#WeddingDrama #FamilyFeud #EmotionalTurmoil #ExBoyfriend #Cousin #SupportingFamily
Feeling torn between family loyalty and personal boundaries is a struggle many of us can relate to. When faced with the unexpected news of your cousin marrying your ex-boyfriend, it’s normal to experience a whirlwind of emotions. As you navigate this complex situation, it’s crucial to prioritize your own well-being and set healthy boundaries. Let’s delve into practical solutions to address this dilemma and find a resolution that aligns with your values.
## Emotions Running High: Processing the Shock and Betrayal 😱😔
The revelation of your cousin marrying your ex-fiance undoubtedly stirs up feelings of shock, betrayal, and confusion. It’s completely valid to be taken aback by this unexpected turn of events. Allow yourself to process these emotions and give yourself the space to grieve the loss of your past relationship.
1. Seek Emotional Support: Reach out to trusted friends or a therapist to discuss your feelings and gain perspective on the situation.
2. Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that nurture your emotional well-being, such as journaling, meditation, or indulging in self-care rituals.
## Setting Boundaries: Honoring Your Values and Prioritizing Self-Respect 🚫
Navigating relationships with family members and ex-partners can be challenging, especially when conflicting emotions come into play. As you grapple with the dilemma of attending the wedding, it’s essential to prioritize your own values and set boundaries that align with your self-respect.
1. Communicate Your Boundaries: Clearly express your feelings and boundaries to your extended family members, emphasizing the importance of respecting your decision.
2. Prioritize Self-Respect: Stand firm in your beliefs and prioritize your emotional well-being over external pressures or expectations.
3. Seek Closure: Focus on finding closure for yourself, whether through therapy, journaling, or engaging in self-reflection exercises.
## Seeking Outside Perspective: Finding Clarity and Validation from Others 🤔🙌
Feeling torn between familial expectations and personal values is a common struggle. Seeking an outside perspective can provide clarity and validation as you navigate this complex situation. Remember, your feelings and boundaries are valid, regardless of external opinions.
1. Reach Out to Neutral Parties: Consult with friends or mentors who can offer unbiased insights and support as you make decisions regarding the wedding.
2. Trust Your Instincts: Listen to your intuition and trust your feelings, even if they differ from the expectations of others.
In conclusion, navigating familial dynamics and personal boundaries can be challenging, especially when unexpected events arise. As you confront the dilemma of attending your cousin’s wedding to your ex-boyfriend, prioritize your emotional well-being, set boundaries that honor your values, and seek outside perspective to gain clarity and validation. Remember, your feelings are valid, and it’s essential to prioritize self-respect and emotional well-being in all decision-making processes. Stay true to yourself, trust your instincts, and prioritize your own happiness above all else.
Go to the wedding and expose them there in a toast ruin the day, be petty
Of course you’ll have to move on, but that’s like a “duh” thing for your family to say when you’re obviously hurt by them keeping a public secret from you, then expecting you to just be fine with it. I think anybody would feel upset or betrayed from the revelation you experienced, and I’m sorry that happened.
From this post? NTA, but you can’t expect your dickish family to understand, apparently, so don’t expect emotional support I suppose.
NTA…It’s ridiculous that nobody told you, BUT they still expect you to be a good sport and attend. The deception here it twofold. It’s best if you find a way to let go of your lingering resentment, but that doesn’t mean you have to attend.
NTA. Tell your family that maybe if they’d been honest with you, you could have processed this and gotten over it, but since they withheld this information from you and it got sprung on you like this, you feel perfectly entitled to take the time you deserve to process and get over the shock and horror of not only being lied to by your ex, but also being treated this way by your less-than-supportive family.
eta: but do it *calmly*.
NTA.
Obviously you don’t have to go to your ex’s wedding to a family member and your parents and everyone else suck not only for expecting you to, but also for hiding their relationship. Your reaction to that was very appropriate.
The way you describe your cousin though drips with elitist resentment. Like you’re describing what would have been a fairly tame alt-fashion style 20 years ago.
When you talk about her in public do you glance around before whispering to your friends that she “dyes her hair unnatural colors” to make sure no one hears you, lest it cause a scandal? Did you put your hand to your forehead and faint when you saw her leather jacket and spiked boots?
NTA-Don’t attend and f*ck anyone that says you need to go. So he left you to continue pursuing your cousin and relatives knew this. Where is the f-ing loyalty at? You have every right to feel all the feels you have been. Do not engage in any conversation about this with anyone who is blowing up your phone about this. They’re ridiculous.
NTA your family is being ridiculous. They should have told you that your ex-fiance was involved with your cousin, especially when they got engaged, and they’re out of line expecting you to show up and smile because “family”. Family goes both ways – you’re family too, and they should have told you what was happening.
I would make it clear that you are not holding onto “anger and resentment”, you have moved on, and wouldn’t have wanted to be married to a guy who would do that anyway (whether you feel that way or not, or are still angry or not, don’t let them paint you that way). But you won’t be attending the wedding, and it’s inappropriate for anyone to ask you to do so.
