#PrenupDilemma: My fiancee (25F) is loaded 💰 compared to me (29M) and her dad wants me to sign a one-sided prenup! 😳 Help!
Hey guys! So here’s the deal – I’m a surgical resident drowning in debt 💸 while my fiancee is swimming in family money 🤑. Her dad already handed me a prenup that leaves me high and dry in case of divorce. Not cool, right? I want to protect my hard-earned assets too!
I’ve suggested a commitment ceremony instead of marriage, but that didn’t go over so well. How can we negotiate a prenup that’s fair to both of us? Her dad seems to think I’m a gold digger 🙄, but I just want to secure my future too. Any advice on how we can work this out? Let’s brainstorm together!
Drop your thoughts below and let’s figure this out! 🤔💍 #PrenupNegotiation #MoneyTalks #RelationshipAdvice
You both have to have lawyers that look at the prenup and a completely one sided prenup is more likely to be thrown out in court but I AM NOT A LAWYER. Please go ask one. If she keeps her money you keep yours is my opinion
First of all, the father should not speaking with you about any of this. It’s between you and your fiancee. You each need a lawyer and the two lawyers can negotiate a fair agreement.
Don’t ever sign anything from FIL. He literally is telling you he doesn’t give a fuck about you and honestly I would hold off on the wedding till you speak with your own lawyer. FIL wants to suck you dry if you ever divorce his daughter, and I would be very wary about marrying her too if she let’s her father walk all over like that. Good luck cause it won’t end well if you sign anything.
Get a lawyer. A prenup is supposed to protect both parties interests. You might want to discuss keeping all of your business ventures separate.
If they want a prenup where all of hers is taken with her, it should be the same for you too: anything you build goes with you too.
The father is doing this because it is family wealth, not just hers. But if they are completely subsiding her life, why would they stop once you have a job? And isn’t the trust fund so she never needs your income?
You find a lawyer that’s well versed in more complicated prenups and ask them and let your lawyer fight it out to get a fair one.
You need a lawyer, who advises you on how to structure the prenup, and negotiates it with your girlfriend’s lawyer, not her dad.
You also need to be having discussions about marriage vs commitment ceremonies with your girlfriend, not her dad.
I think possibly you are focused on entirely the wrong thing here, and should be a lot more worried about why you even know her dad’s opinion on any of this. Your girlfriend can’t have her dad weigh in on every relationship issue.
Talk to a lawyer because you can negotiate things to protect yourself. Things like her paying you alimony if her trust funds make more than your income, protection of assets and income accumulated during the marriage, child support and custody. If you do it right you could end up being in a good spot if you divorce. Also if his prenup is that one sided, it might not be legal. Also be prepared to walk away from the relationship if he digs his heels in. Especially if him interfering in your relationship is going to become a regular thing.
You get a lawyer of your own and negotiate the prenup, add clauses to protect you as well. There is zero reason for you to be exposed and she isn’t. Zero need for alimony clauses etc.
Yes, her assets and income protected, same for yours, separate finances except for a joint account you each pay into that covers living expenses. The only thing to negotiate is how much each of you contributes to ongoing living expenses and what happens if you buy property separately or together. No alimony, her money is hers and yours is yours if you divorce. It should be fairly simple if you can agree on living expenses and only one of you buys and has any claim on a house.
My husband and I did: 2% of each other’s assets annually, capping at 50% after 25 years.
All assets. No exclusions for inheritance or anything else. Ultimately because we wanted to be a team.
It didn’t work out after 10 years but it still seemed fair.
You need to consult with a reputable and highly qualified divorce attorney regarding a prenuptial agreement that protects you. A prenup that is one sided is not a good way to start a marriage and you will resent her and her family. This will eventually effect the marriage. Consider a prenup where each of you keeps your assets in separate accounts and each of you have no right to the assets of the other held in those separate accounts. Each waves the right to alimony and both of you are responsible for child support. Consult with a reputable divorce attorney and have him negotiate a prenup that will protect you and be fair to you. Stay out of directly negotiating with your fiancé or her father as it might sour the relationship.
