#FamilyFinances #Education #ParentingAdvice
Hey everyone! 👋 Need some advice here. My wife has just started her first job after being a stay-at-home mom, and now she wants to use her income to send our youngest to a fee paying school. Our budget is tight, and I’m not sure if this is the best decision for us. Have any of you been in a similar situation?
Here’s a quick rundown:
– My salary supports our family of 5, with virtually no savings
– Wife’s new job pays 20k/year part-time
– She wants to send our 4-year-old to a fee paying school costing 11k/year
– Worried about additional costs like school trips etc
Do you think this is a sensible move? Any tips or experiences to share? I want the best for my kid, but I’m also concerned about our financial situation. Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Possible Solution:
– Sit down with your wife to discuss budgeting and financial goals
– Explore alternative schooling options like scholarships or financial aid
– Consider creating a future education fund for your child
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts! 💬📚
A few hundred in the bank for a family of 5 is not a good situation to be in. I’d be looking to pay off unnecessary debt and build an emergency fund asap.
What happens if you have some unexpected cost or lose your job?
Edit: the more I think the worse it gets. Even in a dream scenario with no unexpected costs or job loss / moves, private school fees aren’t static. VAT exemption likely to be removed. Family dynamics messed up with the older kids feeling resentful that the younger gets so much more spent on them. Not all private schools are actually better than the local state school. You can’t afford any extracurricular activities, which arguably would be more beneficial. Bullying for being the poor kid. Disruption if you need to change schools due to money (likely). Continued stress on yourself, your kids are important but mate you can’t even afford a new fridge, living with that level of stress for long is seriously detrimental.
You’re gonna have something like £1,400 a month more money for the household. If your kids are truly the big number one, I’d suggest getting an emergency fund up of probably £10k or so min for a family of 5. Then if your kids are truly the focus, split the money between them into some sort of savings account. Give them £3k a year each, retain the other £7-8k to actually do things with them and put something aside for your retirement.
The worst burden you can put on your kids is not looking after yourself such that you need looking after yourself, not through accident or unfortunate Ill health, but Ill health as a result of your choices. When they leave home, they want to enjoy their lives as best they can.
Bear in mind private school fees are likely to go up soon, because labour announced a tax change for private education.
What happens if she loses her job? Or, decides after a few months she doesn’t like it and wants to quit?
Personally, I’d use the extra money to do more things as a family and have that comfort buffer.
Don’t forget that Labour already said they would add VAT to school fees, so you should factor that in if not already done
Absolutely terrible idea. At that age it’s a complete waste of money. If your local schools are bad then use the money to move house to the catchment area of a better school, this way it isn’t just completely wasted money.
No it obviously isn’t sensible. Private school isn’t a luxury you can afford on a 60k household.
Her part time income will entirely go on the fees and nothing else. If either of you lose your job the kid has to be pulled out of school and debt begins. You’re also subjecting your child to being “the poor kid” in school.
This is incredibly unfair on your other kids. They will resent you both for choosing to fund that one child so much.
Do not commit to a large ongoing expense when you don’t have an emergency fund.
There’s the financial advice.
Most of what comes after is family/relationship advice.
In your position I’d want to spend the money partly on building up an emergency fund, partly on things that the whole family can appreciate and enjoy, and then maybe partly on enhancing ALL the kids’ education with extracurricular activities, tutoring if needed, that kind of thing.
Being the poorest kid at an expensive school will not be fun for that kid.
The youngest getting so much money spent on them while the others get nothing will not be fun for any of you.
If the older kids are still in school it seems strange to want to spend everything on the youngest. Is it because they’re “doing fine”? If so why won’t the youngest also do fine at state school? Is it because your wife has given up on them somehow?
You can’t afford it. Simple as that. Also, her money should be going on something that will benefit all of her children. What about saving for university costs or taking them on holiday?
Your kids will stick out and never fit in.
£40k salary for a family of 5 is fuck all, all their peers will be in the comfortable £150-200+ household income.
Lol ! Have you shown her what £20k after tax actually is ?
what significant benefit is a fee paying school going to give a 4 year old? maybe suggest that it would be better when the child is a bit older, the money could be put toward activities/holidays for the kids instead
Absolutely terrible idea. You’re on a shoestring budget already; what happens if times get tough in the future? Do you take this child out of private school and ruin all their friendships or do you sell your house, or car, or kidney?
Bear in mind, too, that private schools aren’t even necessarily better than state schools.
Use the £20k to build up some kind of emergency fund instead.
