#STFU #verbalabuse #relationshipadvice #communication #respectfulcommunication
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where a seemingly innocent question or comment spirals into a full-blown argument? It can be frustrating and hurtful, especially when you feel like you are doing your best to communicate effectively. In a recent post, a Reddit user shared a troubling experience where her fiancé lashed out at her in front of his dad, leaving her questioning her own behavior. This led to another incident where a simple exchange about bringing lunch to his office escalated into accusations of condescension and name-calling.
Let’s dive deeper into this situation and explore whether the responses from the fiancé were justified, and how one can navigate such challenging dynamics in a relationship.
### Understanding Verbal Abuse: A Closer Look
Verbal abuse can take many forms, from yelling and name-calling to gaslighting and manipulation. It is important to recognize the signs of verbal abuse to address it effectively. In the scenario described above, the fiancé’s reaction to a perceived tone in a simple question raises red flags of potential verbal abuse. Some key points to consider include:
– Verbal abuse involves using words to control, criticize, or manipulate the other person.
– It can erode self-esteem and create a toxic dynamic in the relationship.
– Healthy communication is based on respect, empathy, and mutual understanding.
### Analyzing the Exchange: What Went Wrong?
In the dialogue between the Reddit user and her fiancé, it appears that a miscommunication or misunderstanding triggered a heated exchange. Let’s break down the key points of the interaction:
1. **The Initial Question**: When the Reddit user confirmed their plan to bring lunch to the office, the fiancé perceived a tone of condescension in her response.
2. **The Reaction**: Instead of addressing the perceived tone calmly, the fiancé escalated the situation by accusing the Reddit user of being condescending.
3. **Name-Calling and Blame**: The exchange took a hostile turn with the use of derogatory language and blaming the Reddit user for the conflict.
In such situations, it is crucial to reflect on the dynamics of communication and evaluate whether both parties are contributing to a healthy dialogue or creating conflict through misunderstandings and triggers.
### Responding to Verbal Abuse: Setting Boundaries and Seeking Support
Dealing with verbal abuse requires a multifaceted approach that includes setting boundaries, seeking support from trusted individuals, and prioritizing self-care. Here are some strategies to consider:
1. **Establish Boundaries**: Clearly communicate to your partner what behavior is unacceptable and how you expect to be treated in a relationship.
2. **Seek Support**: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for emotional support and guidance on navigating difficult relationship dynamics.
3. **Prioritize Self-Care**: Focus on your mental and emotional well-being by engaging in self-care activities that nurture your sense of self-worth and resilience.
### Advice from Ancient Wisdom: Finding Inner Peace and Strength
In times of conflict and uncertainty, drawing wisdom from ancient texts like the Bhagavad Gita can offer valuable insights into navigating challenging situations. One of the central teachings of the Bhagavad Gita is the concept of finding inner peace and strength in the face of adversity. By cultivating a sense of equanimity and self-awareness, one can navigate challenging relationships with grace and resilience.
#### In Conclusion
The Reddit user’s experience sheds light on the complexities of communication, respect, and boundaries in relationships. By reflecting on the dynamics of verbal abuse, setting clear boundaries, seeking support, and drawing wisdom from timeless teachings, one can navigate challenging situations with clarity and compassion. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity in all your interactions.
Good people aren’t cruel, marriage is not a survival game, you get to decide your value and worth- get out of there. Can you imagine the level of abuse you will receive after essentially agreeing for life that you accept this cruelty- Yes dear husband have at it Demean me daily – I Do
If you confront him he is going to make excuses on how he’s so stressed with giving you the perfect wedding, work is hard or some other reason. However there will always be stress, especially in a marriage and if he can’t do the bare minimum of speaking to you like a human then imagine how he’ll be when you are actually married. Consider yourself lucky that he didn’t wait until after you are married to show you his true colors.
Is this just rage bait now? Because obviously it’s not okay.
Should you leave him? Isn’t that what we discussed in your last post? Yes that’s the plan.
Omg you’re STILL with this guy? Look, you shouldn’t be making a grown mans breakfast and lunch. He doesn’t deserve it, doesn’t appreciate it, etc. WTF is wrong with you? Seriously. You come here and ask a question. We all tell you he’s abusive and leave. You stay and then complain again. Either leave or deal with it. Quit coming here whining if you aren’t going to take action. Have some self worth and stop putting up with this. What does he have to do for you to leave? Beat you? Like fuck, get a clue.
