Is it acceptable for me, a 20-year-old female, to be upset about my 25-year-old male partner watching porn while I’m giving him a handjob? #relationship #porn #communication #boundaries
Why Am I Feeling Upset?
As a young woman, it’s entirely valid to have feelings about your partner’s actions during intimate moments.
Communication Is Key
Have you talked to your partner about how you feel? Open and honest communication can help address any concerns and ensure both partners are on the same page.
Setting Boundaries
It’s essential to establish boundaries in a relationship that make you feel comfortable and respected. Express your feelings and work together to find a solution that works for both of you.
Self-Worth and Respect
Remember that your feelings are valid, and it’s crucial to prioritize your self-worth and respect in any relationship.
By addressing your concerns and working through them with your partner, you can strengthen your relationship and create a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and boundaries.
you’re valid for feeling this way. i would feel used tbh, and im not sure why men feel like using porn while in a relationship is okay.
have you spoken to him about it?
Jesus christ, I would dump him on the fucking spot for that
You have been in a previous relationship with a porn addict, and it sounds like it affected you a lot (of course) – the emptiness you felt after this incident is a trauma response honey. You don’t deserve that shit, and I would suggest you look into getting some help to figure out how you can trust your gut when your boundaries are being crossed – which they were here
It makes me really sad that you’re asking if you’re allowed to feel upset about something that is so obviously horrible behaviour towards you. I hope you will work towards trusting yourself more❤
Ma’am, please don’t tolerate something you find disrespectful. You should have stopped when you realized it. If you don’t set boundaries, this is what your life will be. Talk to him. I don’t even wanna touch on the constant ask for bj or hj…only you alone can set boundaries for yourself. If you don’t, you’ll consistently be allowing yourself to be doing things that make you feel sad on the inside
Can u all just stop being a human fleshlight to absolute losers and go to therapy
Have boundaries listen to your body and trust yourself to be with people who value you
Yes, it’s normal to feel upset over this.
Should’ve just smacked his dick when he asked. Like the minute he said I’m gonna keep watching this, just full on falcon punch his junk.
But in seriousness, dump this loser. He’s an asshole and a liar.
Situationship are empty
This is so humiliating that I actually like it as like a way of degrading myself. I can’t believe they would do it without even talking to you first about it.
Also, your feelings are always valid, you can choose how you respond, not how you feel. If you’re upset, you’re upset! That’s always allowed.
That’s weird. You have the right to feel disrespected.
This is very sad. He does not respect you at all and uses you as an easy way to get off. You should not tolerate behavior like that and not let yourself be used like that. It’s very strange and disrespectful to watch that while you’re doing that to him.
That’s something both people have to be into you have a right to be upset, you also should have said something or stopped
That’s so disrespectful 🤦🏽♀️
Leave
Soooo you’re physically unwell and he’s asking you for sexual favors????? Girl WHAT???
He’s watching porn while you’re doing sexual favors???? After you’ve told him you’re not cool with porn???? _Girl WHAT??!?_
You’re absolutely allowed to be upset about this. Please stop seeing this trash man. The fact that you’re physically unwell and he’s asking for a bj would be enough for me to dump his selfish disrespectful ass on the curb, even before all the other gross disrespectful horse shit.
Please raise your standards because they are currently under the top soil.
Yes. You can def be upset
Never question if you are allowed to feel something. You are 100% always allowed to feel
He is using you as a service provider, not loving you like a girlfriend. Really, you deserve better.
Nah if mine did that sht to me it’d be fucking over lose him fr
You’re absolutely allowed to feel upset. An ex of mine did something similar and it made me feel demeaned, hollow and inadequate. But don’t stew in your hurt, communicate it. Some people will advise you to do this by leaving him, and that is ultimately your call, but I advise sitting down with him and telling him exactly how it made you feel. His response may give you guidance on where to go from here. Does he seem understanding and open to changing his ways? Or dismissive and uninterested?
I find it sad to hear you did this when you didn’t want to. Why do this?
I want to focus on the phrasing of the question. “Am I allowed to feel upset?” Did it upset you? Then yes you’re allowed to feel upset. Who convinced you that you need to ask permission to feel your feelings?
If this made you uncomfortable or hurt you in someway you have every right to vocalize your feelings and you deserve to have them heard.
That said, the guy sounds like a bit of a loser. You said “no” and he pushed you to do it anyways. That’s not okay.
Yes. You don’t have to be okay with any sexual activity that makes you feel uncomfortable. Period.
Dude has a porn addiction and that’s not your fault or your problem. Find someone who is turned on by you
You are allowed to feel however you want to.
Yes. Get rid of him before it is too late.