I am a doctor in a well-paid medical subspecialty. I started out with debt and am now a high net worth individual. Half of all marriages end in divorce, and you do not want to be taken to the cleaners in a divorce. Fortunately, my marriage has lasted for almost 35 years but most of my classmates are divorced and remarried. You will develop considerable wealth and need to protect yourself in the same manner your fiancé wants to protect herself. If your attorney cannot come to an arrangement that is fair and acceptable to you do not get married. Listen to your attorney. I have 2 sons, and each is starting lucrative careers. I have advised both to get prenups in order to protect their finances. Update me.
You need your own lawyer to protect yourself and your interests.
Lawyer is the only right answer here
Don’t sign one I wouldn’t
Do not sign any prenup until you have your own lawyer that you research. You can you the startup in there that she gets nothing of that regardless.
You can lookup things to put in a prenup also. If you put a fidelity clause in there then you need to be details what is emotional and what is physically affair or the divorce lawyer can find a loophole.
I’m sure they put that you will not touch the trust fund but you can put things like a cap on alimony or if not married x year that she doesn’t get any.
Her family will have a good lawyer so make sure you have one also.
You get a lawyer. But anything she has from parents will likely stay with her.
If/when you divorce you should be able to cite that she s wealthier and not in need of alimony. Your lawyer will explain what is usual.
However you future earnings and windfall from medical device patent need legal protection.
You need a lawyer separate from hers/dads now.
Have it such that both of you are not entitled to anything thenother makes
From what your saying, you’re going to do just fine. Just make it so no one gets anything and joint assets are split. No need to complicate anything since both of you will be wealthy without the other.
Updateme
> I disavow any interests from any trusts that she has an interest in, real estate we live in together, or any future inheritance she receives even if that inheritance is used to support our lifestyle.
I’m not sure why you would think you have claim to any of these assets. Inheritance & trusts aren’t generally considered community property.
Have you retained a lawyer, and proposed emendments back to her and her family that would protect some of your earnings during the marriage? If not, that’s the next step.
The only relationship advice you need is to talk to your fianceé. Beyond that, talk to a lawyer.
Obviously you need your great attorney to handle this for you.
With a lawyer.
What you do is you tell daddy to butt out, and both of you get your OWN lawyers to negotiate the prenup TOGETHER. Cut him out entirely.
A prenup itself is ok, but it should be created with both of your interests in mind – the two people getting married.
Keep in mind, though, that a controlling a-hole father might decide to cut his child out of his will if he doesn’t like not having total control over her. The prenup might include wording about what happens to money inherited from family (ie you can’t touch it), but I would suggest the two of you don’t PLAN to inherit any money from him. Plan your budgets and lifestyle and future as if that money doesn’t exist (and never will).
UPDATEME
Have prenup work both ways, so for example your shares in a startup 100% yours as acquired before marriage. Income acquired during marriage should be split as she’s more likely be at home with children given her work probably requires less hours. But potentially not split 50/50. You do need a good lawyer. But also it’s a good problem to have, try to talk to her about setting up your marriage to succeed not to fail. And have proper marriage.
Def get a lawyer
A premup should protect both people.
They are not a bad thing as long as done along side some therapy abd counselling. Each talk about your fears and concerns and find practical ways to make those legal.
Eg if you have no right to her family money (fair) then it should be made sure you are never expected to pay alimony.
If she has the trust fund…a joint account for marital spending should be set up with both of you contributing equally (and have it written in to review this annually … then it can increase as your income does). Then you will end up with your own next egg and saving. Make the amount put into family spending generous so you also have extra money to spend as a couple on vacation or purchases. In the pre nup…purchases from that joint account are equally owned.
Worries about fidelity… add a clause that protects you both and treats you equally.
Her dad needs to stay out of it. It needs to be a document for you and your fiance to work on together. Both go in with the ideal of protecting yourself and the other.
