#FamilyDrama #SiblingStruggles #ParentingChallenges
Hey there! Dealing with family drama and navigating complicated relationships can be tough, especially when there are deep-seated emotions involved. In the scenario you’ve described, it’s clear that there are a lot of complex dynamics at play between you, your sister, and your dad. Let’s break it down and explore some advice for handling this situation:
Understanding Your Sister’s Perspective:
– Your sister has been through a lot, especially at a young age, with the divorce of your parents and the subsequent mental health struggles. It’s important to empathize with her and recognize the impact that these events have had on her emotional well-being.
– The fact that she still sees a psychiatrist every 3 months indicates that she is still working through her struggles and may need ongoing support and understanding.
Dealing with Dad’s Behavior:
– It’s clear that your dad has not always handled the situation with your sister in the most sensitive manner. His initial reactions and frustrations may have exacerbated her mental health challenges.
– While it’s understandable that he wants to maintain his second marriage and keep his family together, it’s important for him to acknowledge the impact of his actions on your sister and take responsibility for them.
Navigating Your Own Feelings:
– As someone who is gay and has friends in the LGBTQ+ community, it’s completely valid for you to be upset by your stepmother’s homophobic and transphobic comments. It’s important to set boundaries and stand up for what you believe in, even if it creates tension in your family dynamic.
– Communicating your feelings to your dad in a respectful and constructive way, as you did by pointing out his behavior towards your sister, can help promote understanding and potentially lead to positive changes in the family dynamic.
Moving Forward:
– It’s crucial for all family members to engage in open and honest communication to address underlying issues and work towards healing and reconciliation. This may involve family therapy or individual counseling to navigate the complexities of your relationships.
– Encouraging empathy and understanding towards each other’s perspectives can help build mutual respect and foster healthier family dynamics.
In conclusion, it’s important to recognize the challenges and complexities that can arise within families, especially in the aftermath of divorce and mental health struggles. By approaching the situation with empathy, understanding, and open communication, you can work towards resolving conflicts and strengthening family bonds. Remember, seeking external support from professionals or trusted individuals can also be beneficial in navigating these challenging times.
I hope this advice helps you navigate the situation with your family in a constructive and positive way. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your own mental health and well-being while also supporting your loved ones through their struggles. Take care! 💕🌟
For more information and support on navigating family dynamics and mental health challenges, feel free to visit our website for helpful resources and guidance.
NTA
I can’t sympathize with people who put others above their children. Especially when their children are small and need them as much as your sister needed him.
I N F O Why did your mom leave?
ETA: Honestly, I would probably go with ESH here. Your father did not handle the situation well, but it sounds like it was also a tough situation for him to be in, and then having one of his kids blame him completely for it, must’ve hurt a lot.
On the other hand, waiting 8 years to throw those words back in his face, after he’s already apologized for them, is quite vindictive. Throwing it in your dad’s wife face that your half-sibling is not your sibling is also amazingly hateful. She might not be a good person, but nothing that happened to you is her fault, and it’s certainly not the baby’s fault.
Your father has certainly made mistakes, and been an AH, but it doesn’t sound like he deserves the level of hate and blame that he is getting from you and particularly your sister.
NTA don’t dish it out if you can’t take it!
If you and your sister are responsible for keeping your dad’s marriage intact then it deserves to crumble. NTA
NTA your dad failed as a father and he’s reaping what he sowed.
NTA. However, the kid is your half sibling and is completely innocent of anything your dad and his wife say or do. That being said, if “keeping the family together” means you babysitting the kid, that’s the wrong way to insist on keeping the family together. Being a family is not supposed to be transactional. Your dad has not handled this well. Do you even speak to your mom? Is she anywhere in the picture or is she gone, gone?
NTA. Your Dad is the adult in this situation and not the child. He doesn’t get to demand more support than he has ever given you. It certainly isn’t the responsibility of children to hold Dad’s marriage together.
NTA – Marrying a bigot has a way of destroying families. 🤷🏽♀️
NTA
But you guys definitely blamed your dad for the divorce for completely no reason. I see why he blew up. That said he shouldn’t have married that other woman, now he has to deal with it.
YTA. You’ve blamed the divorce on your father even though nothing you wrote indicated that it was his fault, and the fact that you’re living with him is a solid indication that your mother is the one who abandoned the family. Maybe you should figure out what your shitty mother did wrong and why she evaporated on you.
NTA
You are not the family bandaid. If their marriage is suffering that is on the ADULTS to fix, not the children. Your father repeatedly verbally abused your sister and essentially taunted her with her trauma. Your father’s wife has made it clear she has a dislike for you being gay and a judgement toward your sister’s mental illnesses. Why the hell would they expect you to play happy family with someone who doesn’t like you?