NTA tell your parents you are not attending nor will you attend any family function if those two toxic people attend. Also tell your parents to kick rocks if they don’t like it.
NTA. I don’t understand why your family would expect you to be fine with this – they’ve all had however many months to get used to the idea, but you find out this way and are expected to suddenly accept it. Obviously this is going to sting; they should have been honest with you earlier so that you would be able process the situation.
No one is entitled to your time, or your presence at their events. That said, I think you should have a conversation with your cousin to better understand the details of the situation, as you are getting your info second-hand. Don’t blow up at her or blame her – set aside your assumptions, steel yourself, listen to her perspective, and then decide how your relationship with her will need to change based on a more complete understanding and not your own biases/assumptions about their relationship.
Also, don’t be surprised if she’s pregnant – the timeline of their relationship is short, and it’s entirely possibly your family is trying to fast-track your acceptance because there’s a baby on the way.
NTA – I think the shouting could have been a lot towards your parents, but also COMPLETELY understand having that instant reaction! It bothers me that they just immediately minimized your feelings upon finding out to tell you they expected you there no matter what. Cancelling a wedding isn’t a small deal, and the feelings that came along with that were also not small (I can only imagine), so it’s ridiculous that anyone would expect you to “suck it up” and deal with it just a year later?! Again, NTA!! You’re in the right for holding whatever boundaries you need for your own mental health, and owe none of them absolutely anything. I would be willing to bet if any of them were in your situation, they’d feel the same as you.
NTA – Your family is whack. Sending you an invite is a slap in the face. A year ago you were steps away from marrying this guy. Then in a fingersnap you found out that he was cheating on you….with your cousin….and he’s marrying her. You are not hateful and your parents are AH’s are for supporting the cousin over their daughter and putting “appearances” over your heartbreak and betrayal. I’m so sorry, OP. I hope you don’t go and instead take time to heal and process this. Hugs.
NTA. You have a right to your feelings and you never have to attend any event that you do not want to attend. I would say that after some time, you might want to have a discussion with your cousin and ex and find out if they actually CHEATED or if this was a short term quicky marriage type of thing. I am not excusing them but just saying you might want clarification in the future because you will have to interact if you attend family events. But NTA for not going to the wedding or supporting them at this juncture.
NTA
But anyone who tells you that you have to attend for the family clearly value others perception than you. Maybe they want you to cut contact with them…
NTA. Throw away the whole family. And maybe make FB post about how you feel betrayed, probably they have told people a different story.
What is wrong with your family? Given the secretive nature of the relationship, I’m going out on a pretty strong limb and assuming that your ex cheated on you with your cousin. The family wants you to show to quiet any possible talk from wedding guests who are going to draw the same conclusion. After all, you wouldn’t be there if he had cheated on you with your cousin. Don’t go, organize a great day with some friends and turn your phone off. NTA
NTA: it’s an invitation, not a summons.
Hold on to it forever!? You just found out!
NTA. Book yourself a getaway and claim scheduling conflict.
NTA it’s awful that no one told you and you had to find out from a wedding invitation. Your family essentially left you to be blindsided. I would start blocking people left and right. You have a right to feel betrayed and hurt. I can’t imagine my parents acting like yours. Your mental health is more important than appearances. If you decide to go make sure you wear a bright red dress to be petty.
NTA, your family are all super-villians though. Maybe they don’t know full context? Yikes either way.
Tell they all to pound sand. Go on a vacation the weekend of the wedding.
Also, a therapist to download the family betrayal would be good.
They can go and wish them well but expecting you to sit there all night is way out of line. On the plus side you just know that this relationship is going to crash and burn.
NTA and it’s absolutely insane that your parents hid this from you. They should have been on your side and supported you. They should not have let you fall victim to this blindside.
It’s imperative that you go because it’s FaMiLy and it’ll break at the seams if you don’t go and they will write stories about you to tell the great great great grandchildren about how you broke the family and it couldn’t be put together again by all the kings horses and all the kings men.
I would also like a moment to advise you that you MUST MUST MUST wear your wedding dress if you still have it, if you don’t .. beg borrow or steal one . The bigger,the pouffier the better.
And you may or may not cover it with spray on cobwebs…
I mean you promised the groom that you’d be at his wedding in a white gown so I don’t see why you don’t.
If you do go down this route please don’t tell people as people are party poppers.
The other thing you could do if you really don’t want to go is book yourself a nice trip away doing something nice. Either way you are NTA and your feeling are more valid than your extended family.
NTA but why was that third paragraph really necessary? So she’s a quirky free spirit type, doesn’t seem to have much to do with the story and AH judgment.
NTA
You’re not in the wrong for feeling hurt and choosing not to attend the wedding. It’s a deeply personal betrayal to see your ex-fiancé marry your cousin, especially so soon after your own planned wedding was canceled. Your emotional well-being is important, and attending might cause more harm than good. It’s reasonable to expect some sensitivity from your family under these circumstances.
