Is it time to delay our wedding because of my fiancé’s marijuana use? #relationshipadvice #weed #marriage #communication
Hey there! So, my fiancé has been pretty distant lately because of his weed habit. I’m starting to worry if putting off our wedding might be the only solution to saving our relationship. But could that decision actually be the end of us? Let’s dive into it:
### How Weed is Affecting Our Relationship
– My fiancé’s constant marijuana use has caused him to check out emotionally.
– Communication has become strained, and we’re drifting apart.
– I’m afraid this will impact our future together.
### Benefits of Postponing the Wedding
– It allows us time to address the issue and work on it together.
– We can prioritize our relationship and ensure we’re both on the same page before tying the knot.
– It shows that our relationship is more important than a date on the calendar.
### Risks of Delaying the Wedding
– It may cause further strain on our relationship.
– Fears of uncertainty and doubts may arise.
– It could lead to more arguments and misunderstandings.
### Seeking Professional Help
– Consider therapy or counseling to navigate through this difficult time.
– Professional guidance can provide insight and tools to strengthen our relationship.
– It’s okay to ask for help and support when needed.
In conclusion, delaying our wedding due to my fiancé’s marijuana use doesn’t have to mean the end of our relationship. It could actually be the stepping stone to a stronger, healthier future together. Let’s prioritize our relationship and address this issue head-on. Time is on our side, and we can work through this together. Remember, communication is key. Let’s tackle this challenge as a team. #partnership #growth #love
I don’t think it’s weed. I think your partner just isn’t a very good partner. Make your father proud by setting yourself free to find someone who can better love you, and is ready to. 🤍 This guy isn’t it. You’re working too hard for no reward.
Wait, so you’re planning everything doing everything paying for everything and he’s only ’nice’ to you when he wants koochie-bang. Why tf would you *postpone* this sugar-mommy sham weDDinG – CANCEL IT! Sorry for your loss, it’s hard to care for and to lose loved-ones. Why would you just gift half of the inheritance your father left you to some weed-junkie scammer after the sugar-mommy ‘marriage’ breaks down and he files for divorce and spousal support? If you’re going to buy a boyfriend/husband you may as well buy a better one than this – this one’s defective and not fit-for-purpose.
Call off the wedding
There is something else that is a problem which is resulting in all of this behavior change. The weed is a symptom not the cause imo. It’s his excuse and his escape, but smoking weed isn’t the reason he’s stopped treating you like a partner. Doesn’t sound like you should get married to him, but there is more than just use of weed at the source of his disconnect.
Because pot is legal, doesn’t mean people can’t be addicted. You have an addict for a partner. I would not marry her period. Unless she gets clean and sober. Pot in the 80s 2-3 % THC, pot today 20-30% THC. Not even complarable. Like alcohol and anything other drug, you can get addicted.
Addicts are selfish, self centered people. They don’t tell the truth, and pretty much function like the are single even in a couple. I am recovering person with more than 2 decades, and work in field. So I am familiar with the breed. Do not marry.
How happy would your late father be if he knew that so much of the inheritance he left you was being squandered like this? Shouldn’t you save money to take care of your future and happiness rather than set yourself up to be miserable?
What you have here besides a fiancé is a drug addict.
If you want to marry a drug addict that’s your choice, but I don’t think anyone would recommend it. He needs to go to treatment, or you need to move on from him.
You should not postpone the wedding. You should cancel it and move on with your life.
If your best friend were describing her relationship in the terms you’re using, what would you tell her? You’d tell her she’s making a mistake and that she deserves better than to *knowingly* sign up to be a bangmaid for a whiny self-indulgent user who only cares about her when he wants to get laid.
Stop waiting on this “man” to change. You can’t grow up for him.
Don’t feel any shame for postponing it or moving it back, sometimes life has a way of disrupting plans. It seems like you both are in very busy stages of your life right now so holding off could be a good thing for you both. I dont think it would mean the end, but you definitely need to have a conversation with him about how you’re feeling about all of this and see how he responds to it. As for the weed, it might not be the sole reason for his behavior or attitude change, it could be stress or anxiety or something else completely. Also quitting depends on the user, I’m one of those who can and has quit multiple times at will, cold turkey (Mainly for work purposes) so don’t think he’s gone like some crack addict. Hopefully everything works out for you two, but just have a conversation without any distractions around and be honest, if he cares and loves you he will 100% hear you out and respect what you have to say.
Edit : Just because you’re engaged, doesn’t mean you have to get married ASAP lol. Enjoy the engagement and make the special day worth the wait.
He sounds like a barnacle. Scrape him off and for god’s sake, stop paying for everything.
So when he checks out when life gets hard. Is this what you want in a partner? Life is always going to be hard. Sounds like he doesn’t handle things well.
Why are you marrying a lazy drugged up unkind leech?
He’s showing you who he is. And any small, even tiny, issue when dating will only become bigger after marriage. Much bigger. Marriage solves nothing.
A wedding isn’t going to suddenly change his behavior. This will only get worse. Postpone the wedding until things improve, when his weed *addiction* is addressed, and when you are *both* somewhat financially secure. If your relationship can’t handle a wedding postponement, then it sure as hell can’t handle the more difficult hurdles to come. You’ve described the person you want to marry as a cruel, selfish man who uses you financially and doesn’t care about you unless he can have sex. Are you sure you want to legally bind yourself to this person?
My condolences for your loss.
>Honestly, I really could have let all the non-weed stuff go if I felt like I still had my partner, but I feel like I don’t. He’s just not there anymore and what’s left is a cruel, selfish person.
