#PregnancyProblems #SexualAggression #HealthyRelationships #PregnancySafety
Hey there, mama-to-be! 👋 It sounds like you’re going through a really tough time right now, and I’m so sorry to hear about what happened with your husband. It’s completely okay to feel scared and hurt by his actions, and I want you to know that you are not overreacting. Your feelings are valid, and it’s important to address this issue before it escalates further.
First and foremost, your safety and well-being, as well as the safety of your unborn child, are the top priorities. It’s essential to approach this situation with care, sensitivity, and a clear plan. Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to address the issue with your husband and seek help:
1. Take Care of Yourself:
– Focus on your physical and emotional healing. Seek medical attention if needed, especially if you are experiencing any pain or discomfort. Surround yourself with supportive friends or family members who can provide comfort and understanding.
2. Reach Out for Support:
– Consider contacting a local domestic violence hotline or a trusted counselor for advice and support. You don’t have to go through this alone, and there are resources available to help you navigate through this challenging time.
3. Communicate with Your Husband:
– When discussing the incident with your husband, it’s important to approach the conversation calmly and assertively. Express your feelings and concerns, and let him know how his actions have impacted you. Use “I” statements to describe your emotions without placing blame.
4. Seek Understanding:
– Ask your husband to share his perspective and feelings about what happened. It’s possible that he may be struggling with his own fears and anxieties about becoming a father. Open, honest communication can help shed light on his sudden change in behavior.
5. Establish Boundaries:
– Clearly define your boundaries and expectations regarding intimacy and respect. Let your husband know that any form of physical or emotional aggression is not acceptable in your relationship. Set clear guidelines for mutual consent and understanding.
6. Consider Seeking Professional Help:
– If your discussions with your husband do not yield positive results, consider seeking couples therapy or individual counseling. A neutral third party can help facilitate productive conversations and provide guidance for both you and your husband.
In addition to these steps, I’d like to share some wisdom from the Bhagavad Gita, which emphasizes the importance of balance and harmony in relationships. The Gita teaches us to approach challenges with a calm and focused mind, to seek understanding and clarity, and to act with compassion and empathy towards ourselves and others.
Remember, your safety and well-being are paramount. It’s okay to seek help and support from trusted sources, and you deserve to be in a respectful and nurturing relationship. Please know that you are not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help you through this difficult time. Wishing you strength and courage as you navigate through this situation. You are strong, and you deserve to be treated with love and respect. 🌸
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or abuse, please seek help from a trusted source or contact a local hotline for support. You are not alone, and there are resources available to assist you.
Often times abusers wait until their partners are “trapped” by a pregnancy or children before they start their abuse.
Please get out now. He doesn’t love you and he will continue to abuse you and your child.
Whoa. This is scary and not okay. This has nothing to do with you being sensitive. Do not downplay this. He physically hurt you while you begged him to stop. I know this may be really hard for you to hear, but do you have a safe place you can go? You should not be with this man.
Edited to correct “insensitive” to “sensitive”.
What your husband did is not ok, it sounds like rape. Talk to a sexual assault agency and plan your exit, next time he might not let off the pressure on your neck.
You’re not too sensitive. You and your baby are in danger, and you should leave. Before he gets home. Do you have a safe person to go stay with? Friends or family?
Yep feels your significantly trapped enough to show his true self. He’s always been into abusive stuff just didnt feel comfortable showing it till now. This is red flag 9000 rn
Abuse often escalates when a woman is “trapped”; marriage, pregnancy, etc
Btw, if he’s hurting you, he doesn’t love you. You don’t hurt people you love. I’m sorry.
EDIT: the leading cause of death for pregnant women is men. Especially if he’s choking you. Women are exponentially more likely to be killed by their “partner” if he chokes them.
you need to get out of this relationship and keep yourself and your baby safe. please find someone you trust you can stay with and cut off contact with this man. also — consult a lawyer.
You need to go to your OB to make sure you and baby are ok
You are seriously under-reacting here!
You need to leave now before it gets worse or even killed. And to protect your baby. Get out now!