This is also verbal abuse. It’s called DARVO. You asked him a question and he jumped off the rails. WAY out of proportion. And went full petty by leaving the food you made. It was his way of putting you “in your place.”
Of course he still wants to marry you; his plan is working to break down your self esteem. Please read Lundy’s “Why Does He Do That” and pull the cord on your exit plan.
Do not marry this man. Nobody should speak to anyone like that. Full stop. But especially nobody should speak to someone theyre supposed to love like that.
Do you work? Why are you getting up and making his food? What’s wrong with him?
OP, this man has no respect for you. This behavior is abusive. And you are too used to it.
Your boyfriend is abusive
No person that lives their partner would speak this way to them. Ever
Dude.. are you looking for permission to leave this man? You have it. His response was way too much. Whatever has happened between the two of you for him to be so hurt by “isn’t that what we discussed?” that he throws a 10/10 tantrum is not repairable. This sounds like so many fights I had with my ex.. they just got worse and worse. Eventually I got sick and he accused me of faking my symptoms. Trying to save that relationship nearly killed me. Don’t put yourself through that. Go find your peace.
Honestly I feel so bad for OP and this pathetic situation. I know it’s easy for me as a 3rd party to see this situation objectively but it’s infuriating to me this woman has been so brainwashed and gaslighted that she had to make this post and the last. And still doesn’t understand after all the responses she’s gotten. Women are in hell.
Do you really want to live like that all the time? Walking on egg shelves your entire life?
exit. this is abusive and completely lacking in respect. He’s treating you as a domestic servant with no rights.
Girl stop. Break up and get yourself into an absolute shitton if therapy please.
Girl, you basically just hopped over all the verbal abuse and names he was calling you and leapt straight to, “is what I said wrong?” This guy has you so brainwashed.
Why do you want to marry this man?
Even if you’re condescending, that is not a reason to respond like this. That is the time to sit someone down and talk about the ways in which their interactions bother you, not to verbally abuse them.
People marry people they dislike or just plain don’t respect all the time, often because those people are willing to be the human punching bags they need to vent their anger.
I responded to your last post, and I told you that I used to explode in anger and had to get a lot of therapy to stop doing that to the people I loved. I told you that I wouldn’t have married me when I was like that. I told you that it’s possible to change, but that I had to want that change, and that your fiancé would have to want that change in order for it to happen.
Please don’t marry this man as he is. Would you want him telling your children things like this when he’s angry?
You know, you can break up with someone for any reason you want. Any. And you don’t have to justify it to him or to anyone. So stop trying to figure out if he is abusive enough to warrant it. Obviously he is. All you have to say is, “I’m breaking up with you. My feelings have changed”. He can’t argue with you about your feelings.
This man chose to address you with abusive language and throw your food back at you. I think he is awful. Does he cook for you? Does he take care of you? Is he always this angry? Who earns more? Who does most of the household chores? I think the answers to these questions will give us the perspective we need.
The bigger question here isn’t why he still wants to marry you… It’s why you still want to marry an abusive man.
Make no mistake what he’s doing is abusive, both verbally and emotionally. If this is the kind of treatment you enjoy, by all means, go ahead and marry him… If it’s not, you need to get the hell out now.
You aren’t young. Do you have a history of being in abusive relationships or being abused as a child? If so maybe this is why you gravitate to men like this. I’m going to suggest you find a good therapist to help you unpack your self worth friend. In your thirties you need to have a better grasp on what is and isn’t ok and I don’t mean this in a hateful way. Just in a “please wake up and take big steps to get yourself together so this isn’t the rest of your life” way.
This man is abusive and has eroded any self esteem you may have had, to the point you are here asking if you are the AH.
Leave immediately, seek counselling.
Why are you with someone who doesn’t care if he hurts you?
“Isn’t the what we discussed” isn’t a great response. It has its way of getting you on the defensive. But his reaction was way over top. You guys need to learn how to communicate with each other better.
This man doesn’t like you, OP. It’s time to execute your exit plan.
I mean , “isn’t that what we discussed” is not a great response. It’s not really clarifying- it’s more just unnecessary. You can just say yes or no. If you answer every question with a question I can see how it would get annoying.
But i think his response to you is not justified.
You have some communication issues and he has some big anger issues.