#WeddingDrama: Am I the Asshole for Not Allowing My Dad’s Plus One to My Wedding?
Hey there, wedding warriors! So, here’s the tea ☕️: I (29F) and my boo Cal (32M) are gearing up to tie the knot in September, and we’ve been going full throttle on wedding planning. But then, out of left field, my dad dropped a bombshell – he wants to bring his mystery girlfriend to the wedding! 🕵️♂️
Now, our guest list is tight like a pair of skinny jeans, with no room for extra plus ones. But my dad keeps insisting – he even asked if his girlfriend could take my late mother’s memorial seat. Oh boy, that didn’t go down well! 😳
I’m torn, fam. Am I being a bridezilla or should I stand my ground? Let’s break this down together – cast your vote in the poll below! 🗳️ And drop some wisdom in the comments, ‘cause this bride needs your help! 💍👰🤵
#WeddingDrama #FamilyFeud #PlusOnePredicament #BridezillaOrNah 🤔
NTA. If your mom passed away only one year ago I could only imagine that you’re still mourning her loss. It’s your day and if you don’t want someone you don’t know there you’re allowed to make that choice. It would be different if they were dating for a while and you had a relationship with her already. Im sure if you saw his gf there it would remind you of your mom and potentially make you upset or sad. I’m sorry for your loss but her memory will live on.
Info: when you say “late last year,” do you mean less than 10 months ago?
Perhaps: “Dad, I’m not ready yet. Let’s assume ‘no’ for now, and see in a few months.”
NTA
Your father’s suggestion of his girlfriend using your mother’s chair was shocking and uncaring.
He’s absolutely out of line.
NTA
Firstly, I am sorry for your loss.
It’s your wedding and you do exactly as you wish. I think the idea of the chair is very thoughtful and made me quite emotional reading it. I think your dad is being incredibly insensitive towards you, and should have realised how this would make you feel. You’re not being rude and ungrateful at all, he is showing a lack of empathy and support for his daughter.
This day is about you and your partner. It is also about anything you deem to be important – e.g close friends and family. This is not about him.
NTA – Jesus H Christ, what a question from your dad. Wow.
At this rate, maybe dad needs to not go too.
I am really sorry for your loss. Losing your Mother must have been devastating and I love the way you’re incorporating her.
NTA. It sounds like your Dad just doesn’t want to understand it from your point of view. I get that the wedding is still a while off but you absolutely have the right to decide the guest list. I do think it’s very odd (and selfish) that he wants to use your Mothers chair.
I just can’t believe he has the audacity to ask if she can use your mother’s chair!!! Holy hell!!!
Is your Dad helping to pay for the weding? If so, then I’d allow him a plus one, but it needs to be VERY strictly stated that under NO circumstances can he let anyone know he has a plus one, as it would get other people asking for the same. If he is not helping pay for the wedding, you can tell him that the reason that no +ones were allowed, was in order to stop a whole bunch of people asking for it. Tell him you don’t want to set this dangerous precident because you really just can’t afford loads of extra people, and if people find out that he has a plus one, it will not stop at just him.
you can also mention to him that your mother has passed less than a year ago and you really don’t want a girlfriend of his to be at the wedding because this is too new for you.
Under these circumstances, NTA
NTA – Your Dad, I mean, are there ANY words to describe how much of an asshat he is being here? Your Mom died (sorry for your loss) and he wants to sit his GF in **HER** seat at YOUR wedding. Like what the actual fuck dude….wooooooow
NTA Hold the fuck up! Your father has a pair of huge pendulous balls if he is asking if his preciously unknown girlfriend can sit in the chair dedicated to the memory of your mother. I don’t think you were rude enough.
NTA
Wow. Your dad was out of line for even suggesting that. Let alone get upset when his request was denied. He just showed how little respect he has for his late wife, your mom. Even if he can’t respect her, he should at least respect you and your decision to honour her.
INFO – Did your dad know about the specific chair or did he mean the fact your mother wasn’t physically there left an opening for another person to attend?
NTA.
She’s a stranger. Your dad wants to put her literally (oh, really literally) in your mother’s place. That is such an awful thing to even suggest. Up until now, she wasn’t worth a mention, and now she’s more important than a woman he lost just a short while ago.
