#Divorce #Betrayal #Family #Support #DifficultConversations
Oh, I’m so sorry to hear about the heartbreaking situation you’re facing right now, but remember that you’re not alone! 💔💪 Let’s try to navigate through this tough time together and find a way forward. 🤗
First of all, it’s essential to prioritize your well-being and the emotional safety of your children. You are incredibly strong for wanting to keep it together for them. 👩👧👦 However, it’s okay to take some time to process your emotions and seek support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals. Remember, a support system is crucial during challenging times like these! 🤝💕
Having an open conversation with your husband is a crucial step in resolving your situation. 🗣️ However, it’s completely understandable that you might be hesitant or unsure of how to approach it. Take your time to gather your thoughts and choose an appropriate time and place to have this difficult conversation. 🕰️🤔
When discussing such sensitive topics, it’s essential to use “I” statements to express your feelings and avoid directly blaming or attacking your husband. For example, you could say, “I feel deeply hurt and betrayed by what I recently discovered. It’s challenging for me to understand how to move forward from here.” 💔❤️
Be prepared for a range of emotions during and after this conversation. It might be helpful to have a counselor or mediator present to help maintain a calm and constructive atmosphere. Their guidance can be invaluable in facilitating a productive discussion. 🗣️👥
In terms of your living situation, it’s understandable that the current housing market challenges might add an extra layer of stress to your decision-making process. 🏠💰 Consider seeking legal advice to better understand your options and rights. They will be able to guide you on what steps you can take regarding your rental situation and any potential alternatives that could ensure the well-being of you and your children. 💡💼
Remember, this is a difficult and personal decision, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Ultimately, you have to do what feels right for you and your children’s future. Take your time to process your emotions, seek support, and make sure to prioritize your well-being throughout this journey. You are strong, and there is light at the end of the tunnel. 🌟💖
That’s terrible and I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I can’t imagine how you feel right now. I understand people cheat but the fact he did this with your niece is SICK. I would kick his ass out ASAP! He can figure out on his own where he is going to live!
>I think I need to divorce my husband
Get a lawyer and file for divorce. I’m sorry for what you are going through.
I have so many questions….
1) how old was she when this happened? Him?
2) do you feel like you can trust her and she’s not fucking with you? I have been sexually assaulted and/or put in bad positions when I was younger so I’m not exactly questioning overall but these are pretty serious allegations. I’d want to talk to her about it more and while completely sober. Like is she at all prone to telling stories or drumming up drama?
Whether he did it or not, he’s going to say he didn’t so it’s found to be a her word vs his and I’d want as many facts on the table as possible before blowing up my life.
Yeah, that’s definitely a divorce-worthy offence by a long stretch.
“He tells me all the time “I don’t deserve you”. How do I tell him he’s right?”
Just tell him as bluntly as that. But, I would recommend getting your affairs in order first; speak to a divorce lawyer, get your nieces messages in writing & saved, find a relative who can let the kid stay with them for a bit if things get really tough and make sure you have money in the bank that he can’t access, because once you confront him about what’s happened and mentioned divorce, things could kick off very quickly (so don’t leave yourself unprepared or vulnerable to blackmail).
May be an unpopular opinion, but I wouldn’t do anything yet. Id play it cool and I’d start getting my ducks in a row. You are financially dependent on him right now. I would start consulting some lawyers and start building a start over fund. Where is your family? Can you get a job? Can they help you? Can you get any evidence of the cheating?
I’m sorry, you are right. It is very sick that he has known her since she was 15. Furthermore, she is your family. Be honest with yourself and ask, if he did it with your own family, do you really think he didn’t do it with strangers too? My ass would be a detective and searching everything.
If she’s telling the truth, then it is probably time for a divorce. How certain are you that she’s not making it up?
I can’t think of any good reason why she would make up something like this 4 years later? What purpose would it serve? My husband wasn’t even with me last night.
You need to talk to a lawyer before you do anything else. Don’t say a word to him yet. See what advice you get from your lawyer. You might need to, for example, move money from your marital account into a personal account. You might need to do other things as well before this bomb gets dropped.
Lawyer first. Don’t say anything to him yet. But you must must must get a lawyer.
Don’t tell him yet. Prepare yourself and the kids for your exit. Get your exit strategy then tell him.
That is absolutely unforgivable. He will just do it again.
Get your niece to put it in writing and consult a lawyer before you say anything.
Get your ducks in a row before you say anything to him. Do some snooping if you think it will shed light on anything. Talk to a lawyer and do the advance work to protect yourself financially. This is new and hugely disturbing information. Give yourself time to process the betrayal and take action when you’re ready. You don’t need to rush. Cold dish that man.
Definitely talk to a lawyer before saying anything to him. Since you’re at a disadvantage financially, you need the element of surprise to give you the best position possible.
I would ask your niece why she chose to tell you now. Not in an accusing way, but there may be something important behind why she chose now. Did he make another advance on her? Someone else? Maybe she just finally decided you needed to know?
Regardless of her motivations for telling you, your husband is a creep.