Terrible idea. The school fees would just be the start of the cost. Add in school uniform, school trips mostly likely abroad, “donations” etc.
If anything, do a state primary school and save up for a private secondary.
Put the £11k/year in an index tracker fund, by the time he leaving uni at 22 you will have £430,000 to buy him a house, that will be far more useful than slightly better grades
I’m sorry but that’s just madness. Imo private schools should only be for when your finances are comfortable. This is going to put more strain on your finances. You haven’t even got an emergency fund. And if she loses her job or becomes sick?? Then what…
Also private school is more than just fees, what about the trips and clubs too?
Better to aim for a grammar school instead when they’re older
IMHO, that age, I wouldn’t be concerned with a private education. If you can afford it later, then go for it but at 4 years old, I can’t see what difference it will make within the context of the cost.
Having been in both private and state schools, unless you live in a fantastic area with fantastic primary and secondary schools, then a fee paying school would be a great investment in your child’s life – if you can afford it.
Talk to some fee paying schools near you to determine what their entry requirements and processes are and use the extra income to save up for your child attending at a later age maybe. In the meantime, take the family on holiday!
Source: ex-teacher.
Doesn’t sound like you can afford it at all, your wife is being completely unrealistic and putting you in an unfair position.
Fee paying schools are a fools errand for someone in your position.
Beside the fact that you are condemming your child to live a life in school where he will always be the poorest one there and will be isolated and picked-on because of that. Can you afford field trip to Northern Italy that the school might take them on or the additonal fees and costs for the archery lessons etc
From a financial standpoint it is financially illiterate. There are some excellent state schools, the barrier often being the high cost of properties within the catchment area.
Why not find out the best primary/secondary school in your area and use the additional money to move to the catchment area so that every child benefits from better education and the money goes on an appreciating asset?
She wants private school but what about trips, extra circulars, school clothes. You guys don’t have an emergency fund so if something goes wrong you can’t do much. Also if your A private kid with A shoe string budget you will be bullied for not having the latest gadgets, clothes, holidays Etc.
her money should be part of household to allow you both to get savings.
You’re doing amazingly well supporting a family on 40k, even with the extra 20k, there’s no way I’d consider private school. Think of the extra things you could get with the extra money per month.
This doesn’t seem like a good idea tbh. Remember the cost isn’t just the fees but also extras. Lunch, uniform, trips, extra curricular activities. It’ll all add up. Maybe invest ik some activities for your kids like music or sport. This’ll still give your children some great opportunities. Also if they get good enough they may be able to get a scholarship to a private school later on.
Your wife – the pay of a soldier and the vices of a general.
This is, frankly, crazy!
Firstly, if wife hasn’t been earning for 15 years, her pension must be non-existent.
Your family savings are also likely not too healthy (forgive me if I’m wrong) by raising a family of 5 on a 40K salary.
It sounds to me like earning a wage is a novelty to your wife, and she’s getting a bit ahead of herself. She hasn’t factored in how much it can “cost” to work. I think you need to sit down and do a long term budget together, to bring a sense of reality back to the situation.
(Also, being a bit harsh here, but even if you scraped together the school fees, it won’t leave much for extra-curriculars or hobbies that most of the other children at the school will have access to. I think it might not be that enjoyable for your children to be the poorest in the class).
This system means that you can’t retire…ever…
Your child is four years old! If she’s really desperate for your son to have time at a fee paying school then she should spend 7 years saving up so that when he hits secondary school you have money available to do it at a point it is likely to have far more benefit to him (but also there are great schools that aren’t fee paying, could use those years to best position him for one of those instead).
It seems to me like a terrible idea on basically every level. Firstly the value for money is seriously debatable, secondly it’s seriously unfair to your other children and most importantly you basically can’t even afford it.
After tax and pension her take home will be a bit over 17k, even at the start when fees are lowest that’s gonna leave 6k left before accounting for things like school trips, potentially expensive uniforms, her expenses from working (transport, lunches etc). Seems relatively doable, however in a year or two when there’s 20% VAT on it, fees have gone up, is it going to be doable then? What if she ends up not actually being able to work? What if you have another kid?
IMO saving up for university and/or house deposits for you kids would be a far better choice for a chunk of the new income if you want to use it to help them long term.
Not a good idea. I would say you don’t earn enough as a household to warrant spending that much on school fees.
Is she forgetting the VAT that’s going to be applying to school fees, likely from August 2025? Also potentially losing their charitable status, so another upward pressure on fees.
It’s a decision for both of you, as it’s not her salary once married it’s all household income.