#RelationshipAdvice #BoyfriendIssues #InappropriateInstagramFeeds #CommunicationIsKey
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where your boyfriend’s Instagram feed is full of content that just kills your lady boner? π It can be a tough spot to be in, feeling a mix of discomfort and insecurity about your partner’s social media habits. But fear not, you’re not alone in this dilemma.
Navigating the realm of social media and its impact on relationships can be tricky, but it’s essential to address these issues openly and honestly. Let’s explore some possible solutions to your situation and how you can communicate effectively with your boyfriend to resolve this issue.
## Understanding the Root of the Issue
Before diving into potential solutions, it’s important to understand why seeing certain content on your boyfriend’s Instagram feed affects you the way it does. Here are some reasons why it might be bothering you:
1. **Competing with Unrealistic Standards:** Constant exposure to highly curated and often unrealistic images of models can create feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.
2. **Respecting Boundaries:** Everyone has different boundaries when it comes to what they consider appropriate content on social media. It’s essential to communicate these boundaries clearly with your partner.
3. **Maintaining Intimacy:** Feeling like your partner is more interested in other people on social media can affect the intimacy and connection in your relationship.
## Potential Solutions to Consider
Addressing this issue with your boyfriend requires open communication and mutual understanding. Here are a few approaches you could consider:
### 1. Have a Heart-to-Heart Conversation
Express your feelings and concerns to your boyfriend in a non-confrontational manner. Be honest about how seeing certain content on his feed affects you and your relationship.
### 2. Set Clear Boundaries
Establishing boundaries regarding the type of content both of you are comfortable with on social media can help prevent misunderstandings and discomfort.
### 3. Focus on Quality Time Together
Encouraging more quality time spent together, away from social media distractions, can help strengthen your bond and intimacy.
### 4. Seek Guidance from Spiritual Teachings
In challenging situations like this, seeking guidance from spiritual teachings such as the Bhagavad Gita can offer valuable insights. Remember the importance of self-awareness and self-control in maintaining healthy relationships.
## Final Thoughts
It’s normal to feel uneasy when your partner’s social media habits impact your relationship. Remember that open communication, mutual respect, and understanding are key to addressing these issues effectively. Trust your instincts and prioritize your emotional well-being in finding a solution that works for both of you.
Remember, you deserve to feel valued, respected, and desired in your relationship. Don’t hesitate to have those honest conversations with your boyfriend and work together towards a solution that benefits both of you. Trust in your ability to navigate through challenges and grow stronger as a couple. π
**TL;DR**: Addressing discomfort with your boyfriend’s Instagram feed requires open communication, setting boundaries, and prioritizing quality time together. Seeking guidance from spiritual teachings can also provide valuable insights in navigating relationship challenges.
Option 4: End this relationship and choose a relationship that makes you happy and comfortable?
Why wasn’t that listed?
Just have a calm conversation. βI thought it wouldnβt be an issue for me, but it is. It really turns me off when I see it on your feedβ
Tell him how it makes you uncomfortable and nicely ask him to unfollow them. If he doesn’t do it – dump him. He shouldn’t put some random OF girls over his girlfriend.
Been here in the same situation. First off I wanna say that even porn in private is cheating to me and I think it ruins sex drive for your present partners. I just donβt see a difference between that and just being in an open relationship if you need to see other bodies that badly.
When I first started dating my man I noticed he was following a lot of these accounts on instagram and it was such a turn off. I tried being chill about it but then I straight up told him he needs to unfollow those accounts or Iβm just going to lose any sex drive in this relationship. Youβre right that itβs such a turn off. Now heβs aware of it. I can understand youβre younger and single and follow those accounts over time, even if itβs not a present obsession, but now heβs no longer single and has a partner that sees this stuff. I never want to make anything sound too much like an ultimatum but at times we have our boundaries and needs and we need to say it out loud before it continues to manifest into insecurity or obsession or anxiety or all of the above. Otherwise itβs just going to continue. Itβs uncomfortable but the right partner will want to make sure you feel comfortable and secure and will do whatβs needed to make you feel that. Wishing you the best π
I went through this and as much as I didn’t want to I had to give him the altimatum ONLY because I had caught him many times and told him how it made me feel and HE was the one who said he’d stop and again again I’d catch him eventually we had an argument about it because he was the one who said he would stop and carried on knowing how I felt which to me was disrespectful towards me so I told him it’s me or his phone (stuff we watches) and so far he hasn’t done it again
Iβm 6 years older than you, and hereβs what I can tell you- itβs not going to change, unless of course, he decides to give up all porn.