Their marital issues are not your problem. Their shitty personalities are the problem.
Sounds like everyone’s hurting a lot. Good luck to all of you.
NAH
Nta. Dad already said early on the way things turned out wasn’t his choice and it wasn’t fair to him. It’s fair play to throw that back at him. Loser, nothing is his fault apparently.
OP it is time to really tell your grandparents all of the details behind what you posted here. My bet is they don’t know how the divorce really affected you and your sister and how the step mother just added on to the abuse.
NTA
Tell him that if those words hurt so much to hear at his age, how much did he think they hurt his sister to hear at 6?
An apology isn’t gonna cut it here, and your dad is going to enter the “find out” phase very shortly if he doesn’t stop and take some time to prioritize you two right now.
Your mom left. Dad stated and did his best. He is a human. He is not perfect, no one is.
YTA. Give him some grace.
ESH. I can get why 6 y.o. can be cruel and uncaring, and why your father had a breakdown. But you know, you are not little kids anymore, you should have some self reflection and stop being this emotionally immature. Especially you, OP
NTA
Your father is irresponsible and blame shifting.
I’m so sorry he failed you as a father, the hurt coming from that is immense.
Nta. Sorry his first wife (and your mom) dipped on him but that didn’t give him the right to be a bad parent. He was the grown up. He needed to cope, not you two.
Edit: spelling
NTA, but *I want to be clear*. Your sister is wrong to blame your dad for “not putting her family back together”. Your mother vanishing and not being in your lives is her fault, not his.
However. It IS his fault for how to chose to handle a struggling, grieving 6 year old and it IS his fault for marrying a bigot. It’s not you or your sisters responsibility to make his marriage work out. Maybe her being homophobic has something to do with it
The mother abandoned them and dad is getting hate for not piecing the family back together?! The daughter was and has copius amounts of therapy and help for her mental health. By what limited information we have, dad is the one that stepped up and the anger should be targeted at mom.
Dad is entitled to remarry and have happiness …. unlike what some commenters think, the kids do not get to dictate how dad lives his life. The only reasons given for hating on step mom are comments made to others? …no abuse, no neglect?
Send daughter of to a family member tol she’s 18 if she’s that upset, heaven forbid dad has some actual joy in his life. Lol
Esh – your dad hasn’t handled your sister’s mental health issues with grace but at least he didn’t ignore them and got her the help she so desperately still needs.
You and your sister shouldn’t be so hateful towards a baby that has no fault in this. Not saying ya’ll should be responsible for babysitting tho.
A bunch of teenagers being mean to a baby is good reason for a mother to want to leave, can’t blame your dad’s wife for being upset.
Your dad should follow in your mom’s footsteps and get out of your lives. You and your sister won’t stop until everyone around you is miserable. YTA
OP, your dad has mishandled some things but within the realm of typical human fallibility.
Your mom ditched you like you were trash. Your dad stayed and did the best he could. You know what he got in return? Every single bit of rage and bitterness that you two should have directed at your mom, he got to take it straight in the chops on her behalf.
I honestly don’t know if you have the ability to step back from the feelings you have built up about him and reassess, because it’s hard to admit you’re wrong after this amount of digging your heels in.
You wanted him to bring your mom back and he couldn’t do that. You wanted him to stay single I guess, and that’s not particularly fair. You wanted him to not have any other kids apparently and that’s not really fair either. You have the absolute power to never speak to him again once you’re 18, whether it’s fair or not, but out of your two parents one of them kept showing up for you every day and the other one had other places to be. Chew on that for a while.
Last thing: you are absolutely entitled to rip your stepmom a new one if she says or does anything transphobic or homophobic. “Dang I hope your baby isn’t trans, you’d have to stop loving them I guess!”
But for real don’t take this out on the little one. If you think your upbringing was unfair, think about what it’ll be like for a toddler to grow up in a house where your little sister inexplicably hates them.
Hard truth your dad did the best he could. Your sisters mental health , a divorce and having to keep going that’s a lot for one person to handle. Your sister needs to stop blaming your dad. She is angry at your mom and is transferring all that anger to your dad unfairly. As for you. You have a valid reason to not like his new wife. Are you out to your dad? I think you all need therapy.
YTA – your father was going through a divorce and all you and your sister could do is hound him to put the family back together again when your mother left. Maybe realize his world was falling apart too and all you both did was pile on. Now he is trying to build it up and you and your sister haven’t grown up at all except to become worse people than you used to be.
You talk about how hard it was for your sister and you, but did you EVER once consider how much emotional trauma he is feeling or dealing with? Did you ever think about the fact that he stayed and is trying while you and your sister piss and moan?
I’m amazed at how little some people think about others who do so much for them.