Curious about sexual compatibility before marriage? How can a couple determine if they are sexually compatible if they are waiting until marriage? Explore this common dilemma with #sexualcompatibility #marriage #relationships. Let’s dive in together!
Why is sexual compatibility important?
Understanding sexual compatibility is crucial for a healthy relationship. It involves aligning desires, boundaries, and communication styles to ensure both partners are satisfied and fulfilled.
Ways to determine sexual compatibility
1. Have open and honest conversations about your sexual desires and boundaries.
2. Explore your physical connection through non-sexual touch and intimacy.
3. Consider seeking pre-marital counseling or therapy to address any concerns.
4. Take the time to understand each other’s needs and preferences before making a lifelong commitment.
Remember, communication is key in any relationship. Don’t be afraid to discuss your thoughts and feelings openly with your partner. You deserve to have a fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationship. #communicationiskey #sexuality #relationshiptips
So, how can a couple navigate the question of sexual compatibility before marriage? By being open, honest, and willing to explore this important aspect of your relationship.
Typically the people who believe in waiting til marriage for sex do not believe in or put importance in the concept of sexual compatibility.
Communication
Talk
A lot of compatability can be about desires in the bedroom, kinks, etc.
A lot of the other stuff can be learned over time. But in the age of tinder, people tend to he impatient. If sex is bad they leave and find someone else. Rather than learning eachothers bodies and gaining skill.
Marriage offers those people the security and commitment to explore and try things.
Waiting till marriage is one of the dumbest concepts man ever created and was purely to pressure young women into marriage.
They don’t. Waiting for marriage is a recipe for disaster.
Such an antiquated concept, signing up for life with a person who you have no idea if you are sexually compatible with.
That’s the neat part: They don’t.
These two concepts are inherently incompatible with one another, and people should not be forced to wait until marriage.
Waiting until marriage is basically just a ploy to keep women from finding out what they like, so that the first sexual encounter they have is with a man they’re supposed to stay with forever, meaning they don’t really develop any frame of reference and don’t complain about their husband’s performance.
It’s like if you only drive a Ford Fiesta your whole life, and never any other car. You’ll never know which aspects of the experience are inherent to all cars, and which ones are unique to the Ford Fiesta, so you just have to tolerate all the negatives.
They don’t. If because of religious reasons, the idea is generally that sex is for procreation, not pleasure, so compatibility doesn’t matter.
How are they supposed to know they’re not sexually compatible if they never fucked anyone who knew what they were doing?
Who says they’re “supposed” to do anything?
The only people who should have any say in how or when consenting adults have sex is those same consenting adults.
Never understood that one either.
A little bit to the history of marriage:
But considering it’s de facto a patriarchal economic agreement, I doubt how the bride felt about it, never played into the equation. The woman was expected to be obedient anyways. Marriage/no sex before it are concepts from a time before modern rights, DNA analysis, and romance. Hence:
– Virginity was considered the only option of “paternity test”, to ensure as a man that it’s actually your kid/line.
– Having children and many of them was the “retirement structure” of the day. Your kids/family were looking after you.
– Cosider most people didn’t get to 50-60 back then.
So, if you weren’t married as a woman by age 25, you were seen as old spinster (which is often understood as a derogatory term, because it ment you needed to work till the day you died, since you could not get a husband/kids).
So most women back then were “happy” at any chance to marry. Being sexually compatible wasn’t of any concern. What happened in the bedroom was for the husband to decide and the wife to comply with and endure.
Bad sex ed and coercion coupled with entrapment/rape usually lead to young pregnancies and cosequent “shotgun” weddings (As in: “you will wed my defiled daughter or I’ll shoot you.”).
Up until about the middle of the 20th century, most people (women and men) didn’t know about female orgasms or pleasure, it simply wasn’t considered relevant. Pleasure was for men.
At the end of the 19th/ beginning of the 20th century, the advent of condoms allowed for more promiscuous encounters, usually in more wealthy, affluent classes, but condom use still needed the cooperation of the man.
Only in the 50s/60s hormonal pills became available, allowing for total control for the woman over her fertility. With that casual sex became much more common.
The connotation of sex = pregnancy was lifted.
That’s why, except for very religious people, people in general don’t wait until marriage anymore. Usually having had multiple partners before marriage. Especially considering all the save options of contraception these days.
Or they don’t marry at all in the first place.
It should also be considered that, most first sex is meh, since both tend to be inexperienced etc. Kinks and interests develop over tine and experience.
Only good communication can lead to good relationships, independent of religiosity and dogma held etc.
Conclusion/TL;DR:
But in my opinion the “no sex before marriage” stuff is obsolete, like at least three generations back.
We don’t have the public pressure (at least in progressive places). We have good sex education (at least in progressive places). We have good contraceptives.
There is no reason to blindly hold on to obsolete standards, when safe sex is an option.
But I already hear conservatives ramble their fears for the last 70 years:
“But that would give women power and options! What if he is bad in bed? Now she can simply stop a marriage and isn’t bound by a ‘holy promise’ to comply or be seen as a failure in the religious community for divorcing/separation. Doesn’t anyone think of the men/potential husbands?”
My spouse and I chose to wait until we were married to have sex. People act like it was an awful idea but we have had a lot of fun over the years learning what each other enjoy most in the bedroom. I love that we know how to make each other happy in a way that no one else ever has. We’ve created our own compatibility.
The expectation is sacrifice.
Divorce exists
Christian here who waited til marriage. The idea is to learn and explore together. If neither person has watched porn or had sex before marriage, the ideal is to explore sex, likes, dislikes, communicate and learn and grow together.
