“Should I feel guilty for refusing to feed my stepdad’s rude kids when he said they would go hungry?” #StepdadIssues #FeedingChilden #ParentingDilemma #FamilyConflict #AITA #TeenageStruggles
My mom had surgery, and my stepdad asked me to feed his disrespectful kids, but I refused. Now he says they might go hungry. Am I wrong for saying no? See the full story below.
Background
Being 16 and home alone with my stepdad and half siblings while my mom recovers, his kids are disrespectful to my mom and me. They even wish she would die. I find it hard to care for them.
The Dilemma
My stepdad wants me to feed his kids, but I refused because of their behavior towards my mom. Should I feel bad for putting my foot down?
Stepdad’s Plea
He says his kids need to eat, but it’s not my problem. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to help, considering how they treated my mom?
What do you think, am I the a**hole in this situation? #FamilyIssues #ParentalConflicts #RespectfulParenting #TeenStruggles
NTA – especially your step sibling’s mother.
“He told me they’ll go hungry without someone to prepare something and I said so what.”
Make something you and your siblings want to eat and make enough for the steps as well. Tell them food is available and if they don’t eat, then that is their choice.
“He told me it won’t be forever and I make myself food already so can’t I make some extra.”
Hopefully they grow out of being abusive to your Mom, but in the meantime, don’t give their mother any ammunition to go back to court with.
Edit original Y-T-A after answer below. Dad can get takeout for his kids.
NTA for feeling the way you do… But if your mom isn’t going to back you up on this you’re fighting a losing battle. It sounds like you and his kids are caught in the middle of trying to blend families that isn’t going so well, and that’s hard on everyone.
But that being said, if you’re the oldest one in the home right now, step up and feed them… And if it needs to be dealt with and do so when your mom is feeling better. That’s really the best and most mature choice in what is a “can’t win” situation.
NTA at 10 and 11 they’re old enough to make themselves sandwiches, scramble eggs, microwave some ramen, make cereal. These brats aren’t your problem and quite frankly I can understand why you want nothing to do with them
NTA – Uber Eats and Step Dad’s credit card. Problem solved.
10 and 11 are old enough to make simple foods for themselves. Sandwiches, ramen, cutting veggies etc. Step Dad can provide ingredients and they can manage. OP doesnt need to cook at all. NTA
NTA. I know you are only talking about feeding them but there are other issues to consider. Those kids are very hateful and there is no telling what they may accuse you of doing if you are left alone with them. I have seen false accusations fly in similar situations, you don’t want to be a part of that.
So tell your stepdad you don’t want to be around them unless another adult is present. He will have to figure out their care.
NTA. As long as there is food they can eat without cooking they won’t starve. Tell your stepfather to make sure they have access to food they’ll eat and tell him to teach them how to use a microwave.
>He told me they’ll go hungry without someone to prepare something
They’re 10 and 11. Kids younger than that can get themselves something to eat. Tell your step-dad that while your mom is in the hospital, he needs to buy food that’s easy for kids to grab and make themselves something so that ALL the kids in the house can have access to food for themselves. There’s a wide range of options: cup’o’noodles/instant ramen, sandwich fixings, anything that can be popped in the microwave (at my house we currently have tamales and dumplings that can be just popped in the microwave, there’s a LOT of options here). This will also make your life easier because you too will have those options instead of having to cook/clean up every night.
There you go. Problem solved. Kids can get themselves food, no one goes hungry, and you’re not stuck cooking.
NTA. You’re a kid going through a lot. This is a problem an adult can easily solve without putting it on your shoulders, and the adult needs to step up and do so instead of trying to outsource it.
NTA. They’re 10 and 11, not 6 and 7. They don’t need to starve if you don’t make them anything. Your stepfather can get them quick foods they can easily prepare themselves. He could also cook large batches of food on weekends that they can heat up for themselves. It’s ridiculous that he expects you to cook for these kids who want your mom to die, instead of just putting in a little extra effort in feeding them.
Honestly, even if they were younger, you wouldn’t be the AH, but in that case, maybe I’d lean more towards N A H. But in this case, your stepfather is very much the AH. He’s acting incredibly entitled to your labor and help, to benefit kids who certainly don’t see you as family. He doesn’t “need” your help. He just wants it.
NTA. They’re at an age where they can learn their actions have consequences. If they ask you *politely*, help them out. Reinforce good behavior. Otherwise just keep some sandwich stuff around. Maybe a casserole in the fridge. They can make themselves a PB&J if they want to be hateful.
NTA – “I’m not gonna be nice to people who abuse my mom and want her to die.”
Nta they’re 10 and 11. Far old enough to make a sandwhich and easy mac
What else they are? Not your problem. Their *father* is required to feed them. If he can’t, then he can pay for a sitter. Those are his options.
