Is it wrong for me to refuse to dance at my boyfriend’s brother’s Stag Night? #AITA #dancer #stripper
As a 25-year-old stripper, I pride myself on my job and the income it provides. However, when my boyfriend asked me to dance at his brother’s Stag Night, I hesitated. Despite trying to find a replacement dancer, I couldn’t secure one in time. I suggested bringing the party to my club for VIP treatment, but that was turned down as well.
Concerns About Dancing at Stag Night
- I have reservations about dancing for my boyfriend’s brother
- Could impact future family gatherings
My boyfriend supports the idea, saying it shouldn’t be a problem. However, I feel uncomfortable with the situation and declined his offer. Was I too quick to refuse?
I’ve already voted in your favor in response to someone else, so just want to say directly to you that bf doesn’t seem to have much respect for your profession or much care for you. He also doesn’t respect a woman’s right to say no, apparently. What kind of man tells his gf to get naked in front of a group of men after she has stated clearly that she doesn’t want to get naked in front of those men? What kind of man puts a bunch of other men’s wishes for entertainment on one specific night that they can get in a club anytime above the comfort of his partner? What kind of men can’t have a good party without a stripper? Are those people you want in your life? Honey, find yourself a bf who respects you and cares about how you feel and has kindness for you. This one is not worthy of you.
NTA. Your boyfriend is treating you like a object or a resource instead of a person. He is refusing to take your “no” as an answer and trying to pressure you into doing something you don’t consent to.
How long have you been together? What other things/concerns of yours does he dismiss or minimise? Can you imagine how the SIL and MIL will react if they knew you were stripping for brother and his friends? Can you imagine?! Does the brother even know he asked you?
Your bf has very poor judgement and it doesn’t sound like he values you very much. I would be reconsidering this relationship. I question how invested he is in your relationship.
Your boyfriend not respecting that you don’t consent and don’t want to do this, is a red flag.
Just because you do this work, doesn’t mean that you don’t get to make choices about how you do it, and for whom. Strippers aren’t public property.
Absolutely NTA this is a boundary for you and you need to stick to it.
>He thinks i’m being ridiculous and that someone in my job shouldn’t be bothered by this and if they can be mature about it so should I.
That’s ridiculous and if he genuinely cant see why you’d be uncomfortable with this it may be wise to reconsider your relationship as it sounds like he doesn’t have a lot of respect for you
I mean, if doctors can’t treat family members, I think it makes sense that strippers can’t strip for family members.
NTA
NTA.
You have every right to your feelings; that your boyfriend isn’t listening to you is concerning.
Your bf insisting that you dance for his brother as a stripper actually means he doesn’t respect you. He is “sharing the goods.” I honestly believe you are setting yourself up for misery being with a guy who wants you to share you with his brother, who you will see at family events. Where, if you marry, this will be told to everyone’s kids as long as you both shall live. Don’t do it and dump him. NTA
NTA- you have a right to say what you feel comfortable doing. He should respect that and getting upset because you have boundaries is a dick move.
NTA. You’re not comfortable for extremely understandable reasons. And your boyfriend effectively called you immature?! Nope. I’d be really concerned with that comment in particular.
You control what gigs you do. Pay the Y T A comments no heed. Clearly they don’t see strippers, sex workers, performers as humans with personhood, and so that’s scary and they’re losers.
I would consider this a major red flag tbh.
It is inappropriate for your boyfriend to put you in a position where he is having his brother sexualize you. Even if it is your job, that is crossing a professional boundary.
As someone who works in the adult industry myself, it comes across like a gross kink or porn fetish – 2 brothers sexualizing the same girl. I agree that if it was just his friends, that’s one thing. But this is a potential future family member of yours even if you ever were to marry your bf. I think it’s rather unprofessional. And he doesn’t seem to care that it bothers you. That’s really off-putting and a red flag in itself.
NTA
NTA. Had a friend in the reserves who was a stripper. No one in the regiment ever went to the club she worked at. Family doesn’t ogle family.
