#BoyfriendNightStay #ParentsConcerns #Adulting #RespectYourParents #Independence #RelationshipBoundaries
As a 19-year-old in a relationship with your boyfriend for 7 months, the desire to spend the night at his house is completely normal. It’s a natural progression in a relationship and a way to bond on a deeper level. However, when parents are involved, things can get a little tricky. Let’s dive into some insights and advice to help you navigate this situation with grace and understanding.
Understanding Your Parents’ Concerns
It’s important to acknowledge and respect your parents’ concerns about spending the night at your boyfriend’s house. They have raised you and care deeply about your well-being. Here are some common reasons why parents may have reservations:
– Concerns about your safety and well-being
– Religious or cultural beliefs regarding cohabitation before marriage
– Wanting you to focus on your studies and personal growth
– Fear of losing control or influence over your decisions
While their concerns are valid, it’s essential to communicate openly with them and express your perspective respectfully. Let them know that you value their opinion but also assert your independence as an adult capable of making responsible choices.
Setting Boundaries and Finding a Middle Ground
In any relationship, boundaries are crucial for mutual respect and understanding. Here are some tips on how to set boundaries and find a middle ground with your parents:
– Have a calm and honest conversation with your parents about your desire to spend the night at your boyfriend’s house. Listen to their concerns without judgment and express your thoughts and feelings.
– Assure your parents that you prioritize your safety and well-being, and that you will communicate with them regularly while you are away.
– Negotiate compromises such as checking in with your parents via phone or text, informing them of your whereabouts, and being transparent about your plans.
– Consider gradually easing into the idea of spending the night at your boyfriend’s house by starting with shorter visits or daytime activities.
Remember, finding a middle ground requires patience, empathy, and compromise from all parties involved. Your parents’ concerns stem from a place of love and protection, so approach the situation with understanding and respect.
Advice from Bhagavad Gita
In the timeless teachings of the Bhagavad Gita, there is wisdom on the importance of honoring one’s parents while asserting independence and making wise decisions. Reflect on these teachings as you navigate the complexities of relationships and family dynamics. Remember to approach each situation with humility, compassion, and a sense of duty towards your loved ones.
In conclusion, as a 19-year-old navigating the delicate balance between adulthood and parental guidance, it’s essential to communicate openly, set boundaries, and respect your parents’ concerns. By approaching the situation with maturity, empathy, and a willingness to compromise, you can find a resolution that honors both your independence and your family values. Remember, you are capable of making smart choices and being safe, so trust in yourself and the guidance of those who care for you.
You’re grown. Now, your parents don’t want you to have sex, but they don’t control what you do. Yes, you live in your parent’s house, but that doesn’t mean they get to dictate what you do. You are grown, you are responsible for your decisions whether they be good or bad. You should respect their house, which would mean if they don’t want you bringing him over for the night you shouldn’t do that, but that doesn’t mean they can prevent you from staying the night at his house.
However, they can kick you out (using a formal eviction/ejectment, not just changing the lock on you) if they expect you to live life how they want you to live, and then you’re worse off. And that is within their right to do. It would be a shitty thing for them to do, but they could do that. So it’s a pro/cons situation.
If your parents are open to it, speak with them about it. That would most likely be your best bet. But not everyones parents are open like that. If they aren’t, I would figure out how to be on my own so I wouldn’t have to live under their rules. Either the respect you as an adult or they don’t.
I support you in your decision, but I’d also be forced to say whatever your parent’s reaction is would also be their right. My best friend lost his home at 18 over this exact situation. While I believe his parents were behaving like complete idiots for kicking him out, they were well within their rights to do so. Just be prepared for their reaction, but I personally don’t find anything wrong with it, even if your parents disagree with it.
My sister did that and she had her stuff packed outside the next day. So is it really worth it?
you are 19, you can go over to your boyfriends house lol
I mean, yeah you’re legally an adult, but you’re not yet a fully independent adult. If they’re still supporting you (a place to live, food, laundry facilities, tuition, a vehicle, car insurance, medical bills, etc etc) then that’s how it is right now. That’s not how I will choose to parent, but in exchange for that support you give up some of your adult autonomy in your household. I understand that you’re unhappy with the situation and I empathize, but the solutions here are to suck it up and deal, try your luck at defiance and see what happens, or move out.
I think you need to move out.
I would ask them what are their concerns and logically dismantle all of their objections calmly. It seems like they have raised a very respectful kid and that they will possibly consider your logic.
Yes, you’re a legal adult and can sleep over at his parents’ house if they let you. (Big on “if they’ll let you” a lot of parents find having their young adult’s SO sleeping over to be odd.) The thing is, if your parents don’t like the choices you make, they can kick you out.
