MentalHealth #SelfImprovement #PersonalGrowth #StayPositive #LifeJourney #Mindfulness
Introduction: Confronting Regret and Moving Forward
Feeling like you’ve fallen behind in life, especially when comparing yourself to an ideal version of where you "should" have been, is a deeply challenging experience. Many face such struggles and are haunted by the gap between reality and expectation, but focusing on actionable strategies can be a transformative approach to navigate these feelings.
Understanding the Motive Behind the Question
You’ve expressed a genuine frustration over lost time, feeling like the opportunity to maximize your 20s has slipped away. This sentiment is not uncommon. Many people grapple with regret and the pressure to live up to certain standards. However, there are practical steps you can take to alleviate some of this emotional burden and find a path to fulfillment. Let’s dive into some strategies on how to adapt and move forward constructively. 🚀
Accepting Your Past: Acknowledge and Reflect
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Face Reality, Don’t Fight It: Recognizing past mistakes or lost time does not mean dwelling on them perpetually. It’s about accepting them as part of your journey. Reflecting on these experiences can provide valuable insights and strengthen your resolve to leverage your current efforts.
- Focus on What You Control: You can’t change the past, but you can certainly influence your present and future. Channeling your energy into actionable steps today ensures that your future self benefits from these efforts.
Setting Realistic Expectations: Redefine Success
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Redefine Personal Success: The benchmark for success should be your fulfillment and growth, not an arbitrary societal timeline. Your journey is unique and incomparable to others.
- Small Wins Matter: Recognize and celebrate small achievements. These milestones are crucial in building momentum and delivering a sense of accomplishment.
Developing a Growth Mindset: Continuous Improvement
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Embrace Learning: The notion that it’s "too late" is a mindset that can be reframed. Every challenge and delay is an opportunity to learn. Adopt a growth mindset to continuously seek improvement and adapt. 📚
- Stay Resilient: Building resilience involves acknowledging setbacks but maintaining a forward-focused outlook. Reiterate to yourself that every step forward is valuable, regardless of the pace.
Strategies to Stay Motivated: Long-Term Vision
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Goal Setting: Establish clear, achievable goals. Break down your long-term objectives into manageable, short-term tasks. This approach helps in keeping track and providing motivation as you see progress over time. 🗂️
- Mindfulness and Well-Being: Prioritize mental health and well-being. Practices such as meditation, exercise, and proper rest are indispensable in maintaining a balanced and resilient state of mind.
Building a Support System: Connect and Share
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Seek Support: Connect with friends, mentors, or support groups. Sharing experiences and seeking advice can offer new perspectives and solace, knowing you’re not alone in your journey.
- Contribute and Empower: Helping others or volunteering can foster a sense of purpose and belonging. Empowering others can often lead to self-empowerment.
Conclusion: Embrace Your Unique Path
Your past does not dictate your potential for success and fulfillment. While the regret of lost time can be daunting, focusing on constructive and actionable strategies can pave the way for a gratifying and successful future. Remember, life is a marathon, not a sprint. Your journey is uniquely yours, and it’s never too late to write new chapters filled with growth and achievement. 🌟
By reframing perspectives and implementing these steps, you can overcome the feeling of falling behind and embark on a path of continuous improvement and well-being. 🏆
The fact that you dont even want to hear a positive outlook is probably part of your issue…
You realize that you had to go through those three years to get where you are now, which is on a path forward. That will lead to success. Which is NOT where you were heading three years ago. So you’ve already surpassed that person who was lost and going in the wrong direction, right?
Are you going to continue wasting time in a fetal position on this or embrace the fact that holy crap I’m pretty proud of myself for getting it together. Which, IMO, you should be. Mom hugs all around.
A nice thing about fucking up good and proper is that you can stop being afraid of ever having fucked up. You’ve fucked up, it is part of your life story now, you’ve got to play the ball where it lies and that’s where it lies. But you can relax a bit because perfection is off the table. If you are smart, you’ll do that, shake it off, and move forward. I won’t go any further with the wisdom that you’ve already declared will be lost on you other than to urge you to not further waste years agonizing over shit that can never be changed.
It is a part of your life and the past can’t be changed. Regrets are hard. It is normal to grieve for the things we have lost. Moving on means accepting yourself and making the most of the time you have left. Quarter-life crisis hits hard, but early 20s is usually a transitional time and it would be good to forgive yourself. You are discovering what you value in life. Finding your weaknesses and working to make a change is part of growth.
Why do you believe you could have had success 3 years earlier?
Why are those 3 years so insanely important?
And why are you calling 24 “late in life success”? I mean, if we all only lived to 30, then sure. But late in life success because you missed 3 years and you’re not even fully mid-20s?
