#Divorce #RelationshipStruggles #MovingOn
I’m so sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through, it sounds incredibly tough ๐๐. Going through a divorce is never easy, especially when it happens unexpectedly on your birthday! ๐ That’s just salt in the wound, isn’t it? ๐ฅบ But hey, you’re not alone! Many others have experienced similar situations, so let’s dive into it.
First of all, it’s important to acknowledge the rollercoaster of emotions you must have been feeling. It’s understandable that you felt completely gutted when your husband dropped the bombshell on your special day, seemingly out of nowhere. It’s like having your heart shattered into a thousand pieces ๐๐.
And to add insult to injury, he had been contemplating this for two whole weeks while keeping it all to himself! That’s a lot of time for someone to process their feelings and come up with a rational discussion. But no, your husband chose to drop this bombshell on you without any prior warning. Talk about blindsiding you! ๐ฑ
But kudos to you for wanting to work things out and giving your all to save your marriage! ๐๐ It’s understandable that you suggested splitting for a couple of months to gain some perspective and see how you both felt afterward. It’s a reasonable solution, especially since your state requires separation before granting a divorce. But wait, then he suddenly changes his mind when you’re all ready to move back home? Talk about confusion and mixed signals! ๐คทโโ๏ธ
Now, let’s address this issue of promises made but not kept. It’s frustrating when someone says they’ll work on the marriage but ends up doing absolutely nothing to follow through. ๐ค It’s like they’re on a different wavelength altogether, going out all the time, not communicating, and not even trying to have a meaningful conversation with you. That’s not how you rebuild trust and repair a marriage! ๐ โโ๏ธ
And just when you start to rebuild your life and find some semblance of peace, he’s back at it again, begging for you not to leave and apologizing for everything. It’s like he’s caught in an endless cycle of breaking your heart and expecting everything to go back to normal. But hey, trust doesn’t magically repair itself, right? It takes time, effort, and genuine change from both sides. ๐โค๏ธ
It’s completely valid that you’re feeling upset now. You’ve sacrificed so much for this relationship, from moving away from your family to giving up jobs and friends you loved. It’s heartbreaking that your efforts and sacrifices weren’t reciprocated in the same way. ๐ข It’s no wonder you’re bitter, after enduring months of being treated poorly and feeling isolated without your family nearby for support. That’s a lot to handle!
You expressed your feelings of betrayal and disappointment to your husband, which is commendable. Open and honest communication is vital in any relationship, especially when trust has been broken. It’s essential for him to understand the impact his actions have had on your emotions and how it will take time for things to heal.
But it seems like he’s trying to shift blame and invalidate your feelings by claiming that you’re being mean and never have time for him. ๐ This isn’t fair and isn’t a productive way to address the issues at hand. Both of you should take responsibility for your roles in the breakdown of the marriage and work towards a better future together.
So, to answer your question: No, it’s not wrong that you’re bitter. It’s a natural response to the pain and disappointment you’ve experienced. Healing takes time, and it’s essential to prioritize your own well-being and emotional recovery. Remember, you deserve happiness and a healthy, supportive relationship, whether that’s with your husband or on a new path.
Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Many others have been through similar situations and can offer support and advice. Reach out to friends, family, or even seek out online communities where you can connect with others who have gone through divorce and relationship struggles.
Stay strong, and know that brighter days are ahead! ๐โจ
What do you want? Have you given some thought to what you need right now? You should consider going home for a bit. Take some time for yourself to think and decide what you will do.
It makes sense that you feel betrayed because he betrayed you. Now it is up to you to decide if you really want to be in this marriage knowing what kind of person he is.
Canโt put the genie back in the bottle, cat back in the bag, commit back in the commitment.
Move forward with separation.
Yes. I realized that I didnโt really like him as a person. I was tired of wondering if he would break up out of the blue again even if everything seemed great. I ended it and moved.
I have a very close friend who went through something similar, not exactly the same.
Your husband was gutless, casually cruel, indecisive, and manipulative. In the time apart, heโs demonstrated zero effort or interest to improve or repair the relationship. He has show he has no communication skills, wonโt work as a teammate, will give up without a second thought and is unreliable.
You are fortunate you donโt have children. Heโs untrustworthy. Maybe take the exit he so callously took multiple times. Just make sure you shut and lock the door behind you.
