Is it acceptable to criticize my sister’s request for cash contributions instead of gifts for her wedding? #WeddingEtiquette #CashGifts #TackyWeddingIdeas
I recently attended my sister’s wedding and was taken aback by the invitation requesting cash contributions for their honeymoon, as they claimed to have everything they needed. Is it rude to voice my opinion on this matter? #SisterlyDilemma #HonestyVsEtiquette
My sister and her fiancé are moving soon after their wedding and opted to ask for cash contributions instead of gifts. Is it inappropriate for me to express my thoughts on this? #WeddingGifts #TactfulCriticism
AITA for expressing my opinion on my sister’s wedding invitation requesting cash contributions instead of gifts? #HonestFeedback #WeddingControversy
I don’t know where you reside but it’s really common now for people to state on their invites that in lieu of gifts, people could contribute to a honeymoon fund because it’s not like how it previously generations where some people wouldn’t have been cohabitating prior to getting married.
It’s one of those things that I think can feel tacky if you’ve not already experienced it but once that feeling subsides, you’ll see that it’s a pretty normal thing.
soft YTA.
YTA
your sister’s idea is GREAT, and not that unusual.
And: Most will love to give the couple something they actually want. So: NO more tacky than a wedding register. But easier to handle than a list of hotels and tickets – which would be the equivalent to a regular register.
YTA
Didn’t ask for your opinion did they?
Ask yourself what the purpose of you making this comment to her was?
It certainly wasn’t to get them to change it right? They already sent out the invitations.
Here’s my opinion, since YOU ASKED FOR IT, you did this for no other reason than to punch down and elevate your own sense of moral superiority at your sister’s expense. That is 100% an AH move.
YTA.
Listen, I get it. I am an oldster and was shocked when people started indicating that they’d prefer money to gifts for weddings, but the practice has become commonplace, particularly as most young people these days set up housekeeping together long before they formally marry. Thus, they have everything they need.
Traditions evolve over time, and your sister is simply following the rather practical trend of suggesting that gifts are not necessary, but if a guest would like to give a gift, the bride and groom would prefer money.
I think you might owe your sister an apology.
This is super normal where I am. People have everything they want and don’t want more things so they ask for cash if someone is giving a gift. It might be for the house fund or the honeymoon fund, but it’s cash.
It would only be seen as tacky if couples request a certain amount or if they refused gifts that were given (some people still like to give physical gifts) So I think whether you are the asshole depends where you are.
But I do kinda lean towards YTA for calling her tacky when she asked about the invites that she designed and presumably put work into. Even if it is tacky there’s a better time.
YTA – all of the wedding registry’s I’ve ever seen had a honeymoon fund option for giving cash. It’s perfectly normal.
YTA. This is now very very common. Back in the old days it made sense that 21 year olds who had never lived independently would be in need of a full set of household items for their first home together. Nowadays, with more people getting married later and living together first, there’s really no need to get them stuff they already have. It’s increasingly common to do a fund instead. You’re allowed to privately think it’s tacky, but sharing your unsolicited opinion is very rude.
YTA
They didn’t ask for money. They asked for no gifts and if people insisted on giving something *then* money would be next.
Duh.
YTA.
It’s a different time now. Most of the weddings I just give money. It’s easier for the couple to manage and to realize their dreams. Why make it more complicated for them.
YTA most cultures you only get money. I don’t get why you think it’s tacky. They’re spending time and money inviting you and feeding you and it’s bad to ask for money? I especially now when weddings are so expensive it makes sense to get some money back. In my cultures most people give $100+ for good luck
YTA I feel like you have not been invited to many weddings if you think this is the outlier and not the norm. A quick google search would show you this much. Plus it sounds like the wording on the invitation was polite and didn’t come across as greedy.
That’s pretty common these days. People want experiences, not junk they don’t need.
YTA. Gifts of money are never tacky, and there isn’t a way to call someone/something tacky that isn’t insulting. It is in fact an insult.
