HelpNeeded #DivorceDilemma #FalseRapeAllegations
Hey there! 🌟 So, let me share a wild ride of a story with you. Imagine going through a horror movie in real life – that’s how the past 6 months have been for me.
Background Story: Rollercoaster of Events
Back in November 2023, an ex-flame of mine dropped a bombshell – she claimed to be pregnant, showed positive test pics (later found out they weren’t hers), and forced me into a marriage I didn’t want. Manipulation after manipulation followed, leading to her false rape allegations against me.
Seeking Advice on Divorce Dilemma
I’ve tried to divorce her, but she threatens suicide or legal action each time. The Catch-22? I suspect she has BPD, and I fear the consequences of divorce. Should I stay or make a move? Let’s break it down.
Challenges Faced
- Threats of suicide
- False rape allegations
- Fear of retaliation
- Mental health concerns
Actionable Steps to Consider
- Seek Legal Counsel: Consult with a lawyer to understand your rights and options.
- Document Everything: Keep records of threats, interactions, and evidence.
- Protect Yourself: Establish boundaries, involve authorities if needed.
- Seek Support: Lean on friends, family, or mental health professionals for guidance.
- Consider Safety Plans: Have a plan in place if the situation escalates.
Moving Forward with Caution
Navigating a divorce, especially in such complex circumstances, requires careful planning and support. Remember, your safety and well-being are paramount.
If you need further advice or just want to vent, we’re here for you. Stay strong, and know that you’re not alone in this journey. 💪🏽 #StaySafe #YouGotThis
holy fuck dude – there are so many red flags here…
You just need to get away from her completely. She isn’t going to kill herself. Just divorce her and move on.
RUN. this doesn’t seem solvable.
> If I divorce her, I fear she might kill or harm herself, and that would be on my head.
No it wouldn’t. I’m so fking sick of people thinking this way. You don’t owe sacrificing your happiness for the rest of your life to keep someone else from hurting themselves. YOUR life matters, too, not just theirs. Whatever they choose to do is their own choice, not your fault whatsoever.
> Alternatively she could even reopen the rape allegations case and I could get rearrested.
At this point there is no way you’d get convicted, there’s an entire history here that any judge would throw the case out on.
I ran into a woman very similar to this, except she was more calculating and conniving than irrational.
Run. Cut off contact as soon as responsibly possible. Explain to her that it is due to her disturbing behavior, but do not get sucked into a protracted dialogue about it.
do not do anything which would risk getting her pregnant and forcing an unbreakable tie to her.
Do not believe any story she comes back to you with about some type of life threatening emergency. In fact, if you believe you can do this responsibly, kindly inform her you will block her number and cut off contact due to her disturbing behavior.
I am not exaggerating at all when I tell you that the longer you have a doorway open to her in your life (including contact of any type), the more danger you are in.
In fact, the longer you maintain contact with her, the more likely it is she will make some ridiculous accusation. Even if it gets thrown out, it will be a very sticky situation to navigate and get out of. If you want to avoid an accusation, run and cut off contact as soon as responsibly possible.
What she does to herself is not n you nor your responsibility. Don’t enable her bs. You need to keep any kind of messages of her admitting to falsely accusing you. Plus any evidence she lied about being pregnant. Then turn her in for the false allegations. Stand up for yourself.
Sir, you are NOT safe. You can deal with the consequences, I promise. But you must go b
Wow I went through this very same thing man luckily I didn’t marry her but the false allegations of rape,abuse, etc and threatening to kill herself if u leave her is all an act man, the girl I was with has cluster B borderline personality disorder as well, just save yourself the stress and disappear it’s not your problem anymore if she wants to kill herself(which is just a mental game anyway)
Run for your fucking life, dude. This foe is beyond any of you.
You are not responsible for your wife’s mental health.
I don’t know if this is weird advice but after divorcing her call the police? And say she threatened to kill herself, at least they’d keep her safe somewhere?
And yea run LOOOOL IF SHES 40?! That would be unreal
I’m
So sorry for what you had to go thru, but yea just run, don’t feel bad for someone who did you so wrong
What country is this?
Divorce her, and get out from under that. You can’t save someone’s life. Talk to her bros, but it is not a reason to stay married. Yep get away.
Talk to a lawyer; talk to family members; document everything that has happened and continue to document; and continue to have hard conversations in front of impartial witnesses. Create a safe plan for leaving (when she is gone, staying at an undisclosed location, etc.).
The suicide threats are manipulative. Don’t let that stop you. You need to get out of there asap. UPDATEME
She’s crazy, you don’t feel safe around her, and quite honestly I’m afraid she’ll kill you rather than herself. Get out, get away, and don’t look back.
Get a lawyer and a good therapist, in that order. What she chooses to do with her life is not your responsibility and this is a position you should have never been put in. It will only get worse the longer you stay.
You need to leave. There are so many red flags here but the false accusation alone is not something she should be able to come back from. It should have resulted in the immediate end of all contact between the two of you.
Then after you leave you need some counseling because it’s not normal to tolerate this type of treatment.
Make sure you’re documenting all of the events that have transpired, save your texts, voice messages, etc., as you probably want to get a restraining order against her at some point. My ex used to threaten to kill himself if I left him. He didn’t. Obviously, there’s no guarantee of somebody else’s behavior, but you are not responsible, regardless. You need to get out of this hellscape. You don’t deserve this. Sadly, this happens to good people way more than it should. You’re trying to do the right thing and some head case is wanting you to fix them.
