#divorce #housebattle #propertydispute #legaladvice #emotionalstress
The Emotional Turmoil of a House Battle in Divorce
Going through a divorce can be one of the most emotionally draining experiences a person can face. And when a house is involved, the stakes are even higher. One of our community members shared her heartbreaking story of dealing with a house battle in divorce, and it’s something many can relate to.
The Situation:
Our fellow community member, let’s call her Jane, is in the midst of a divorce with her soon-to-be-ex-husband (STBEH). The major point of contention? Their home. Both Jane and her STBEH are on the loan for the house, which has an outstanding balance of nearly $200,000. While Jane is ready to move on and start fresh, her STBEH refuses to leave, creating a hostile environment in their once-happy home.
Adding fuel to the fire, Jane’s STBEH is cheating on her, making an already difficult situation unbearable. She has yet to consult with a lawyer due to financial constraints, and the thought of going through a legal battle without proper guidance is overwhelming.
The Solutions:
Despite the challenges Jane is facing, there are practical steps she can take to navigate the house battle in her divorce:
- Consult with a Lawyer: While legal fees can be expensive, consulting with a lawyer is crucial in protecting your rights and ensuring a fair settlement. Many lawyers offer free consultations, so it’s worth reaching out to explore your options.
- Consider Mediation: Mediation can be a cost-effective and less adversarial way to resolve disputes. With the help of a trained mediator, you and your STBEH can work towards a mutually beneficial agreement.
- Document Evidence of Infidelity: If your STBEH is cheating on you, gather any evidence you can to support your claims. This may include text messages, emails, or witness testimonies. While proving infidelity can be challenging, having evidence on your side can strengthen your case.
- Protect Your Mental Health: Going through a divorce is emotionally taxing, especially when infidelity is involved. Don’t hesitate to seek support from a therapist or counselor to help you navigate this difficult period in your life.
Ultimately, Jane’s situation is a reminder that divorce is never easy, but with the right support and guidance, she can overcome the challenges she faces and emerge stronger on the other side. To our fellow community member and anyone else going through a similar situation, know that you’re not alone, and there are resources available to help you through this difficult time.
We wish Jane and anyone else dealing with a house battle in divorce the strength and resilience to navigate this challenging chapter in their lives.
Legal advice: consult with a qualified attorney in your area to address your specific legal needs and circumstances.
I went through this. You are entitled to half the equity in the house. You can ask the judge to let the house go to him (and all the debt) in exchange for the equity owed to you as a big fat check and then you quit-claim your rights to the house.
I took the money and paid for an education program for upgraded work skills because I’d been an at-home mom of three.
He got the house, put wife 2.0 in it, his affair partner, but then lost it all after a few years later in yet another affair.
Get legal help but also mental/emotional support. Divorce sucks because you have to dispassionately fight for your future while navigating ultimate betrayal. I will amend that to “adultery sucks” because it puts you in an awful situation and society doesn’t give a damn. The Divorce Diet itself is not bad in my situation because I lost 250 pounds of ugly fat (my ex.)
I’m sorry you are going through all this, truly.
What city or county do you live? There are legal organizations that can help for little or no fee for lower income residents.
STBEH= soon to be ex husband
Ex family law paralegal and ex court worker here.Most court houses have self help packets and resources for the public. You do not need a lawyer, it helps a ton though. You can also consult with one, many offer free consults and point you in the right direction. I highly recommend that. Also when it comes down to it, if your ex cannot buy you out but want to sell the court can force you both to sell. Sounds like the divorce won’t be amicable so be ready for a battle and don’t take any of his threats seriously. Keep everything documented. And don’t settle for anything less than what you want but try to be fair. The court loves parties who are respectful and fair. Good luck!
You need a lawyer. File for legal separation first and sever your finances. Once legally separated, any debt he takes on cannot be tied to you. Have him call a mortgage company and find out if he qualifies for a new cash out refinance loan to buy you out and take you off title. If he does, great! If not, you’re selling.
to buy you out, he doesnt need to pay half of equity on the original price, he needs to pay you half of what it’s worth NOW. Real estate has gone up a lot so there may be more equity in it than u think and no, he def cant afford to buy u out based on current market conditions if he cant even theoretically buy u out based on whatever u bought it for years ago.
make sure u get half the current value – whether its bc he finda a way to finance his way to buying u out, or whether its sold on the open market.
I highly recommend getting a lawyer if even for a limited purpose
I get it, my husband had an affair after 18 years with an adult erotic massage therapist that found him on Facebook. The shock of it made it hard to make any decisions. My attorney allowed me to make payment arrangements so he could start advocating for me right away. It was more complex because we had two kids in elementary school ages. He helped take the emotion out of it (which I could not do) and get things done.
Just call some family law attorneys and ask if they do payment arrangements so you don’t have to save up the whole amount to get started. I didn’t pay the balance until the house was sold and we split the equity.
