Struggling with Small Talk? Learn How to Overcome Feeling Awkward and Be More Confident in Social Situations!
Are you tired of feeling like you’re the person who doesn’t talk in social settings? Do you find yourself struggling to engage in small talk, feeling like whatever you say isn’t interesting enough or might embarrass you? You’re not alone! Many people face this challenge, but there are ways to overcome it and feel more confident in social situations.
Here are some tips to help you stop feeling awkward and be more comfortable engaging in conversations:
### Embrace Your Uniqueness
– Remember that everyone has something valuable to contribute to a conversation.
– Embrace your unique perspective and don’t be afraid to share your thoughts.
### Ask Questions
– Show interest in others by asking open-ended questions.
– Listen actively and engage with the conversation by building on what others are saying.
### Practice Active Listening
– Pay attention to what others are saying and show that you’re engaged in the conversation.
– Reflect back what others have said to show that you’re listening and interested in what they have to say.
### Be Authentic
– Don’t try to be someone you’re not just to fit in.
– Embrace your true self and let your personality shine through in conversations.
### Practice Makes Perfect
– The more you practice engaging in small talk, the more comfortable you’ll become.
– Start small by initiating conversations with people you feel more comfortable with and gradually work your way up to engaging with new people.
By following these tips and embracing who you are, you can overcome feeling awkward and be more confident in social situations. Remember, everyone has something valuable to contribute, and your unique perspective is worth sharing. So go out there, be yourself, and enjoy engaging in meaningful conversations! #SmallTalk #Confidence #SocialSkills #CommunicationSkills
Have you tried talking?
Ask questions instead. Jerry Seinfeld’s strategy is asking questions that are easily answered, like “oh great, how long you been working there?”, “how many kids do you have?”, “is that a good car?”
I got you, I think I understand your problems, because I had many of the same. I got better with practice, and the place to practice is at Toastmasters. It’s a great club that practices public speaking once you do that for a few months, you get so much better. I’ve been able to speak confidently and just have a normal conversation. Good luck.
One thing I noticed that worked and I think can help you a lot is to stop thinking about what you’re going to say and just say it.
Example: think about walking. If you walk without really thinking about it, it’s very natural. If you’re thinking about putting your left foot infront, then your right, keeping a speed and cadence, you’re going to walk a lot more awkwardly than normal. It’s a very similar thing.
You’re going to say some stupid stuff, but the more you do the better you’ll get at it and the more fun you’ll have, and the more fun you have the better you’ll get at it.
It’s easier to get over your fear of looking stupid when you think of how much more forgiving we are of others than of ourselves, most other people won’t hate you for saying something stupid.
I don’t know if you’re a football fan, but I heard this analogy once and it’s helped me a ton with social anxiety.
A lot of “shy” people approach conversations like they’re playing a prevent defense. They’re just playing way back trying to stop the worst outcomes in their mind (being embarrassed or saying something stupid).
Instead, you should approach it like a QB running a 2 min offense. You should actively steer the convo where you want it to go.
I dunno, just a little reframing that’s helped me. It seems weird, but I think you come across more normal when you approach convos more actively too. Passive = weird
Prepare for conversations. I used to eat lunch in the work cafeteria with a group of guys. I didn’t have anything to say when I was new. So I would bring one quick bit of news or a joke or observation. And they loved it. And the conversation flowed nicely after that.
Practice talking more.
Speak the fuck up.
Realize, that you don’t matter. Not to them, not the way you think they do.
The world is filled with people who talk too much.
So I used to have this problem for the longest time. I still have problems and think “oh god im not talking enough.” Some of getting to talk more is not caring if what you’re saying is dumb or uninteresting. If you think it’s interesting, then it’s not stupid. If the person you’re talking to is engaging (eye contact, body language, nodding even) then you’re golden.
Not caring is definitely easier said than done so if that is still giving you anxiety, I recommend talking about the person you’re interacting with. Ask questions constantly. Where they’re from, what they do, what they’re gonna do, where they wanna go, about their day or anything like that. Remember a couple things from that initial conversation so the next time you see them you can engage in conversation again by asking how their one thing went (ex. Oh you told me about your Apple tree, did you get it pruned?) I hope this helps I kinda just rambled 🥲
i used to be the tally talkative type & i noticed with ppl they would sit there and wait till you finished so they can keep talking. don’t get me wrong i can hold a conversation just abt anything but i now don’t speak unless i have something to say . nd some ppl say that’s me “being quiet” but so be it. my social battery cant handlle dealing with the type of
I spent a couple years working retail to develop that skill. Still fuck up from time to time and make things awkward, but it happens
something that helped me with small talk is focusing less on myself and more on the people that i’m chatting with. for example, rather than first throwing out my idea/opinion, i ask others what they think about the topic at hand. 9/10 times they’ll return the question, then it’s your time to shine
i’ve found this to be a best practice for almost any relationship. most people love to talk about themselves
The best advice I have is it just requires practice. Like anything the more you do it the less self conscious you will be about it
you don’t actually have to add anything to the conversation to contribute anything to it. just ask questions. even once you don’t care of the answer to. especially ones you don’t care of the answer to. as long as they’re related to the conversation topic
Test yourself
* go three days saying literally anything you think of immediately!