How are you holding on? They just told you and been lied to for years?
NTA, also I would really consider going LC with your parents for their lies.
“they expected me to come to the wedding anyway in order to show support to my family.” Like they supported you by at least giving you a heads-up? Loyalty needs to be two-way or it is just subservience.
From what you have said, it is not clear there was actually cheating, although to go from breaking an engagement to getting married a year later vertainly suggests there was more than mere innocent acquaintance. But your family and especially your parents owed you such information as they had.
The dramatic side of me says you should go, and since you already have a dress perfect for a wedding – from a year ago – you should wear your wedding dress as a reminder to all that the ‘happy couple’ betrayed you in a most dishonest way.
Assuming this post is not fake (and i am 99%sure it is), cut off your family cause they clearly don’t give a fuck about you.
Cut your cousin off and threaten your parents to cut them off too if they aren’t on your side. Your cousin and ex cheated on you both of them doesn’t give a shit about you. You shouldn’t go there and celebrate their lies and disrespect towards you. And if your parents support this sick shit, don’t talk to them anymore, cause your feelings are obviously not valid for them.
NTA.
You do need to let go. Of everyone that thinks this is okay.
Tell them you’re cutting them off and why in like 3 sentences.
Then follow through. You will be better off, I promise.
NTA. They *need* your appearance solely to make them look good. That you support their relationship. Can only imagine the story they created why you broke up. Especially timing of when they got together.
Your parents are enormously disappointing, so sorry OP. Don’t go!!
NTA.
But i would go. Create a scene (means take revenge somehow) and leave (may be for a cool vacation). And then would go no contact with everyone in family.
On a serious note, dont go to the wedding. You are not obligated to do so. Stop explaining yourself to your parents. And minimize all contact with extended family. Let them rot in hell bcoz karma comes back. Always.
NTA. You’ve just barely healed from your ex’s betrayal, and your family wants you to reopen that wound? No way!
Feel free to block your parents, their flying monkeys, and anyone else who says you’re a bad person. You do what’s best for you.
I truly do not understand families like this. If my cousin did this to me, my family would go scorched earth. You are NTA and you deserve so much better than what you are getting. I’m so sorry.
NTA and at no point did any of your family respect you enough to tell you they were together. Or your cousin that she was marrying your ex, they let you find out with an invite.
Your family are all AH’s steer clear of them.
Go treat yourself on their wedding day and turn on do not disturb on that phone. They don’t want you there to just show support for family because if that was the case little miss cousin wouldn’t marry your ex nor would they have hid it from you. They’re ideas are sideways and your family is delusional. Best of luck girly!
NTA, what the hell is wrong with your family? They have chosen him over your feelings. Hope you send the invite back with a big F-no on it.
Why do I always see stories like this where the betrayed person should just “suck it up”? Would they really miss one person at there wedding? No. They want you there to save face, nothing more, nothing less. If you go that means they can forgive THEMSELVES for not telling you. As for your EX? He wasn’t ready to get married, yet less than a year (I’m assuming they planned the wedding at least a few months before) but NOW he is. He was definitely cheating on you with your cousin. As far as your cousin sending you an invite? That’s literally to rub it in your face
NTA.
You’re an adult. It doesn’t matter what your parents ‘expect’ because they’re no longer in charge. You are in charge and if you don’t want to attend the wedding of your cousin and your ex, you’re under no obligation to.
Neither her family role nor her ‘free spirit’ means you have to support this marriage and it doesn’t make you a bad person for not wanting to go.
Their texts don’t even warrant a reply. Block and ignore.
If you don’t want to go, don’t go. That’s it.
It’s not totally clear to me whether your ex-fiance was cheating on you, or just hopped into marriage with your cousin pretty much immediately. Be pissed at either option, but be pissed MORE at the first one.
But don’t go to the wedding if you don’t want to. Just send back a negative response saying you won’t be there. If your family is going to be assholes about it, just insist that you can’t make it and don’t want to go anyway, given your history with the groom. And then ignore the shit out of them for the rest of your life.
NTA. Not even a little bit. BUT……. if you want to at least get a little amusement out of this…… tell them that you WILL go, then just mention that you welcome the opportunity to let everyone at the wedding know you slept with him first, that she’s his second choice, that you only came because your family was pressuring you, etc, etc, etc.
I am almost always willing to suspend disbelief for purposes of a good AITA post, but here, it simply does not add up for me that your parents would be so concerned about how you would react to this pairing that they went out of their way to hide it from you, and yet minutes after you learned the truth, demand you attend the wedding to “show support for family.” In addition, if I’m your cousin, I don’t want you there–just like the vast majority of people (regardless of family relations) don’t want their fiancé’s recent ex at their wedding.
If this is true, NTA. People who support their family members don’t steal their boyfriends. You have received no support and therefore owe none in return.
Do you have any reason to believe he was cheating on you with your cousin? I mean other than he is getting married 1 year after saying he doesn’t want to get married?