I can relate. My husband had his mistress serve the divorce papers on my birthday.
It hurts. A lot. But eventually things do get better. It’s difficult to put a relationship in the rear view mirror. It takes practice to stop going back over what went wrong, but eventually you learn not to dwell on the bad.
Look forward, find new ways to reinvent yourself and your life. Be strong. It will get better. I promise.
Sounds like youโre done. I would be. Time is on your side. Separate the bank accounts, look for a job back home and lawyer up.
Now plan and work until itโs time to leave him. Donโt renew the lease. Pack up your stuff and shoot him deuces.
Put a fork in your marriage it is done. If you are in an โat faultโ state hire a Private Investigator. I think he has planted his flag on some hills before your birthday!
Why would stay after someone has shown you who they are a few times? If you donโt pack your shit up and leave, youโll find out again how much he values you when your placed in a situation where you need him to show up and he decides to bounce again.
I’m pretty sure I’ve heard of that as an abuse thing yo ruin birthdays and holidays
Honestly
Should stick too the divorce
Feels like there is more going on here…. on his end….
Can’t unring that bell though….. and then he plays more games…. ugh.
Separation for sure, then decided what is best for you. GL OP!
He sounds exhausting.
He fooled you once, shame on him.
He fooled you twice, shame on you.
You can’t possibly consider being fooled one more time by him, can you?
This is down purposely. This is a subtle type of abuse.
It is meant to keep you on eggshells and in a sick way expect you to fight to stay in the relationship.
I wouldnโt be surprised if when he said he was done instead of leaving had you begged him to stay โฆ he would love it. Some people are sick like this. They want you to be off keeled.
If he asked you ON YOUR BIRTHDAY? he low key HATES you. do not get back together with this person omfgโฆ move on
Honestly, don’t ever allow a man to dump you twice.
There is no coming back from this.
Let him go and stay with your parents. You deserve much better.
I highly doubt youโre ever going to be able to move past this if you stay with him, and I honestly donโt think you should. Heโs shown you how fast heโll cut you out if heโs unhappy *for two weeks.*
Marriage is about thick or thin. This guy doesnโt have that in him.
The first thing to remember is that your feelings are never “wrong.” You can’t help how you feel and you are allowed to feel things. You are upset and feel betrayed, which is understandable. He hurt you, then took it back, then hurt you again which was likely much worse, and then wanted you back again. Now he’s complaining that you haven’t just pretended all this didn’t happen? I’m sorry, of COURSE it’s not just all okay now. You have no idea if he’s going to pull this stame stunt in another week, or month, or year. He destroyed your trust in him and he needs to earn it back. It takes time. It’s not instant. You don’t know if you can trust him, and who would blame you?
His position here is not realistic. It takes time and effort to heal. Not just “You forgave me now be nice again.” You say that he has begged you not to leave and that he’s sorry and wants to work on it – . Well, then insist that he actually WORKS on it, or he can leave. I would tell him in no uncertain terms that his prior actions destroyed the relationship and the existing trust, you’ve been trying but clearly things aren’t the same now, and that the only way you are willing to stay and work on this marriage is if he is willing to go to couples /marriage therapy to work through this. If he refuses, it’s over and it should be. If he’s willing, then I would use the setting of therapy to try and explain your feelings where a third party can mediate and make sure you’re being heard.
My granddad always told me to โfish or cut baitโ when I couldnโt make up my mind about something. Iโm telling you to do the same. Decide to leave and make a new more stable life or stay and be an emotional wreck every time he stops talking or goes out without explanation. You canโt find happiness with instability in a marriage.
Something happened and thats why he wanted divorce. Maybe an affair. Divorce this loser who cared so little about your feelings. Esp on your birthday. Heโs immature and an idiot. Asking for a divorce 3 times? Is mo joke. You cannot repair the damage he inflicted. Heโll be asking for divorce again. Protect yourself and start preparing. U can be sure heโs gonna do it again.
I’d bet ya $5 OPs husband was probably considering cheating or had cheated and the lure of getting all this newfound attention sounded good enough to leave. Then maybe that outside attention stopped or slowed and he begs OP to come back. Rinse and Repeat.
4 years is not a long time, take your new wisdom and all your belongings and leave, your lucky to have supportive family.
