#Parenting #GrowingUp #LikeMyParents #ParentingStruggles
So, let’s have a heart-to-heart about something many of us can relate to: the realization that we’re turning into our parents, despite our best efforts to avoid it. How many of us have said, “When I grow up and have kids, I’ll be nothing like my parents”? 🤷♀️🤷♂️
Well, fast forward a few decades, and here we are, dealing with the same struggles, quirks, and habits that we swore we’d never adopt. And trust me, you’re not alone in this. Many of us have found ourselves in the exact same boat. So, let’s dive into this topic and see how it has worked out for all of us.
##Embracing the Similarities
Let’s face it, as much as we tried to resist it, we’ve all inherited some traits from our parents. Here are a few examples:
– Using the same phrases and expressions
– Having the same mannerisms and gestures
– Sharing the same hobbies or interests
– Adopting similar parenting styles
– Reacting to certain situations in the same way
It’s funny how these similarities sneak up on us, right? We might catch ourselves saying something and suddenly realize it sounds exactly like our parents. 😅
##The Struggle is Real
Despite our resistance, there’s no denying that we’ve encountered challenges that mirror those faced by our parents:
– Dealing with rebellious teenagers
– Juggling work, family, and personal time
– Struggling to impart wisdom and life lessons to our children
– Coping with the stress and demands of parenthood
It’s like a real-life “like mother, like daughter” or “like father, like son” scenario playing out. Sometimes, the struggle to stay true to our “anti-parenting” vows can be all too real.
##Finding a Balance
But it’s not all doom and gloom! Many of us have found ways to strike a balance between emulating our parents and forging our own paths as parents. Here’s how:
– Embracing the positive aspects of our parents’ approach
– Recognizing and addressing the negative patterns we’d like to avoid
– Learning from our own experiences and adapting our parenting style accordingly
– Seeking support and advice from other parents facing similar struggles
It’s a journey of self-discovery and growth, and it’s perfectly okay to acknowledge that we’re not carbon copies of our parents, despite the similarities.
##The Verdict
So, to answer the burning question, “How did that work out for you?”, it’s safe to say that many of us have come to terms with the fact that we’re not entirely different from our parents. And you know what? That’s okay! It’s a natural part of life, and it doesn’t mean that we’ve failed in our quest to be different.
In fact, as we navigate the ups and downs of parenthood, we’re constantly evolving and shaping our own unique identities as parents. While we may have inherited certain traits and tendencies from our parents, we’re also crafting our own narratives and leaving our own imprint on the next generation.
So, if you ever find yourself realizing that you’re more like your parents than you’d care to admit, take heart in knowing that you’re not alone. Embrace the similarities, learn from the challenges, and celebrate the beautiful blend of your own unique parenting style with the subtle influences of your upbringing.
And remember, the journey of parenthood is filled with surprises, discoveries, and plenty of opportunities for personal growth. You’re doing great, even if you sometimes catch yourself channeling your inner “mom” or “dad”.
So, here’s to embracing our roots while paving our own way as parents! 🌟👨👩👧👦🌟
This far I’ve grown up and don’t have kids
Amazing,
I have a fantastic relationship with all my kids.
I’ve never used violence as a punishment, I’ve never belittled them or made them feel small.
Now I’ve got polite friendly children who are loved by all they meet.
It’s not difficult to raise a child with love and kindness it’s mad, the massive difference between my childhood and my kids.
I was hit by a car at 7 years old and yes it was my own fault but I wouldn’t dream of leaving a 7 year old unattended, let alone letting them wander the streets until dark.
It’s given me empathy for my parents failures because they are just people and I can see where the behaviours may have come from.
Saying that, it doesn’t mean I’m not still trying to do it better. My kids deserve the best of me. I’m also imperfect, but I’m trying to give them the best childhood I can. I think it’s going well.
