#relationshipadvice #boyfriendissues #engagementdilemma #marriageready #relationshipgoals
It sounds like you’re in a tough spot, and I’m here to help you make sense of it all. It’s not easy when your partner wants to tell others that you’re engaged but hasn’t officially proposed yet. Let’s try to understand where he might be coming from and what you can do in this situation.
**Understanding His Perspective**
It’s clear that your boyfriend is eager to take the next step in your relationship. It’s possible that he feels pressure from his peers or from society to be at a certain stage in his life, which may be why he’s eager to tell his old classmates that he’s engaged. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s being disingenuous or that he doesn’t care about you, but it’s important to get on the same page about where your relationship stands.
**Communication Is Key**
You’ve been honest with him about your feelings on marriage, and it’s crucial to continue that open communication. Have a heart-to-heart conversation with your boyfriend about how his announcement makes you feel, and express your concerns about the status of your relationship. It’s essential for both of you to be on the same page about where your relationship stands and where you see it going in the future.
**Overcoming Expectations**
Society often has a set timeline for relationships, and it can be challenging to navigate those expectations. It’s essential to remember that every relationship is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Your boyfriend’s desire to tell others about your engagement might be a result of societal pressures, but it’s important for the two of you to prioritize your own feelings and timelines.
**Advice from Ancient Wisdom**
In times of confusion and doubt, seeking guidance from ancient wisdom can be incredibly helpful. The Bhagavad Gita emphasizes the importance of being true to oneself and not letting external pressures dictate one’s actions. While it’s essential to respect your boyfriend’s perspective, it’s equally important to prioritize your own feelings and insecurities about the situation.
**Moving Forward**
It’s crucial to remember that every relationship is a journey with its ups and downs. It’s normal to experience uncertainty and doubt, but it’s how you navigate these challenges that truly define the strength of your relationship. Here are some practical steps you can take to move forward in a healthy and constructive way:
1. **Have an Honest Conversation**: Sit down with your boyfriend and communicate openly about your feelings regarding his announcement to his old classmates.
2. **Set Boundaries**: Make it clear what you’re comfortable with in terms of publicly discussing your relationship status. It’s essential for both of you to respect each other’s boundaries.
3. **Seek Professional Help**: If you find it challenging to navigate this situation on your own, consider seeking the guidance of a professional counselor or therapist. They can provide an objective perspective and help you work through your concerns.
4. **Focus on Your Relationship**: Despite external pressures, keep the focus on nurturing your relationship and ensuring that both of you are on the same page about your future together.
In conclusion, it’s completely understandable to feel confused and uncertain about your boyfriend’s eagerness to tell others about your engagement. It’s a complex situation that requires open communication, understanding, and empathy from both parties. Remember that every relationship has its unique timeline and that it’s essential to prioritize your own feelings and boundaries. Ultimately, the strength of your bond lies in your ability to navigate challenges together and grow stronger as a couple.
You’re a milestone/trophy to flash in front of people he wants to impress and honesty isn’t his style.
Sounds like this relationship needs to end honestly. The fact that you’ve been on again off again and he exhibits this behavior is a major red flag. Have any of the issues that caused the break ups actually been resolved or fixed? Sounds like his behaviors has stayed the same, so you can expect him to act like this in the future. That doesn’t sound like a relationship I would want
I’d tell him that he’s welcome to lie to his friends but that I don’t date—and certainly don’t marry—liars.
You are correct. You two are in no place to be getting married. You haven’t even made it a year without breaking up.
There are about 1 million red flags with this guy, so why are you still with him? You can’t fix him, but you can figure out why you aren’t able to get away from an unhealthy situation.
I don’t think there’s a big mystery about why he wants you to lie at the high school reunion. He wants to see more successful, and together than he really is. Here’s my fiancé and we’re getting married soon is a lot better than here’s a woman I’ve been seeing sporadically for a year, we just came off of a three month break, and then I stood her up on New Year’s Eve.
So you’re not even a year in, it’s been so rocky that you’re on and off in that first year, and he wants to use you to show his high school friends he’s accomplished more than he has in life. You’ve got yourself a keeper!
Info: do you enjoy being used?
Personally, I would push back hard because its a red flag to me.
The reason being is you feel like your relationship isn’t ready and still requires some tuning:
>I don’t think we’re ready for marriage yet, at least not from my perspective.
Seems like you two are still in a “sorting things out” type of stage.
Him getting ahead of himself like that stage is over… Will take away from the required attention and effort to actually resolve the concerns effectively… Like we got this in the bag, we’re already there.
No… Keep it real with each-other and be honest with the world.
You’re not engaged.
Its not some life achievement you say in order to impress your peers, that’s exactly what he is doing.
You don’t need people to start asking about your engagement or congratulating over something that never happened. Word travels fast, and if other people catch wind of this lie… Its going to be one awkward conversation to have. There are some real consequences that can happen as a result.
Then… what happens when you actually get engaged? Can’t even celebrate with people because we did that already even though I had no ring to show for it.