Personally speaking, Iβm like you, I have no issue with porn. I watch it myself, but I also think that in public, itβs just odd. I have a friend whoβs husband follows all kinds of onlyfans models and itβs real tacky and embarrassing for everyone who knows him- heβs been caught liking and commenting on only fans models pics plenty times. No itβs not cheatingβ¦but no one wants to be with a man like that. This man is 36, with no signs heβs gonna change his ways.
But what Iβm trying to say is that I donβt think itβs going to change unless he makes a drastic decision-like HE decides all porn is bad and he wants to cut it out. He, himself, has to come to the conclusion that this behaviour makes him look desperate and thirsty, and heβs embarrassed by it. Unfortunately, I donβt think thereβs much you can really do here. I used to date a man (10 plus years ago) who would follow insta baddies (he had never met in real life) ALL THE TIME, but get mad when I posted my own photos. He never changed, and he still follows a thousand girls he doesnβt knowβ¦to this day. No new girlfriend was ever able to change him. On the flip side, nine years ago, I met my now-husband, and though he watches porn, heβs the first one to say, itβs super embarrassing for a taken man to be fraternizing, following, and commenting on accounts of girls they donβt actually know in real life.
All this to say, I absolutely think you should ask and make your boundaries clear, but I wouldnβt be surprised if he still does it after your conversation. He, himself, has to see it as an embarrassing act, first.
The last time you talked to him, he did exactly what you wanted without complaint.
Maybe try talking to him about this new thing, too?
Offtopic – you have a very pleasant writing style. Do you write stories?
Had the same βproblemβ. I told him in the first few months dating that I find it icky that he follows half naked models, it makes him look desperate and turns me off. He said he doesnt want to give me the ick and immediately unfollowed. Good luck.
Magical 4 th optionβ¦ find someone youβre compatible with who acts like a normal adult. Iβd like to see peopleβs reactions of the woman was hysterically obsessed with online dick.. publicly liking dick pics so all the friends and family could see. Youβd be getting concerning phone calls .. be directed to counseling .. people would be warning your bf to dump you. If a woman were masturbating all the time to the detriment of her own sex life .. what would the reaction be? Put yourself in his shoes.. how would he react to YOU? What would friends and family say? You dump him woman. Of course you go dry. Heβs a total waste of time. Shit gets old when she gonna either grow the f up or get help?Β
just date guys who donβt obsess over naked women publicly. you shouldnβt have to ask him to unfollow them; he wants to be following them and obviously knows you donβt like it he just doesnβt care. this says something about him as a person.
I would just straight up tell him the truth. Tell him it turns you off. I had an issue like this with my ex, and he continued to do it, I dumped him.
dump him…you already told him and he agreed to stop but didn’t and he isn’t going to…he will just hide it better. That’s so disrespectful and immature. You should start scrolling hot cowboys and sexy firemen and see his reaction…it’s what I did.
I hate all the models and over sexualized gym posts on instagram. The only thing I want to look at are memes and cats. π
I don’t know why everyone here keeps suggesting that a man jerks off whenever he sees an IG model or something. It just isn’t true! People can scroll through that stuff on a train, at work, anywhere in fact and look 40 times a day.
Personally, I think that liking stuff like that publicly is a bit embarassing and I’d suggest just explaining the situation (even if it’s been done before) but without trying to suggest an ultimatum. I don’t care what anyone here says – controlling behavior doesn’t become non-controlling just because the word “boundary” is thrown around.
had this problem too- men think its okay and normal bc all other men look at it
Not to gloat but Iβm just really glad I have a bf for whom this isnβt an issue. He never wanted to follow them and never has. If this is your only issue with your man then a conversation is definitely the way to go. If notβ¦just know there are men like mine out there.
meh, He’s marked as a male in the system. which means the algorithm is going to throw ass in his face on the daily whether he wants it or not.
Just tell him how it makes you feel. If he doesn’t care then leave.
I feel your pain. It was bad enough seeing him scroll through tits and ass all the time, but I take care of paying all the bills and would have to retrieve security codes from his phone every time I logged in to one of his accounts, so every time I’d pick up and unlock his phone, the first thing that would pop up would be what he’d left open. We’ve been together 20+ years and I work in a male-dominated field, which means in order to fit in at work and be taken seriously, I’ve leaned more toward the androgynous side when it comes to wardrobe and hairstyle, and I’ve never had what I consider to be a “hot” body, which has always made me self conscious. Seeing what he was obviously drooling over all the time, which is so far removed from the way I look, really got to me and I finally told him that it made me feel inadequate and unattractive that he was following so many of those accounts. He got mad that I was “snooping”, even though I told him that Instagram follows are public info if you don’t have a private account, and that EVERYBODY can see that most of your feed is naked chicks. I told him watching porn was one thing, following individuals (most of them private accounts) was just not cool with me. I told him he was basically saying, “Oh wow, Cindy, I like seeing your ass, can I please see more of it and get a notification when you post new pics?” He stayed mad for the rest of the night and I told him I wasn’t going to argue. I made my feelings clear and he could do what he wanted to with that info. The next day he came to me with his phone & said he’d gone through & unfollowed about 150 accounts he thought I’d have a problem with because he loved me & didn’t want to hurt my feelings. So maybe just tell him how you feel and see if he respects that
Show him this. Tell him about approaching him for some of the good stuff and being turned off by what you catch glimpses of. On multiple occasions.