I ended up going TOO far in not wanting to be my parents who were emotionally neglectful, physically abusive and too strict, that I still kinda became my parents in a way. I never said no to my child, gave him few boundaries, always put his feelings and wants and interests first and did everything for him out of fear of him ending up with the same struggles in adulthood as I did, out of fear of him feeling what I felt. As a result, my son grew up developing a whole different set of issues, even though I thought I did everything right. Because you know: at least I wasnt my parents! I needed (and still need) lots of therapy to handle my own demons first. To educate myself on how the human mind works and and how generational trauma works. I had to relearn how to raise a child in a healthy, balanced way. It was extremely hard to admit to myself I was failing as a parent and ask for help/therapy but it is almost impossible to break a previous cycle of trauma without it.
It’s hard. Breaking generational trauma is difficult. But I’ve put in a lot of work and went to therapy. I think I’m doing pretty good at being a different kind of parent.
I apologise freely to my child when I get it wrong, we always have McDonald’s money, he has lots of lovely days out and he’s completely loved and adored. I hope he thinks I’m doing a good job.
Pretty damn well!!!!
Of course, the damn bar was on the floor!!
My mom often told me that she didn’t want to be like Grandma and she turned out to be cruel, abusive, manipulative mom exactly like Grandma.
I also don’t want to be cruel, abusive, manipulative mom like my mom, so I don’t have kid. Better end this cycle of abuse with me.
Well, let’s just say my ‘I’ll never be like my parents’ pledge has aged as well as a milk carton left out in the sun. Turns out, ‘because I said so’ is a legit reason, and 8 PM is indeed a fantastic bedtime. Who knew?
Turns out, I’m basically a remix of my parents. I’ve got Dad’s ‘back in my day’ stories and Mom’s ‘eat your vegetables’ stare. And yes, I’ve also mastered the art of turning off lights in empty rooms with the precision of a ninja.
So far so good. If I’m wrong, I admit it. If I did something that negatively affected my kids, I apologize. I don’t give my kids the silent treatment if I’m mad or upset. I talk with them to go over how we view the situation and what we need to do to fix the issue.
I’m interested in my kids and their passions. I don’t use that to tease them about it. I support them in the ways they need for their hobbies.
It’s been a very active process to break the generational trauma and make sure they don’t experience my childhood. Not perfect but at least I have a good relationship with my kids. Unlike my parents who are in a need to know basis and get general updates on my life.
I am legitimately nothing like my parents and fucking proud.
It’s like I downloaded a ‘Parenting App’ directly from my mom and dad’s brains. I’ve caught myself saying ‘because I’m your mother, that’s why’ more times than I can count. And guess what? My living room is now a no-food zone. History repeats itself, but with more WiFi.
Im pushing into menopause territory and never had a kid so, mission accomplished.
Turns out, I’m my parents 2.0 – now with added features! I find myself using phrases I swore I’d never say, and I’ve developed a strange fascination with thermostats. Who knew that ‘Don’t touch the thermostat’ would be my catchphrase?
My husband & I swore we wouldn’t repeat our parents ‘ mistakes, and so far we haven’t. We made completely new ones.
Vasectomy at 25 and no kids beforehand.
No kids.
I did a lot of things the exact opposite of my parents when I had my daughter. To this day, my mother asks me why she & I aren’t as close as my daughter & I. Well, let’s see…….maybe because I don’t harbor a grudge for everything my child does differently than I do. She goes her own way and is a fully-functioning adult, so…….I am proud of her rather than point out what she is doing “wrong”.
Fantastic. Tubal ligation.
Well as someone who learned young not to go to my parents for anything because they never took my side, I stayed true to that promise.
No matter what bad things happened to me, it was always my own fault.
My kids are adults now. They’ve always come to me with problems. I made it a point to treat them as individuals when they were kids. Not my property or things that had to obey or else.
