#FamilyDrama #Babysitting #In-LawsIssues 🤷♀️
Hey there! Are you caught up in a sticky situation with your SIL and not sure if you’re in the wrong? Let’s dive into the details and see if you’re the one in the wrong for expecting your SIL to babysit your kids.
The relationship between in-laws can be a tricky one to navigate, especially when it comes to childcare responsibilities. Here are some things to consider when evaluating whether or not you’re in the wrong for expecting your SIL to babysit your kids:
The Situation:
– Your SIL recently got married to your brother and moved to your province.
– You have 4 kids under the age of 10 and have relied on your brother and SIL for babysitting in the past.
– Your SIL is currently not working and has free time at home.
– She has recently refused to babysit the kids, citing their behavior as the reason.
Understanding the Expectations:
It’s important to first understand the expectations that were set regarding your SIL’s involvement with babysitting. Have there been prior discussions or agreements about her responsibilities in this area? Setting clear expectations and boundaries is crucial in any family dynamic.
Communication is Key:
It sounds like the recent conflict arose from a miscommunication or unmet expectations. It’s important to open the lines of communication with your brother and SIL to discuss the situation openly and honestly. Approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, and try to see things from their perspective.
Respecting Boundaries:
While it’s understandable to seek help from family members, it’s also important to respect their boundaries and personal choices. It’s possible that your SIL has her own reasons for not wanting to take on the babysitting role, and it’s important to acknowledge and respect her decision.
Alternatives and Compromises:
Instead of focusing solely on the issue of babysitting, consider alternative arrangements for childcare. Whether it’s hiring a babysitter or exploring other options, finding a solution that works for both parties can help alleviate the tension in the situation.
Moving Forward:
Ultimately, it’s essential to prioritize the health of your relationships with your brother and SIL. Finding a resolution that respects everyone’s boundaries and addresses any underlying issues will be key in moving forward from this conflict.
In conclusion, while it’s understandable to seek assistance from family members, it’s important to approach the situation with empathy, understanding, and respect for each other’s boundaries. By opening up a line of communication and seeking alternative solutions, you can navigate this challenging situation with grace and understanding.
Remember that family dynamics can be complex, and finding a middle ground that respects everyone’s needs and boundaries is crucial. Good luck, and I hope this helps in navigating the sticky situation with your SIL!
YTA. They aren’t her kids, there should be absolutely zero expectation that she’ll watch them for you.
> she was at home free and without a job.
Not any of your business. Find a babysitter, put your kids in daycare, whatever. Being rude to someone for not doing you a favor is entitled AH behavior.
Yep, YTA. It’s none of your business how she spends her days and it is not within your remit to find an occupation for her. Completely unreasonable expectations on your part and frankly, I don’t blame her for refusing. Even if I wanted to baby sit for you, I wouldn’t with your attitude and entitlement.
How is a week ago a long time? And how often and for how long was she babysitting your kids? How much notice?
YTA: Family are not free babysitters. If you are lucky you might have an aunt or grandma who loves to babysit, in which case, go ahead and enjoy, but your SIL has clearly indicated that she is not interested in doing this and you are not entitled to her time and work.
She might want to use the time she would spent on babysitting to look for a job, or to look for friends.
Also, maybe it would be good to actually ask your SIL if there is something your kids did, but only if you make it absolutely clear you’re just looking for feedback, and not trying to convince her to babysit again. (and keep to that too)
Yta
Do you even pay her for babysitting or just expect free on demand childcare from other people
YTA. Holy crap. You have FOUR kids! Even the most well-behaved kids can be exhausting when there’s freaking 4 of them! Also, you’re not entitled to free childcare! My god
YTA. Pay her. It’s ridiculous to ask an unemployed person to do free work. They need to be paid even more than an employed person.
YTA
She’s your sister-in-law, not a daycare center.
YTA. Just because your SIL doesn’t have a job right now doesn’t mean she’s obligated to babysit your kids.
“expecting” “Why can’t she do it?”
She’s not your child care slave, regardless of her employment situation.
YTA
Why can’t she do it? She doesn’t want to. End of story. YTA
YTA
if you want a babysitter. Pay for one.
YTA
“You married my brother that means you’re my babysitter”
If your kids are crazy brats or just don’t listen, why would she watch them?
Sounds like you need to do some parenting so other people will enjoy your kids.
But babysitting all the time is no fun anyway. SIL has every right to enjoy her time how she chooses.