You are seriously missing one thing: Perspective. And you’re placing SUCH a heavy, extremely unrealistic burden on yourself, and punching the hell out of yourself here….and I want to know why the hell, basically.
Sounds like the person you should have been doesn’t exist if you can’t catch up to them. Maybe don’t worry about that fictional mofo and focus on who you are becoming right here and now, moment by moment.
You sound hella stuck in your own head though. I’d suggest some hallucinogens with an experienced guide/friend, it might help you get back into reality. Acid definitely helped open up some new perspectives for me.
Barring that, try therapy.
you had me in the first half with that “I don’t wanna hear im still young” schtick, and I was fully prepared to honor it.
Then went on to say 24. JFC, you’re so young. So you made some mistakes, wasted some time, like most young people do? you’ll get over it
That is, if your friends can still keep it up. You are assuming they arent going to face road blocks and difficulties. And then, maybe then you will surpass them.
I assume you are a college graduate, since you’re comparing yourself as a 24 YO to your self as a 21 year old, which is when most people graduate college?
5 years from now you won’t give a fuck. Probably even less.
All you can do now is move forward, the time is gone. The pain is real, but you’re still alive just focus and keep going.
You say you don’t want to hear “comparison is the thief of joy“ but it’s the only reason you feel the way you do. People use to bleed on the grounds you are privileged to prance upon because they were being enslaved endless from birth to death. We all have an abundance of privilege and we have audacity to feel our lives are over at the age of 24. What did you expect? What did you want? We have more access to resources than the richest humans did a century ago, by default we are rich. You need to do what humans have always done, adapt.
Time is very important, but it’s just time. There are people decades older than you who feel the same way. You compare yourself too much to other people. You steal your own happiness.
You did better than the version of you who died as a child.
Why do you think those are comforting lies? No one is as a good as a genius who aced university in his teens. So what?
I really feel your pain, I have been through something similar around the same age.
What helped for me:
-realizing that quarter life crysis is a thing, and I was going through it
-later on, realizing that somewhere between 20 and 25, many of my friends were getting “behind” in some ways (quitting uni and starting a new one, getting stuck in a bad relationship, etc) and that it is normal, it is life and also our 20s are to experiment and make mistakes
-defining what is progress for me: why do I feel that I’m behind? Is it because I don’t have a house on my name? Is it because I’m not married? Do I feel left out from my friendgroup? But what if I preferred traveling often instead of saving up, and now have way more life experience and nice memories?
-It is normal to feel that you missed out. You see around you that life comes together for everyone but you. And then you turn 25, or 30, and realise that most people don’t have millions invested by that age or owns a succesful megacompany, and that is fine. Life is not linear, and if you can start the thing you wanted to do now, at 24, that’s great. If you start later, that is also fine. If you change your mind anywhere in the process: also fine.
-Imagine how long you want to live. Let’s say, a 100 years. Compared to that, 3 years are very minuscule, and you have plenty of time to catch up on, whatever goal you wanted to reach.
Try to find what is important for you and where you want to be by using positive statements (do not use the word no/not) – instead of saying I don’t want to be doing X, say: I want to do Y.
I hope it helps a bit.
Life is like a really complicated video game such as Skyrim and we get one playthrough, no save-skimming. Hindsight is reading the optimization guide well after the fact and constantly smacking ourselves in the head while screaming “D’oh!”
All of those friends you’re comparing yourself to? They’re wrapped up in their own hindsight and screaming “D’oh!” to themselves about their own mistakes.
Get back on your feet, realize that you can’t invest too much forethought in your decisions, and play out your string the very best you can. Every life around you is defined by its mistakes, just like yours. You shake the self-inflicted damage off and keep moving forward.
Good luck.
Get a hobby or a Life or maybe both. That’s a good start and maybe stop feeling sorry for yourself cos in reality no one really gives a shit.
Its all on you
Well u can just admit that you are a loser compared to your friends. Acknowledging that losers dont deserve success like winners is the first step. You shouldnt be allowed to just magically catch up to them when u squandered those 3 years while they put in the work. You can get over that fact by being humble and realize you made dumb choices and lived life stupidly while your friends didnt, then promise yourself you wont do it again. You wont catch up bc u arent that person you think you should have been. You didnt put in the work so the reality of what u have now is who you are, just stop sitting on your behind complaining and regretting and go do something about it. Your friends are probably working on maximizing their lives as you wrote that post.
Legit curious as what the last three years could’ve been
“Comparison is the thief of joy” is one of life’s basic truths. Rejecting it only reveals your mindset to be still developing towards a place of peace and acceptance, I wish you luck getting there
I can’t find the video but on YouTube somewhere is a short clip from a Bukowski interview, where Bukowski says he considers himself lucky to have found success late in life. Now he’s untouchable. They can’t have him. He’s already been through it all. He’ll never write for anyone the way they want. He’ll write exactly as he pleases because nothing can tempt him. He’s lived in the fire so long he can’t be burned.