That right there shows you KNOW what you need to do. Consider me the motivational boot applied force to your posterior to get your rear in gear and do what needs to be done.
You deserve better. you owe it to yourself to make it better.
It sounds like he has a health problem based on addiction. If his use of weed has significant negative impact on his day to day life I think that counts as addiction
Are you sure the weed is the real problem?
Your fiancé is displaying a classic abusive behavior pattern. Many partners change the way they treat their significant other when they believe they have the SO in a position where they can’t leave. The more certain they are you can’t leave, the worse they treat you.
When someone treats their partner like this, it only gets worse over time. The fact that they’re treating you badly through a weed-soaked haze doesn’t make it any less abusive.
It’s time to call it a day. Pack up and go home.
For all its perceived benefits, regular usage of weed dulls emotional capacity and is used as an “escape “ from reality. Most people do not grow emotionally or thrive when getting stoned daily.
It is an addiction. He is not going to get any better while he’s using this much.
Right now, he’s a millstone around your neck. Save yourself, he can only drag you down.
Source- I used (overused) it recreationally in my 20s, then didn’t touch it for over 20 years , and now use it medicinally. So I have experience of both addiction and appropriate medical usage. Ditch him. He will choose weed over you every day of the week.
Yes postpone and re read your post from the perspective of an outsider. Its not a good relationship to be in.
Postpone? No, just cancel and move on.
Don’t marry him. You’ll have to put up with this for the rest of your life if you do.
He needs rehab. He might be masking a mental illness. Not sure how you are going to get him there.
Good luck.
As someone who smokes weed daily, this is alarming to me because:
#1. He’s not even nice to you unless he wants sex from you. He struggles to communicate and engage with you, which is ridiculous imo. Weed makes me chatty with my man and we giggle, talk, have heart-to-hearts, vent, and just deepen our bond with our hangouts and chats.
#2. He’s leaving you to do all of the heavy lifting even outside of connecting mentally and emotionally! You’re stuck doing all the wedding planning? That’s a massive job and should be split between you both.
#3. You have referred to him as cruel and selfish. At this juncture, you’re no longer seeing the man you fell in love with. Do NOT MARRY someone who is treating you with disdain.
This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to end the relationship, but it’s certainly time for a come-to-Jesus moment, where you give him your boundaries and potentially an ultimatum; “I refuse to marry a man who values marijuana more than a connection and relationship with me that’s based on more than sexual appetite. If you refuse to do the work that’s necessary to save our relationship, I’m calling this wedding off. I will not marry a man who’s dependent on marijuana to the point he can’t even be a decent partner. You’re a zombie. I’m not signing up for a life as your caretaker. You’re supposed to be my partner and right now, weed has made you incapable of being a partner to me. You have to choose: either get help balancing your dependency on weed by getting to a doctor for your potential depression, or I have to walk. I love you. I don’t want to make you feel like this is an attack. This is a wakeup call, my love. Please wake up and fight for us. Because if you don’t, I can’t hold on. I can’t fight alone.”
A wedding is only the first day of the rest of your life. Is this how you envision the next decade (or 4)?
End the relationship. What’s left to save? He shouldn’t have proposed if he didn’t have the money or mental capacity to plan right now. It should be a fun and exciting time for you both!
If his response to stress is substance abuse, it’s probably NOT a good idea to marry him.
I’ve been in academia for 20 years. I clean my house, I pay for my own shit, I maintain my relationships, and I don’t smoke anything. Lots of people in academia smoke and many more drink, but most still run their lives fine, and the ones who are constantly on substances burn out of academia just like they burn out of their lives.
Don’t marry this guy. He isn’t coping with adulthood at all. It might get better or it might not, but either way you’re just along for the (shitty) ride.
Yeah, you don’t have a partner. You have an acquaintance who doesn’t like you all that much, but tolerates you as long as you provide sex for him, clean after him, and pay for him. You are pretty much dragging this deeply uninterested man into a more serious commitment by the hair. Dunno why anyone would want that for themselves. I would not postpone the wedding but cancel it.
People make the oddest chocies, seriously. This dude openly doesn’t care – he’s not going to start caring bc you marry him. He will be just a husband who super doesn’t care.
OP you need to cancel the wedding, not just postpone it. Your fiancé is not marriage material, he is actively addicted to weed.
Have you considered both postponing the wedding and moving back to the US? Would this help give him some space to recover from whatever is ailing him without having to separate?
Weed kills ambitions, it makes you content with being bored. Encourage him to quit, if he does he will probably transform to his old self. I know i did
tell him what you’ve told us.
Cancelling your wedding would be the start of your life
my current partner had the same thing going on. I told him get sober or I’m out of here. He did and he became the best partner I could ask for after being apathetic and occasionally cruel or indifferent towards me. either the fiance stops smoking and gets a grip, or you leave. there is no getting better when it affects someone like that.
You should be having this conversation with him. Even if you have to email it to him so he can read it a couple of times through. You have a right to ask him to be an active participant in the relationship or to be single if he can’t.
Red flags are waving!! Don’t ignore them. He is not the person for you, run away fast.
He’s treating you like a bang-maid and making you pay for the privilege.
You’re so young, with the means to do what you want… do not shackle yourself to a life of misery like this.
OP call it off.
It may cost you some lost deposits but that will be WAY cheaper than a divorce when you find nothing gets better with marriage.
Better to cut him loose now unless you want to be his walking talking ATM that provides sex on demand going forward.