I know a lot of people don’t like this, but as long as you’re financially dependent on anyone you don’t have any real independence. Is sleeping at his house and attempting to assert faux independence really worth all of this headache? You’ll have plenty of time to sleep next to him later in life. An adult capable of making sound decisions wouldn’t upset their living situation to sleep next to someone.
“I’m an adult!”
“Mom and Dad support me.”
Adults take care of themselves and are free to sleep wherever they choose.
You’re acting appropriately for your age, but it depends on how strict your parents actually are. Do they just disapprove but are going to let you do what you want? Might they withdraw their financial support (maybe towards tuition or just completely in general and require you pay rent)? Could they kick you out? You need to weigh what the consequences are, whether they are fair or not.
This is not so much an issue of “values” it’s more an issue of your independence and you should do a cost benefit analysis.
You live rent free at home and know how your parents feel about a sleep over, because you live there you feel compelled to ask. The unspoken assumption I infer here is that there would be a consequence if you did this behind their back and they found out.
It’s time to consider it the benefit of living rent free is worth limitations to your social and sexual wants.
Eh, this is a grey area. You live under their roof but you are an adult. Some parents only care when you live with them. I wouldn’t try and ruffle their feathers, since you still stay there.
>However, I want them to respect my decision and realize that I am an adult capable of making smart choices and being safe.
I don’t see them treating you like this until after you move out and take care of your own finances etc. As long as you stay with them, they are going to treat you like a minor.
It is not inappropriate at your age to sleep over with your BF. You are both adults…but remember, that as an adult you will have to deal with the consequences of your actions. You can do what you want, buy so can your parents. It is your parents house, and they do not have to let you live there. I would take all of that into consideration, as well as how you know your parents reactions. But if you pick to go against them, and stuff blows up, you have to accept that and what happens.
Consider:
Adults don’t ask their parents for permission regarding where they go, with whom, or what they’ll be doing. Adults don’t need their parents to tell them they don’t have to sleep at home.
If you don’t do as they permit, will you be grounded? Unfunded? Unhoused? If these consequences are inevitable, you’re not living as an adult. You’re of an age where you could change that but you haven’t.
My parents had some rules on me until I was able to fully support myself financially. Lucky for me I went away for college so most of the time was more limited rules (like access to my bank account and they’d get on me if I was spending recklessly). More rules when I was home for break and summers.
Did I enjoy their rules? No. Did I think they were fair? Not all of them. Did I think some were downright silly/stupid? Yes.
But my parents were still paying for a huge chunk of my living. I had scholarships to cover a lot, but without them I would likely have had to work full time to pick up the rest. So I sucked it up, followed their rules, and enjoyed not having them anymore once I was supporting myself.
Is your parents rule rather stupid because you can have sex whether you spend the night? Yes. Are you an adult? Yes. Could they kick you out if you don’t follow their rules? Also yes.
You’re an adult now. Welcome to making adult choices. You don’t always get everything you want. Sometimes you have to pick not great things to avoid worse things.
Assuming you’re living with parents as you can’t afford somewhere else?
Assuming you’d like to continue living with your parents?
I’d suggest that it’s time for some big conversations on the life you want to be free to lead with your parents.
I’d very much also suggest not just going to your bf’s house tomorrow night.
There will be other occasions. There won’t be other parents.
At 18-19 you can stay in each other’s dorm rooms. You could always do the cheap motel thing. Unfortunately, it kind of is a their house their rules thing and you do run the risk of them kicking you out if you’re not respecting that.
Depends what country you’re from and what culture you’re from…. sure if you’re American with liberal parents they’re okay with you staying over there and obviously know you’re going to have sex. If you’re parents are conservative culturally or religiously no they don’t want you to go their and sleep with your boyfriend yet.
Neither is right or wrong. It’s just the way the world works, people have different views.
You can want what you want.. not wrong.
Your parents aren’t required to agree. Not wrong either
Your mother cant force you against your will to do what she wants. But if you go against her wishes, there likely will be consequences
You’re an adult.. if you don’t like your parents in your business, you can move out.
I’m 34. At 19 going to stay over my boyfriends home was a no go. It wasn’t until I turned 25 that this could even become a conversation. But I don’t know what culture you’re from. In my culture, if you’re not married at 19 it was an absolutely not.
There are religions, cultures, and even entire nations where single women and men typically don’t get close to each other before marriage. There are also loads of cultures, nations, etc, where men and women do whatever they want even at young ages. Searching for a norm or standard for what’s “appropriate” will be hard because it varies so much, even from household to household.
You’re right that you’re a legal adult so you can do what you want. However, they are also legal adults who can do what they want. For example, they don’t have to let you live in their house if they disapprove of your lifestyle. So, if you decide to stand your ground, just be prepared for possible repercussions.