If you believe this happened… Plot. Plan. Scheme. I would absolutely, keep it to myself and take the time necessary to get myself and my kids set up for a life without him. Get those few extra certificates that gets your resume up to par, get a part time work from home job with a secret bank account. “It’s just part time volunteering for a non-profit so I can go back to work in a few years with relevant job experience.” When the kids are school age and you can get back to work full time, serve him the papers and change the locks… Or, the less Jason Bourne Version would just be to get yourself into grief counseling now and in advance of what is coming so you have good supports in place, then confront him. Hear him out. Make your decision. Most people eventually reconcile because of financial stuff or fear of change. I would advise going into that conversation with a list of contingencies and if-then scenarios planned out. If it’s just gonna be 14 hours of crying, begging, and repeating, that drama will go on for ages.
I think you should get a lawyer and look into moving in with a family member till you can find somewhere more affordable.
I also think if your niece was a young adult then she should have known better then to engage in sexual acts. In the future I would keep some distance from her.
Don’t do anything yet. Get a lawyer first and tell them everything to make a plan.
I would have a lot of questions, but I would not immediately and 100% believe her. Her husband flipping out when he saw you and her suddenly telling you after 4 years is a little suspicious.
Consult with a divorce attorney. Do nothing until you consult with an attorney. The attorney will help you make your plan. The three young children are your priority. As long as you feel safe you need a solid exit plan before making any moves or speaking to your husband.
While I understand your feelings, and this is off the charts on the ewww factor, I wouldn’t let on that you know. Yet.
Instead, develop a plan. Don’t give him a chance to get ahead of you; instead when you are ready you simply execute your plan. The plan needs to include early consultation with a divorce attorney and focus on your future and the future of the kids.
Lemme get this right, you’re taking your niece at face value, who smoked weed and gave oral MULTIPLE TIMES, while 21/22.
Weed does things to people, it doesn’t make you give your uncle blowjobs.
Maybe you do some more digging before going nuclear?
The “people” of this sub jump straight to divorce, because they get off knowing others are miserable.
Use your head for a minute and figure out what’s actually going on.
I know some people are responding to you as they believed your niece to have been a minor at the time these events happened, but I re-read your post twice to make sure it wasn’t I who misunderstood, and I wasn’t… She was a grown ass adult when this all went down.
First of all, what made your niece decide to tell you all of this now? That one confounds me…
Second, don’t do anything right now. Let your emotions calm down and perhaps talk it over with a trusted adviser who won’t immediately jump to, “DUMP HIS ASS!” You need someone right now who will help you sort this out in your head w/o inserting their own issues and/or angst. You need to get past the initial shock and get to the point of thinking calmly and clearly so you can decide what your next move it. If you don’t have a friend like this, a therapist is a great choice. If you don’t want to have to explain being out of the house for this, there’s a lot of online therapy appointments you can make.
I’m not saying you should stay with him, but I’m also not saying you should leave him. That’s a decision only you can make. But you need to make it with a clear head not reeling from the betrayal.
What gets me is your SO keeping this from you literally for years! How many times have the two of you spent time in the presence of your niece and BOTH of them acted so naturally you didn’t suspect a thing! This bothers me more than anything! That’s a duplicitous pair of people who profess to love you, right?
My husband cheated on me several times over the 23 years we were married. It’s probably the biggest pain you can introduce to a marriage. The tentacles of no longer trusting your SO are far-reaching and pop up at the oddest times. I don’t know your husband, but I know my ex-husband was a constant cheater and it had nothing to do with sex for him, it was all about getting something over on me.
You also need to start looking through your memories of the past to see if there are any red flags you might have missed. Is it possible he’s done this again, since then? Any signs he hasn’t been the loyal, true blue partner you always considered him to be?
However, if you do decide to leave him, you need to arrange yourself financially so you can continue on w/o him. Talking it over with an attorney before making your decision is the best advice you can get. At times like this, knowledge is power. Keep your cards close to your chest because if you let your SO know what’s going on before you’re ready, he’ll love bomb the heck out of you and keep you so off kilter. He’ll appeal to your emotions, preventing you from making the decision that’s best for YOU.
Good luck with all of this. I’ve been where you are now, only the betrayal was more recent when I found out. And, no, this isn’t a stupid reason for leaving since it happened so many years ago. What he did was damage the solid foundation of trust you thought you had in your relationship and that’s a tough one to fix.
What if this is isn’t true?
Be careful. Usually, such claims are true but you must do your due diligence. This can be devastating for you, your husband, your kids.
I’m not trying to downplay any of this but it’s word of mouth, there are two outcomes either he did or didn’t. You should probably find out more before just taking sides right away. Start getting your shit together just incase
Uh, don’t you think you should at least ask his side first? What if it turns out she’s just lying?
I’m going to suggest something very unpopular, which would earn many down votes, so apologies:
How much do you trust her? Are you 100% sure that this actually happened? We’re there and indicators that he was cheating on you?
Please be sure that this was not made up or blown out of proportion (pun not intended), before you act.
If he was brazen enough to cheat on you with your niece, then this most likely wasn’t the only time he cheated on you. I imagine there is a lot more that he is hiding from you.
And this is just the time you found out about. Just think of all the other random women he cheated with.