Looking for ways to care for a man with minimal wants and needs? Wondering how to provide support without overwhelming him? #minimalist #menshealth
### Understanding his needs
To start off, it’s crucial to grasp what a man with little wants and needs truly requires in terms of care and support. Take the time to observe and communicate with him to gain insight into his preferences.
### Showing love and consideration
1. **Respect his boundaries:** Ensure that you respect his personal space and boundaries, and avoid pushing him into situations he may not be comfortable with.
2. **Offer practical help:** Instead of material gifts or grand gestures, consider offering practical assistance with day-to-day tasks or areas where he might appreciate a helping hand.
3. **Listen and validate:** Be there to listen when he wants to talk and provide a supportive presence without judgment. Validate his feelings and let him know that you’re there for him.
### Encouraging self-care
1. **Promote self-care practices:** Encourage him to engage in activities that promote his well-being, whether it’s through exercise, meditation, hobbies, or spending time outdoors.
2. **Respect his independence:** Allow him the space to take care of himself and make decisions independently. Avoid imposing your ideas of what self-care should look like on him.
### Support his aspirations
1. **Celebrate his achievements:** Acknowledge and celebrate his accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem. Encouragement and positivity can go a long way in boosting his confidence.
2. **Offer emotional support:** Be his cheerleader and provide emotional support during challenging times. Let him know that you believe in his abilities and are there to offer a listening ear.
By understanding his needs, showing love and consideration, encouraging self-care, and supporting his aspirations, you can provide meaningful care for a man with minimal wants and needs. Remember, it’s the little gestures and genuine connections that make a difference in his life.
Why do you need to do anything?
Make a point sometimes of telling him he can just have the day to relax and don’t make him do anything in particular.
Get busy with your own life and trust that he’ll come to you if he needs/wants something. If he seems happy it’s kinda weird to try to push to have the happiness come from you as a source.
Cook him breakfast.
I think that you wanting him to “need” you is concerning and may be the results of untreated trauma or insecurities.
What you describe is a man that figured his happiness out. Hobbies + social + wife. I don’t think that his attention is going to fulfill whatever drove you to write this post.
It sounds like you’re eager to find ways to engage with your husband that make you feel more involved and needed. Have you considered exploring hobbies or interests that you both might enjoy? Sometimes, couples find a new spark by venturing into activities they haven’t tried before, or by learning something new together. This not only gives you quality time with each other but also helps both of you grow and experience new things as individuals. It might also help you feel more fulfilled in your role as a wife aside from the traditional duties. Plus, it provides a common ground for conversation and shared excitement. Remember, your worth isn’t determined by how much your husband ‘needs’ you for day-to-day tasks, but by the companionship and unique connection only the two of you share.
While it’s important to respect your husband’s space and independence, it’s equally important to nurture your own. Instead of focusing solely on what you can do for him, shift some of that energy towards self-improvement and self-care. This isn’t simply about finding hobbies but cultivating a life you’re passionate about. Have you considered volunteer work, classes, or a project that excites you? Often, the more content we are with our own lives, the more we have to offer others, and this can paradoxically draw people closer. Moreover, it presents an attractive quality of self-sufficiency and may pique your husband’s interest in what you’re up to. Happiness can be infectious let him catch some from you as you thrive in your own endeavors.
seems like spending time with him wuld be a good treat
Engage with him in his interests. He likes to game. What game does he play? Learn that game, and join him on game night!
I’m a similar person. People like us prefer seeing you happy that keeps us happy. We are almost zero maintenance. Being individually happy and creating happiness together are both equally important. Don’t bend ways for him to create conditions that happiness comes through you. Games, friends which are a form of social support keep the stress out of the relationship. If your husband is a good person to you, in this case it would mean it is his unconditional love for you. It shouldn’t mean he doesn’t love you or you are mere existence to him.
If you are happy in the relationship keep the things the way they are. When my wife used to feel like she doesn’t do extra to make me happy, I just used to ask her to bake me a cake. You can do something similar whatever he likes.
