#WeddingDrama: How Do I Break the News to My Friend That Her BF Isn’t Invited to My Wedding? 🤷🏻♀️
Hey there! So, last night was a whirlwind with my friend and now I’m left scratching my head about how to navigate this sticky situation. I’m getting married this fall (yay!) and my friend asked if her not-so-great boyfriend could come. Cue the awkward conversation where I had to put my foot down and say he’s not on the guest list. But now my friend is bummed and I’m left wondering how to handle it moving forward.
To make matters worse, my friend made a not-so-subtle comment about my appearance while we were out (not cool, right?). It left me feeling a bit shaken and questioning our friendship dynamic. Could this be her way of getting back at me for the wedding invite drama? 🤔
All in all, I’m just looking for some fresh perspectives on this whole mess. So, what do you think I should do next? Drop your thoughts below! 🙌🏼 #FriendshipDrama #WeddingWoes #BodyImageStruggles
There’s nothing else you have to tell her. You already told her that you’re not comfortable with him coming, and it sounds like she’s accepted that. She’s an adult, she can figure out how to communicate it to her boyfriend. That’s not your job. Frankly, I think it would be really strange if he put up any argument about it, given that he doesn’t even know you. He might be a little disappointed but that should be the end of it.
I don’t think her comment was inherently a revenge thing. If you’re hung up on her comment, then talk to her and tell her how it made you feel. Don’t bring up the wedding in this conversation unless she does first
Why on earth would you invite somebody you don’t even know to your wedding? How bizarre.
I think you should distance yourself from this “friend”. Just stop picking up her calls.
You’ve already told her that she can’t bring her boyfriend. But you’re conflating not liking this guy with a lot of unrelated things (spawned by your fixation with weight). So your friend isn’t as disciplined in her eating as you are, that’s not a big deal unless you choose to make it one. She said you looked “bloated”, hardly the insult of the century. Maybe try to figure out why you’re even friends with someone you clearly don’t like. Perhaps neither one of them should come to your wedding.
She was taking a dig at you because she was hurt that she doesn’t get a plus one.
With friends like that, who needs enemies?
Sounds like her boyfriends way of thinking if rubbing of on her maybe time to distance yourself before the wedding
She is upset because he won’t let her come alone.
I can’t think of any man desperate to go to a wedding for a friend of his girlfriend he’s even met. SHE wants him to be invited because she knows if he’s not, he’s going to make it bad for her and try and stop her from going.
“Awkward,” my ass. How awkward is it to say, “It’s a small wedding, and she doesn’t know you.” ???
girl, she is NOT your friend if she knows you have body dysmorphia and made a comment like that. maybe she shouldn’t be invited to your wedding, either.
you certainly don’t have to invite plus ones who you haven’t even MET to your small wedding.
invite only people who are kind and thoughtful and supportive of your relationship.
Well first is I think it’s very fair to say that a person who you have never met is not going to be invited to your wedding, particularly when the reason you haven’t met is because your friend has particularly kept him away from you. That is such a massive red flag and would be a pretty standard reason to exclude someone regardless of how big the wedding is.
There is kind of a separate underlying issue of whether this woman is actually a good friend to you. Obviously I don’t know your relationship but you describe her as having said or done a decent amount of pretty crappy stuff, or at least enabling it with her partner. When you’ve been friends with someone for a long time it can be tough to hold them accountable or hold them to the same standards as others because you want to be supportive and not damage your relationship. But I would recommend spending some time thinking about the way she acts and whether or not you want to address what sounds like problematic behavior or remove her from your life entirely.
A wedding is not the place to meet her boyfriend for the first time. You need to get a sense of who he is before putting him in a position to possible ruin an occasion that important to you. I’d recommend a few get togethers first and if there isn’t time before the wedding to make you comfortable then he doesn’t need to come. As far as her comment goes, it was one time and you are speculating. I’d let it drop unless she persists.
Either you allow +1 for everyone or nooone
Don’t single out your friend for her relationship decisions and try to control her life
You aren’t being a good friend
Maybe neither of them should be invited to the wedding. Sometimes terrible people date other terrible people. Maybe she’s a better match for her boyfriend than you think…
Her boyfriend (probably) “won’t let her” come to the wedding unless he can go with. So if she doesn’t show up, the next time you see her, she’ll probably blame you for her not showing because her bf has trained her like that.