Financially speaking, will he be able to keep the house alone? If not, that could be a deciding factor on if you have to sell the house.
You need a lawyer.
You can force the sale of the house through legal means but talk to a lawyer!
It takes awhile for a partition sale to move through the courts. In that time he will continue to live in the house and you will continue to have access to and own the house as well. He may just sit there and burn money in lawyer fees. Or he may see that by being cooperative you will both get more in asset recovery. One note, you say he won’t leave the house, but you have not actually told him you want a divorce. I wouldn’t assume anything yet, but be prepared for anything.
Others may have asked, Op, which state are located in? This matters.
For example, Arizona, if I recall, here there is a mandatory arbitration or counseling requirement. Arizona is also marriage community property.
You really want to consult a lawyer, today. Even consult two or three, often there is no fee incurred for an initial consultation, please make an appointment soonest. You’ll find counsel you are comfortable working with, important because if things turn nasty you need a level of trust and comfort with your lawyer.
Sorry for your situation. I was in this situation many years ago. You need an attorney, I also could not afford do buy her out outright. So my attorney set up a payment plan that she agreed on. You and your ex have options even if he can’t get the loan to cover your part of the equity.
The best option is to sell, but he could also be setup to pay you the equity overtime. Talk to a lawyer.
Rent the movie “War of The Roses” …..worst case scenario of divorcing folks refusing to leave the marital house.
If you can’t afford a lawyer, look into local legal aid agencies, pro bono/low bono attorneys, or someone who will take the case on contingency and will get paid after you get the money for the house.
I don’t know how proving adultery will help you get the house( still sucks sorry you are going through this ). You have to get an attorney as you have real assets that need to be divided .
You just have to sell. Get a lawyer asap. Seeing as your adult daughter is an adult she is the least of your problems. She can find her own place or move in with you.
You need to immediately consult an attorney. A lot will depend on the state your in, but ultimately one of you will have to concede the house and the other will need to buy out the house from the one that gives it up. Otherwise, you both move out and sell the house and split the profits.
From when my husband divorced his previous wife, he was advised not to move out since that’s the same as conceding. They did end up selling it though.
Sorry you’re going thru this.
A lawyer will be expensive now, but will save you money in the long term. They will address issues you don’t think of. Lawyer up, and do what’s best for YOU.
Just 1 point to add. Houses aren’t selling very well right now. So it’s not like putting the house on the market is an instant pay check. You’re gonna have to wait maybe up to a year.
Try mediation first with a lawyer mediator (not a therapeutic mediator). MUCH less expensive than hiring a lawyer and mediators have lots of experience helping people navigate this very problem.
not a lawyer but i certainly wouldn’t be moving out, his new gf will move in and if he chooses
to not make the payment your credit will be destroyed too.
You can’t afford to not get an attorney. They will draw up the papers and file, the house will be listed as a marital asset. Read all the other divorce posts about getting your papers, access to banking records, etc secured. Take your personal items out of the house to the extent possible and store with a trusted friend.
You need to look at the laws in your state regarding fault and community property. My husband cheated too, but doesn’t make a difference if you’re in a no fault state. Also, community property states affect distribution of assets and liabilities. Often you can get an initial consult with a lawyer for free through your Employee assistance Program if your work has one. Lawyers are expensive, but if he’s being difficult and unwilling to be fair then you’re going to need one.
OP, you mentioned above “we are barely affording a house much less an attorney.” when it comes to getting an attorney, s/he will represent YOU, not him. He can get his own attorney. Finances may be tight, I would save up for an attorney ASAP. Find out what your options are for the house.
Visiting a lawyer, will get you concrete information to be well informed. A lot depends on what state you’re in. When I got divorced, I transferred money from my IRA to his IRA to take care of what I owed him to get out.
NAL but have some experience. It may depend on the state you are in but generally, if you bought the house together when you were married, then you both are co-owners. You may sell the house and split the proceeds after loan payoff, or one may pay 50% of the equity to pay the other person out of the ownership and have them sign a quit claim deed. Divorces with property it is a good idea to have a lawyer.
So that would be 100k to each of you. After all the fees and other things that need to be paid while selling a house you’d walk away with about 75k each. He can’t get a loan for 75k or refinance the house in order to get you 75k?
You really need a lawyer to help you navigate the best way to deal with this house. Not being able to fully comprehend the difficulties in sharing a home and dividing that up post divorce is probably the most common difficulty that comes with a DIY divorce. I wouldn’t put much effort in trying to prove adultery. If you can barely afford an attorney as is, you likely aren’t going to be able to afford the extra amount of work that comes with proving a fault ground for divorce. Unless he’s wasting a substantial amount of marital funds in furtherance of this affair, it’s not likely going to make much difference in the divorce anyway.
About how much would the house sell for today if it was to be on the market