#AITA #FamilyDrama #Parenting #TraumaRecovery
Hey there! So, here’s the scoop – my niece has been living with us for a while now, escaping a pretty intense situation with her dad. Long story short, he was super strict, had her on a crazy schedule, and basically was not the greatest parent. Fast forward to now, she’s doing much better with us, gaining weight, making friends, and working through her anxiety.
So, when her dad got into a car crash and family members urged us to take her to see him, I presented the idea to her and she wasn’t having it. She refused to see him. Unfortunately, he passed away without that final goodbye. And now, I’ve got family members saying he deserved that moment, despite everything. Am I the jerk for honoring her wishes and not forcing her to see him?
I’m really torn on this one and would love to hear your thoughts. Was I wrong for respecting her decision, or should I have pushed harder to make her go? Let me know what you think in the comments, I could use some guidance on this tricky situation! 🤔👀 #HelpMeOut #FamilyDrama #WhatWouldYouDo
NTA Perhaps let the relatives know that unfortunately she was not well enough to travel at that time even had you wanted her to. The truth without discussing her private business.
NTA
He was strict with her to the point of being malnourished. Any process made would’ve set her back to where she first began if he saw her.
NTA – Well that’s just all fucking horrific. Who knows whether that was ultimately the right thing or not? Important thing is that you did your best for the kid in the moment and I can’t fault that
NTA. Turn it the other way. Niece had the right to not be forced to visit the abusive dad. Not traumatizing the living niece easily outweighs letting the dad see the child he was abusing.
NTA!
Congrats for doing such great things for your niece! I can’t believe the abuse she suffered all these years.
NTA. Your niece’s well-being comes first, and her reaction to seeing her dad shows how traumatized she is. Forcing her to visit could have caused more harm. You made the right call prioritizing her mental health. Your family might not understand, but you did what was best for her.
NTA, she is old enough to make her own choices. Her comfort and wants as the victim come before anything her abuser wanted even on their death bed.
NTA. Thank you for being the only person willing to help your niece out of an abusive situation. She doesn’t want to see him, and she shouldn’t have to.
NTA. And apologies, I know he was your brother…but thank fuck the trash got taken out.
NTA
NTA you’ve done more for her in 7 months than any other family ever did. If his family saw her often then would be able to see what he did with her but didn’t help her. She’s a child not a slave. Why did they want her to go? To make him feel better, to get forgiveness? That’s earned and not forced. 1000% you’re amazing!!
NTA and in fact, OP you’re a goddamned hero. Well done on all counts protecting that poor child.
NTA
Your niece is old enough to make the decision to see her dad or not. She said no. You respected her wishes. And thank you and your family for giving her a happy and safe place to stay.
NTA. Hope her dad rots in hell.
NTA, she doesn’t owe her abuser peace. I’m glad her uncle respected her boundaries.
NTA
From the start you’ve been doing right by your niece. You are a good human.
The convenience store owner is some kind of weirdo if he was ok with this.
NTA….if SHE didn’t even wish to visit her own father under those circumstances, then I personally wouldn’t have forced her to do so either! The whole situation was devastating for me just to even read, as I have a daughter the same age & all I can say is THANK GOD she entered into your life/family when she did. I truly believe had she never had the opportunity to do so, her life would’ve been extremely unstable, miserable & probably caused even further emotional, mental, physical harm to her than what was already done by her father. She will probably carry the scars from the damage her father inflicted forever (to some extent) but you opening your heart & home and showing her what a loving family/home environment SHOULD BE, will hopefully help her to overcome that & grow into a more stable, confident young woman over the rest of her teens/young adult years! Praying for you & your family & may God bless you for taking her into your family & nurturing her with the love & respect from a father figure that she deserved!! 🫶🏼
NTA. Idk, but to me it seems like this dude was raising her to nothing more than an object. Restrictive diet suggests he wants her body perfect, the chores suggests “women’s work” or wifely duties, and no social life suggests to support network when she does grow up and marry. There’s a good chance I’m over thinking this whole thing, but no matter the reasoning, you did right by that child. Sorry for your loss, but she is better off for it.
NTA. You were looking out for your niece’s best interests while these other people are concerned about what her dad “deserved.” Oh hell no! Your niece deserved to have a normal childhood, but she didn’t get that because of her dad, so screw him.
Nta he was her abuser. She absolutely did not have to see him.
> I decided not to make her visit and he eventually passed away without seeing his daughter.
With everything he put that poor girl though, he didn’t *deserve* to see her.
NTA
NTA and thank God she has you guys.
NTA. And for the record, he isn’t the dad, YOU are. What he was doing was abuse, plain and simple.
Absolutely 1000% NTA! Thank you so much for actually making your niece a priority in this situation. You prioritized her comfort and recovery over everything else. He didn’t deserve to see his daughter before he died – not after the way he treated her.
I’d follow what some of the other commenters say. Anytime a family member gives you grief and says your brother deserved to see his daughter before he died, turn it around on them. Talk about what your niece deserves – she deserves to be safe – and that right outweighs his.
Also, she’s thirteen. She’s old enough to make the decision for herself.
Again, thank you for actually prioritizing your niece’s physical and mental wellbeing in this situation. There are plenty of people in the world who should be taking notes from you.
An SOB while living is still an SOB after they die. NTA.
I’d rip into those family members by asking where they were when niece deserved family members that weren’t abusing her to death? Which, face it, would have happened if she remained in her sperm donors custody. Whether it was from malnutrition or suicide, living with even less freedom than a convicted criminal while being exploited was guaranteed to get that kid killed.
Her ‘dad’ didn’t ‘deserve’ anything, not after he’s taken so much from that child. At least he can’t ever threaten her mentally or physically with his selfishness any longer. NTA best of luck to your family and niece. I hope she finds a way to come to terms with her grief, whether that’s for her sperm donor or for the childhood he’d taken from her.
AITA for not making my niece see her abuser?
There fixed it for you. NTA. I’m glad your niece has you and is working on healing from the years of abuse she was subjected to. You were right to ask what she wanted. Tell the family members saying she should have visited her abuser to STFU and go no contact. At least keep them away from her and your kids.
NTA.
No, you shouldn’t have forced her to see him. Any progress you’ve made can easily be undone by seeing him.
The man should never have been a father, not with the way he treated her.
Pay her share of the utilities? WTF, she’s a *child*. Forcing her to *work* at 13? Pretty sure there’s laws about that.
Good for you for contacting CPS.
If she froze up like that, she was scared of him.