Dump this turd
From someone with BPD, no it wouldn’t be your fault if she kills herself.
Regardless of her potential mental illness (healthy people can be assholes too), this woman is abusive. She doesn’t need to accept your decision to divorce.
Are you safe where you are? Don’t let her in your family’s home if it’s where you live. Do you have support from family or friends?
You need to focus on what you need to get out of this marriage. If you are too worried she might harm herself and she actually threatens to do something then you can call emergency services to have her evaluated/commited.
Definitely go to a lawyer, for the divorce and the false allegations. Stop communicating with her until you talked to a lawyer.
Good lord you need to divorce her immediately. She is a walking, talking skin sac of crazy.
Stay with a friend and change your phone number. Call out of work sick and do it when she is working or away. Let the lawyers do the talking and negotiating. Just grab proof of the lying of age and manipulation/suicide threats. You have to take care of yourself. The longer you stay the more of a mental toll and years of recovery it will take to get past this. Your mental health matters.
A moment of discomfort is better than being a prisoner of fear.
Hi OP! I have BPD. Though I can’t tell if your wife has it, she’s certainly mentally unwell. If she makes suicide threats, call 911. Don’t sleep with her again. Don’t be alone with her again unless you have a witness on your side, frankly. You can’t stay married to her because she’s threatening shit either. That just teaches her that threats will work. She needs a psych evaluation and maybe to be hospitalized if your description of her mental degeneration is accurate. If you think she’s gonna harm herself or anyone else, call 911 and they’ll determine if she needs a psych hold. It fuckin sucks lmao but sometimes they’re necessary
What do you think will happen if you stay with her?
She’ll get pregnant and you’ll be tied to her
She’ll continue to manipulate you for the rest of your life theatening her family on you to kill herself
You have proof that she dropped the case. Of course it depends where you are if police would believe her due to that.
You cannot stay married to crazy. Get yourself a GOOD lawyer. Tell him or her everything.
The most important part is you MUST stay calm no matter what she does. Keep copious notes, copies of all texts, emails, etc., and record her if it is legal in your state. With people like this, you need to let the crazy play out for everyone to see. It may take time, but it will. You have to have the patience and the calm to let her dig her own hole.
Bro I would completely move states
So, hypothetical question; I am assuming you slept with her before marriage to have the whole pressure to marry via pregnancy thing. So, at that time I would also assume that you were under the impression she was 29?
Assuming both of those things are correct, given that she is lying about who she is to an extent, it that not hypothetically rape by deception? Let alone her tricking you into marriage.
100% lying to the police and having you arrested is a crime, but I’m trying to figure out what else she’s done here.
Talk to a lawyer, they’d have a field day.
Thank fuck I live in a country that requires both me and my partner to produce ID if we wish to get married.
If you’re in the US, document her threats, record audio and video if you’re in the clear legally with party consent, file police reports, and if you can, baker act her. While she’s institutionalized, contact a divorcee lawyer.
Please don’t let her reproduce. There is a special place in hell waiting for her.
Leave her and protect yourself.
You should talk to a lawyer about the possibility to annul the marriage- not divorce. This case has high ground for deception. I would only annul, if she has claims to alimony or martial assets from you, because annulment can be expensive.
If she does attempt suicide and has to go to treatment, she might have a claim to alimony and you could be ordered to pay her medical bills. Crazier things have happened.
Regardless what she says or does, you need to get rid of her. You are not responsible for what she does. She alone is responsible, if she takes her own life. Don’t let her take you hostage. We don’t negotiate with terrorist. If she is saying stuff like this again, just tell her that you will be a happy widower. She is just blackmailing you.
After that you need to get therapy for yourself. How could you allow such a crazy situation to happen? That’s not normal. Everyone involved in this situation is crazy.
Can you afford a plane ticket to Antarctica? You should run away to Antarctica
Divorce asap speak only through a lawyer tell the police everything so they can do a wellness check block her and move on maybe after the false allegations get a restraining order she is dangerous be careful
So. Let her, she crazy. She won’t do it. Even if she does, not your problem. Live and be happy.
It’s sounds like you’re more in a hostage situation than a marriage.
You need to focus on saving yourself here. You are not responsible for this woman and her problems are beyond your abilities to fix.
If she threatens suicide? Call an ambulance to her home, but don’t come running in-person. And make sure that you live separately and avoid speaking in-person with each other (keep all communication to a written format and make sure it’s saved & logged).
And if she does kill herself? That’s not on you. But I highly doubt that she will actually kill herself because she is a very manipulative person.
Please consult a divorce lawyer. I would strongly recommend packing your bags and moving in with your parents right now. Don’t even warn/tell her in advance because you need to get out of where you’re currently living with as little drama as possible. And make sure your family & friends understand the situation.
Do not have sex with this lady ever again. Not only is she liable to try and get pregnant (at her age it’s still possible), but she may make another rape allegation against you and try to use the physical evidence of sex as evidence of rape. I would not recommend spending any time alone with this lady because she is volatile and you don’t know what she might try to falsely accuse you of next (i.e. domestic violence) to punish you or blackmail you in staying, nor enact herself.