Don’t underestimate how powerful simply being there can be. Do your thing, when he needs you he’ll ask. I’m similar to him, guys like us don’t need much but to know we have someone there if we need them.
**Massages.**
If you want to treat him, then give him massages on a regular basis.
He will be forever grateful.
He’s concerned with money , is your family financially struggling?
Tbh that kinda sounds like a good life for me. At least being the husband. I am not someone who craves a very deep connection. Having my own space and having a happy wife around would be best but if the wife would take away too much of my alone time I would question whether the relationship would be for me if I couldn’t be fully authentic in it. I would be open to trying new things if the wife suggested them and if I am at least somewhat positive that they bring me pleasure.
Then again I would never marry 😀
I’m going to answer this assuming you want to be doing something and I’m assuming he also wants that.
For me, I never asked for anything in a relationship and as I learned from my partner it seemed as though I never needed anything.
However this was far from the truth. Sadly I was neglected as a child in a home with angry parents and thought this was just the way to be.
Turns out my love languages are acts of service and touch. I just had to experiment and find that out and also become vulnerable enough to ask for things so my partner could learn my likes.
I’d suggest starting with touch or service. Probably two of the hardest things to ask for for a stoic man. Assuming yours is stoic and it sounds like he is to me. Perhaps a shoulder rub, maybe cuddling more unexpectedly, doing something that no one’s ever done for them before like polishing their work shoes or cleaning their keyboard or game controller or making their favorite meal without them even asking. My favorite was once coming home to all my laundry done and put away which no one had ever done for me before which sounds stupid but idk… I almost died when I came home and my gf had purchased a simple 50$ Lego set and a 6pack of ipa’s for us to share as we built it together…like it wasn’t even my birthday or anything.. i didn’t know that type of relationship was even possible.
I think you are perhaps overthinking it. Think of him just like a normal partner who doesn’t know it’s ok to ask for things or doesn’t even know to do that.
I was married for almost 8 years before getting divorced. I have Asperger’s (not saying your husband has this just relaying information relevant to my story/advice) and am a lot like your husband. I am very low maintenance. I am perfectly at peace with going to work, coming home and sitting in silence watching TV or playing video games. I’m not a big go out in public person because it can stress me out and over load me.
I was never concerned with my ex-wife and what she wanted to do outside of the house with her friends. It wasn’t that I didn’t care it was just that I trusted her (mistake, unfortunately) that she was doing what she said and not something else. I loved her, and she knew how I was before ever getting married. Ultimately it drove her up a wall that lead to cheating.
I would have been content with her just sitting with me to play games, watch TV etc but she never wanted to do that. She wanted to do the opposite.
I would say if he is content, the biggest thing you can do to treat him is just be with him. If he’s gaming, sit with him and watch, or offer to play. Same with watching his shows or movies. Just being there will be enough.
I’m similar I guess, I don’t need much either and like to focus on self-improvement. One thing to keep in mind is that simply being there is already a lot and you do most likely more than you realize. It’s not because we are 0 maintenance that we don’t enjoy you.
Also if that really bother you then do your own stuff too and ask him if he wants to do it with you or ask him an activity you would like to do with him.
It’s a pretty common thing for guys like that — all essentials and all “wants” things he takes care of himself
In those situations, the best things are the ones we wouldn’t normally think/care to do ourselves. I’d say I’m at a pretty similar stage in life personally. For me, things like these (hopefully it inspires other ideas)
– finish something from my to-do list while I’m busy. I might not notice until I get through the list and realize I never did it, but it’s always a super helpful gesture
– gifts that serve a practical purpose but are a bit more “luxury” than the bare essentials. Things like better quality shampoo. It’s something we appreciate, but we don’t care to research proper hair care when we could just as easily grab the head&shoulders and be done
– food is *always* a winner. Especially when it’s unprompted and unexpected.
