#HelpMeOut #LostMyCool #ChineseTutorNeeded
So, picture this: I’m just a British-born Chinese guy trying to navigate the nuances of my heritage language, Chinese. Everything was going swimmingly until a girl from China came to stay with us, and she took it upon herself to be my personal language coach. And by coach, I mean my personal critic.
She constantly corrects my Chinese, to the point where it’s like she’s auditioning for a part in a Chinese pronunciation police drama. 🚔🇨🇳 At first, I tried to brush it off, but when she yelled at me for mispronouncing a word, I lost it and gave her a piece of my mind. Spoiler alert: it didn’t end well.
Now, my family is all divided, with some thinking I overreacted, while others are on Team “She Had It Coming”. But the question remains: Am I the jerk in this situation?
I’d love your thoughts, insights, and maybe a little guidance on how to handle this Chinese correction crusader. Vote in the poll, share your experiences, and let’s figure this out together! 🤔🗳️ #AITAforYelling #LanguagePolice #FamilyDrama
Stop speaking in Chinese to them. Stop translating for them. Let them be in the UK without speaking English. Let them try to navigate your country without speaking, reading, or writing English. Then, laugh off their mistakes and confusion. NTA
Nta
The way she was correcting you was extremely rude. The least she could’ve done was politely let you know that you made a mistake. I agree with your brother; it was bound to happen sooner or later and honestly I think the way you responded was perfect; you gave her the same treatment she’s been giving you, which she deserved. And I can’t believe your parents are defending her by saying she’s “just a kid” when she’s 19. That’s ridiculous.
NTA, jeez how rude is that! To laugh in your face at making a mistake is never cool, but when you are not in an English-speaking country and only have your parents to talk Chinese with, of course you’re going to speak differently to her. She needs to learn some manners and kindness.
NTA
I’m 2nd Gen Chinese too.
I can totally get where you come from but also you can try to understand their point of view (not saying you were wrong to do it, moreso just for you to also see their perspective).
Now I don’t know them personally but from my experience with Chinese people, I want to add few points just as food for thought.
Id say from their perspective maybe they just see you as full Chinese and find some of those mistakes funny. Not necessarily in a mean way but more in a cute but tactless way. Sometimes Chinese can be like this. Not respecting personal boundaries much. Happened to me also a bit. But I always felt they found it a bit cute/dumb. Like a toddler learning walking.
And it really is like a toddler learning walking because they might intellectually understand that English is your first language, but emotionally maybe it’s harder for them to get. As many Chinese somehow expect that Chinese looking people with Chinese names master the language. So they kind of expect you to be able to walk.
Also I found many Chinese making fun of different dialects with other Chinese (most Chinese also pronounce certain words “wrong”). But it was often perceived as a simple way to have a fun conversation.
Also IMHO Chinese have this thing that they show closeness by being intrusive and “criticizing” you. It’s like “we are close and I care about you so I tell you you are fat”. It’s kind of thing to show one is close and not a stranger.
Same how saying “thank you” is seen sometimes negatively because you don’t have to be polite to people you are close with.
Now regarding your parents… I guess in their view they lost face and feel some shame that they didn’t teach their kid proper Chinese but also the kid didn’t learn proper Chinese behaviour. ( proper behaviour would always be to be friendly to the guest and keep smiling. And not to put the self over the harmony of the house). I can totally get that you just feel annoyed and don’t care. Believe me I behaved “improperly” plenty of times.
But I think also for your parents they are really between a rock and a hard place because of course they love you but also they really were raised differently and to lose their face like this is equivalent to being naked. It’s as if you invite friends over and your parents using n-word. It’s a huge faux pas in the culture.
NTA
Speak to her only ever in English. Shout at her (same tone as she used for you) every time she mispronounces a word or gets the grammar wrong. *Exactly* the same as what she did. See how she feels when she’s really trying her best to speak a foreign language (which technically it is for you, even if you speak it at home) and gets ridiculed when it’s not perfect. This is petty, I know. But do it anyway.
Also, take her and your friend Siobhan Cholmondeley-Featherstonehaugh to Leicester and buy some Worcestershire sauce and quinoa before visiting Belvoir Castle. It’s a lovely place. I am sure she won’t mess up any of these pronunciations at all.
NTA
Since you’re in England and not China, just stop accommodating them and cut back on Chinese altogether. They can communicate in English and then you can correct them. Let’s see how they’ll enjoy their own treatment
NTA.
I get it, this is so so relatable – my Chinese is awful as I was born and raised in the uk and my parents are fluent in English so we never really used it at home. I’ve had so many people tell my Chinese is awful, but if I don’t use it, it’s never going to get better.
Constructive criticism is helpful, yelling is not.
Just respond to her in English or the more hostile but less advisable “are you going to give me money to go to Chinese class?”