INFO: wtf
Weird that your bf is pushing for you to strip for his brother so hard. Hows his soon to be wife feel about you stripping for him? That certainly won’t make any family parties extremely weird. Why do I get the feeling they’re pushing you specifically so you’ll give him some extra attention
Too much weirdness. I’d be concerned about your boyfriend, he’s really invested in making sure his brother gets to see you strip.
NTA There are so many things happening here! You may want to reconsider your relationship with bf. Apparently you are the “stripper” before you are the “girlfriend”. Tell him you’re going to do it then hire a large man to strip for him. I think that will set him straight…. or not!
You’re NTA. You don’t need to give any reasons. You have the right to refuse service to anyone.
The most important thing, is that it is your decision and if you do not think it is appropriate, then it is not. No explanation is needed. That is completely your decision and the fact that your bf is not respecting your decision and then trying to shame you, into submitting to what he wants, is disgusting.
Of course there are also logical reasons as to why that would make you feel uncomfortable, but none of those supersede the fact that it is not something you want to do. End of discussion. That is not someone who is respecting your boundary.
NTA. Part of your job needs to be feeling safe and comfortable. If one or neither of those things are being felt, don’t do it. Nothing good will come from it.
I would just straight up tell his partner. This is no way shade at the profession of being a stripper, but men that visit Strip clubs are typically single or unfaithful to their partners. There’s very few relationships where getting lapdanced or going to a strip club wouldn’t be considered cheating etc.
And I can almost guarantee the bride has no idea about this.
Also, this mentality of “let’s get a stripper for the last night of freedom” is a fucked up mentality that is almost exclusive to Americans.
Like I said there’s no issue with stripping. I (a male) used to pole dance. So I know plenty of strippers I call friends. However their clientele are single guys or doing it behind their partners backs.
Tell your boyfriend in no uncertain terms that this is completely off the table because you don’t want to be naked in front of your future brother in law like ANY NORMAL PERSON wouldn’t want to be and let him know if he doesn’t drop it you’ll take the discussion up with his wife.
If he continues disrespecting that wish reevaluate your relationship because if your boyfriend actually wants this (as opposed to his brother wanting it), then your boyfriend is clearly the type who’d be happy to spitroast you with his brother and pretend it’s not incest. I said what I said.
You’re allowed to refuse service for any reason, if it makes shit weird for you, then you have every right to refuse. I hope the situation is legit and as you tell it, because I was honestly expecting a weird “My brother wants you” scenario.
NTA.
NTA It already feels weird. It’ll just get weirder
NTA. You are right to reject this gig. You also maybe should do some digging. The way your STBX is pushing so hard gives me the sense that he *may* have promised his brother more than a dance. To me, this is a relationship breaker. He is showing how little respect he has for you.
What a beautiful beginning to a marriage.
OP, please do not marry your bf
No offense…..and my wife and I have visited strip clubs for fun….but strippers at a bachelor or bachelorette party just seems like it goes wrong more times than not.
And NTA. There is zero problem having boundaries on who you perform for.
NTA. You’re an adult who has certain boundaries. If your boyfriend cannot understand that, then that’s a him problem.
I think the question we need to ask here is, “why does he WANT you to dance for his brother so badly that he is giving you sh*t about being uncomfortable with it?” Because it’s one thing to be secure enough that it wouldn’t bother him of you did dance for his friends and family. But its a whole other thing to expect it of you and to claim you’re the one with the problem if you aren’t comfortable with it.
NTA. If you’re not comfortable with it, that’s the end of it.
It’s concerning that your boyfriend thinks that because you’re a stripper, you have NO boundaries. NTA
NTA. i am totally ok with sex work/strippers/etc. but i would never want to mix this kind of work with family either. it’s too intimate.
NTA. This is so weird. Stripping for his brother’s bachelor party as we call it here. That’s awkward and he should be okay with you not be comfortable and drop it.
NTA
Sounds like your BF doesn’t see a long term relationship with you. I can’t see anyone being ok with someone they see a future with stripping for their sibling.
The clients are sexualizing the dancers. They’re quite literally imagining sex with them.
NTA. As a stripper you are a professional and don’t sexualise the people you perform for, the inverse is not true. And that is as you said, your boyfriend’s brother.
NTA thats weird. If yall get married (pls no), they will be your family. Your boyfriend should respect you