He needs to snap back to reality and exist in the current relationship status.
The whole on and off style for relationships is always an unhealthy sign and warrants a lot of concern.
Your partner doesn’t get to decide if you’re engaged. Its a mutual agreement done together.
This where the red flag is:
>I made it clear that we needed to see where the relationship was headed. He told me multiple times that it had been a year and that we should get married.
You two are on different pages.
You’re trying to step carefully and ensure things are done right. Calculated approach. The good way.
And he’s going “Get over it, lets just get married”.
That’s how people get trapped in busted marriages. They get married when the relationship is busted thinking the title of husband/wife will magically fix all the problems.
The titles never fix anything.
Girl, no.
If he wants the title, he can get you a ring.
PERIOD.
How is he getting to the reunion – if he is driving then the NYE was fake and I think he’s seeing other people. I think he’s wasting your time.
He is duping you. And you’re falling for it.
You haven’t been dating a year. “On and off” doesn’t count. Why on earth would you want to marry a guy who you can’t even date consistently without breaking up?
He doesn’t want to marry you. He wants his old friends to think he’s checking off milestones in life.
Giiiiirrrrrlll……cmon……
Ask him who is he engaged to and who does he plan to marry, because at this point, it isn’t you.
It seems like he is trying to push you into a marriage, without telling you.
OP -Not for us to explain, that’s all on HIM. He’s gonna say what he wants as long as you’re not there, oh well. Whatchagonnado??
The fact that he had a sudden panic attack on the way to meeting up with you to propose to you should scream volumes he is nowhere near ready to get married. He just doesn’t want to be not ready. He’s definitely got some issues to work out and I think it’s a good idea to let him go and figure out things on his own. Find someone who is interested in building a relationship with you over time rather than trying to rush you into something permanent that the both of you are not ready for.
He’s a flaky liar is my impression
This relationship doesn’t sound very stable as it is.
Don’t get married yet until you’re not off and on
OP, too many red flags, cancelling on NYE, panic attacks, lying to his old classmates.
Why doesn’t he just propose and then he would be being truthful with his classmates? If it was me, I would want to know a LOT more about this person before getting engaged.
How often are these panic attacks? Do they interfere with his other relationships or jobs, etc.?
I don’t think someone that cared about you would let you get all dressed up for a NYE date and then cancel.
You tell him no. Be honest with him and set some kind of timeline.
“I’m not going to get engaged or married to you until our relationship is solid and stable for at least 2 years. We just came off of a 3 month break. The on and off again thing doesn’t make me comfortable being engaged or even telling others this. I’m not going to lie, and I’m not getting married so soon.”
On and off and a three month break within only a year of dating? Your final resting place for life should NOT be this hard or complicated. And a panic attack before he proposes is not a great sign.
You’re definitely right to put the breaks on marriage. It won’t get easier. I’ve only seen “on and off” work ONCE, and it was only after years of therapy for both, individually and together.
I would ask him if he thinks lying is an attractive trait. You haven’t been together a year, you broke up and got back together. I don’t like this for you.
This is the kind of post I’d expect from a 22 year old… Not a 30 year old…. Breaking up and getting back together multiple times a year and lying about important milestones is like, very very toxic. Why not find someone that’s not toxic?
How many times does he have to disappoint you before you decide enough is enough? When are you going to pick yourself. Find someone who actually wants to be married. Neither one of you are in a healthy place relationship wise getting married isn’t going to make that go away.
FYI it’s patched not batched. You patched things up. Either way it sounds like you’re putting a band aid on a bleeding artery. Buying yourself enough time until the next thing he does.
You’ve broken up multiple times in your first year. This relationship is doomed. Tell him he can tell people he is single and leave it be.
what everyone said, and also it’s patched things up 😭
Idk it’s almost like you’re romanticizing his total flop of a proposal. Not to be rude because I understand he had a panic attack, but respectfully he kinda ruined it and is making it worse by saying “but can I tell people I did so I get the attention for it?”
Yikes and yuck
Also I hope this is making you alittle suspicious and hopefully some flags are popping up for you OP. He wants to use you as a prop so he can look like he has his shit together for his high school reunion. Plus all the other things you mentioned, not sure why you’re with this guy.
Are you guys 30 or 13
One year in a on/off relationship and hes talking about getting? And you didn’t run? Are you insane?
And to make everything better he wants to use you to appear to have a better life to his “friends”? This scream “I rent a expensive car to appear rich, but in reality I live with my parents”.
He did not have fireworks and a proposal planned. That was a lie
Red flag, RED FLAG
*Patched* things up.
He doesn’t want to marry you. He’s just using you.
You guys can’t even make it a full year without breaking up and you’re entertaining the idea of even getting a ring? You are not ready to be engaged at all.
He’s full of red flags
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩this guy LIES very easily. Now he’s asking you to be on board with his lies. He’s not trustworthy or reliable. Just break up with this guy. It’ll be nothing but heart break.