“Is my relationship unhealthy? – Signs to look out for when dating someone older and financially dependent”
Background:
Are you 19 and in a relationship with a 37-year-old man who is financially better off? Feeling unsure about the dynamics of your relationship? Here’s what to consider.
Key Points:
- Age difference and compatibility: Is the age gap causing differences in mentality and outlook?
- Dependency and control: Are you relying heavily on him emotionally and financially?
- Power dynamic: Does he control the relationship, leaving you feeling uncomfortable?
Action Steps:
- Seek support from trusted friends or family members.
- Consider seeking professional help or counseling.
- Reflect on your feelings and priorities to make an informed decision.
#relationshipadvice #agegap #financialdependency #controlissues
Idk if it’s grooming but it sounds bad and you should leave.
Not being groomed, just realizing that there are huge differences due to the age gap.
Groomed? Possible, but you are over the age of majority, so in reality and by most definitions, No.
Icky – yep, 100%. Generally, the “accepted” rule of thumb is half plus 7, which means at 37, your partner should be going no lower than 25 or 26
Let us be polite here, you are been taken advantage of due to your age and likely emotional immaturity.
Seeing as you’re 19 and already in a relationship with this man, you’re not being groomed, you already were groomed. You are now in a fully fledged creepy relationship with a significant power imbalance. Run.
If you’re uncomfortable with the way the relationship is, have you had a conversation with him about it?
If you’re concerned about it to the point it’s irreconcilable, have you considered leaving?
Groom can mean a lot of things, like ‘grooming her for a leadership position’. Now it has been taken by people who think any mention of a topic they don’t like is ‘grooming’ kids for some nonsense or another. You are an adult, if you don’t want this leave. You haven’t mentioned him doing anything specifically bad to you except that he has 18 years of adult experience on you and now you feel uncomfortable about that. Hey, that isn’t a bad thing to mull over and why age difference relationships like this are typically flings, but don’t try to make this about *him* ‘grooming’ you because now you feel differently. Have some agency, make some decisions.
Trust your gut. If this relationship doesn’t feel right, get the hell out of it asap. Do not ignore your instinct, it could save your life.
My initial thought is that you should probably end it, relationships shouldn’t make you feel that uneasy and no matter how smart or mature you are, a 37 yr old datjng so far out of his age range is probably damaged in a vital way. But in the interest of actually being helpful rather than dictating orders to a legal adult: try spending less time with him and more time with friends/family (start with doubling it, so if you see them once a week, try twice a week etc), and see how he reacts. If he gets upset about it, that’s a red flag. If he doesn’t, it might just be your own guilt over not being able to contribute financially, so you’re substitute your time/energy, etc. Either way, that age gap isn’t a recipe for long term success, so don’t get too caught up, stay alert and continually reevaluate things (like you are doing now) and get while the gettings good when the time comes. A few potential last straws to be on the look out for: if he pressures you into making you fully dependent in any area of life, or cutting ties with your support system, or if you feel like you can’t disagree with him on important things, it’s time to makes tracks.
If you feel uncomfortable, leave. Lean on your parents as needed until you are able to get a job, and get your friends back into your life. Being semi-isolated is never a good thing. I think your instincts are right, and if you don’t feel okay, that is the sign that you need to leave.
Fucked up that you’d even consider dating him tbh
You’re a fucking adult. Take control of your life.
Is this someone you’ve known for years that fostered and built up a (nominally non-romantic) relationship with you before you turned 18? If yes, you were groomed.
If not, this still sounds predatory, which may be the concept you’re searching for anyway.
I’m sorry that you are in a relationship where you feel trapped. The power inbalance is hard & I’m sorry that you became financially dependent on someone you don’t trust.
I’ve been in the position where I was isolated from my family and friends and slowly convinced that I couldn’t rely on them. Idk if that is the position you are in, but I encourage you to share this with a close friend/sister, etc., and make a plan to leave this relationship/ cut financial ties. They want to help you.
