#boundaries #friendship #communication #trust #intimacy #comfort
Hey there! If you’re feeling uncomfortable with your best friends after they tried to initiate intimacy, it’s completely valid for you to feel this way. Setting boundaries in any relationship, especially with friends, is crucial for maintaining a healthy dynamic. It’s important to address the situation with honesty and clarity while also considering their perspective.
Here are some tips on how to handle this delicate situation and communicate effectively with your friends:
**1. Reflect on Your Feelings**
Before approaching your friends, take some time to reflect on how their actions made you feel. Journaling or talking to a trusted confidant can help you sort through your emotions and gain clarity on what you want to communicate.
**2. Set Boundaries**
Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship. Clearly communicate what behaviors are unacceptable to you and what you need from your friends moving forward. Remember, your boundaries are valid, and it’s important to assert them without hesitance.
**3. Have a Heart-to-Heart Conversation**
Schedule a time to talk to your friends in a calm and private setting. Express your feelings honestly and openly, emphasizing the impact their actions had on you. Use “I” statements to focus on your own feelings rather than pointing fingers.
**4. Listen to Their Perspective**
It’s also important to listen to your friends’ perspective and understand where they may be coming from. Approach the conversation with empathy and try to see things from their point of view while still asserting your boundaries.
**5. Seek Support**
If the situation escalates or you’re struggling to communicate effectively with your friends, consider seeking support from a counselor or a trusted adult. Having an outside perspective can help you navigate this challenging situation.
Now, let’s talk about finding strength and guidance in difficult times. In the ancient teachings of the Bhagavad Gita, it emphasizes the importance of staying true to oneself and following the path of righteousness. Just like Arjuna faced dilemmas on the battlefield, we too encounter challenges that test our principles and values. Remember to stay grounded in your truth and maintain a sense of integrity as you navigate this friendship issue.
Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your own well-being and set boundaries that make you feel safe and respected. Trust your instincts and communication openly with your friends to resolve any conflicts. Your feelings are valid, and it’s important to prioritize your mental and emotional health above all. Good luck! 💪🌟
Let me know if you need any more advice or support. Take care! 💖
I had a similar thing happened. I had to literally plead that I’m straight, and they would say everyone is a little gay. Turns out they had a crush on me, thought I would give in and kiss. I had to basically yell and stand up I’m not fucking gay. I knew my friend was bi but I thought we were just regular friends. I do not have a problem with gay people, I’m just not gay! Made her move when I spent the night for the first time
You realize that THEY are the ones that risked the friendship by not respecting you? They made you uncomfortable and didn’t stop even though they know you’re straight. That’s not okay. And they were all sober.
If it were me, I’d entirely reconsider the friendship and put space there. You need to tell them that what they did was not okay and that you don’t appreciate it at all.
Please read about consent. They are not showing respect towards you
Girl cmon say to them that this isn’t a porn. You are straight and that’s it! No little kisses, no dirty sleepovers, etc…
If they are your real friends they will understand.
If not, you are an adult, it’s time to understand that not everyone is good on your life
there’s simply no way of addressing this without risking your ‘friendship’.
these are not your friends. these people tried coercing you into something you don’t want. friends do not do this.
cut them out of your life, like, yesterday.
Ask yourself this question: If these 2 were guys trying to convince you into being intimate, would you want to be friends with them?
Doesn’t matter the sex, if they are trying to corhurse you into being intimate, it’s totally wrong, and you should cut off all contact.
Hmm, this sounds like flippant dismissal of your limits. If your friends are concerned that you have repressed your sexuality, then they should talk about that with you in a formal setting that is not leading into sexual intimacy as an act. It seems like this was a exercise in exposing vulnerability through peer pressure, in which you did not want to participate. Good for you for holding your ground and not submitting to it. It would be worthwhile to consider whether these people have your best interest at heart.
I wish friends thought about consequences before trying this horny bullshit. Had a friend also cross the line, by inviting me to join her and her husband. She tried to blame it on her therapist for encouraging her to explore her bisexuality 🫠
You absolutely need to tell them how they crossed a line, and don’t bother shielding how you really feel about it – I think people who pressure others into this shit need to realize how uncomfortable their advances make others.
Also, speaking from experience you probably won’t be able to save these friendships.
It’s really weird after someone has shown how they don’t respect what makes you comfortable, and were willing to risk it at a chance of tasting the biscuit.
I told my friend the honest truth of how much her orchestrating a perfect moment to seduce me showed how she premeditated the whole thing, and how she obviously didn’t view me like a sister the way I viewed her.