Before the peanut gallery chimes in, please don’t. I’m just answering the persons question from the perspective they were looking for. Additional commentary not necessary.
Religion is oppressive
My husband and I waited until marriage. There was a *lot* of sexual tension between us and made it difficult to wait lol. I would tell someone that if they were waiting and it isn’t hard to wait then it’s probably not a good idea.
I don’t buy into sexual compatibility completely. I get it somewhat but the reality is being with someone for nearly 20 years has brought so many changes. Even if we were having sex when we were dating wouldn’t have prepared us for the changes. We’ve had 4 kids so my libido has been all over the place with hormones. He had this crazy high sex drive but then had a mental breakdown/OCD and he could go months without sex whereas my drive sky rocketed.
We are also open to hearing our things the other person would like to try. We both try to accommodate the other as much as possible. It doesn’t always work out but a sense of humor and grace are both pretty important.
Isn’t that like a Christian thing or something? Unless you’re a practicing Christian, people don’t wait…
Religion isn’t terribly concerned about compatibility as much as it is about control.
You believe that ppl that want to wait until marriage believe in sexual compatibility? Heck, i don’t even think thats that big of a deal. Unless one of them had some unusual kink, im sure they can work it out tbh.
You. Are. Not. Supposed. To. Wait. Until. Marriage.
That is a religious and social construct that was initially enforced because women were property for the majority of human history. Not only that it’s detrimental to sexual health.
That’s the neat part.
They don’t.
I didn’t know lol I got married at 20 for religious reasons and we ended up divorcing 4 years later and this was definitely part of it. We were not compatible no matter how hard we tried.
They don’t know if theyre compatible. Sexual compatibility isn’t usually a concern in communities that use sex and sexuality as a means of control.
If sex is something that only exists to make more people, anything beyond “did a baby happen” is wrong to even think about.
The idea is that you’d theoretically discuss things ahead of time and evaluate that way. Doesn’t actually work though much of the time.
I waited until marriage before having sex. Here’s the big secret, much like the ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP most things are not decided by “compatibility”. You have to be receptive to your partner and willing to do things together. If one person likes sex one way and another likes it another way, it is possible to switch it up. You can also learn what your partner likes and they can learn what you like. If the big concern is sex drive, that can be discussed without having sex.
edit: grammar
You can’t, don’t do it.
Source: my ex forced me into waiting, would have not married him if we had.
The first time you have sex with someone the sex probably will not be all that great, but you get better at it with practice. Each partner tells the other what they like and what they don’t like. They also learn about what they like and don’t like by trying different things with each other. I don’t think sexual compatibility is something you either have or don’t have, I think it’s something you develop with someone over time. I have learned things about my sexuality by being with my wife that I never knew before we got together. Now, we didn’t wait until marriage, we started having sex right away. So, I don’t think it’s necessary to wait until marriage,but I also think sexual compatibility is something a couple can develop after marriage if they do decide to wait.
Says who?
They don’t.
They dont. That’s the problem with waiting till marriage
It is scary! Your first time is almost always unpleasant. But if you keep trying and end up with a man who does not care about you… Then might as well be a toy they play with and discard.
It’s a bit risky tbh, but usually in my relationships we’d have a lot of discussions and do very minor sexual stuff to see what we’re into, or at least the idea of. I care a lot about sexual compatibility and I love having sexual tension and teases with someone, but I still wait for the ‘right person’ because, in a way, that’s how important intimacy is to me..
They don’t, but there’s no do-overs because divorce is a sin so you’re going to be trapped either way
Who the fuck waits until marriage? What are we? Back in the 1960’s?
So I’ll give you a Christian perspective. AFAIK abstinence until marriage is a mostly Christian practice. At the core of the marriage is love for your partner. That means putting their needs first. Ideally they love you back the same way, so they will try to put YOUR needs first. Two people like this can overcome a lot of supposed “incompatibilities” while also having a heck of a lot of fun in the process.
The vendiagram of people who believe in waiting until marriage and people who care about sexual compatibility is two distinct circles.
The truth is people who are raised to wait are not taught to consider sexual compatibility when finding a partner. In fact, they aren’t really taught about the concept of compatibility at all, instead they are taught that if you fall in love with someone and want to have sex with them that that is enough of a reason to get married.
Does that work? Sometimes.
Just to add, sexual compatibility is not just kinks and sex drive, it is far more complex than that. It also applies to things like shared sexual mindset (meaning morals, ethics, and biases around sex) and physical compatibility (as in, does the peg match the hole?).
To each their own, but I couldn’t date a person that waiting until marriage is part of their religious beliefs for this very reason.
It is impossible to know! People who do this are taking a tremendous gamble! I often wonder whether these people truly think they are pleasing god by taking this risk.
If two people are willing to be open and put in the effort, its pretty hard to be incompatible.
They’re not. Traditionally, they’re not supposed to know better (especially women) because they’re not supposed to know what else is out there or that sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. Also, most religions that feel this way consider sex to be wrong and “dirty” and if people don’t view it as a chore they may (gasp!) enjoy it.
People who wait until marriage don’t give a flying fuck about practically or compatibility. They go completely off “love ” or the trust in God.
Ask BYU students they have all kinds of creativity.
I think that the people who believe you should wait until marriage to have sex, also believe that you should not have sex for pleasure, only for procreation.
That’s a major reason they look so sternly on abortion too, I think, while not caring about artificially fertilized eggs at fertility clinics. If you want to have an abortion, it means you had sex out of lust without wanting to procreate, and that’s the real crime to them. Especially if you’re a woman.