“Are older women mistreating younger women in the workplace a common issue? #workplacebullying #ageism #toxicworkenvironment
Have you experienced unfair treatment from older women at work? It seems like a recurring problem for many women in the professional world.
Here are some common experiences shared by women in similar situations:
Patterns of mistreatment from older female colleagues:
- Constant badmouthing
- Attempts at sabotage
- Unfounded accusations of incompetence
- Feelings of being threatened by younger colleagues
Impact on work and well-being:
- Feeling isolated and alone
- Struggling to advance in their careers
- Losing motivation and confidence
- Fear of encountering the same behavior in future jobs
If any of this sounds familiar to you, you’re not alone. Many women have faced similar challenges in the workplace.
How to address the issue:
- Seek support from HR or a trusted supervisor
- Document incidents of mistreatment
- Set clear boundaries with the problematic colleague
- Explore other job opportunities if the situation doesn’t improve
Remember, you deserve to work in a respectful and supportive environment. Don’t hesitate to take action if you’re experiencing mistreatment from older women at work. It’s essential to prioritize your well-being and professional growth.
Extremely common. You articulated this perfectly. It’s always the bitter 50+ divorcee spinster whose job is their life making everyone else miserable. I have no issues getting along with any other demographic in the workplace. No one ever misses them when they leave or get moved to new teams. I am sure I will get downvoted, but it happens too often to just be a fluke.
Yes
I don’t really get why this is a thing!! Like I love my fellow women, but like they hate me 😭 age does not equal maturity and to me, it seems very immature. They see you as a threat and competition. It wasn’t until I was pursuing a leadership position that I started hearing rumors about me fucking someone in the same said leadership position (we are both happily married people with kids). I guess I have to be fucking someone to somehow even be in the running 😂
Idk how old you are, but at 29 I just ignore them and keep doing my own thing. It boosts my ego, even though it’s annoying, because you see me as enough of a threat to bad-mouth me. Meaning, you must be worried I have something you don’t feel adequate about. I can’t control how they feel, but I can control my feelings about it. You are good enough. You are worthy. Let those meanies run their mouths and give them no ammunition. I guarantee you, the people in charge probably tune them out.
No idea if there are studies but it is a thing. Ive personally experienced it a few times. It’s always women in their 40s and single or childless. Ive experienced more misogyny from other women than men.
Look, as a 50+ Female, I personally have no issue. In fact, I love talking with and exchanging ideas with the younger people I work with. It also keeps me in touch and helps me to relate to them better.
That being said, I have seen many women of all ages making it hard for everyone.
In a perfect world, we should all be helping each other up.
I haven’t. The older women I’ve worked with have been lovely. Very encouraging.
I’m a woman. I’ve had younger women, women my age mostly treat me badly, knife me in the back.
I’ve seen this so often and in mental health settings! My impression, based on some rather direct comments, is that these women believe that you have it easier than they’ve had it in social settings (and life in general). Whatever competencies you have or hard work you do likely won’t matter to them, because they believe you will easily displace them in the hierarchy if they don’t tear you down.
Sad to be them, but their toxicity can be damaging to all around.
I’ve worked with a lot of really awesome older women in their 60s, but at my most recent job, in which I was the only woman in the whole company, I was told a lot of our older female customers didn’t want to work with me or speak to me in general. They were very abrasive and rude. I noticed it with women most commonly in their 40s and especially 50s, so maybe it’s a Gen X thing? Even the ones in that age group who were nice to me told me how much they hated working with other women when I said I missed having them around.
It is very common in nursing. We call it nurses eating their young.
Yep, every job I’ve had there’s always been that ONE middle aged woman who decides to makes my life hell. Absolute losers. Dealing with one right now, going through the HR rigmarole. I’m not quitting anymore jobs over this, I’m going to fight or get fired trying.
Only the insecure ones
35f- single with no kids.
It’s usually women in their 50s who are married and hate being mothers and they hate their marriage so they take it out on everybody. I’ve had a lot of women absolutely resent me because I am childless and can do whatever I want after work and they can’t they absolutely despise not having the freedom I have
The older women at the plant are terrible. Very mean to new women, especially if they are young or attractive. Like you said they all fit a common type in appearance and relationship status.
I think they just have to tear other people down to feel better and themselves.
They’re just jealous.
YES.
Older women have this warped view of feminism where they see the worst aspects of western patriarchy and capitalism, want it for themselves, and call it being a “career woman”.
Instead of wanting things to be better for women as a whole, they think “fuck you I got mine” and call it success because well, that’s what patriarchy and capitalism call success!
Anyway, yes. Older women are horrible to younger women in the workplace. They’re mean, disrespectful, overwork them, and seem to enjoy seeing them suffer.
They LOVE younger men though! Being a younger man in a workplace full of older woman managers is basically free money.
OP, it even happens to the older women. I am middle age but I look young. There is always some bitter crankster that hates life. Ask her nicely to put all that she says in an email so you can forward it to the appropriate people. Act very concerned about her and ask if she is ok.
