“Should I Get a DNA Test Before Calling the Cops on My Ex GF and Her Alleged Child? #Fatherhood #DNAtest #RelationshipDrama
Hi there, wondering if I’m in the wrong for telling my ex-girlfriend’s child that I might call the cops on them? Let me give you the full story:
Background
– I (23M) and my ex-GF (25F) were in a relationship from 2015 to early 2020. We kept it secret from our parents until I turned legal.
– We broke up after she accused me of cheating with her friend.
Current Situation
– My ex recently showed up at my house with a child who she claims is mine. The child looks nothing like me.
– Even though she’s well-off and works in Makati, she insists I am the father the child needs.
– I asked for a DNA test, but she refused and said the child is mine.
– I threatened to call the cops if she doesn’t agree to the DNA test, and she backed down.
– I still believe the child is not mine and want to confirm with a DNA test.
So, AITA for wanting to get a DNA test before involving the authorities? Any thoughts or advice on what I should do next? Let me know your thoughts! #AmITheAsshole #RelationshipIssues #DNATesting“
NTA, do nothing till the DNA test.
NTA – you are very smart!!!
ESH. That’s a child my dude, you could have pulled her to the side to say all this. What if the kid does end up being yours, and even if it’s not yours, you’re psychologically abusing the kid. Just wait for the DNA test before traumatizing the child any further.
NTA, 4 years on and she shows up with a kid saying it’s yours? Get a DNA test, especially since she confessed to cheating.
Nta, get that dna test then make a judgement then
NTA. Yes, a bit harsh on the kid but the mother was clearly playing very dirty bringing him along with the whole hugging you and calling you daddy routine. DNA test and no interactions with her in private anymore until the results are in. Record everything you talk or discuss with her
NTA get the DNA test, she had 3-4 years to come up to you.
NTA. Anyone in your situation should be demanding a DNA test.
NTA
While you probably could have handled the situation better, the mother should not have brought the child along to this conversation in the first place.
You were put in a shocking, confusing situation that you had no control over and you had a very human reaction to that.
Get the DNA test, but try to be civil to both the mother and child until you get the results.
lol at her not expecting a dna test. And why did she wait 3-4 years?
NTA- do I think you could have handled it better? Yes. However the ex GF here is the real AH. If this is your kid why did she wait almost 4 years to tell you? Why spring it on you in front of her kid?
She had to have known You may not take it well and chose to bring the kid anyway. Yeah what you said to the kid wasn’t appropriate but it wasn’t any different then her possibly lying and telling the kid you are his father.
The mature thing to do would have been to approach you one on one and have a conversation. Offer to do a paternity test to prove you are the dad and then introduce you to the kid. She didn’t do that. She chose to do it in the most manipulative way possible and was clearly after something.
Maybe she’s just an idiot and you really are the dad- I don’t know. But she handled this way worse than you did. You had an emotional shock and no one else can say they would have reacted differently because they were not there.
NTA
Do you really have to ask?
I think it’s quite obvious you need a DNA test for a child that appeared with your ex after 4 years, and claiming it’s yours…
It’s common sense
NTA
ESH
Genetics can be weird, you really could have handled it better than telling a little kid his mom is a liar.
Get the test.
NTA, a woman you don’t want in your house brought a strange child in and demanded you become a parent with no evidence. Calling the police would have been appropriate when she wouldn’t leave. Warning her before doing so was courteous, if anything.
You just told the child the truth, that the mother was dishonest. Not sure why you’re being called an A H for not coddling the random child your ex tried to throw at you. She weaponized her child as a tool for her manipulation, so she is clearly the A H in this scenario.
NTA for wanting a DNA test but you’re the AH for this part
>the kid is clearly not mine as it looks nothing like me.
NTA, but why are you having this conversation in front of the child? Two years old is enough to remember. Mom is being manipulative and neglecting the child’s mental health insisting on having an emotionally charged and combative conversation in front of them concerning the child’s paternity. Immature and gross. She’s already being a horrible mother.
Be the bigger person, insist on a DNA test and refuse to have these conversations unless it is just you and her alone. I don’t understand where people get off having irresponsible sex and then bringing children into their egotistical fuckery.
Get a DNA and tell police she is harassing ypu. Get security cameras and also record any conversation with her or only talk by text. NTA
NTA – but please be kind to the poor child. She is a victim of her mother’s actions.
NTA. She should not have surprised you like that, and used her kid like that. Of course you were going to react badly.
But genetics can be weird, kids sometimes don’t look like their dad but dna says otherwise. Get the dna test.
NTA. And I am not sure why all of these people are complaining that you “could have handled it better.” Of course you weren’t at your absolute best. But this crazy woman showed up at your house unannounced with a kid that is almost certainly not yours, looking to emotionally manipulate and scam you. It is reprehensible conduct. It puts you and the child in a terrible position. Get the DNA test, and don’t talk to either one until it is done.
ESH.
The ‘mother’ for bringing the child along, especially since it has been so long.
