#WeddingDrama #StepdadTroubles #WeddingPlanning #FamilyDrama
So my stepdad approached me a few days ago with some major concerns about my upcoming wedding. He expressed to me that he wasn’t happy with the direction my wedding was going in and how he felt excluded as a parent figure in my life. He wanted me to change things to cater to his expectations and make the wedding more enjoyable for himself. 🎩👰
## Understanding the Situation
For a bit of context, I have a complicated relationship with my stepdad. He came into my life when I was 12, and while I appreciate his efforts as my mom’s spouse and someone who has tried to be there for me, I don’t see him as a parental figure in the same way he sees himself. Our relationship was something we addressed in therapy, and it was clear that he wanted to be a father to me, but I didn’t feel the same way. 🚶♂️🚶♀️
## Setting Boundaries
When he expressed his dissatisfaction with my wedding plans, I stood firm in my decision. I told him that my wedding is not about him and that I wouldn’t change my plans to cater to his wishes. It’s important to set boundaries and prioritize what you and your partner want for your special day. 🚫🎩💍
## Communicating Openly
It’s crucial to have open and honest communication with your loved ones, especially when it comes to significant events like weddings. I reiterated to my stepdad that while I value his opinion, my wedding is about celebrating the love between my partner and me, not fulfilling his expectations. It’s essential to express your feelings respectfully but firmly. 💬🗣
## Self-Care and Self-Expression
Ultimately, it’s vital to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. It’s okay to assert your boundaries and make choices that align with your values and desires. Your wedding should reflect you and your partner’s vision, not someone else’s expectations. Remember, it’s your day, and you deserve to celebrate in a way that feels authentic to you. 💖✨
In conclusion, AITA for telling my stepdad my wedding isn’t about him? Absolutely not. It’s important to stay true to yourself and your partner’s wishes when planning your wedding. Remember to communicate openly, set boundaries, and prioritize your own happiness throughout the process. 🌟💒
NTA – your wedding, your choice. Your job is not to fulfill your step dad’s expectations through your wedding.
What is your mom’s stance on this?
NTA obviously.
Its your and your fiancés wedding, not anyone elses
NTA. It’s only yours and your fiancee’s wedding, everyone else has no say at all unless they participate financially and even then it’s just some minor things like some extra guests, etc. So don’t listen your step-father and do what you want, it is your day and not his.
NTA
Tell your mom if she doesn’t pull her husband into line then he can’t complain he wasn’t invited….i understand why she may want to keep out of this but if he keeps insisting and trying to force his ideas something has to give
It’s about YOU and your fiancé NOT anyone else!
NTA. He needs to understand that all of this could apply if he were your biological father: it’s your choice.
>he wanted me to change things so he would enjoy the wedding more.
He really doesn’t understand the point of the day.
NTA
Your wedding your way! He isn’t being singled out you are just having the wedding the couple wants! Good for you 2 doing it your way!
NTA…Even after all the therapy he just doesn’t get it. Have whatever kind of wedding you like.
Definitely NTA. Furthermore, he seems to view you as some sort of accessory?
NTA
His entitled attitude is almost creepy.
If it were me I’d tell him not to even come since he said he wasn’t going to enjoy himself if it’s not all about him.
NTA. If he wants his barbie dream wedding he can get married again. Your wedding, your choice.
NTA your wedding is about you and your fiancé getting married not fulfilling mothers husbands dream of fatherhood. Even if he were your actual father or had raised you from birth his opinions would still have no weight on planning.
NTA
I am a stepdad to 2 daughters (I asked them and they both were ok with me calling them daughters). I would never dream of telling either what role that I should play in either of their lives. It sounds like your stepfather has never been able to come to grips with the reality of his relationship with you. I hope that you and your fiancé are able to navigate this conflict and have the wedding that you want.
I would send a group chat to your Stepdad and Mom. “Stepdad, I know you are upset about not having a role in my wedding. I truly don’t believe you have a right to be. We already had been through this in therapy. You need to accept that I don’t see you as a parent, just as my Mom’s husband. I’m very sorry you wanted kids, but never got the opportunity to be a Father. However, you are not my Dad. You marrying my Mom, doesn’t make you my Dad. All the complaining and guilt tripping about my wedding, makes me want to not even invite you. I don’t want that to be the case. The wedding is about my Fiancé and I. I really don’t appreciate my wedding being made into a problem that I thought we solved years ago. My Mother isn’t getting a dance and she isn’t complaining.”
NTA
At this point I’d just rescind his invitation.
What’s more juvenile, doing your wedding to your (and your so) liking, or demanding that someone else’s wedding would be done to your own liking?
NTA.
Absolutely NTA, the wedding day is about you and your fiancé only. Not about your stepdad, mom, or any family members. You seem like a good person, but dont give up, This is your special day, not his.
I can understand that he wants to experience that, it seems nice and all, but he should respect your wishes above all else on this. He is being egotistical here.
NTA
Hahaha, he thinks you’re the juvenile one
NTA. Literally not doing anything wrong. It’s your wedding. He can be upset but that’s not your problem. I would even say the same if he was your biological dad.
NTA Nice of him to offer to pay, but since he’s not, he doesn’t get a say. If you love him, you should work together to find a way to make him feel better about it without him deciding how the ceremony will go. Explain your reasons why you are doing it the way you are, and if you want to, find a way to include or recognize him in a way that doesn’t disrupt your concept for the wedding.
NTA. Offer to help him organize a vow renewal ceremony the year after if he truly has his heart set on a ceremony at which to play a starring role.
NTA. It was a really good idea not to accept financial help from anyone so that a) your stepdad wasn’t singled out and b) you could side step what your stepdad would have tried to do given the chance. His expectations are his own to manage.
NTA. Stepdude needs to get over his self-imposed Lead Character designation. It’s not up to you to fulfill his dream or expectations of fatherhood or to make him happy at your wedding by altering it to suit him.
I don’t have any kids either by choice, but that doesn’t mean that if I were a stepmother, I’d get to demand that my spouse’s children give me a major role in their weddings. He doesn’t get to make those demands just because he married your mother.
I’d give him the option not to attend if it is going to make him so unhappy.
Yeah, mom doesn’t get to ‘stay out of it’. She needs to manage hubbie’s expectations. And leave her very sensible daughter alone to plan HER wedding.
By proactively refusing offers of wedding funds, it seems she may have anticipated attempted meddling in her plans.
Tell him he needs to back off or he is uninvited
NTA. Apparently he got nothing out of the therapy, because they didn’t tell him what he wanted to hear. You are not responsible for his low emotional IQ, and have no obligation to fulfill his fantasy’s . This is His Problem, not yours. You’ve done nothing wrong. Your life does not revolve around his selfish wants. Stand your ground.
NTA – OP, if it makes you feel better, I told my only father (biological and the man who raised me) much the same thing and told him I’m not relenting so he can get with the programme or stay home (there’s one point in particular we clashed over and I’m not relenting)
FWIW I’m seeing the wedding as a transitional moment in my life and so I’m willing to die on some hills to ensure my partner and I go into our married life in a way that everyone around us sees our values and recognises how we’re living our lives going forward. It sounds like you have the relationship you want with stepdad, but I’d stick to my wishes on those grounds alone – this day IS about you, and asserting your selfhood and the family you want is a great way to show that.
Personally I’d take away their invite if someone tried to direct my wedding like that, unless of course its the person I’m being married to.