#CarSeatSafety #Parenting #FriendshipAdvice
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Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you’re being questioned for prioritizing safety over convenience? Well, that’s exactly what happened to me when my pregnant friend asked for my daughter’s old car seat, claiming that it was still perfectly usable. In this post, I’ll dive into the details of this dilemma and provide some insight into why I made the decision I did.
### Background Story
About a month ago, my daughter and I were involved in a minor car accident. While we walked away unscathed, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that her car seat might not be as safe as it once was. As a responsible parent, I decided to replace it with a new one to ensure her safety on the road.
### The Request
Enter my friend Anne, who is pregnant and looking for ways to save money on baby essentials. When she found out that I was getting rid of my daughter’s old car seat, she saw an opportunity to score a freebie. However, things took a turn when I refused to give it to her, citing safety concerns.
### My Stance
I firmly believe that car seats are designed to withstand only one accident. By using a car seat that has been previously involved in a crash, we’re putting our children at risk of injury or worse. While I understand Anne’s financial constraints, I couldn’t compromise on my daughter’s safety just to save a few bucks.
### The Fallout
Anne felt slighted by my decision and accused me of being selfish and unhelpful. Despite my efforts to support her in other ways, she couldn’t overlook this one instance where I put safety above all else. It left me questioning if I was indeed in the wrong for not giving her the car seat.
### Final Verdict
In hindsight, I don’t regret my decision to prioritize safety over convenience. As parents, our ultimate responsibility is to protect our children from harm, even if it means making unpopular choices. I stand by my decision to dispose of the car seat and urge Anne to understand the importance of using safe, reliable equipment for her baby.
So, does my refusal to give my pregnant friend a car seat make me the antagonist in this scenario? Or was I simply looking out for the well-being of my daughter and hers? Let’s open the floor for discussion and explore both sides of the coin. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below! 👶🚗
Remember, safety always comes first when it comes to our little ones. Don’t compromise on quality or safety measures, even in the face of well-meaning requests. Your child’s well-being is worth more than any material possession.
Nta
NTA One of the things you don’t do on the cheap with a baby is the car seat. Putting a baby in a potentially compromised car seat is madness.
NTA. I did not know that about car seats. Good for you for knowing it and making sure no one was in danger!
NTA. I am a former licensed Child Passenger Safety Technician (working with NHTSA). You were absolutely correct in what you told your friend. Carseats are made to withstand one accident, after which they need to be replaced due to potential damage, including hairline fractures and damage that is not immediately visible. Even if they look and seem fine, an accident means they’ve been out through stress and so are not 100% anymore, which means they are less safe for the baby.
I hope your friend does come round and listen to you, since you only have her and her baby’s wellbeing in mind. Carseats may be expensive, yes, but there is no price worth a baby’s life and safety.
NTA
You’re right in that after a carseat is in an accident it has to be fully replaced and the old one is no longer allowed to be used. If it is used and there’s an accident and anything happens to the child inside the insurance companies will refuse to pay out and the parent may get into trouble for child endangerment. Some carseat companies even have it written into their warranty that you can’t even gift the carseat to others, that the warranty will only cover the original purchaser in order to go one step farther.
There’s perfectly good carseats that are also inexpensive on the market – I sold them for *years*. It’s better to buy a higher-end one, obviously, because it has more safety features and you get more use out of them but the less expensive options are perfectly good too.
You did the right thing in doing your best to make your old carseat unusable, most carseat companies suggest you do that to prevent this exact thing. The only thing I would’ve suggested doing different would have been to take a knife to the seat padding too so she can’t jerry-rig something together.
It honestly sounds to me like your friend doesn’t think of you as a friend and more as unpaid help? If she’s speaking to you like that. Doesn’t matter that she’s pregnant – you don’t talk to your friends that way after they’ve done so much for you. If she thinks you haven’t been helpful to her at all you should stop helping her at all and let her see what that *really* looks like.
NTA, Car seats aren’t safe after an accident and the fact that she doesn’t care makes me very worried for her child.
NTA. You did the right thing making sure that it couldn’t be re-used. It’s sad you have to protect *her* baby from herself.
I’d tell her that since you haven’t been of any help at all, you won’t be helping any more. Stop any planning, cleaning, etc that you’re doing. Tell her you expect all the items you gave her back, and hand her an itemized list.
And then, walk away from the friendship.
NTA. After a car seat has been involved in an accident, NHTSA regulations and car seat manufacturer guidelines state that it is no longer safe to use and should be destroyed. This includes seats that were in the car during an accident, *even if a child was not in the seat at the time of the accident..* You absolutely did the right thing to make sure the seat was unusable by dumpster divers before disposing of it.
NTA. It could have invisible damage. A hairline crack can have life or death consequences. It’s one thing to gift or sell a seat that was outgrown, it’s completely different if the seat was in use during even a small accident.