“A person involved in a domestic violence attack of choking or strangulation is more than 750% more likely to be killed by their offender in the next year, according to Gail Starr, clinical coordinator for Albuquerque Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners (SANE).” I will never forget this statistic. Please be safe! If you can, please leave and stay with a loved one as you figure out next steps.
He believes you’re trapped and even if you wanted to, you wouldn’t be able to get rid of him. So now you get to see who he really is because he believes there are no consequences he needs to worry about.
Hun, he got rough with you, choked you and didn’t stop when you begged him too. He raped you. Men often hide who they are until their partners are married or pregnant cause they believe you’re trapped and won’t leave. Your risk of being abused more and potentially killed goes way up now. You need to get away from him. UPDATEME
The leading cause of death (in the US) for pregnant women is homicide.
The strongest risk of homicide in domestic violence is previous strangulation.
So, he’s two for two. Get out.
Oh, and he’s also a rapist. You told him to stop, he didn’t, ergo he raped you. Get out.
Run
This is worrying. Can you reach out to family or another support system to talk, and to possibly help you get out if needed? I know you may not want to leave, but please keep in mind that risk of murder increases significantly for women whose intimate partner chokes them. Whatever you do please please be careful to protect yourself and your baby. Sending good thoughts your way.
You need to run!
Pregnancy, he thinks he has you trapped, and you won’t leave, so now he is free to abuse you.
He sexually abused you, do not stay!
Please get out now and file a police report. You don’t have to tell the police where he is or you can say you don’t know if you feel unsafe that he’ll find out you reported it, but that alone (make sure to ask for the report number afterwards for your records) can be used to get you a DV restraining order with your own statement about what has happened and the fear you feel.
In most states (if you’re in the United States) a DV restraining order will be free and they will waive the fees. I wouldn’t risk staying with someone who sexually assaulted you and if he can be so aggressive, it’s not worth risking your baby’s life once it’s born. I am so sorry you’re in this situation. I had to file to get a DV restraining order against my ex and won with no attorney, just representing myself. If you do that, it can also help to prevent him from having custody, which will also protect your child. Please be careful and if you ever need to chat, feel free to reach out! Sending you lots of air hugs!!!
OP, I know you are feeling confused, sad and hurt. You wanted to know how you discuss this with him. My first advice is DON’T discuss it with him; you are VERY vulnerable right now. You need to leave and go to a safe place. Are your parents nearby, and can they shelter you for a bit? If you choose to go there or to a friend’s house, PLEASE don’t tell him where you are. He needs time to think, and you MUST be protected. OP, I speak from experience; my ex-husband “became weird” when I became pregnant, and sex suddenly became violent — so much so that I lost the baby, and he seemed relieved and overjoyed about that. I was (and still am, 40 years later) REALLY traumatized. Our relationship was never the same, and his abuse escalated.
After that, it was a long time until we had sex again, while I healed, emotionally and physically. I became pregnant again, and as soon as I learned that I was, I would not have sex with him again, during my (our?) pregnancy. I felt it was my job to keep the baby safe. I later learned that this is when he started cheating, with men, and with BDSM. I left him when our little girl was 9. For all of those years, I walked on eggshells (so to speak), afraid to set him off.
It was truly hard to leave the financial security of that marriage, but thankfully, life goes on. I remarried (25 years ago, next month) and am a survivor. PLEASE. LEAVE!
The fact that you are worried about “making him mad” is concerning. I mean, not to diminish the fact that he raped you ( even if you consented in the beginning, you asked him to stop several times plus he physically hurt you =rape.) But you also can’t bring it up in fear that you will make him mad? What does he do when he gets angry? Honestly you need to start planning your exit. This shit escalates!
Pregnancy is known to be a time when abuse can start or escalate. Him choking you like that is a bad sign. You are not safe and need to make a plan to escape as quickly as you can
Mam. Material rape is a thing and you just experienced it. The SECOND he CHOOSE not to stop after you asked him to the FIRST TIME it became rape.