– if he’s anything like me, he’s gonna be pretty set in his routine, and not very willing to do anything outside that routine. So even though it can come across as begrudging, making plans for us to go out and do new things is appreciated. So long as a healthy amount of routine days are left between these outings.
He’s probably just happy the way things are. He sounds like he’s always been independent and doesn’t need much from other people other than you
Based on what you said elsewhere in this thread: I think you need to talk to him about the amount of time you spend together.
Relationships are built on compromises where you tend to disagree. In this case, if he’s happy about the amount of time you spend together and you aren’t, try to meet somewhere in the middle.
Best of luck to you guys and trust the process. You both love each other and be there for each other in the end. Communication is key!
I’m am just like your husband. Sometimes my wife will give me something because she saw something and thought about me. Sometimes with sentimental value and sometimes it just matches my personality. Like she brought home a coffee mug the other day that said something that reminded her of me. It’s not the value or the use (I can buy my own coffee mug), it’s that she was thinking about me that made it very special. Every time I see that mug I think of her.
Make memories, every birthday and anniversary are a trip to somewhere, not necessarily something grand, but something to remember.
If the man is happy, then continue doing what you are doing. From what you explained it seems like his happiness isn’t conditional as you see it. You for one say that gestures/treats can make you happy. Him on the other hand most likely gains satisfaction in his life from simply being with the people he loves in some capacity. Take a moment to jot down all of the things that he and others have done in the past week to make you happy. Compare that list to what others are doing for your husband. It could very well be that this feeling of not being needed by him is just a projection of your own conditions of happiness onto his life. Just a thought.
okay Im kinda in the same boat but more extreme i suppose. ldr and he’s gotten soo busy. and he is low maintenance af just wants me to be happy. has issues texting/ calling first. isn’t too affirmative i suppose. and as a person with anxious attachment I feel so unwanted. it’s almost hot and cold, not that he’s doing it deliberately. but when we’re together, he’s so attentive. he remembers things I said long ago. but then nothing. we’ve had issues rn I’m trying to move on. he says he isn’t but from the looks of it you’d think the opposite. i guess our issues aren’t compatible.
wish you luck, op! i didn’t mean to imply your rel would have a similar fate. i hope it doesn’t.
Not a man so hope you boys don’t mind me chiming in but my fella is like this, I usually get him stuff that engages him while he is doing his own thing.
Last birthday I got him a 3d printer and he was thrilled.
Now he’ll give me a kiss and toddle off to his study for a few hours then come back to show me whatever things he’s made
I just take the chance to watch buffy reruns…
I see. A couple of things might be good here.
You could sit and watch him game. Learn a bit about the games he likes.
Find a plushie or collectible related to the games or things he watches.
And bring him to a nice meal he likes in a restaurant or even just take-out.
Get him a replica sword, always works
He’s relatively young so I feel like most guys around that age think that once you got the girl, there’s really no need to keep chasing because hey I’ve already proven myself and don’t really have the emotional maturity to know girls don’t operate that way. You got to give him a reason to keep proving himself ie keep doing the things that attracted him to you in the first place you or wait around until his emotional intelligence catches up but that doesn’t usually happen to guys until their 30’s.
My husband seems happy in his life. How can i get more attention and generate drama? Women can’t live without drama .
To quote comedian Chris Rock. “Feed him , fuck him then leave him alone”
Treat him with respect and let his home be his sanctuary away from the world. Men want a sanctuary to rest and recover from the competition of the world.
I’m much the same as your SO. I’m very low maintenance and require little from my SOs beyond sex and the space I need to focus on my interest. I require very little to be happy but I do need my space and peace. Most men are like this. We don’t require much. We need you to not require much from us in return. That’s the main thing. Just don’t actively attack our peace.
Get him flowers. Seriously.
Dudes never get flowers and it’s always a surprise. Makes us feel very cared about.
I’m that kind of guy too, and I think I like it best when my girlfriend wants to watch something together with me or share her day with me. You don’t need much to be happy