A 10 and 11 year old can make themselves sandwiches, and grab fruit and milk. They won’t starve if simple foods are available. They can also use a microwave.
Peanut butter and jelly or bologna and cheese. Dad supplies the staples; The kids supply the labor. Problem solved. NTA
NTA
They are old enough to understand consequences, and their stomach grumbling for an hour or two won’t do them any harm, and will remind them of what they said about your mum.
But if it doesn’t and they ask you for food, you can remind them who normally cooks for them when they visit, and where she is right now, and what they wanted to happen to her.
Stand firm on your boundaries, your stepfather is not owed your service to his kids, and as many have said, they can make themselves a sandwich.
NTA, it doesn’t sound like he has stuck up for you or your mom, he does not discipline his kids for their rude behavior either. Why should you feel the need to help him or his kids. It is amazing what people (dad) will do or say when their bad parenting bites them in the butt.
NTA. Frozen dinners and a microwave.
They’re 11 and 10, they can probably fix something to eat until he is home to feed them. Stepdad needs to look into changing the custody arrangement so they’re spending more time with their mom. Your mom shouldn’t have to put up with that abuse.
Let them starve.
I match energy. They would need to figure it out without my help. NTA
The interactions between your stepsibs and your mom are actually irrelevant here. Your stepdad is the adult and its his job to make sure everybody gets fed. If he doesn’t feel like paying for a sitter, then that’s just too bad for him.
I understand that how cruel your stepsibs are being is factoring into your decisions here, but they are actually not important at all. NTA.
NTA – print this out for them
https://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Sandwich#:~:text=Layer%20meats%2C%20like%20ham%2C%20roast,salt%2C%20pepper%2C%20or%20oregano.
It’s also not just about feeding them: when their dad is gone you’re in charge. And you do NOT want to be with those little terrors. Not only to how they would treat you but something they could come up with an LIE about you because they hate your mom so much.
Don’t let him leave them with you alone, ever. I wouldn’t put it past those children to be nasty.
To be honest, I’d want nothing to do with those little brats for how they’ve treated your mom.
NTA. Whatever you do, **do not** ask them, “If your mom is so great why did your dad leave her for my mom? Why is your mom sitting alone and angry while my mom has a husband?”
That would be childish, petty and hurtful. Don’t do that.
NTA
There are several ways your stepdad can get his kids fed without needing to put you in this situation. While these aren’t the most healthy options, they are options for the interim.
A 10/11 year old can certainly make:
* A deli meat sandwich with chips, fruit/veggie
* A peanut butter and jelly sandwich with chips, fruit/veggie
* Heat something up in the microwave like canned soup
* Egg salad, tuna salad, or chicken salad sandwiches can be made
* Uncrustables
* I could come up with more, but you get the gist.
He could also call any meal delivery service to get dinner delivered for them. It takes no time at all really to drop off subs or a rotisserie or fried chicken off at home before going to the hospital. Not that I was raised in a model that was healthy (GenX), but at 10/11 I was able to cook pasta on the stovetop and add jarred marinara, boil a hotdog, use the microwave to make prepackaged freezer meals, etc.
Also, does stepdad expect your mom to come home and start cooking for his ungrateful kids right when she’s out of the hospital? This is something he’ll have to figure out on his own for a while. That’s why he’s the adult.
NTA. They wished your mother dead. That’s the end.
NTA. By 10-11 they should be able to feed themselves. Most of us in the 80s did it and these little brats can learn too. Sad your mom is clearly the one taking care of them when she’s home if her absence is causing this to come to a head. Maybe a week or two of doing something for themselves would help them appreciate your mom when she is back.
NTA. You’re not their parent, nanny, relative or friend. Actions have consequences. At that age, they can make peanut butter sandwiches.
If he’s so concerned about them eating, he can order food for them.
Better yet, he needs to talk to the ex and explain how he cannot take care of them at this time.
NTA but his kids definitely need counselling. They are old enough to know that they are bullying your Mom. If I was your Mom, I would no longer want to cook for them. Let their bio-mom cook for them. This is a tough situation for sure but, you yourself are a child and it’s not your problem to feed them. Dad can pay a sitter. Since they are so hateful, I wouldn’t even want to be alone with them. Who knows what kind of crap they could make up or come up with to get you in trouble?! I’d probably secretly get a home camera at least for your own room.
I’m definitely going to be in the minority. Firstly, NTA for how you feel about this. I wouldn’t want to deal with them either, especially if the consequences of their poor behavior yields no changes.
That said, kindness can go a long way. Make them something, once. Record their behavior. If it’s abhorrent, show it to step dad and remove yourself from the situation, tell him never again. However, who knows, they might…act different if someone other than your mom, whom they’ve been taught to hate, does something nice for them. Just a suggestion. It could help in the long run, worst case they are just as bad which you can be prepared for.