Take in some counselling to get yourself just right.
Heโs not going to change and you deserve to have a wonderful beautiful life with someone whose going to respect you and love you.
My ex asked for a divorce on Thanksgiving. They love to try and ruin birthdays and holidays. I bet if you look back, youโll see a pattern of him instigating arguments or discord on special days.
Anyway, my ex also begged for me to come back and I regret it, because he also did the same thing; going back and forth while blaming me. I shouldโve stayed gone the first time and left with my dignity. I hope that you do the same.
Likely he cheated and his affair partner didnโt want him. He sees you as leftovers.
Make your exit plan and get out.
You would be so much better without this jerk. I mean he literally has ruined your Birthday for now on because every year you are going to remember him asking for a divorce . You are so young still and hopefully you do not have children. Just get rid of this loser and find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated because they are out there! THEN every year you can count being divorced from him as one of your blessings.
Why are you still there?
He treated you like shite. Broke your heart twice. it sounds like he blames YOU for everything, and yet you are still married to him. I wouldn’t be able to stay in that situation. I would give him what he asked for and move on. You’re only 24, why waste any more time on him, go be happy.
One of the most valuable lessons I learned from my first marriage:
**If someone repeatedly gives you reasons to leave, it is absolutely foolish to stay.**
The whole back-and-forth thing is just a waste of everyoneโs time. Itโs going to have the same result long-term as if you just left and stayed gone, without the years worth of pain and frustration and time lost that couldโve been spent on finding an actual decent partner.
For me it seems like he thought he had the chance with another woman. The time he was away, he tried to get with her. But it didn’t work out. So now he behaves as if nothing happened. But he wanted to end the marriage. You can’t take this back. It is one think to say “oh, i think we have problems, let’s work on it.”. He came up with divorce right away. On your birthday. How much more can you say “fuck off”. He backpedalled because he wanted you still as his plan b. And he was afraid to lose his oh so bomfortable life if you mive to your family.
He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t respect you.
You are just 24. Donโt waste your time with him. Divorce him. You have your whole life before you. Why try to fix something that is not worth to fix? Let’s be real: with his action he showed you that he doesn’t care about you in every way possible. To try to work it out just means that the divorce happens a little bit later.
Why are you still with him? You’re so young don’t be young and dumb. Pack leave and file for a divorce.
Girl. This dude told you he wanted to divorce on your birthday TO HURT YOU. Enjoyed having you beg for him. Then changed his mind to lure you back in ONLY TO DO THE SAME THING AGAIN.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
He has you away from everything you know and he is playing with your emotions. He is having fun with this. He doesn’t mean SHIT. And now he is angry you aren’t back to normal? Well, you shouldn’t even be there!
Pack your bags while he is gone doing whatever. Serve him separation papers on his birthday. Commemorate your divorce on your birthday.
But stop giving him power.
Fuck this guy. No offense. Move on. He is playing games and you donโt need that.
Ask him what her name is.
He’s playing emotional games with you! You’re either his fall back person or financial support; whatever the situation, he’s using you and you’re allowing it! First time he was repentant: sure, give reconciliation a try. Second time: he’s using you and laughing at you behind your back. Sorry OP, but gather your self respect and leave. You have decades of happiness ahead with someone who will genuinely love and appreciate you
I was A LOT like your husband. Donโt let him back. End things.
I wanted to leave my ex so often. I would threaten it in arguments but never could go through with it. I was afraid to go through with it because that much change is really hard. I finally left my ex but I warned him that when I got scared of the change I would probably try to come back but donโt let me because in due time I would leave again. Sure enough, when I got afraid of approaching life alone, I did try to get him back for a brief 24 hour period. He luckily didnโt take me back and in a day, all the fear I had finally worked itself out of my body.
He wants to end things but heโs afraid of the changes so thatโs why he backs out. Leave and donโt come back.
I think there is a difference between wanting to be with you and being scared to be on his own.
Just from reading this post, Iโm not getting at all that he cares about you or your feelings, let alone wants to be with you.
He broke your heart and jerked you around and is now upset that it hurt you. Not upset that HE hurt you, upset that youโre hurt and itโs effecting him.
Go to your family, go after those jobs, live your life. He can either prove he wants in and catch up or you will move on. Either way, you will be loving forward.