Pro tip; if you don’t feel ok about a relationship, you should probably leave it.
I wasted all my younger years with older men and now that I am the age they were I wouldn’t touch them with a 7,000 ft pole, if he gets the benefit of your youth he needs to be investing in your future
Jesus Christ where are her parents?
Your question is answered with the first line.
Sweetheart you need to gtfo and do it fast
Well it’s not grooming since your 19 but it is if he has been talking to you before you turned 18 ( or whatever the legal ages are in your area) but I’m genuinely curious how you got out of highschool and ended up with a 37 yr old.
Whether he is 2 years older or 20, it is really scary to be in the position you are in. The age gap is a red flag. But even without that, whether he is trying to or not, he IS isolating you. He is fostering a relationship where you are helpless without him. That is not healthy and is not being a good partner. I would take a step back mentally and try to have an objective look at your relationship. Age gap or not, it seems really really off to me. I’m a 40 year old mom, feel free to dm me if you want to talk.
Put it this way – a man twice your age interested in someone half his age, is a loser with an immature mindset. He should be with someone in the realms of his own age group. The fact he’s dating so much younger suggests he is deliberately seeking a power differential, and/or only values women for being very young and attractive.
Make no mistake, this is not a “genuine connection”. It isn’t because you’re “so mature”. It isn’t for any of the BS reasons he’ll frame it as. He’s gross. Next.
Groomed? No. Potentially abusive and icky? Yes.
No normal 37 year old man wants to date a 19 year old.
The abnormal ones do it for the sex.
You’re over 18, you’re not being groomed but if you feel uncomfortable with the power dynamic than of course leave the relationship
Yes. Your instincts are good, tell trusted friends and family what’s going on. They can protect you.
I promise you that getting out of this situation now will be something you’re glad for later.
Bruh
There’s a reason why a 37 year old man is talking to you and not people his age. You need to leave ASAP.
I’m 27 and I would not date a 19 year old. It feels so creepy. 19 year olds are still quite childish. He’s a creep. You should run.
Something not right with a 37 year old interested in a 19 year old. I’m 25 and would not date a 19 year old, you will look back and see for yourself in 5 years. Run and never look back
Hello, I’m 37m. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I would find being with a 19 year old incredibly icky.
The age gap should be a HUGE hint
Ask yourself this: why would a man who’s almost in his 40s go for a 19 year old? Probably because he can’t get women his age. It’s only a matter of time before he manipulates you, if he hasn’t already done that. I say you should leave the relationship and spend more time with family and friends.
IDK if you’re being groomed. I do know you say you’re not feeling okay about the relationship, so you need to get out. Quickly, cleanly, by text if necessary, then block him.
yes. these comments are insane for saying anything else. yes yes yes.
There’s no reason a 37yr old should be with a 19yr old i’m sorry. You guys are on different paths in life, you most likely just graduated from high school and he’s about to be 40 yrs old. Him wanting to be with a younger person just adds on to him wanting control of you imo since you’re freshly an adult and are still learning things. The financial aspect just solidifies it and if you’re questioning it then your questions pretty much answered. Please reach out to a trusted family member or friend and have them help you out on leaving this relationship.
Leave! Stop dating older guys.
Try to get to know yourself first and then start dating. And better if is someone 5 year older tops.
If you don’t feel okay then you need to change your situation. This is your life, so you either learn to take control and become your own master, or learn how to submit and be content with being enslaved.
When you do start to leave though you will experience him flexing his control, be careful and take care of yourself. Know that you have support in family and friends, even if you haven’t seen them recently they still care for you.
Run. Men that age going after teenagers are never not creeps. Especially if he’s isolating you from your family and friends and forcing you to rely on him. Go find a place to stay with someone you know and delete his number.
That’s why older men go for teen girls, they are easy to groom/ manipulate. Run away like your hair is on fire.