NTA. Then speak only English and don’t translate for anyone. honestly, this was rude. You can correct a word or pronunciation with kindness and encouragement. she was doing neither.
NTA she’s rude
NTA- I teach English as a Second Language and am also trying to learn Spanish. My high school students have more tact in correcting my Spanish than this girl. Her age is not the factor here. She is just rude. You are allowed to make mistakes in a second, third, etc language. Yelling at you and stopping conversation is rude.
Oh classic Asian parents. Act nice with all of them. Totally refuse to speak Chinese with your guests because it will be rude to offend their ears with your nonperfect speaking and you don’t want to put shame on your parents.
NTA
NTA – It is not rude to point out the rudeness of others, tell your Mom. You have already warned them to your displeasure of their actions of rudeness. They only continue their rudeness to you because nobody is calling it out and that needs to be done pronto. If they continue, ghost them, yes even in your house. Nobody has to put up with such disrespect.
NTA. In your shoes I would only speak to them in English now and only react to them if they say something in English to you. I assume at least the daughter learned English in school. That also gives you opportunity to correct her English all the time. I really doubt she speaks it perfectly.
NTA Incessant nitpicking gets old, fast. If your guests are so offended by your grasp of whatever dialect of Chinese you speak, respond to them in English using a translation app and let them argue with your phone.
Your Chinese is better than her English. Rather than appreciate that and try to help you improve in return for all your help, she decided to mock you for doing something she can’t.
Well, if she thinks that you do is so without value, she can handle her own English language tasks now. Or she can give a sincere apology for being such an AH. NTA, you did not owe her politeness after just how far she took her insults.
NTA.
NTA-That girl has no manners or sense of social skills
NTA ‘Haha you made a linguistic mistake translating this language I don’t know’
Just speak in English for the rest of their visit.
Your parents are Chinese. Their friend and her daughter are Chinese. You are English. The daughter is on your turf now. Instead of arguing with her about your grasp of Chinese why don’t you just insist that you have your conversations in English and shout corrections at her and laugh at her when she gets it wrong so that she realises what she has been doing to you? Nobody in your family can say that you are wrong if you are doing exactly what she has done to you and I can bet that you are way better at Chinese than she is at English. Make sure you correct both individual words and grammar too. Sentence structure in English is very different from most other languages so you will have plenty to play with.
NTA
Stop translating for these AHs. That’s the most important part: PRetend not to understand her, and tell her “please say it in english.”
So: you should be helpful: Let her talk in english, and help her learn by correcting every error she makes.
And: Stop letting that AH tag along.
Speak to her in English. Girl is in the UK now, let’s see how she gets along without you translating for her, shall we?
Your “guest” could correct you without insulting or laughing at you, or politely ignore your little mistakes entirely, she isn’t your teacher and you aren’t her student.
But yelling at you- “condescendingly” … this is not the way to get people to go out of their way to *help* you. Oh, hell no.
And now she cries and runs to mama. Oh, boo hoo. I roll my eyes.
And NTA
NTA. If I were you, I’d stop speaking Chinese altogether until these people leave. Speak only English. When your parents get on you, say politely, “My Chinese isn’t good enough, sorry, I need to stick with English.” It’s beyond annoying and rude that this young woman is laughing at you and constantly correcting you.
19 year old crying to mom lol
NTA.
It is worth noting that attitudes like these, which belittle people who are trying to speak a language and making mistakes as all people do, actually push people away.
Speak English with that young woman. Make her learn.
NTA. Just stop speaking Chinese and refuse to translate anything for her. Problem solved. Let her navigate being in an English speaking country on her own.
NTA. Maybe you should start to talk English to her as that is your native language and just refuse to talk in Chinese language. You can say that in her opinion your Chinese language is not good enough and ask her to have conversations in English.
BTW Also speak English to your mother’s friend and your parents during any conversation.
NTA, my dad’s twins wife, is nosey as fuck and extremely over opinionated. She will speak on shit she knows nothing about and sticks her nose in others’ business.
When I was 16, my dad and I had a massive falling out, and I stayed with a friend for a couple of weeks. We were already discussing for me to come home when I went to a bbq at my dad’s with his twin and the wife. It was going well, no awkwardness, until she decided to bring it up. My dad’s brother (I refuse to call that man my uncle, but we hadn’t fallen out at the time) tried to shut it down, but she kept going. When she finally shut up, I looked her in the face and said, “It’s none of your business, though Is it?” And just walked back into the house. My dad spat his drink out (he’s never had the highest opinion of her), and his brother just said, “She isn’t wrong, and I tried to tell you.” Apparently, he had a very firm talk with her about not bringing up while they were on the drive over. She doesn’t listen.
NTA. My ex girlfriend was like her, always correcting the way I speak and telling me my English isn’t clear (I’m a native English speaker). It’s not “help”, it’s being condescending and nit picky. She can run and cry to her mom like a big baby all she wants.