I don’t think anything makes me more sad and angry than seeing posts like this. Like yooooo in what fcking woooooorrrrrlllldddddd is this okay and normal behavior and why do you feel wrong for not being okay with it????? my mind cannot comprehend an iota of how little respect people like this have for you and how little we have for ourselves when we allow it
Wow. Just wow. 8 wouldn’t ever dream of doing that to my gf. That’s not ok and you have a right to be upset. Do not that again for your own self respect. Also… A woman’s POV? That’s a weird one for him to watch… Having sex with a dude is what he was getting jerked off to.
If you aren’t OK with it, then simply tell him. That’s a boundary for you in the relationship. Some partners might be fine with this, but clearly this doesn’t feel right for you. Just tell him.
Apart from being wrong that is just really weird especially if it wasn’t discussed before hand
Fuck this guy, guys like this that constantly need to have sex/ blow a load (with your help) end up being horrible partners
“I felt kinda empty after that” that is your answer right there
I’m so sorry that someone has made you feel the need to ask this question. You are especially allowed to FEEL any way about any thing. Now, not all actions because of feelings are okay but that’s a completely separate issue.
You do not need a reason to refuse any sexual activity other than “I don’t want to”. Good people don’t enjoy sex with reluctant partners. You would have been so so SO far within reason to refuse to give any type of physical stimulation even if it was normal circumstances
But watching porn while you’re doing it is gross and is definitely evidence of an addiction. It was wrong, it’s a terrible way to treat a partner and he shouldn’t have done it.
I know how when you’re so used to trying to please people around you it can be really hard to honor or even identify your own feelings. But please try and work on giving yourself that because you deserve it.
He’s a loser
Dude I would already be super pissed that he was asking for sexual favors while I was in extreme pain/discomfort. That alone indicates exactly how much he cares about you.
A girlfriend of mine once thought it would be hot to turn on one of those softcore skin-a-max videos while she gave me a blowjob.
I said I’d try it, because hey I was 19 and my dick wasn’t going to blow itself.
When she noticed I was watching the boobs on the screen more than her mouth on my dick she got a bit upset and took a break to asked me to pay attention to her. I reached over grabbed the remote and turned it off.
She was so turned on that I chose her over b-movie boobs she gave me her absolute best.
So yes, even if it’s your suggestion if it makes you uncomfortable or it makes you feel disrespected once it starts you can absolutely stop and set boundaries. Sex is a two player game where both players have to agree on the rules for everyone to have fun.
first of all, you’re allowed to feel upset no matter what the situation is- you cant control how you feel.
second, that’s honestly pretty damn rude like thats the type of question that’ll make you laugh at the idea but cry once you realize it wasn’t a joke.
i suggest telling him how you feel (don’t let him invalidate your feelings either) and set some boundaries. personally i would feel empty and used too, and if he doesn’t respect or understand your feelings & boundaries then that’s all you need to know about him.
Unless it’s been communicated that you are okay with it he shouldn’t have done it. That crosses a boundary and you have every right to be upset
The disrespect is loud. Please do yourself a favor and leave him.
Look, if you came here for a bit of support so you can make the obvious choice then rest assured we all support the idea you ought to be upset, this guy is gross, and it’s time to really review any future with him. He clearly mislead you regarding porn and while it is sad that’s two guys in a row that are porn addled you know better than to try and make it work with that as a factor.
From there reflect on where you are at. You know you shouldn’t tolerate this stuff. You know it is okay to be upset. You’re just not allowing yourself to be, you’ve got the classic trauma response of worrying maybe you deserve this or that you don’t deserve better. Learning to challenge that will be important, the ability to accept you are allowed to and ought to have boundaries and maintaining them in healthy ways.
You’re getting a lot of heated responses and the bucket of cold water may be helpful. Just take this as a moment to get real about your life.
One, stop saying things like “allowed to feel”. You are allowed to feel any fucking which way you want girl, do not allow a man to make you feel otherwise!! Two, yes, you are incredibly valid in feeling the way that you do, and you absolutely need to set a boundary.
Do yourself a favor and please let go of this man. If he needs to watch that while he’s got you in front of him, he’s too far gone already. He most likely has an addiction to it and you will forever feel less and unworthy because he keeps choosing other women that are not even real over you. Please, think about whether you want to put up with crazy disrespect any longer or not.
Very, sex is supposed to be a connection between the two of you.
Him using you like a tool is gross
My take coming from a guy: You’re allowed to feel however you feel and share it with him.
One word, asshole. It’s selfish of him to do so and take some time away from him.
PLEEEAAAAAAAAASSSSEEEEEEEE LEAVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is something me and my bf do BUT ONLY when we’ve talked about it beforehand and because it works for both of us. The fact that he did this without asking and (seemingly??) knowing you were uncomfortable with it is a huge huge issue. I would end it