Man is missing out, and it’s 100% resolvable by just not following these accounts publicly.
This is just to play devil’s advocate and *not* attacking you OP:
IG has a shit algorithm where it pushes a lot of content from “influencer” types rather than organic likes/feed. So your boyf may be following one account which turns into 2 recommended, 4, 8, 16,32, etc.
It’s not to say that he’s in the *right* with this behaviour but Instagram’s evil feedback loop *may* be making it worse than it initially fears.
As some of the other comments have said; calm conversation and move on from there but keep this in mind.
Overtime my algorithm determined that I was a man and started providing more of this type of content to me on reels, but I never really followed any outside those who ended up landing in pop, culture or streaming video games as well. Itβs impressive how quickly one or two likes here and there in this type of content can snowball.
At first, it was nice, and I liked it but then overtime, I got sick of the same six types of videos and reposted content and other similar things.
I tried a lot of different stuff to get it off my feed, following new accounts, purposefully liking certain groups of videos or other different things to see if that would stack the algorithm in it couldnβt break free. I eventually had to go and turn on the filters to be more aggressive.
And now Iβm free of it and I can safely scroll Instagram in public. But I had to make that choice on my own free Will if my significant other told me that they had a problem with it I wouldβve cut that shit off right away if I knew how.
I would be very blunt and tell them I donβt like this and you need to change it itβs not appropriate. Itβs kind of weird and if they donβt, then theyβve made their own grave.
I had this issue where I followed anyone and everyone that followed back cause I have multiple accounts that more traffic would be great for but it got to a point where I didnβt know who I was even following and sometimes i just followed because at the time it looked good or, it was βhotβ. I think the younger you are the more your in that headspace of well maybe I can be some kinda of influencer or atleast have those connections.. the older I got the easier it was too just unfollow those accounts and feel less guilty around my now ex gfβ¦ which I know she didnβt like either. I now i make it a habit to unfollow anything that really doesnβt resonate with personal mental healing and have stopped following any insta thots. And I feel a lot better about opening my IG and seeing things that other people can just look at without feeling guilt, oh wow thatβs a whole booty. Maybe talk to him and let him know how you feel but have him understand itβs messing with your sexual drive, at the end of the day itβs his choice too unfollow these and donβt make it a thing to hover around him while heβs doing it but give him that choice of βokay well I would appreciate if you just had a day where you cleaned up your feed, and the people you followβ. I know itβll be a tough talk but itβs better to communicate it than not.
I have a partner with porn addiction too and see these sort of posts all the time. Iβm starting to believe itβs hopeless to find a guy who doesnβt spend his free time indulging in porn and consuming this type of content.
I fear I will be forever alone because I donβt want to be with a guy who does shit like this behind my back and blatantly refuses to stop.
It makes me not want to be with or do anything for him because the level of disrespect is just too much.
Early in my relationship I expressed with my partner that I found watching porn to be gross. (It wasn’t always like that, I’m bi and would only watch lesbian porn. ) My reasoning was that it takes away the attraction from your partner. It opens the path of unrealistic comparison. It also felt wrong, why am I getting off on strangers when I have someone next to me that is attractive and have a strong emotional connection with them.
He committed to also quitting, and it reaaaally improved our sex life. And it just makes sense emotionally too, I don’t fuck just any person lmao I have a husband. So why jerk off to any person. Even for a quick jerk off, my man has videos and pictures of me, not pornstars or ig booty models.
Even if your partner doesn’t have your nudies, to quote the very wise man SpongeBob SquarePants, there is β¨οΈimaginationβ¨οΈ
I believe approaching this the way you did the first time would probably be effective.
I would go with option three with examples. Tell him you are currently the available sex partner and if he wants you to initiate this is how it has to be. It is simply true.
4. Tell him that you already highlighted you were uncomfortable with that and that it actually makes you find him less attractive and yet he is still doing it. Which – in turn – makes you find him even **more** unattractive for dismissing your feelings so at this point it is a choice between you or that type of behaviour. If he chooses you then be sure to let him know you’ll be gone if you even get a whiff of it again – and stick to your guns.
Edit; you mention you didn’t specifically say you didn’t want him following those accounts but he knew that is also what you meant – he is not dumb.
Itβs social media now. You got only fans chicks everywhere promoting. Regardless if he unfollows, that shit will still pop up.