#FamilyDrama #SleepIssues #StepfamilyTroubles
Hey guys, so I’m in quite a pickle here and I need your help to figure out if I’m the a**hole in this situation. So, my brother’s house burned down and now they all have to live with me for a while. No big deal, right? Well, it turns out my niece is a light sleeper and can’t catch a decent snooze if there’s even a pin drop in the room.
I tried to accommodate everyone by letting them stay in the guest bedroom at first, but then I noticed my poor niece walking around like a zombie with red eyes. Turns out, her stepsister was partying it up with her phone late into the night. So, being the good aunt that I am, I offered my office as a makeshift bedroom for her.
Now, the drama begins – my brother and his wife are giving me major side-eye, accusing me of playing favorites and causing trouble in their blended family dynamics. They want both girls to share a room, but my niece can’t handle it because she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing with her stepdad. Am I in the wrong here?
So, what do you guys think? Am I the jerk for trying to help my niece get some shut-eye or should I suck it up and let them figure it out? Let me know in the comments below! 🤔 #HelpMeOut #AITA #FamilyDrama 🛌🙉
NAH — I think you need to say that you’ll put both girls in the same room under the stipulation that they hold phones hostage after 8:30pm until the morning. Shitty parenting.
INFO
Why not just have the parents make the girls turn off their phones at bedtime?
This is not a problem that needs to exist in the first place.
NTA. This is a problem that your brother should have noticed and dealt with, you shouldn’t have had to. But you are a good person to have noticed that a child was having trouble sleeping and found a way to fix the problem – a good night’s sleep is essential for kids that age, and the other child was being extremely thoughtless using her phone all night when she is sharing a room with three other people.
If brother and SIL don’t like the situation, then perhaps they should tell SD to put away her phone at night so people can sleep as opposed to making one child suffer from lack of sleep.
NTA, you saw a problem and found a solution. Your brother and SIL are out of line for having any complaint about this in light of your hospitality, and their solution obviously is flawed since it was your step-niece’s late night behavior that kept your niece up… if they share a room your niece presumably still won’t sleep well. I’d imagine their stress levels are incredibly high and that might be behind their unnecessarily AHish behavior. I think it is valid to consider that the step-niece is not comfortable rooming with her stepdad but it seems like the answer is to put the girls in a room together but enforce a lights out / screens out timeframe for them.
NTA. Step niece was the problem. Moving her in with niece would bring back the problem. All step niece had to do was be considerate in the first place. You’d be crazy to believe she’ll suddenly become considerate. Moving her in is likely to, at best, postpone the problem.
You can’t parent your brother’s children, but you can make the housing arrangements you feel right about.
ETA: Most home insurance policies cover replacement lodging after a fire. Why are they staying with you, instead?
NTA. You offered a solution, it’s their problem they freaked out over a very reasonable suggestion. It’s also their fault they’re not dealing with your nieces trouble sleeping. Sadly there’s nothing more you can do and your niece should probably speak up and complain to your brother.
NTA – neither of you are.
The solution here would be the mum and her kid sleep in the bedroom and the stepdad sleeps on the sofa.
Then step kid isn’t sleeping in a room where her mother and step dad is. No one wants to share a room with the adults in their lives when the adults share a bed.
Young niece gets the sleep she needs and stepdad will just have to suck it up for a while.
For the good of the unit. Unfortunately he’s outnumbered here by females so sofa for him seems reasonable.
If it was one mum, step dad and two sons then mama is on the sofa in my mind to keep things civil.
I’d also be maybe saying they need a rule of no cell phones in the bedrooms if it’s bedtime. She’s 15, she also needs sleep and not to be glued to her phone.
Edit to add, ah wait sister is mum to younger niece.
Ok well sister and 15 yr old share, dad on the sofa, 14 yr old in the study. Solves all their issues.
Tbh if they moan tell them to like it or find a hotel.
NTA. Can step niece sleep on the couch then?
You should get your niece some noise canceling headphones, or a white noise machine. Or maybe just some soft earmuffs for sleeping?
If the parents don’t like it then they can leave and talk to Red Cross about accommodations. Keep the girls with you and let the parents fend for themselves. Chances are…. The parents would be THRILLED at the idea of freedom and pack up the same day. Poof…each girl gets their own room and no more listening to grown ingrates complain.
That’s your house, you make the rules. They are guests.
Here are some practical solutions: bed tents That go around the mattress to give privacy. Eye mask. Earplugs. White noise machine. Parental control sleep curfew on devices.
Nta.
But I do feel for the step sister. Could she sleep in the living room?