You for being a complete A H to a 4 year old child.
No issue with asking for DNA test, but don’t hold onto the “well the kid doesn’t look like me, so for sure not mine”. Genetics can be very wild and it very well may be yours.
NTA – Get the DNA test so you know one way or the other. Then if it is your child, you have a responsibility to that child. If it’s not your child, then don’t worry about it.
Nta for demanding a dna test, and if the child was upset, that’s on mom. You were not given any warning so it’s understandable that a child’s feelings weren’t the first thing on your mind during all this.
Keep in mind that genetics are weird and the fact that there’s no resemblance means nothing. I’m not saying you’ve done anything wrong, but that’s a ridiculous reason to try to deny paternity. You have plenty of reasonable reasons to need verification, throwing in a ‘she doesn’t even look like me’ just sounds silly.
NTA, DNA test is beyond reasonable thing to request in this scenario. Whether she’s telling the truth or not, this isn’t how that first conversation should go.
For the sake of playing devil’s advocate, any chance there are any recessive genes that could contribute to the kid’s appearance?
Can you ask to see the birth certificate to see if the timing is right? If it is and you did not use protection, then you need to get a DNA test. Every time you have unprotected sex with a woman, you risk an unplanned pregnancy. The child had no choice in this matter. He didn’t ask to be born, has no control of his environment or living situation, and does not deserve to be treated badly or in the middle. The fault is squarely on both parents who had unprotected sex. I hope at least one parent whether that is you or another man steps up to ensure this kid has some stability.
NTA
NTA but the only words out your mouth should’ve been ‘let’s get a dna test before we move forward’.
NTA. The way you reacted is about as good as I could expect from someone who was ambushed with such a shocking claim, on top of the obvious emotional manipulation she tried by bringing the kid. I would be royally pissed off too.
Regarding the kid: as long as you didn’t yell at them, I don’t fault you for your phrasing. People are criticizing you for it, but was there really a better way to do it? The mom already set the kid up for trauma by making promises and dragging them to your door. It’s better to get the facts straight with them now than let the mom continue feeding them hope that you’ll “come around,” because she’s proven she isn’t going to be honest with the kid.
Now is the kid really yours? I think chances are slim to none. If they were, she wouldn’t feel she needed to ambush you with the kid in the first place. She was hoping you’d cave just because the child was there. If they’re really your kid, that wouldn’t be necessary
NTA. It’s only logical for you to request a DNA test.
NTA. Get a DNA test. Good luck.
NTA
A DNA test is the best course of action, although you need to prepare for the possibility that the child is yours.
Weans don’t necessarily look like the parents when they’re younger, some grow up to resemble them more closely, or it could be a case like me where I don’t look like either of them but have facial features that match (my nose is exactly like my Mother’s & my ears match my Father’s).
She said that she wants me to be the father that the kid needs.
Clearly the child is not yours. She just thinks you’ll be a good dad & wants that for her child. The right thing to do is to get a DNA test. NTA.
NTA, that’s obviously your ex, who is clearly up to something. But you could have been more gentle with a four year old. Not the poor kids fault his mom is a manipulative jerk.
Get the paternity test, and keep us posted. Definitely want to know how this all plays out.
NTA
Just because she works for a company in downtown Manila does not mean she is wealthy, you dont say where she lives or what her profession is, she could be a secretary or a janitor. Hell, Metro Manila Aides work for a company in Makati! Most Filipinos are part Spanish, y’all were a colony for how many hundreds? Most have Spanish names too. YTA for addressing a little child this way. Just get a DNA test and stop being such a dick to innocent babies
NTA
sounds reasonable
NTA. If she was so sure her kid was yours, she wouldn’t balk at proving it.
NTA. There’s a good chance that kid is yours even if he doesn’t look it. Genetics can be weird. However, it sounds like there’s a good chance it isn’t. She accused you of cheating which sounds like she was projecting as if she was cheating, that’d explain the baby. She probably broke up with you when she found out she was pregnant. If it was your kid, why did she wait until now to tell you. Get the test to be sure. You handled the situation fine considering hownshe decided to just drop it on you.
The way I see it you are not the asshole. Perhaps you could have handled the conversation a little better, when it came to the child. Perhaps you should have said something like,” Young man, this have nothing against you personally, this is between me and your mother, this is a private and adult manner.” I would not have had this conversation with the kid.
US delegate Navy otherwise requesting a DNA test is completely normal and natural
If that kid is truly yours why did she wait 4 years to introduce him to you? Obviously you’re being babytraping. It is possible that when she accused you of cheating she was already cheating on you and wanted to have an excuse to leave you. Don’t trust her. Dna test the kid yourself. Don’t trust any results she give to you. If he’s not yours then Don’t hesitate to take legal actions against her to protect you
No your not
Just get the DNA test, OP, with no additional drama.
The odds are excellent that the kid is yours, even though you don’t think it looks like you, some kids look like their mother’s side of the family or some grandparent. Because if you had peen-vag sex without condoms with this woman… well. These things happen.