I’m not saying let him come. Stand your ground. And if she brings it up again, drop the politeness. Tell her *directly and bluntly* why the answer is no. And that you’re worried about her health and wellbeing the longer she stays with him.
I think you should cancel her invite, and have neither of them come. Neither are friends
Honestly i would drop her as a friend. Her comment about your body was incredibly uncalled for alone. She sounds like a shit “ friend “.
I completely agree with your mom. And it’s really weird you’ve never met her boyfriend before….
Your mom is right love, she was just lashing out in a petty way to hurt your feelings.
Not a good friend, is she? Your wedding, your rules!
Be prepared for her to no show at the wedding or have an “emergency” at the last minute. The boyfriend doesn’t want her to go without him so if he’s not invited, she won’t be allowed to go either.
She’s a real pick me. And she’s with a guy who hasn’t picked her.
If you haven’t met him why is he desperate to be at your wedding? And if you are having 50-60 people why on earth would you give a spot to someone that, again, you haven’t met? Also, that comment about looking bloated was nasty and completely unnecessary. And I am quite sure it wasn’t even true, she was just being spiteful. Are you sure you even want to invite her? Is this a healthy friendship for you? Just because you have been friends with someone for a long time does not mean you need to stay friends if they are not kind to you.
Don’t invite your friend then. Also dunno why you’re friends, you clearly don’t get along.
real friends don’t use your body dismorphia against you. The fact that she did it because you did something she didn’t like is abusive. She’s either learning abusive behavior patterns from her boyfriend or she’s been this manipulative all along. Either way, you’ve seen the person she is choosing to be and that person is not a friend to you.
Hmm, let’s see – you have a friend who won’t let you meet the guy she’s with due his being a racist abusive asshole UNTIL your wedding with the very people that he’s racist against are going to attend? Where he could then do the most damage possible. AND she’s making snide comments about your weight?
You do know she’s working overtime to sabotage your wedding and make sure to do as much damage as possible not only to your special day, but your relationship with everyone there who gets to see that you caved to a couple of racists. Yeah, that’s going to go over just great. My advice, because my wife has a cousin who loves to pull crap at weddings, not to mention getting drunk because “open bars are all weddings are good for” is to do what we did, “No, and if he shows up we will call police and have him removed immediately along with anyone sticking up for him. Don’t do it.”
Our ceremony was lovely. As an added bonus, we have family who no longer speak to us and we like that just fine.
Tell her she can’t come either. The budget is reduced and we have to make some changes, so sad, I’m sure you understand, blah blah blah.
Dude, maybe you did look sort of bloated and she was legitimately worried.
(Which is normal if your period is due).
As far as her boyfriend goes, tell her to say to him that you had to manage the costs of the shindig, and that most guests aren’t allowed a +1.
NTA. But I think you need to pivot on how you react to your friend. The comments about your weight are her socially testing what her abusive partner says to her. You try and be polite and she thinks “ok that isn’t such a bad thing to say to someone, so it’s not so bad he said that to me ” . From now on tell her “that is a horrible thing to say” “why do you think it is ok to say that to someone?” ” You are meant to be my friend why would you say something so mean to someone you care about?”.
As her friend the best thing you can do is try and help her realize how badly she is being treated
The wedding stuff has been covered by everyone. But she’s pushing so hard because she knows one of two things is going to happen: 1. He won’t let her go without him. 2. She will be punished for going without him. Probably accused of cheating and potentially being physically harmed by him.
It is extremely hard when a friend is in an abusive relationship because they are programmed to defend their abuser. So just be mindful she will get nasty and defensive if you say anything bad about him. I would encourage you to ask her questions like “are you happy?” You need to get her to reflect on her situation and come to that realization on her own
Your wedding your rules
I think your mom is right. Maybe time to take a step back from this friendship. UPDATEME
You’re not wrong but this-
>I wish she had the courage to leave him.
-was gross and reductive. Not being able to leave someone that is abusing you isn’t a lack of courage.
This person is NOT you friend. And her BF shouldn’t even be considered for an invite. Honestly, I don’t think this “friend” should be invited either.