Oh, God! I bet he was planning to just turn up with her as his plus one as a surprise! Plan was spoiled when the invitation didn’t have plus one 😱
And can you even imagine what your friends and relatives who loved her would think, if they found out you had decided that your dad’s current gf was more important than your recently deceased mother. If she was my sister, I wonder if I would even stay.
You are a hero of you don’t go LC/NC after this!
As if the 100 max guests had anything to do with the number of chairs available!!!! Seems when he called someone ungrateful and rude it was himself he was describing. How hard up for a date he must be to even suggest your honoring of your mother should be disturbed by a woman he has know for at most a few months. How he could make the logical leap that since your mother was not going to be there, it was a “free chair”. Your dad is out of touch. If you didn’t note that he was not the most agreeable person, you might think that he’s still grieving, but since this is about bringing a stranger, it does not appear to be so. Have a special day, You are NTA (you dad certainly is)
NTA
Your father is not just an AH for demanding that his new girlfriend be included. He is also insensitive to the fact that you would be meeting this woman for the first time at your own wedding. Weddings are high-stress events. For you to encounter his girlfriend for the first time at such an emotionally fraught occasion is FAR more stress than you need.
If he wants you to meet her, it should be done at another time, preferably at a restaurant or other neutral location.
Years ago, my father brought his new girlfriend to my wedding. It was a very informal wedding so the extra guest wasn’t an issue. But as usual he was oblivious to my feelings about having to meet this woman at such a time. He also wanted her in family wedding photos. She stood out like a sore thumb in her bright orange dress.
During the wedding, she apparently criticized me to him for not having him give me away at the ceremony. I hadn’t asked to be “given away” as though I was a camel or a cow. I’m a long-time feminist, for one thing, and for another, he had emotionally and physically abused me as a child.
NTA.
If you want your dad to come, try a “This is my wedding dad, and I don’t know this person. This isn’t a convenient excuse to introduce your girlfriend to your family. Please respect that this is my day, and don’t add in new elements I’m not ready for, like meeting my dad’s new girlfriend.”
If you don’t care as much and don’t want change, I would cancel on the dad and just put out two chairs. One for your mom who passed and one for your dad whose too busy being an a hole.
100 is SMALL? Holy heck. I don’t know 100 people I like enough to invite.
Nta it would be a cold day in hell before I gave up my mom’s honorary seat for a random woman I hadn’t even known my dad was dating.
NTA
The fact that you didn’t even know he had a girlfriend says a lot, and there is no reason why a stranger you’ve never met should get an invite when people you know and love didn’t make the cut.
Also that he would suggest she take your moms sit is incredibly disrespectful to your mom and you.
NTA, but you may need to reconsider if you want him there at all.
INFO, were your parents divorced or separated when she passed away? (and I am so sorry for your loss)
either way NTA
You have said no and that should have been the end of it. Moving forward your response should be ‘Dad, that question has been asked and answered. I’m not willing to discuss it further.’ There is nothing more that needs to be said.
NTA and you can take back his invite
>*Dad asked if his girlfriend could “use my mother’s seat”.*
Only if she’s dead, Dad.
Your mom’s been dead less than a year. You’re still grieving. Your dad is being incredibly insensitive. NTA.
I almost burst into tears reading that. How could he be that insensitive?? NTA. Your dad would be lucky to have his own invitation at this point. Your mother’s memory is an important part of your day.
Honestly, even if others were allowed a plus one, I don’t think it’s crazy to not want your dad’s new gf at your wedding when your mom just died. It’s your special day, and there’s too many complicated feelings there that dob’t belong at a wedding. Let alone dad wanting gf to have mom’s seat???? That way pushes it over for me. NTA at all.
NTA. I’m disgusted that your dad had the nerve to request that she sit in your mother’s chair. How disrespectful of him. Your dad is an asshole. You didn’t even know he was dating anyone, why would you give him a plus 1? He thinks he should be the exception bc he’s your dad. But you don’t have to make allowances for him & certainly not for some woman you don’t even know. There’s no room for her. Period. End of story.