YTA – I’m trying to figure out why you have to ask that. They are your kids, you asked she said no end of discussion. Find a babysitter.
Gotta love entitled parents. Of course YTA. You are not entitled to free childcare from anyone. You are not entitled to her time. Who cares if she isn’t working? Her plans could be sitting on the couch doing nothing and she still doesn’t owe you her time.
Holy moly, so what planet are you living on where you’re not the AH?
Just because she’s home free with no job, doesn’t mean she’s obligated to babysit your kids.
You are super entitled. My advice, approach with an apology for you SIL and brother.
Obvious YTA. Her not having a job does not entitle you to make her watch your kids. Hire a sitter.
Even if all she is doing is sitting and staring at the walls, that does not mean in any way that she needs to take care of your kids. She is right, she did not move to your province to take care of your kids. She doesnt owe you anything. YTA.
YTA – It’s important to remember that just because someone has free time, doesn’t mean it’s your time. Your SIL is under no obligation to babysit your kids, regardless of her employment status. You’re not entitled to her time, and it’s high time you start respecting her boundaries. It’s time to apologize for the undue pressure and look into alternative childcare arrangements that don’t strain family relationships
100 YTA!
The children are YOUR responsibility. You aren’t entitled to foist your kids on family members just because you feel like it. Your comment about her being at home and free (no job) is disgusting. You have no right to anyone else’s time. Additionally, you write that, ‘whenever you ask she says no…’ How many times do you ask?
I feel sorry for your kids.
YTA.
Free (I’m assuming?)babysitting is a blessing and should be treated as such. I’m a nanny and I’ve gotten paid $22 an hour with PTO and insurance. You’ve avoided having to pay that for this long, which is excellent, but you expecting it is awful.
Childcare is expensive. You wouldn’t know that because you have a family of people who have historically dropped everything to do free labor for you.
Not having a job doesn’t mean you’re entitled to her time, and it says a lot about you that you think it does. If someone doesn’t want to hangout with your kid, they don’t have to. They don’t need a reason. You have FOUR kids, that’s a lot for even a professional. You’d be looking at thousands of dollars in childcare fees if you didn’t have family that would do it for free. You need to remember that and treat them with some more respect.
I would think this was rage bait if I hadn’t encountered this level of entitlement constantly with my job. You need to get a grip on reality.
You severely overstepped, YTA. You have zero right to decide what your SIL should or should not be doing with her time. They were right to push back on you, and you should apologize profusely.
Yta she isn’t your free babysitter, and neither is your brother. You poopped out *four* kids and are now SHOCKED they’re a lot of work???
YTA. I’d go no contact if I was her. YOU CHOSE to have 4 kids. On you. Nobody owes you babysitting.
YTA for expecting, not asking. Why does SIL owe you her time and energy? Have you ever compensated her in any way for babysitting for you or do you just think you’re owed? A comment like “she was at home free and without a job. Why can’t she do it?” would make me inclined to never do you any favors again. So much AH entitlement.
At the same time, her sudden refusal indicates to me that its likely that *something* has happened, either the last time she babysat with your kids doing something or perhaps something you and your husband said to her at some point. Maybe she’s ill or having problems adjusting to the province (have you made any effort to include her in your social network?) An abrupt change like that probably didn’t come out of nowhere. I think you should contact her, apologize for your rude assumptions about the value of her time and try to find out if something happened to set these events in motion.
YTA sounds to me like you’ve been taking advantage of her and she is done letting you.
YTA. Those are your kids not hers. So what she has no job, that is not your business. Hire a babysitter.
YTA
Your kids are brats and she is fed up being used as a free baby sitting service so you can absolve yourself of their care when your life choices require it.
She doesn’t have kids and yours are not her responsibility. If you need to work or want to go partying then pay a babysitter to look after them.
YTA. Get a babysitter, your SIL is not free childcare.
It doesn’t matter if she’s not working, that doesn’t make her a babysitter for you. She is entitled to do whatever she wants with her time.
OMG YTA!!!
Please read what you wrote. “SIL used to babysit the kids….the problem started around a week ago. She refused to babysit the kids at all. Whenever we ask her she says no as it is the kids are uncontrollable sometimes.”
Reading this makes it sound like in one week, you’ve asked her multiple times? IMO, if you’re asking a person to babysit 4 children more than, say once a month or the occasional sick day for **one** kid in school, *that’s too much*! You need to find a daycare for your kids and quit expecting family to do it gratis without asking first.