Yes this is common. Where I used to work they called these folk “old seafood” ie the term refers to people who think they’re superior because of their seniority. These people are usually snobbish and narrow-minded as well. It was used to describe older colleagues who jeer at or tease you just because they’re senior to you
Yes. It’s sad (and damn did it make things rough for a minute when I was 26). People like this are meaner and more critical to themselves than anyone else, believe it or not.
They have problems that you can’t solve. Try to avoid them as much as possible. You *might* be able to say something like “Don’t talk to me like that” without them melting down but don’t bet on it.
I’ve worked in a few offices over my time..and ive noticed it’s common regardless of the gender.. I’ve been on both sides of the fence.. I’ve had older colleagues make comments about me and to me as well then I’ve had younger ones make comments about me and again to me
Years ago, i had a much older colleague ( who was in charge of me and a few other newbs) say to me in front of the others that I was ” too big for skinnies ” ( skinny jeans) I then pointed out that I was only 23 she then said she wasn’t referring to my age when she said too big so I clapped back with ” I’m an 8 on top, 10 on bottom but ok” and then she stopped and started on the other newb who was around my age – but she made sure he left the room first before she started making comments on his voice and how he answers the phone. The other newbs were a lot older than us by 10-20 years.
I’ve also on a separate occasion had much younger girls “corner” me in the toilet and say ” oh so you ARE pregnant then?” Whilst pointing to my huge baby bump , so I was like ” yeh.. obviously? ” Partially lifted up the side of my top to show my bump was real and they were like ” ah we have been bump watching you for weeks, you never had one last week and all of a sudden you’ve got a huge one?” ( For context, I used to gym a fair bit before getting pregnant and was regularly exercising when pregnant too , my baby was hiding behind my stomach muscles which evidently gave way one night and out popped a huuuuuge bump). I also had a younger male colleague ask me for baby scan photos days after my pregnancy was announced by someone in my office. No idea why a guy in his mid 20s would approach a person he’s never really spoken to before..and then ask to see scan photos.. told him I didn’t have any as I’ve just found out and I’d have to wait a few weeks for a scan.
Oh yeah
most of them see you as a threat and competition just like older men chasing younger women and not give them the a day of attention. So they bitter. lol. pay no attention to them. just keep your distance. You’ll likely hear gossip assumptions starts from most of them through the grapevine.
Shoutout to the female manager I had who put me on a PIP for supposedly “not taking notes” because I occasionally asked questions or for help on assignments I had never did before, along with other inconsequential BS, while my male colleague with 12x as much experience had us disqualified and marked as unresponsive for multiple business pursuits, REAL issues, with her just saying “it wasn’t his fault.” This bitch also said “so what” about her own uncle dying from AIDs and said she didn’t have friends because all the other moms are just “dependent SAHMs” while she was “independent.” So much internalized misogyny.
Or the female business development manager I had at the job before who said she had “jungle fever” for the black male employees, but called me inappropriate for saying something about my period at a women’s only after work event, who gave gifts to some subordinates but not others, and more BS. Oh, and not to mention the direct manager I had there who was the bridesmaid for a subordinate of hers that said I “walk like a freakshow” to my face. I could literally write a book about all the shit I’ve experienced just from working two corporate business jobs. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Women in power are not inherently better than men in power, sorry not sorry. I’ve made friendships with female coworkers who weren’t managers, but the managers fucking sucked.
Actually it’s not unknown for feisty ambitious women to mistreat older but junior ones too.
I’m middle aged now, but I remember the worst bosses I ever had when I was younger were older women.
I always wanted a female mentor and it just wasn’t going to happen.
Jealousy
Yes it’s a weird thing. Two jobs I had where I quit in less than 6 months it was because of this exact situation. 20 years older than me women who had been in the workplace around 17 years that basically sabotaged me from doing my job and were absolute nut jobs.
I’ll never work in a place with an older woman who has been there a long time again they’re fucking deranged.
In my experience, women close to my age (20s) are the issue. Of course, older ladies deal with menopause, but younger ladies have always been venomous.
I once worked in a cafe where I was getting bullied by an older lady. She was mean and would do subtle things like throw towels on my plate or push my back when she talked to me (sounds innocent but when you’re waitressing your wrists and back are suuuuuppppeeerrr delicate). I noticed that she bullied one of the high school kids as well.
After quitting I talked about it with my coworkers and they hadn’t gotten bullied, turns out her pattern was those who were meek, so basically me (resident foreigner) and the highschool kids.
I remember at the time I was ranting to my classmates that every shop or cafe has that one old lady whose mad about being stuck in a dead-end job and will bully the hell out of yhe young ones to vent it out.
In offices this also happens with older men who bully younger ones for taking days off or leaving work on time, even if their boss is fine with it.
It’s really the bitterness. And women are much more likely to be stuck in that loop, since they entered the workforce with fewer promotion chances or has to restart after taking maternity leave.