I would seriously think about your relationship with this person. I would also get yourself into therapy to wrap your head about what just happened to you because this is serious.
It’s one thing to be adventurous and kinky BUT the first rule of kink is Consent. He didn’t get that from you. You consented to the usual and when he threw those “moves in” and didn’t stop when you asked him to… threw consent out the window.
Women are like 3x more likely to be murdered than to die in childbirth and way too many people die in childbirth.
As soon as he didn’t stop when you said to slow down that’s rape girl. To me I think you’re under reacting. Get out now before he does it again but worse.
Holy shit run. Choking you is an extreme form of domestic abuse, and it’s highly likely he’ll kill you or the baby if you don’t get away. Call a domestic violence hotline if you need help escaping.
You need to show him the very first time that you will not stand for it, otherwise there will be a second, and third time.
Get your most important documents together and go somewhere safe. Make sure your location on your phone isn’t available. Also see a doctor and get checked out. Doctors have seen it all before, be honest with them. Good luck and stay safe.
Darling!! Do you have somewhere you can go????
GET OUT NOW!! This is marital rape. Even in marriage, NO means NO!!!!!
Go to your OB now and tell her what happened. You and your baby are in danger and may have already been harmed. Strangulation can cause serious problems even days later. Your baby may have had an interruption in oxygen intake. Be honest that you were violently raped, and your doctor will be able to help you with next steps. You must press charges, this is rape, attempted murder, and reckless endangerment of an unborn child. There’s no working this out. I’m so sorry
My mom was pregnant with me when my biological father decided to try and strangle her to death without any provocation. She left. I hope that you’ll leave too OP.
This made me so sad … please leave and get somewhere safe for
You and baby 🩷 sending love !
Once someone grabs your throat without your freely given, eager, enthusiastic consent and a safeword in place,it’s fucking *over*.
Even with that eager consent, they need to be very careful AND stop when you say stop (or whatever safeword/signal you agreed to)
What you described was a violent rape.
Please run. Please
There are a lot of stories popping up here about men assaulting and raping their partners.
Assault is never ok and neither is rape. Stop trying to justify your abuse, get your important papers and leave. Stay with someone you know is safe or find a woman’s shelter. Contact a hotline for help.
Run and don’t look back. It’s sad that you’re going to have his baby bc then you’re going to have to deal with custody and the child might be in danger. I’m not saying this to scare you but to make you aware. It’s better to know and prepare than be blindsided.
Good luck.
I’m sorry that this happened to you. I know it’s a lot to process, but it’s very worrying that your mindset is how to talk without making him mad. Can you imagine yourself raping him, choking him, hurting his body and then him worrying if you’d be mad if he said something about it? No. He would flip out and leave, which is what I hope you do. Go take care of yourself. Get somewhere safe.
Grab a bag and run! Now.
Why are you worried about making him mad? Is he aggressive to you outside of sex too…?
Can you please [only if you can ]
Post back here and let us know your safe x
Your fear of making him ‘mad’ by having a conversation about him hurting you is a red flag in itself. It sounds like you’re not safe with your husband. Please get help asap.
This is NOT BDSM. BDSM is all about consent and he didn’t ask and you actually told him to stop. This is abuse.
You need to get a bag and important documents you need and get out! Turn your location off of your phone or better yet. Buy a new one at Target.
The homicide is the leading cause of death for pregnant women and strangulation is the largest indicator of being murdered while in an abusive relationship. And you are being abused. You’re in pain and your spouse should never ever cause you physical pain. There’s no fixing this. Marriage counseling is not recommended in abusive relationships. Please leave. Do you have family you can call or friends who will hide you?
Here’s a link and you can call or chat with them and they can point you to a shelter if you don’t have anyone you can trust. https://www.thehotline.org
*eta: you also need to see a doctor to make sure you and baby are all right. When they ask you if you are safe, say NO I am not.
You don’t discuss it. You go file a police report, see a divorce lawyer, and move back to your family. DO NOT raise a baby around this person. He gets joy out of hurting people.