It sticks with me, it’s an excellent point. You’re impressionable, malleable when young (i.e. at 24). The powers-that-be in the upper echelons of industries will warp you. Form you to their image, and spit you out if you don’t comply. Early age success is always mentored, rarely pure. You kick yourself for not been successful as an infant. You don’t even know what success is. You mistake success for fame. Fame is a faint scent on a fast wind. Success is a windmill, grinding millet to feed your village.
You’re gonna have a hard time solely because of your mindset
I mean this is something that has been going around social media lately and might be cliche… but you’re worrying about a future that you’re not sure you’re going to be in. You talk about late life success but you might not be alive by then even. I don’t think you should enjoy whatever you are doing rn less than how you would have enjoyed it at 21. We all have some sort of setback (I know it because I also struggle with these kinds of thoughts) but we kinda only have two choices: 1. regret everything we do and be bitter to ourselves or 2. have mercy on ourselves and enjoy whatever I have the chance to do right now. And I’m not saying that these thoughts will be gone, for me they come back often. I’m just saying that those three years happened for a reason, whether good or bad, thank them and keep going because you still deserve a good life that only you can give to yourself.
on a side note, the only thing that has helped me with this was practicing mindfulness, recommended by a therapist that I was attending specifically for this type of anxious thoughts. it helps feeling less like time slips away between your fingers. I really hope we can both find our way in these moments, lots of hugs.
I feel you 100%. I lost crucial 2 years also in my 20s. I literally had a breakdown over it yesterday lol.
Well you can’t do anything. That time is lost forever. The best you can do is just try not to think about it. Learn from your mistakes and move on, there’s nothing else you can do.
I’m finding that I’m really enjoying getting older, exactly because of THIS. I was so stressed in my early 20s, I felt like I had to accomplish everything immediately. I had to be fit, attractive, travel, study, yet also save for a house, date, be fun.
But I’m not all those things. Wanting everything stopped me from enjoying what I had.
As time passes, I’m finding my peace – and it feels really good. I can’t tell you how to ‘get over’ your frustrations with how you’re feeling, you’ll just have to feel it. Then the feeling will pass.
You’ll just get over it when you’ll stop being an immature jealous kid who calls soy having a positive outlook. You should aspire to become the person you dont want to hear from because they are the ones happy with themselves while you feel defeated about yourself over nothing. Who cares who is ahead? My friends who were rich in their early 20s are broke and coked up in their 30s, I would never trade place with them.
Dude grow up.
Bro calm tf down 24 is young and 20s is for making mistakes. You literally have your whole life ahead of you.
I’m 32 and only became what I consider “successful” 4 or 5 years ago. Part of the journey is fucking stuff up and learning from your mistakes. At 24 I was still in the military and had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I spent money poorly, made bad choices in women, and didn’t value the important things in life… fast forward to my late 20s till now. I’m at a 6 figure job with amazing benefits, in shape, with a woman that loves and respects me etc.
Point being 24 is still the fuck up, learn, and improve stage. It’ll all fall in place. Can’t say you’ll ever catch up to your expectations but that’s a good thing. Being completely satisfied is settling for mediocrity.
Bro relax and go to therapy damn homie
Yeh time to pack it up bud. Once you hit 30 it’s like that Indiana jones scene where the dude drinks from the wrong cup
So young and naive. 24. Hahahaha. Bro come back in 10 years and we will laugh at this post together
Most people in their 20s and even beyond feel the same way. Even those who are further in life than you are. Most of us will never reach our full potential or be rich and successful. That’s just the way the world works. Unless you’re born into wealth or you’re exceptionally smart or skilled or have great dumb luck you’re bound to have an average life. What you do with it is what matters.
Well you are not the only one I was 24 and my wife was 29 when we met in college. The thing is not to compare yourself to others as all of us are on a different path.
What we figured out is that this is how our life was meant to be. So stay in your lane and run your own race.
So you are the person you should have been.
Just live your life and enjoy it the best you can.
I’m 47. There have been many times in my life where I felt like I was on the perfect track, and other times when I felt completely hopeless. Life just keeps happening. It’s almost never going to go like it’s “supposed” to. I’m much happier when I accept the reality of what has already happened. This is where you are. Push off from here.
You can use the past as a learning experience, but you can never change it.
Keep focused on the future, and make the best of what lies ahead.
You are mistaken that you “should have been” anyone or anything. Your life status is simply the sum of your choices and luck. You are also mistaken that you cannot “catch up” or surpass your friends; you absolutely can. The rate of progress in life is not fixed.
You “failed” early. Now you have a type of hindsight most people won’t get till years later. That’s why you’re going to succeed.