If you can’t afford a gift of money, then you probably weren’t going to get her a gift in the first place and the whole conversation didn’t even need to happen: in that case, you made an insulting comment for no reason, which is arguably worse.
If you were going to otherwise get them some sort of gift, simply gift them the budget of that gift. I think gift cards/certificates in lieu of cash are fine, but they’re restrictive, and it carries with it the message that your money is only given conditionally, and that kind of sucks for some people.
From your OP, they don’t even sound like they’re demanding a gift cash from everyone, just “if anyone wants to contribute”, so insulting them over this when there isn’t even an imposed obligation on your part was rude. In fact…
Your statement was tacky.
If you’re worried about how your monetary gift might be perceived (as too large or too small), that’s your own insecurity getting in the way. Its not about the amount, and it isn’t required. If you had simply just abstained from the gifting process, it likely wouldn’t have been noticed. And, you can tell them if you really feel the need that you didn’t feel like you could afford a gift. There shouldn’t be shame in that, and if they or anyone else in your family shamed you for not being able to afford a gift, then they would be the assholes, not you. But in this case, you haven’t given them a chance to be chill or square about it either way, instead, you decided to do the yucky thing.
YTA. This is very common but is apparently tacky simply because you don’t agree with it?
It’s their weddings, it’s up to them what they asked for, just give same amount of money that you would spend on gift, why you have to ruin it by saying things unnecessary?
YTA
YTA, it’s extremely common, especially for couples that have been living together for years and have no need of anything. It’s still voluntary and people can give traditional gifts if they want, but it’s what the couple want, so it’s fine. I have been to several weddings where this was the request and I was very happy to comply.
YTA most weddings I’ve seen the last 10 years are like that. They set up a pretty box to drop donations in. Don’t like it, don’t donate. Personally I love it. Would much rather just give them cash than shop for a gift they may get multiples of.
Aaaand who asked for your opinion? No one? YTA.
YTA. It’s not tacky. It’s 2024. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with asking for cash- part of or all of the money people would spend on a gift anyway. It’s stupid to have clutter and useless junk just to appease people needing to fulfill a personal feeling and give gifts.
YTA
Personal anecdote, but when my husband and I got married we asked for cash for moving expenses vs gifts we’d have to either get rid of or pay to have shipped (we moved cross country a few weeks after). I get their reasoning was different, but if they’ve been living together thus far why on earth would they need new housewarming things??
YTA. It’s been common for a while to ask for donations for a honeymoon or starting out fund. It’s *how* you ask.. similar to when people ask for no additional flowers at a funeral but a donation to a charity instead would be kind.
Now if they were doing this new trend of asking for money to cover their own wedding that would be different.. like charging people for their own food etc
When I was bridesmaid at my friends wedding she did the same, just kindly asked for honeymoon and starting together donations – she said the £50 donation we gave her went towards her dog being boarded at a happy doggy hotel while they had their honeymoon and she was so thankful her dog was well taken care of and she didn’t have to worry!
Asking for money FOR a wedding is trashy. Asking for donations in leiu of gifts (especially if the couple already live together) is not.
YTA. In Cuba, it is tradition to pin money to the bride’s dress to give the bride and groom a helping hand with their honeymoon and their new lives together. There is a similar tradition in Greece. This may be what gave your sister the idea in the first place.
A gift is a gift, whatever form it takes. It’s optional, you don’t have to give anything if you don’t want to, but I think you’re being unnecessarily churlish.
Where I live, cash gifts are the norm. Nobody brings physical presents to weddings
YTA This is very common. I’d much prefer this than people registering for things they don’t really want just to appease guests like you. And if you don’t register at all you get all kinds of weird junk you never wanted and then you have to deal with that. Actually, we did register and still got all kinds of random stuff people pulled from closets.
I get where you’re coming from but it’s very common to request no gifts so you don’t end up with a bunch of shit you already have. But even more so, the invitations were already out, there was no recourse from your comment. They can’t change it, take it back. So even if it was tacky, saying so when they didn’t ask your opinion AND there was nothing to be done about it, makes YTA.