Jeez, can’t believe you have to ask if you are. It’s **so** obvious!
YTA for EXPECTING anyone to watch YOUR kids.
Sounds like she got tired of you taking advantage of her.
YTA.
Many years ago, I used to watch two boys during the summer while their parents were at work. I was there from around 7:30 AM until 3:30 or 4:00 PM every weekday (no weekends). Those boys were a handful. Good kids, just a lot to deal with. It was even worse when their friends in the neighborhood would come over. I considered it a win if, at the end of the day, no one got hurt, and their house was still standing.
You imposed on your SIL and just assumed she would gladly watch your kids. SIL has every right to not want to deal with 4 kids that aren’t hers on the regular.
YTA
Just because she doesn’t work doesn’t mean she works for you. Free childcare isn’t something you’re just entitled to. No one owes you that.
YTA
Your kids, your circus.
>anyway she was at home free and without a job. Why can’t she do it?
Cause she doesn’t want to. She doesn’t have to give you any explanation. No is enough as an answer.
She’s right, she isn’t your babysitting service. If she says that they are uncontrollable, maybe you should take that as an indication that they are in fact, uncontrollable. 4 kids under 10 is a big ask for well-behaved children, let alone “uncontrollable” ones. The way you say “we are the only connection they have here” comes off sounding incredibly entitled, you think because she doesn’t know anyone there yet that she owes you free childcare? Yeah, definitely YTA.
YTA. Your kids are not the problem of your brother or your SIL. Whether I had a job or not, I wouldn’t want to babysit 4 kids under the age of 10. These kids were your decision to have, not hers. It’s wildly selfish and entitled of you to think she should just dedicate her time to watching your kids. Doesn’t matter if she’s working or not. Her time is her time.
YTA, four kids, no matter how well behaved, are a lot to take on. You aren’t entitled to free babysitting. Even if you were paying her, she is free to say no. I imagine she had a job before she moved to your location. She might be enjoying having some free time and relaxing before starting work again. No matter what her reasoning, you don’t have the right that she spends her time babysitting your kids. Apologize and back off.
Yikes.
I mean you had me at YTA with the title but I assumed at some point during the post that you were going to turn the ship around and somehow justify SIL being your unpaid nanny.
But nope. You are an entitled asshole. SIL doesn’t owe you diddly including an explanation of why she won’t do it.
Good lord, the unmitigated gal.
“I don’t know how to approach them…” Try not being an entitled self absorbed arse.
YTA. Your even more the asshole because you are seemingly oblivious about why YTA.
YTA
She’s not your slave. It is despicable that you seem to think she is. How about you spend some time actually parenting your own children so that they’re not wildly misbehaving? And pay people to do it for you when you can’t?
“Why can’t she do it?”
Cause she doesn’t want to. No is a complete sentence. As an adult, you should know that and maybe teach it to your children. YTA
YTA
The question alone makes you an asshole. You have no right to expect anything from your SIL.
**Sometimes I ask my brother to babysit my kids and he does it without hesitation.**
So you approach your brother for the commitment but expect SIL to actually do the work?
**She was great with kids but the problem started around a week ago. She refused to babysit the kids at all.**
Maybe you should try asking her directly 1) if she’s available 2) is she able 3) does she mind, taking care of your kids for X amount of time and Y amount of $. Yes, you should pay her – if she was a neighbourhood teenager you would pay them, why wouldn’t you compensate your SIL for her time?
**Whenever we ask**
You should be asking all time, not expecting
**she says no as it is the kids are uncontrollable sometimes.**
Your kids need to be taught manners and respect for their aunt. That’s your job.
**Then I asked them during a call with my brother and SIL that anyway she was at home free and without a job. Why can’t she do it?**
If there were a hierarchy of assholes, this would put you at the very top.
**Then the conversation got heated and said she wasn’t here for babysitting jobs.**
She’s not, she’s there to start a new life with her husband, a new community, new friends and new job opportunities. She did not move here to solve a problem for YOU.
**After this incident, we haven’t called each other in a long time and I don’t know how to approach them.**
I’ll help you – start with flowers. Start with a phone call to her to ask her how she’s doing, and if there is anything ***you can do to help her with her new surroundings?***
Relationships are a two way street. Maybe try to be a big sister and focus on your relationship with her and your brother instead of angling how to take advantage of them and their kindness.