#RelationshipComparisons #ExVsCurrent #RelationshipEvaluation
Do you find yourself comparing your exes with your current significant other? It’s a common practice in the dating world, but how healthy is it really? Let’s dive into the world of relationship comparisons and explore the impact it can have on your current relationship.
##Why Do We Compare?
Comparison is a natural human tendency, especially when it comes to relationships. We compare our current partner to our exes for a variety of reasons, including:
1. **Nostalgia**: We may find ourselves reminiscing about past relationships and comparing them to our current one.
2. **Insecurities**: Comparing our partner to an ex can stem from insecurities about ourselves or the relationship.
3. **Unresolved Issues**: If there were unresolved issues in past relationships, we may project them onto our current partner.
4. **Seeking Validation**: We may compare our current partner to our ex to validate our decision to be with them.
##The Pros and Cons of Comparison
While comparison can be a natural behavior, it’s important to understand the potential pros and cons:
###Pros:
– **Growth**: Comparing relationships can help us grow and learn from past mistakes.
– **Appreciation**: Contrasting our current partner with past relationships can lead to greater appreciation for what we have.
– **Awareness**: Recognizing patterns in past relationships can help us avoid making the same mistakes in the future.
###Cons:
– **Jealousy**: Constant comparison can lead to feelings of jealousy and insecurity.
– **Unrealistic Expectations**: Comparing our partner to an idealized version of an ex can create unrealistic expectations.
– **Lack of Trust**: Constantly comparing our partner to past flames can erode trust in the relationship.
##Healthy Ways to Compare
If you find yourself comparing your exes with your current significant other, here are some healthy ways to approach it:
1. **Reflect on Your Motivations**: Before comparing, take a moment to reflect on why you’re doing it. Are you seeking validation? Are you trying to find faults in your current relationship?
2. **Communicate Openly**: If you’re feeling insecure or comparing your partner to an ex, communicate openly and honestly with them. Discuss your feelings and work through any issues together.
3. **Focus on the Present**: Instead of dwelling on past relationships, focus on the present. Appreciate your partner for who they are now, not who they were in the past.
4. **Seek Professional Help**: If comparison is causing serious strain in your relationship, don’t hesitate to seek the help of a therapist or counselor. They can help you work through underlying issues and improve communication with your partner.
##Conclusion
At the end of the day, comparing your exes with your current significant other is a common practice, but it’s important to approach it in a healthy and constructive manner. By reflecting on your motivations, communicating openly with your partner, and focusing on the present, you can navigate the world of relationship comparisons with grace and understanding. Remember, every relationship is unique, and it’s important to appreciate and cherish your current partner for who they are.
How often do I do that? Almost never. Why would I?
The only time I do it is when I marvel at the huge difference between my current partner and the trainwreck I used to date.
I don’t because there’s no comparing. It’s little league to MLB. Waste of mental energy to compare.
Never. Why would I? I got the best one.
I compare my current guy to the previous ones. Mostly in terms of sex. Like my most recent ex, who I was also engaged to, wasn’t the best sex of my life. But he had other qualities that I thought made him husband material
Only in terms of “holy fuck, this man wants to be open and honest, not had that before”
Rarely. My ex is a great man in so many ways, we weren’t meant for each other and we knew it. My current bf and I are two peas in a pod, no point in comparison and super unfair to him as well.
I don’t think you should, at times I’ve seen people do this and hurt themselves by having certain past expectations, when everyone is unique in their own way..
I personally don’t try to do this for that exact reason, my mind will eventually mentally hurt from overthinking.
Never, at least not now. I did when we first started dating 14 years ago. But it quickly became clear none of my exes even come close to my husband in any way.
The only time it has ever come up was in terms of how much better my husband treats me compared to them, and even then, it’s not often it’s brought up.
Never. They are an ex for a reason. Why look back when there is plenty to look forward to?
Only when I marvel how better my current husband is compared to my ex husband. They’re exact opposites. Holy shit am I glad to not be in that crappy relationship anymore!
Occasionally, but only ever in a “damn I’m so lucky I ended up here rather than there” type of way
Never intentionally, but the thoughts happen infrequently. Usually when something happens that sparks or memory or with sex.
Sometimes I’m like “man I really put up with a lot of bullshit with him” when my current partner does something just normal but incredible and that my ex would never have done. I feel really lucky and happy.
…. If you are comparing your current partner to your exes you should not be dating right now lol
I don’t.
Never… His psychotic mother, on occasion when he has the fleas.
The only time I look back is to remind myself how far I’ve gotten and what I’ve learned from my mistakes.
Never
I keep thinking about how compared to my exes, my current boyfriend has truly made an effort to be everything I’ve never had in a relationship before. Every guy before him made everyone but me a priority, and with my last relationship in particular, I was broken down so badly by my ex because of his abuse that I legit told my boyfriend on our first date that, “I may still be trying to figure out who I am, but I like who I’m becoming when I’m around you.”
Almost 10 months after that first date, that still holds true.
Not to his face, but often.
My current partner is better than all my exes in every way.
The thing I marvel most about is how much he loves my dog and cats. Every other person I’ve dated has liked my pets, but this man loves them. He adores them. He has such a big place in his heart for pets, both mine and those belonging to other people. It makes my heart burst with love for him when I see him interacting with my little guys.
Only got together recently with my current SO, so in these beginning stages, quite a bit. But it’s more in a ‘I’m so fortunate to be in this more compatible and comfortable relationship’ kind of way, not an ex-bashing way. My ex was a good person and we did love each other up until we broke up.
Rarely. I can acknowledge and appreciate their differences as simply *differences*.
It’s also useful to think about past relationships as reference points – realizing that what I had before actually wasn’t as great, and that I was just putting up with certain things. It makes me all the more appreciative of my current partner, and how many things I like about him.
I find myself often being grateful for things that I put up with not having for years. Even more so when I haven’t had to ask for a thing in my current relationship. I feel like I hit the jackpot in general but even more so in comparison.
It happens sometimes, not in relation to sex but in relation to more day to day things.
Never. I don’t think about my partners like that, ex or not.
Rarely
Very rarely, it has popped into my head on a few occasions for example during an argument where it crossed my mind that my ex took a better approach at handling a certain situation but I will never say that outloud to my current partner, just something that has pop into my head