Legally you are an adult. But in every other aspect you are still a dependent.
You’re not an adult in their eyes outside of the legal sense and they will not see you as one until you move out. That’s just how it works.
It’s the reason I moved out at 18 and two months. I had a great childhood, love my parents, but I was ready to stop answering to them. And there was only one way to make that happen. No amount of arguing my case or convincing them was ever going to do it.
Independence is TAKEN. It will never be freely given by parents that still support you the same way they did before your 18th birthday just because you crossed that magical number line. *Taking* it means being willing to take what comes along with cutting the support lines that serve as their means of control and authority. Not only their means, but the basis of their opinion that you are not really an adult and therefore still under their authority.
It means giving up a whole bunch of comfort and security. You’ll struggle, you’ll eat ramen, you’ll buy clothes off the deep clearance rack at TJ Maxx, but nobody will be able to tell you where you can and can’t spend the night. You won’t be asking anyone permission for anything except maybe your boss about work related things. That’s the tradeoff for freedom.
Move out. Find some roommates and move out. But for godssake don’t move in with a boyfriend, and especially not a boyfriend at his parent’s house. And don’t spend more nights per week at his house than you do at your own place, no matter how ok with it his parents are or how much he begs. That’s a recipe for a doomed relationship.
Go be independent by living independently. You have to learn it eventually. *And so does he*, by living away from his parents and successfully handling all of the adult tasks necessary to do that *without* a live-in girlfriend being his sexmommy. Make him do it for a couple years before you ever consider living with him (or any other romantic partner). Never move in with a man coming straight from his parents house.
Honestly, there is no “right” answer. Everyone understands why we want to stay over a lovers house and at the same time we all understand why the parents say no.
I would say if a punishment is involved, just consider if it is worth it.
It’s not wrong of you to want to, but you have to weigh the cost. If the cost is just that your parents are a little disappointed, then oh well, that’s life. If they’re currently providing for you and might take away their support, that’s another story.
I have a 19 year old daughter who lives at home. She has a boyfriend, and he is also still staying with his parents. Guess what? He stays at our place occasionally and her at his. They’re adults, and I treat them like adults. That said, my daughter does pay a little rent, so that does change the equation a bit.
That is the point. You live under your parents’ roof and pay no rent. You respect your parents.
I had this same issue with my parents at your age. It only led to my lying and it all causing bigger problems between us than there needed to be.
Let’s face it. It’s not so much about your staying over at bf’s as it is about you having sex.
You’re right, you’re an adult. Then talk to them like an adult. Point out that you are in a long term committed relationship with a young man who treats you well and about whom you care. You are responsible for your own contraception and health protection. And that their refusing to allow you to be the responsible adult they’ve raised will not stand for very long if they won’t allow you to make your own decision. At 19, you can be an adult or a child, but they no longer get to choose which.
How old were they when they married?
Keep it civil. Be prepared to have more than one discussion with them. (So maybe don’t press for tomorrow.) You’ve had a little more time to sit with the situation and be ready for it. (Though they had to know this was coming.) Argue your case, but don’t whine or threaten. Listen to their side. And then prepare arguments for the next round of discussions. Ask them to explain exactly what it will take for them to agree to this. (I wouldn’t suggest compromise – you’re kinda already doing that.
It sounds like you have a great relationship with them, filled with respect and love. Not something you want to throw away. But a good solid place from which to open the lines of communication.
That said, I’ll tell you what my aunt told me to throw at my father:
Dad: What were you doing out til 4:00 in the morning??!!
Daughter: The same thing we did until 10:00. But three more times.
You live under their roof, so they can set the rules imo. So unless you’re willing to get kicked out (idk if they would do that) think before you act. Or at least, keep it to yourself.
You’re 19. What in the world are you asking for permission for? At absolute most, maybe a courtesy heads up that you won’t be home so they’re not worried if you’re always 100% home by a certain time every day. But they don’t need to know where you are anymore.
I’d understand needing to ask them and their right to refusal if it was that you wanted him to sleep over at your (their) house. But what doesn’t happen under their roof is beyond their reach.
As a mother to a young adult about your age (18) if they wanted to go spend the night at their bf/gf’s house I would just say “Be safe and make good choices”. They are an adult. And so are you.
My daughter kept asking my wife and I the same thing and we always said no, so I ended up telling her that if she asked us she would get the same answer every time. So I sat down and told her she was a legal adult and I could not stop her but if she asked me I was going to tell her no, and her best bet would be not to ask but to tell me what she was going to do. She said she was trying to be a good kid and ask, I again told her don’t ask but tell me what you are going to do, because in the end she is responsible for herself I am just here for guidance.