* do not second guess yourself… even if it gets you in some form of trouble.
You can literally say anything to people & they will laugh
>Try blurting out “I like turtles 🐢” randomly to people. Talk about them lol.
I just started a golf league for the first time and people were pointing out how little I talk. Aren’t we here to golf?
i’ve found the best way to small talk is ask people questions. most people love to talk about themselves
Small talk is a pretty useful skill to have. As a kid, I wasn’t too talkative with others unless I was friends with them. As I got older, I was kind of forced by life to learn how to converse with a much wider group of people – peers in college, subordinates in the military, and older adults as a financial advisor. I’ve been self employed for over a decade now and find that chatting up people just comes naturally now. The key is to observe them first. Some people are busy or just want to be left alone and their body language will tell you so. Others may give clues that they’re looking for someone else to talk to (looking around the room) or show signs of welcoming others into the conversation (how their body is oriented when speaking to others). Humor is a great way to break the ice. Also, taking a genuine interest in them as a person will quickly bring barriers down. You don’t have to make everyone your best friend, but almost everyone likes to talk about something.
Finally, one of the best books I’ve ever read about making friends is Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. It’s a classic that was written many decades ago, but the principles still apply today.
Good luck!
I’m not an expert (not anything actually).
TLDR: There are two approaches. One is to be yourself and another is to know others. First one is about heart, emotions and living and second one is about survival and intelligence. If you can master two, you are unstoppable!
I know tldr might be vague so see if something below clicks for you.
First, you’re equal. What ever you’re, who ever you’re. If you’ve insecurities or ego of some sort, work on those. Everyone has them but we have to do our best to work on them reminding ourselves that we’re no less or greater than others. Everyone and everything is just a version of yourself with different variables.
Think of every situation is a learning experience but I guess you’re in hurry to chase some answers yourself that are more important to you right now. Once you got your answers continue learning from different perspectives and views.
And don’t overthink or efficient with your words. If you feel dumb, don’t worry. People are actually comfortable with someone who is dumb sometimes.
And lastly, like anything. Practice. You might bash your head couple of times but slowly you’ll get there. It’s easy to impress people with intelligence but don’t forget to be yourself.
Ask questions about them is #1. But you need to contribute as well. Bring up “have you heard about…” and give a little info and ask them questions again – like what do you think about that for example.
Anyone have good ideas of places to get interesting conversation topics? (Twitter or X, email newsletters from popular podcasters like Tim Ferris, etc.). Other ideas?
This sounds like something best explored with a therapist..
Ask questions. Ask more questions about their answers. Ask how they felt about the things they discussed. Repeat back what they say or empathise (“that sounds scary/amazing/awful”)
You’ll be a “brilliant conversationalist” in no time because people love to talk about themselves
Ask people questions about themselves
I myself is the perspn who doesn’t talk in conversations. But there are times that I get to talkative. Based on my experience, if there is a common interest it is easier to talk.
The trick is to listen, ask whet their interests are. But this is not a guaranteed solution. Somet9 you jist need to change groups.
The easiest tip for small talk is ASK QUESTIONS.
I find that most people love talking about themselves, so asking thoughtful questions is an easy way to keep conversation going without needing to contribute much. And it demonstrates that you can be an active listener.
I’m not saying be a toddler and ask yes or no questions or “why” constantly. I just mean ask thoughtful, light questions. You’re not a detective interrogating a witness and you definitely shouldn’t pry into the big three: money, politics, or religion.
1. Would you say that’s your favorite hobby or do you have another you like more? 2. So how did you get started in that? What kind of sacrifices did you make? 3. So how do you know the people here? (I know how you’re connected but what made you continue to be involved with everyone?) 4. What do I need to know going into x for the first time?
Ask people questions, then let them talk.
And don’t be afraid to ask some more deep questions like what’s the most fun you’ve had in the past 2 years or when was the last time you cried and why?
One thing that helped me was realize talking isn’t just about sharing insightful or useful information. It’s about forming a bond with a person. So mixing in some small talk is perfectly fine.
>i find that whatever i might say will be too obvious to be worth saying, or maybe just not too interesting, or even dumb.
The solution is easier than you think! You’re thinking too hard about *what you can add* to the conversation. But you don’t have too. Just ask questions about what the other person is talking about.
Like get them to expand on what they’re saying. Did they enjoy that college/job/city/vacation place? Is that breed of dog easy/difficult to care for? You’ve heard that new restaurant is great, so how’s their sushi/steak/beer selection?
If you’ll just get super into whatever they’re talking about, you’ll find a place to get in there. Just end whatever you say with a question to hand the speaking baton back to them.