I was rear-ended at 5 mph with my niece in her booster car seat, and I pulled back into the store to buy a new one before I took her home. My sister was like, “You were barely tapped!” I said, “Impact is impact. You can do whatever you choose in YOUR vehicle, but until MY niece meets the weight requirement (for only a seat belt), I refuse to take a chance.”
I wrote “DO NOT USE” on every piece of the original booster, and gave away the second when she outgrew it.
Again, NTA, and kudos for your forethought.
Nta. When I was in an accident, the insurance adjuster on both sides asked how many car seats were in the car. Two of my kids were IN the car but I had four seats/boosters in the car. 2 boosters and two car seats. The other side gave me money for new ones and my insurance company would check in and would ask if we were able to replace the seats. It seemed like once they heard kids were in the car they knew they had to be replaced without questions!
Even if baby isn’t in the seat when the accident happened, insurance HAS to replace it. You did good!
NTA- you did the right thing. A car seat is supposed to be replaced after an accident. Hopefully your friend will read up on this.
NTA. Your friend is being negligent about her child’s health and safety.
Call a local fire department. Some have car seats they can give away
NTA She is though for calling you selfish. You are right that car seats cannot be used after an accident. My son was in a tiny fender bender with the baby in the car and his insurance reminded him to get a new car seat and the insurance company paid for it. If an insurance company is willing to pay for it you know there has to be a lot of data proving it makes a difference.
NTA this lady shouldnt be breeding
NTA. Most car seats are recommended to replace and dispose of when in an accident. This isn’t selfish it’s a safety issue. If she has time to dumpster dive then she has time to do a quick Google search for car seat programs in her area if she cannot afford one of her own. I’d honestly distance myself from her. Friends don’t trespass and treat you like garbage, especially when you have been kind and helpful.
NTA; you’re 100% in the right.
If you had given it to her and — God forbid — something had happened to her child, she would blame you without a moment’s hesitation and try to turn the whole world against you.
NTA.
You need boundaries.
Anne, do not go through my trash, it’s unacceptable.
Anne, I said no.
Anne, I can help you to the extent that I can, but there are things you have to do for yourself. Purchase a new car seat is a mandatory one of those things.
NTA. You did exactly what you’re supposed to do!
NTA. There are laws in my state about selling/giving used car seats. My husband bought one of those seat/stroller combos at a garage sale two years ago when we found out we were going to be grandparents. I told him about how dangerous it was and I cut the straps on the car seat and put it in the trash.
Anne needs some serious boundaries. I’d distance myself from her. I’d be petty and print out local/federal laws and send them to her.
Worked in insurance. ALWAYS cut the straps.
NTA. She looks at the carseat as a legal requirement and not as a safety precaution.
NTA, for exactly the reason you said. And your friend is being an asshole for acting so entitled to your stuff. I don’t want to hate on her too much for trying to use a sketchy seat because I don’t know how much money she has – if I were really desperate for money, I would probably be more ok with the sketchy seat too – but going through your trash and calling you selfish is way out of line.
Just as FYI though, Target’s baby seat recycling event is in April. You could have brought it in (straps cut) for recycling and gotten a coupon – I think it’s 20% off – for a new one, and given that to her if you didn’t want to use it yourself.
NTA. What exactly are you getting out of this ‘friendship’?
NTA and if she truly cannot afford a new seat, most state police (if in the US) have programs that give them out for free to those in need. It’s not highly publicized, so it’s not abused, but they will help.
NTA. I’m not and have never been a parent, and know that *after an accident,* a car seat is no longer usable. It sounds as if you’ve been more than helpful to your friend, and she was being illogical in wanting something “free.” Free is fine, but not something that literally is meant to save lives and is damaged, and it’s not “a perfectly good car seat.” Give her some time to cool off, I’m sure she wouldn’t want to risk a newborn in damaged goods either when she has time to think about it.
NTA
Your friend is taking a big risk treating such a generous friend harshly. I think you should take a break from that friend for a while. Maybe she’ll learn to be a little more conscience of others.
NTA. Her saying that you haven’t been helpful at all would cause me to re-evaluate the friendship. And I wouldn’t have to re-evaluate for long. An unappreciative person, and it seems you deserve much better.
NTA it was unsafe and who is she to be going through your garbage. She seems to be using you more as a source of things than as a friend. I’d kick her to the curb.
NTA- your friend is an idiot.
NTA. But you don’t have a friend. You have a leech named Anne.
NTA. Your friend sounds like she’s not taking responsibility for her baby. She’s willing to use an unsafe car seat and she’s being cranky to a friend that’s gone above and beyond to help her out.
I’d have a hard time being friends with someone that was willing to put their child at risk AND be rude to me when I wouldn’t let her.