My advice is to be firm on why it wasn’t okay, a breach of trust and disrespectful of your well-being, then move on from them.
You tell them exactly what you posted here. Ask them to have a discussion in a place you feel safe. Try wording to the effect of.
“The other day when you [insert behavior] and I said [no], your insistence that I was in the closet and pushing me to do something that I said I didn’t want to do crossed a boundary.”
You may even want to add something to the effect of:
“Your belief that I am ‘in the closet’ is irrelevant. I am straight and I said no. As a friend you should have stopped or maybe not propositioned me to begin with. To play devil’s advocate, if I were in the closet, you would then be crossing a boundary by trying to force something on me that I wasn’t comfortable with. ”
Be prepared for the possibility that these friends may react poorly. If they do, they are not as supportive as you think.
Please update if you feel up to in on what you do and how it goes. You absolutely did not deserve that and if you can, seek out some help on the trust issues that resulted from it. So often we wait until something is ingrained in us to notice the impact of something. You are ahead of it and by seeing the far reaching impact now. Good Luck!!!
Incredibly rapey
YOU didn’t risk the friendship THEY did by trying to force you into a sexual situation. Tell them you don’t feel comfortable around them anymore because of this, and when they try to play it off ask them if they would have felt comfortable if two guys were trying to do what they did to either one of them individually. They may try to say it’s different, but it really isnt.
You aren’t the one who will ruin this friendship by speaking up. just be honest because THEY are the ones that fd up. you tell them exactly what you put in this post. its not about saving their feelings.. they did this.
nobody has the right to force any type of intimacy on you that you refuse. EVEN if you were gay and in the closet, you STILL wouldn’t have to accept that from them. whats the difference between what they did and if a guy did the same thing?
many of us women have had guy “friends” who try to pull this crap x amount of time into the friendship. if they can’t respect boundaries, they are NOT friends. they are predators. they did this, not you. if your friendship falls apart, its because of what THEY did an THEIR inability to accept responsibility and respect you.
I honestly don’t understand your problem. You’re 18. Shouldn’t you be moving on to people you actually want to know and new experiences you actually want to have? 18 is literally THE age when you’re supposed to get rid of excess baggage and start fresh. After 18, you’ll be losing and gaining new friends for the rest of your days. You control your own choices now that high school’s over. As you move foreward, just beware of manipulative people looking at you as an easy mark or you’ll wind up in prison after allowing yourself to be roped in to driving the getaway car. Obviously, my concern, after reading your story, is that not-so-nice people target YOU because something about YOU tells them you’re easy to manipulate. You need to toughen up so people don’t look at you as someone fun to involve in their schemes. The next pair of bored chicks could get you into real trouble. Time to wise up, Eighteen. As for Those Two, who cares?
Next time you see them. Tell them both calmely that you are straight. Look them straight in the eyes.
Ask them why they want to get sexual with you after they knew your sexual orientation? Why do they want to push it on you? It’s sad.
If they are good people, sexuality will not get in the way of friendship. This whole thing sounds like they might want friends with benefits :/
I’m so sorry you had to experience that from your “best friends”. That kind of behavior is very likely to continue and it’s just best to cut ties with them, especially since they failed to respect you.
These are not friends, these are sexual predators.
Take a step back. Only go places with them that are “safe”. No one on one in privacy settings like sleepovers. Let them both know they made you very uncomfortable and if they ever repeat the behavior, you will be cutting off the friendship. In the meantime, try hanging around other friends or making new friends. Them experimenting sexually with each other is okay, but if you don’t want to be a part of that make it known loud and clear.
One option is to Word it in XYZ form,
E.g.
‘When you told me last week, “I’m just in the closet,” the other night? I felt uncomfortable.’
How they respond to something as unimpeachable as that will tell you what you need to know. And will immediately demonstrate the content of their character. You need to word it to what happened and how you felt.
I hope you find a strategy that works well for you. And they will admit they crossed the lone and have a path to re-ear. Your trust or you need to remove them from your life.
We keep preaching that NO means NO, and “No” is a full sentences. Yet your friends seem not getting the memo.
Talk to them about what you feel about what they did, and keep an open mind of the possibility of them losing you over it.
i would completely consider cutting them out of your life and maybe telling what happened to a trusted person. this is borderline or is sexual harassment, even if it’s just kissing.
they completely crossed the line of your boundaries. i’m sorry this happened to you. no one should ever peer pressure you into kissing or anything above kissing that is sexual.