NTA, but it sounds like the thing they’re most pissy about is that niece gets a room to herself while the three of them are stuck sharing. Obviously step niece sharing with niece just recreates the problem that lead to your niece getting her own room (and it sounds like your brother and his wife just want a room to themselves, which is a tad selfish imo) so another potential solution is niece + brother sleep in the office, SIL + step niece stay in the guest room. Ta da, no one is perfectly happy but no one has any room to complain either.
Did they not have insurance? Usually the insurance includes housing until the home is repaired? Should be comparable to their home?
NTA but I can see where step niece might feel it’s not fair. She was fine when both teens had to bunk with their parents because everyone was suffering. Now her sister gets to be comfortable while she’s in a room with mom and step dad. Unfortunately there’s no other rooms so the only options are she put up with it until the parents can find a place, which hopefully will be soon. Or they buy an air mattress for either your step niece or the parents to sleep in the living room which will be annoying but again hopefully it’s short term.
NTA
Each parent sleeps in the room with their own kid
NTA
How do so many people have no common sense at all?? Step niece was allowed to keep your niece up half the night playing with her phone and somehow **you’re** the bad guy for giving your niece a quiet place to sleep?
NTA.
you should talk with your brother and mention that you’re doing this because you know your niece is a light sleeper and you don’t think is okay that she’s s the only one struggling in that room dealing with external factors disturbing her sleep such as snores, lights, farts or people that isn’t tired at the same time as her, and keep doing noises until late, you believe it’s considered to put her in a separate room than sharing a bedroom with 3 other people, no to mention they prefer having 1 person not getting enough sleep and making her feel uncomfortable now deciding to acapare the situation to make now 5 people uncomfortable with the situation your niece, step niece (that maybe is the mom just externalising the favouritism), SIL, brother and now you just because a kind act you wanted to do, and they perceived a good deed for something bad.
NTA you are letting them stay with you. They can go elsewhere if they don’t like it
NTA but also not doing niece favors by teaching her ways to cope. If she goes to university, how will she deal with a roommate? If she has to live in an apartment, how will she deal with neighbors?
NAH. It’s a hard situation for everyone. She won’t always be in a place that accommodates her sleeping habits, so it’s best to start figuring things out that work for her
Finding the neice a set of headphones and requiring her to put her phone on DnD/lower her brightness seems like a solid first step towards sharing the room.
This should all be done by the parents, but I’m sure they’d appreciate the help (if you’re willing)
Orrr maybeeeeeee. The stepniece sleeps with her mom and niece sleeps with her dad
NTA. The step daughter had to share a room with the step father when the niece was sleeping in the room too and is only uncomfortable now. It seems like the parents may want the room to themselves. They could always go to a hotel and then they could have as many rooms as they want.
NTA, just taking care of your niece. Not favouritism. Unless you can sit and discuss with a sound compromise of lights off and phones off at x oclock, then basically you are just looking after her mental health.
NTA. How can they be mad at you when you’re putting them up while they’re literally homeless? It sounds like you’re trying to make them all happy.
If they insist the girls share the room, then let them do it that way. Your niece may also have had trouble sleeping because it’s the first night in a new place after a possibly-traumatic upheaval. Maybe get her a sleep mask and something that makes white noise (an air filter or something). If she continues to lose sleep, then the parents can try to think of something else. You are being gracious and thoughtful and are in no way an a-hole.
NTA
It’s a considerate and compassionate gesture on your part, especially since she’s struggling to rest in the shared bedroom due to her stepsister’s activities
Soft YTA, one girl gets the office the other can sleep on the couch at worst.
Both can share the office, with ear plugs, an eye mask, and no phones in the room at night. The girls are likely to have to share a room in an apartment when the insurance money kicks in (if they were lucky). Learning how to share and how to sleep with the tools a light sleeper needs will do your niece good in the long run. It’s your house so you can lay down the no phone at night rule.
On the flip side the step daughter should not be sleeping in the same room as step Dad. This has been the start of many abuse stories I have heard that didn’t come out until someone was in mental crisis from abuse. Worse to worse the girls take turns on the sofa. It’s not forever and it’s not going to hurt anything.
NAH. People with very incompatible sleep habits sometimes have issues sleeping in the same room. This seems to solve the problem.
Keep in mind that any rule designed to help the early/light sleeper is going to be as unfair to the later sleeper as vice versa. Not everyone can just choose to go to bed either.
That said, was keeping all non-sleep activities in the common areas (living room, kitchen) not an option?
NTA. Beggers can’t be choosers. If you put both of them there, it won’t help your niece anymore