Was I disappointed when boy got shitfaced at 16? Kinda. But then I remembered what I was doing at that age. Went and picked him up and let the hangover be his punishment.so glad he didn’t try to stagger home at 2 am like I felt I had to
Growing up, I always swore that I’d never get married and I’d never have kids. Many people told me that I’d change my mind. I’ve never married or had kids and I’m happy as can be. I do what I want, when I want and it’s nice.
I don’t smoke (at all/with my kids in the car), I don’t keep my kids up till 1 am to drive home drunk and I support their education and encourage them instead of ignoring them.
I’m doing much better than my parents.
I grew up with two narcissistic screamers. I am still tormented by my memories. I swore never to be like that. And I’m not. My daughter (10) and I never yell. We are close and respect one another. She is always complimented on her empathy by teachers and is at the top of her class. It works! Family curses can be reversed.
My mother wouldn’t get me braces for my horrible crooked teeth. My kid has braces now. My mother refused to let me get my license. My kid will have it the day he turns 16. Anytime I was excited about an accomplishment? There was someone she knows whose kid could do it better. I don’t downplay my kid’s excitement for anything.
On the other hand my mother used to say “I pray you’ll have a kid like you, so it makes you suffer like I did.”
I wish I had a Kid like me, I would treat it so much better.
My parents never took my needs into account.
Everything I’ve done since I became a mother has been analyzed from the standpoint of how it will affect my offspring.
I’ve definitely made mistakes because parenting is the most consistently difficult task I’ve undertaken. (I was in my 30s and had a MS degree with a stable career and supportive spouse when I decided to have children and it was still a challenge.)
I found that my parents were both trying to “not be like their parents” as well. They broke generational trauma and yet left me some work to do on my own to break it for my own kids. I have tendencies of both my parents and yet have also parented in my own style which is exactly what they did. LOL.
I’m forever grateful to them for their strength and dedication to the family, something I didn’t see when was swearing to never be like them.
A little better. I can empathize a little with their frustration, but I’d rather still not act like they did. My kids seem like they like me. I stopped liking my mom at a very young age. Rather, I never had loving feelings toward her.
I have empathy for my parents struggles but I actually realized how abusive they were on another level when I had my own. Thankfully I don’t beat my kids on a ritual basis, or at all, I don’t scream and throw heavy objects at them, I don’t punch them over and over again, I don’t knock them out cold or beat them until they throw up, I don’t scream that I wished they were dead and deserve to go to hell. So I think I’m doing pretty good compared to my parents. However I have empathy for my parents, I can understand why their personality disorders and fundamentalist religion and backing from their churches to beat children would lead them down the path they chose. I wish my parents a peaceful and long life and good health, but I keep my distance. I love my kids and see them as future adults. My parents saw us as property that god gave them to keep out of hell by any means they saw fit.
The woman who birthed me was a meth addict. My bio dad was in and out of prison. I was the oldest of my siblings so I pretty much raised them and at 18 I did have custody of the two younger ones. Our child Hoodia hell when we were with our mom. I swore my kids would have it better
My oldest was never obligated to take care of her siblings or forced to do my chores. I have never done meth or anything hard. I have never left my children in a car for hours to go gamble or do drugs in some creeps house. I’ve never even had so much as a speeding ticket. I’ve never pulled my child out of bed at 3 in the morning screaming and hitting them “cause they talked shit” I’ve never hit my babies for anything. I’ve never called them bad words or insulted them. Never made them clean up my vomit or bathe me.
I tell them how much they mean to me. I make sure I am present for them in everything. I’ve sat through every dance class and recitals, every boxing class, every choir concert, every home fashion show. I’ve been next to them every moment they were sick and done everything to help them feel better even when I’m sick too. I’ve stayed up late to make sure a last minute school project is complete.
They are my children, I brought them into this world so it is my responsibility to help them grow up in a loving environment, to teach them, to instill kindness in them, to make them humans I will be proud to call friend when they grow into adults.
I know I haven’t been perfect but I know I’ve done a hell of a lot better than the two humans that made me.