Personally I wouldn’t marry someone with this background in contrast to mine. These people are on such a different playing field that prenup or not, they can use their assets to sabotage you whenever a time comes when you make them or their daughter mad. Wealth like this simply works when joining similar wealth. It’s especially difficult when it’s the man who’s financially “inferior” in the couple. You’ll always be beneath them, despite being a surgeon, which is far more significant than having insane wealth.
If your own lawyer can’t reach a fair agreement to you, I wouldn’t advise staying in this. She might be a nice girl but she’s prepacked with family baggagr you simply don’t understand and can never.
Hire your own attorney and let the attorneys duke it out. Tell him or her what you think is fair
You hire a lawyer. Now.
Sorry bro I would not sign a pre nup. Seen too many people get fked over by the rich partner as they and their family pull shady shit like keeping the home in the business name. You are going to be a rich doctor as well you aren’t a gold digger. I’d tell them to take a hike if it was me
Finish what you’re doing and go into surgical. 1.2mil/year and whatchamacallit? Get a lawyer then do a prenup that no alimony or asset sharing between you, whats in her name should be hers, whats in your name should not be for her if you guys ever divorce. Protect everything you earn, again, get a lawyer for yourself.
Your girlfriends father is a greedy business man. You decide with your girlfriend what your prenuptial agreement will be together with an independent lawyer and cut him out of it. Treat the guy how he treats you, be cold. He is disrespectful. Don’t waste your time trying to be good enough or try to keep him happy. Make your partner happy and enjoy life with her. I hope you can sort this out the two of you and enjoy a long happy life together.
Your future FIL is out to protect his daughter, like he should. You are right, the innitial separation is a rift hard to repair.
He does not respect you, other wise he would not bring forth a prenuptial, which you would have to be stupid to sign.
You will probably be looking at totally separated finances for life, no alimony, child support if custody is not 50/50. Have your lawyer look into how fathers fair off custody wise in divorce where you live.
If all goes well, your shared “assets” will only be your children, and you share in commonly owned properties where you own as you pay.
If you want to marry her, get a lawyer and an accountant to do your books so that everything is on the table.
If it’s gona be trust fund then you won’t get anything either ways I think.
I think it’s fair.
It’s her inheritance not yours.
You should also get her to sign an agreement all living cost will be shared 50/50, and she also doesn’t have any claim on your money or your future income/savings.
Honestly that’s why I don’t do marriage. It’s a fucking headache when you divorce.
Well the answer to the question in your heading is obvious, and it doesn’t change on reading the post. You negotiate a prenup with a lawyer or lawyers representing both your interests. You and your fiancee should be arranging this, not her father.
Get a good lawyer and let them deal with the negotiations. You can tell them if you want any property protected like your shares in the medical business or any personal property that holds sentimental value. Your lawyer can tell you what would be the outcome if you didn’t have a prenup as well as what would be fair and legal to make the prenup stand up in court. You should also need to discuss about what could affect it like adding infidelity clause or things about any children you might have.
I think the prenup sounds fair. Anything that you both own prior to marriage should be protected and anything that is built during the marriage should be own by the couple and split 50/50 in case of divorce. I know it sucks not to come from a wealthy background and have that support behind you. But if I was her dad I would be pushing for the exact same.
Be glad that she has this financial support, this will allow you to take more chances with your investments in the future.
You get your own attorney. A pre-nup i a good idea for both of you, but you have to have it reviewed by your own attorneys who are looking out for your individual best interests.
Tell future father-in-law, “Thanks, I’ll have my attorney look at it”, then have your own drawn up for the two of you to sort out.
I dont know the whole story between you and your fiancee but the whole marriage smells like trouble. You should think carefully if this marriage will be beneficial to you as if her father takes control over her actions its not going to end well
Take the time to review and revise the agreement as needed to ensure it reflects your evolving circumstances and priorities.
Ask about your debt as well- if you are based in the US I believe your debt also becomes a marital debt and she is liable for half in divorce- so ask your lawyer about that one too. Good luck