah it is kind of a dick move and he shpuld be banned from the club and you shouldnt swing with him again.
He clearly does not understand permission and consent.
Your a moron for being a swinger and your a moron for fucking a 40 year old
Not prosecutable but I do consider it assault. It’s honestly disgusting. I had that happen with many of my clientele and since I was waaaayyyy to young to be doing that I didn’t say a word. But please report his fucking ass to the club before he does it to someone else. That’s just so not ok
Emphatically, yes! On top of pressing charges and getting him removed from the club, you might wanna seek someone to talk to about this.
Yes. Report his ass.
You didn’t convince me you were assaulted. Just a bad experience where your wishes were ignored. Don’t know about legal definitions
Why even do all this stuff … playmate..?? .. you’re also with someone .. what is up with people.
He assaulted you, he needs to get banned from the club, what he did was absolutely a violation and disgusting.
Play degenerate games, win degenerate prizes.
This is called Stelthing and in the UK it’s illegal and classed as sexual assault. It sounds like you’re in the USA. I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Please get yourself checked out and tested. If you feel you can then I implore you to report him to the police xx
Keep the texts as proof!!!!
I’m so sorry this happened to you. That is 100% assault if he removed the condom you asked him to place without your knowledge. Please tell the club so he doesn’t have the chance to do this to anyone else. I wish I had more in terms of resources or support for you. Looks like some good resources linked in the comments.
I’m confused, why would you put a condom in your mouth????
Anyway though, yes that was absolutely assault and you need to report him and get yourself screened.
Yes! If you insist on condom use and they don’t use one, it’s assault because you didn’t consent to that.
That’s stealthing and is classified as rape in certain states. And is at least a civil offense in all of them and you can actually sue. You have proof if you texted him about it. I would report him to the club and also try to bring charges against him. He might rape another woman and she may not be on birth control because she thought he was wearing a condom.
Stop having sex with creeps.
Never have sex with this asshole again. I don’t know if it’s an assault, but a quick call to your local rape hotline might help you decide if you want to go to the police or not. You gave conditional consent to sex. He agreed to the condition then reneged on the agreement. You did not consent to condom free sex. Get tested for STD’s.
Yes, th at is sexual assault
Yes. If you had never had a convo about condoms etc and he knew you were on bc I would say no. But there was no inch of implied consent here and what he did was morally and possibly legally wrong. You should cut him off completely.
Agree with it being assault, but a very tough one to prosecute. However, having been in the lifestyle I can tell you that at least the circles I run in, if you let people know his behavior there’s quite a few that will blackball him. It’s despicable behavior, it’s deceptive and a huge violation of trust. I would also make him pay for an STI screening as well. He’s 40, you’re 24,. He was going to have no issue pulling a fast one over on you was his thinking. You let him off way too easy. You left him thinking it’s just something you don’t do, when you should have just been enforcing to him that he violated you.
Yes
Not only did it cross a boundary you clearly communicated, but he attempted deceived you
The sanity check: What world is cumming inside of someone without explicit consent okay?
This is so fucked up. Definitely report him to the club and if possible authorities. If your first thought is to give him the benefit of the doubt remember that’s what he’s banking on and that you were likely not the first or last.
Yes, I’m so sorry you went through that.
Jesus.
I’d go so far as to use the R word here.
Sorry but you didn’t and wouldn’t consent to what he did
It is a good way to trap you, he will need it too. He is banking for a more permanent arrangement with out fully committing, but forcing you to…..There are a myriad of reasons not to be involved with an older man, this is one, manipulation and dishonesty. You are young and you are sleeping with a pit viper.
He didn’t apologize??? That is in fact assault. You agreed to protected sex and he was made aware. What he did amounted to stealthing (pretending to use a condom then taking it off without partner’s knowledge) which is assault. He violated your trust and your body
Play stupid games, win stupid prices
Agree with most comments…. but I need to mention the big L for that guy..
He thought she felt a difference… but she was clueless!! What a loser
*This is a recurring play partner who already knew you’re not a breeder
*This is a play partner to whom you reiterated earlier in the evening that condoms are required/a hard limit
*He did not get your permission to finish inside you without a condom
This is definitely assault. Even if you choose not to contact the police, you should notify the club, as they will likely ban him. Apologizing after the fact (which he didn’t even do!!) doesn’t make up for violating your boundaries.
yes and he absolutely needs to be banned from the said club aside other possible charges
Yes. I’m really sorry this happened to you
Get him kicked the fuck out of that club
Yes, and he then felt good about it.
Hundo. The guy is a dick, and shouldn’t be trusted in that scene.
Yes. He’s gross and was deliberate about it.
Absolutely. I would highly recommend reporting him to the club, letting others in your circle know what happened, and never speaking to him again. There’s no way this is the first time he’s done something like that.
Also, STI testing in addition to the Plan B, and therapy – you’re going to have some feelings about this for a while, and deserve all the support you can get.
The only reason for him to have had that condom in his mouth if he had no intention of using it is to make you think he’s using one. He knew you wanted him to wear a condom, he knew that you wouldn’t want to have sex without a condom, he did it anyway.
Ultimately he sees you, your relationship/friendship as being worth less than wearing a condom
Edit just to add that he doesn’t actually care about “communicating effectively” because if he did he would have listened when you communicated your boundaries to him
Yes, this is assault.
You clearly communicated that you were only consenting to sex with a condom on. He knew that. He made a remark about it.
He knew exactly what he was fucking doing and he is using your shame and embarrassment (which both are super normal feelings after an assault) to his advantage.
Yes.
That is absolutely assault
In some states this is or is about to be an assault if I recall correctly.
Yes, when you ask someone to use a condom and they take it off without permission it’s called “stelthing” and it is assault and you should report him to the club so this doesn’t happen to anyone else. You also need to get a full STD Panel.
You are probably feeling very violated (because you where) and should talk to someone. Contact [RAINN.org](http://RAINN.org) they can help you with personal care. It’s a very nice resource. I’m so sorry this happened to you.