It shouldn’t be, but some people just need a “pecking order”.
Let the manager know if they start giving nasty orders.
You can ignore comments.
I think this is less a “women” problem and more of an “insecure arsehole” problem. There’s a certain type of person that is totally mediocre, but really doesn’t want to acknowledge that because their egos can’t take it. They can’t climb the ladder, so they content themselves with dragging others they think are surpassing them down it instead. The reason I say that is because as a guy I feel like I’ve experienced a similar thing, but more often from blokes.
This is particularly true of people who have not done anything in particular to merit a promotion, other than having “stuck around” and “paid their dues” in sheer time spent working for an organisation. This sort of person is particularly threatened by those they see as “equivalent” to them in some way. In your case, she is a woman, you are a woman. She works in a role, you work in a similar role. She doesn’t account for the difference in personal merits (because of the ego thing mentioned above), so all she sees is the time worked in terms of part-time vs full-time and years worked. On that metric, she looks pretty good. But what she doesn’t want to grasp, what she *can’t* grasp, is that you’re being looked at for a promotion because that isn’t the main factor being assessed.
So she acts like a total cow. Which ironically, is more likely to make her look bad in the eyes of the people doing promotions.
I would take it as a kind of back-handed compliment. Keep doing what you’re doing, but also take the time to subtly undermine her nonsense (because you need to do that – I’ve seen too many people take it for granted that people will obviously see through lies and been screwed over by that. You can’t trust that to be the case, you have to control the message). Don’t go overboard though, just be emphatic about your availability to work (on the kids side of things), demonstrative about your obvious competence (run through specific projects in-depth when asked about that stuff), and performatively competent in the day-to-day, at least until the promotion process is over.
I experienced that only once with a woman who was 30-35 years older than me. We were only 8 so no way I could avoid her.
I would get to the job, she was the one opening the locks and I’d come in maybe 5 minutes after her, I would say hi! Good morning, and most of the times she wouldn’t say it back.
Other times, she would tell me angrily where I’d XYZ (some stock) I told her, I’m not working on that department so I don’t know.
Other time, we don’t have enough paper!!! Didn’t you order???? I tell her no, it’s not me who orders but X.
Little things but her way of saying it and getting angry, raising her voice. I’m glad I’m gone
That sounds rough. Sorry you’re dealing with that. Honestly, I’ve seen some workplace drama, but that sounds like a whole other level. Some people just seem to thrive on bringing others down, you know? Hang in there, keep your head up, and keep doing your thing. Hopefully, something better comes your way soon. And hey, if you need to vent or anything, we’re here for you. You’re not alone in dealing with this kind of crap.
As a male I work with several women like this along with hearing some of the gossip they chat about. These woman are resentful, angry and spiteful. All seem to have been destroyed emotionally by previous relationships and left with the brunt of typical responsibilities. They go with the flow of life and don’t have anyone to control and degrade so the neatest woman gets to her
I have had some of these experiences that people are describing. Kinda glad my boss and I are close in age because lord knows I can’t deal with another bitter, jealous older woman as a boss.
I would say it is common for women to mistreat each other in the workplace, regardless of age. That said, some older women may be better able to use their positions against less senior women.
It’s unfortunate. There isn’t really a hard and fast preventative for it, either. I just try to not engage with those people.
I’ve noticed this is quite common.
Bitter and jealous I’d say.
It’s a thing. I can’t explain it but theres always one at least. You learn to spot it much much quicker the more you see it. And you’re right, there is a specific mold; they desperately grasp at tiny semblances of power at work or in hierarchical spaces because they feel deeply inadequate in some way on an individual level. Women who they categorize as unburdened, attractive, and well liked will send them over the edge because the work they put in to feel adequate is negated by someone who in their eyes gets by with ease.
Seen it a million and 1 times and I can spot her in my first week now, nay first day. My tactic, which works mainly just to keep me above the bs, is literally to kill them with kindness. It’s annoying to read, I know, but it works sooo well. Be completely oblivious to their assholery. Act like you’re besties when you see her, offer to do her minimal favors like “oh let me grab that for you” when it’s very nearby. Smile wayy too much and be visibly happy when you’re near her.
Now, my warfare tactic that I’m hesitant to admit but definitely works if you’re past kill them either kindness territory. Ask her about her personal life but in a very light way that shows you know nothing about her and don’t care like you heard she’s going through a divorce but she never told you directly, you say “So what does your husband do for work?” Or use phrases like “back when you were first starting out in the industry…”
I know it’s mean but sometimes you gotta stand up for yourself even in a small bitchy way- it’s actually turned out positively once and the person opened up to me and we had a good couple weeks before she went back to hating me l m a o
Protect your peace, my girl whatever that means for you.
It may be jealousy connected to biology. Especially if they are all divorced, childfree, single (I’m assuming) unable to bear children. Whereas you are still of childbearing age. I know this may sound controversial but in the eyes of nature this makes them lower value to other men than you.